Animals: Today, I was stung by a wasp. Startled, I stumbled and grabbed... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 92

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 40

04/10/2015 23:34

Today, I was stung by a wasp. Startled, I stumbled and grabbed a nearby tree branch to regain my balance. The branch happened to be the location of the wasp's nest, which fell to the ground and split open. The wasps weren't happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 196

You deserved it 1 930

Mother of the year

Vulture

Chill out, dad

16/07/2010 04:17

Today, my wife, daughter, and I get to spend the next 4 hours in the ER. Why? Because we're all throwing up at the same time. At least it counts as a family activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 862

You deserved it 3 439

20/09/2011 08:25

Spicy

Today, I surprised my boyfriend by buying him an expensive watch for his birthday. He responded with "Aww, you could've just given me head, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 487

You deserved it 8 932

15/07/2009 20:17

Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used my boss's address, and wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, and he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confirmation email, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 150

You deserved it 58 928

04/05/2017 14:00

Today my friend invited me to an afro-indigenous event. Eager to learn more about my roots, I tagged along. The bean bag toss and warrior dance was fun, until the Q&A came and it was clear that the focus wasn't the African diaspora but "consistent ritualized self-improvement". Yup, it's a cult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 118

You deserved it 465

The vigil

By Anonymous - 20/11/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend came to visit from another state. My mom didn't want me to go to his hotel and I did. When she asked about it, I lied to her and said I didn't go, and she showed me a Pic of my car outside his hotel... FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 2 460

20/02/2011 17:30

Spicy

Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 872

You deserved it 19 857

02/03/2010 00:14

Today, I had to explain to my 14-year-old sister why one must not wear the same pair of knickers for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 373

You deserved it 2 435

08/05/2012 06:08

Today, I walked in on my daughter attempting to iron her pants with a hair straightener. She's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 085

You deserved it 6 258

01/10/2011 23:10

Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 474

You deserved it 12 139

11/10/2013 03:04

Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 547

You deserved it 5 137

27/11/2015 06:42

Spicy

Today, I had a boyfriend who wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. When I came home, I realised he must have married my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 348

You deserved it 2 164

Crotch rot

By Anonymous - 19/07/2021 00:01

Today, I discovered that baking soda is not the same as Gold Bond powder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 1 014

Welcome back!

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 20:02

Today, it's the last day of my three-week vacation, during which I couldn't go anywhere due to COVID and lockdown. I just learned that some of my colleagues are infected and I will have to fill in for two department superintendents at the same time when I go back to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 81

09/06/2015 18:39

Today, my dog ran away. I looked for him for 5 hours, and when I came back home, he was waiting for me at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 933

You deserved it 3 999

Missing out

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 00:02

Today, after I gave notice to quit my job 3 weeks ago, and my last day is tomorrow, I found out that all overtime is now $40 an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 203

14/11/2017 01:30

Today, I learned that my insatiable appetite and sex drive is because I'm 5 months pregnant. I'm married to a woman. We had a threesome one drunken night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 797

You deserved it 4 734

06/11/2010 17:24

Today, my boyfriend ditched me, saying he had some important things to do. When I checked on him a while later, I found out what was so "important". A game called Robot Unicorn Attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 765

You deserved it 9 452

21/10/2011 11:37

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my co-worker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 032

You deserved it 13 765

29/06/2018 19:00

Today, the ex of my boyfriend of 18 months called me and put her phone in her purse. I heard my boyfriend say he's sick of me, he hasn't been happy for a year, and he's afraid to leave because he feels sorry for me. He bought her a ring. I got earrings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 440

You deserved it 330

13/10/2013 05:23

Today, I heard that there was supposed to be a huge blizzard heading our way, so I went out to stock up on groceries. After spending $600 on food, I drove home and packed most of it into the fridge and freezer just in time for our power to go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 552

You deserved it 26 482

18/01/2013 00:39

Today, after battling for hours to get just a little sleep before my early morning work shift, I finally began drifting off. Then I got the worst attack of hiccups in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 617

You deserved it 2 807

18/01/2010 00:32

Spicy

Today, while babysitting a six year old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his pants/undies and pointed to his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 023

You deserved it 4 007

Thinning

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 05:01

Today, I've lost so much weight from depression that I don't fit into women's clothing anymore. There's nothing like trying to find dress pants in the kids section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 95

28/05/2012 03:33

Today, my remote control airplane arrived in the mail. I was super excited, so naturally I took it outside for its first flight. It now resides at the top of the tallest tree in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 734

You deserved it 8 925

18/06/2014 13:42

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 954

You deserved it 6 750

10/05/2019 23:00

Today, at work, I fainted and hit my head. When I told my boyfriend, he said, “Why does it matter?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 210

01/10/2011 02:57

Today, I was trying to find my first message on Facebook. When I was reaching the bottom, I saw a message from my old crush. It contained a paragraph confessing her love for me and asking me to write back. Don't know how I missed that one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 044

You deserved it 7 767

14/02/2011 05:20

Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 740

You deserved it 3 227

28/06/2019 07:05

Today, due to sleep deprivation, I wasn't paying attention to where the elevator stopped. I walked into a flat, thinking it was mine. It wasn't. It was the flat just beneath mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 376

You deserved it 439

17/08/2009 02:45

Spicy

Today, in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, instead of saying something sexy, he decided to tell me that the bowling alley had a new air hockey table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 019

You deserved it 5 672

16/07/2009 10:16

Today, my daughter turned 11. Since she LOVES Harry Potter, I decided to write her an acceptance letter to Hogwarts. When she saw the letter, she screamed and showed me. When she found out I wrote it, she told me she hated me, started crying, and stepped on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 272

You deserved it 94 943

17/04/2016 14:41

Today, I had the lovely experience of witnessing a tow truck cause a couple thousand dollars' worth of damage to my broken-down car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 752

You deserved it 1 333

11/03/2009 20:46

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to exchange presents for our birthdays. I spent $100 on perfume and Victoria's Secret clothes. She bought me a bag of lifesavers, then asked me to leave because she wanted to take a nap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 073

You deserved it 5 411

06/10/2009 15:56

Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 091

You deserved it 9 403

07/03/2012 00:34

Today, I had to get out my birth certificate to prove to my dad that today is my birthday. This has happened before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 521

You deserved it 2 096

08/05/2019 10:00

Today, two guys robbed me. As I wrestled them on the ground, my best friend just stood next to all this, telling me to give them the money already, or we'd be late for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 888

You deserved it 216

Cheeky little bastards

By weeping_willow - 01/06/2020 08:00

Today, the kids that live down the street had a yard sale in my yard while I wasn’t home. They sold a bunch of my daughter's toys, that I now have to replace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 156

13/01/2016 02:41

Today, I was eating at a diner one of my friends from work recommended to me. I ordered a chicken salad sandwich, which was pretty good despite the used bandaid in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 766

You deserved it 1 341

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 20:30

Today, I came home upset about the sexism in my work place. I just wanted to be alone, but my husband insisted we talk about it. I noticed he kept looking over and one of his hands was moving. He was playing video games the entire time I was spilling my guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 175

Property law

By wtf dad - 22/07/2020 23:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend, who’s a massage therapist, if he could help my mom with her chronic migraines by massaging her head and neck. My dad came home, saw them in the dimly lit room and knocked my boyfriend out cold for "touching his woman." My boyfriend dumped me and wants my dad arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 279

You deserved it 572

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Monday 5 October 2015 10:43

I think that wasps as a species are the biggest assholes on the planet.

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Monday 5 October 2015 11:52

wasp happening with you?

Comments

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Monday 5 October 2015 10:43

I think that wasps as a species are the biggest assholes on the planet.

TheCookieComet 23

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Monday 5 October 2015 11:49

Yes, wasps are assholes but mosquitos are worse.

DoomedGemini 37

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Monday 5 October 2015 16:20

Mosquitoes are annoying and I hate them, but they only itch. Wasps hurt, sting multiple times, and also alert other wasps to come attack you.

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Monday 5 October 2015 18:01

Sounds like my neighbourhood

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Monday 5 October 2015 20:19

#1 What about humans though?

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Monday 5 October 2015 20:28

Jellyfish. Dead wasps can still sting you, but jellyfish can even keep moving with the current. I don't even know the difference between a live jellyfish and a dead one.

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Tuesday 6 October 2015 0:02

Mosquitoes transfer diseases which kill you. I'd rather be stung than get a deadly disease.

fmlperson8264 16

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Tuesday 6 October 2015 2:14

I wish if they didn't exist.

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Tuesday 6 October 2015 10:29

#30 you're very right. I've actually been stung by a dead jellyfish. The stinger must've ripped off or something, but it wrapped around my ankle and it hurt like hell. But wasps are still worse.

bdun4 18

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Monday 5 October 2015 10:43

Sounds painful. Hope you are ok OP

aimbug 42

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Monday 5 October 2015 10:45

This is why people and wasps can't be friends. Hope you're feeling better Op!

iwanttogotoparis 26

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Monday 5 October 2015 10:45

Hope you aren't allergic, get well soon

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Monday 5 October 2015 10:48

Imagining the pain is just terrible

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Monday 5 October 2015 11:14

Torch them I hate wasps almost as much as I hate mosquitos.

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Monday 5 October 2015 11:23

Not necessarily wasps as the biggest assholes in the world, sometimes humans are to each other.

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Tuesday 6 October 2015 8:19

I'm more afraid of a wasp than a human, tbh. When you back off, those fuckers get closer. Got stung on the head once for doing absolutely nothing. go figure.

rainbowsRlove 15

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Monday 5 October 2015 11:29

thats just bad luck ouch

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Monday 5 October 2015 11:52

wasp happening with you?

Bryce8 11

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Monday 5 October 2015 12:07

That sucks, hope you didn't get stung that badly!