Animals: Today, I was stung by a wasp. Startled, I stumbled and grabbed...

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was stung by a wasp. Startled, I stumbled and grabbed a nearby tree branch to regain my balance. The branch happened to be the location of the wasp's nest, which fell to the ground and split open. The wasps weren't happy. FML

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In my day…

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working in a restaurant. I stopped to pick up some silverware a customer dropped. Apparently my belt wasn't tight enough because a woman behind me immediately hurled in disgust. On top of being found revolting, I'm now in trouble for "flashing" someone. FML

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By anony - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, my boyfriend's mum begged me to stay with my boyfriend because she says I'm the only one who can actually get him through college and into a decent job. FML

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By spideypowers - United States

Today, as I was using my mom's computer, a spider crawled onto the screen. So as per my usual reaction to seeing a spider, I smashed it as fast as I could. I missed the spider, but now I have to buy my mom a new monitor. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML

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By vikingunicorn - Canada

Today, I was feeling very ill after a severe anxiety attack. I asked my boyfriend to hold my hand until I fell asleep. He said he couldn't because he needed both hands to play on his gameboy. FML

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By f*ck - Australia - Reynella

Today, I saw my boss heading my way at work. He has a "no food in the office" policy, so I quickly scarfed down my pop-tart. I ended up choking on it so hard that I threw up. FML

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By Tey - United States

Today, on my first day of work, I got fired after 45 minutes. FML

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By jacobscrackers - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend decided that a good time to have our first kiss was on a roller-coaster, right before a huge drop. He bit through my lip. FML

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By MaydayManic - United States

Today, I finally went to my boyfriend's house to meet his family. When they were giving me a tour of the house, I noticed a Nazi flag on my boyfriend's bedroom door. FML

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By cat whisperer - United States

Today, on my way to Burger King I got into a heated discussion with my wife about our cats. We have 15 rescues, and I've reached my limit. Guess what came running up to my car while waiting in the drive-through. We named him Pickles. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cary

Today, I'd like to thank the genius who scheduled my class in a building which is actively being torn down. FML

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By sparklethelette - United States

Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML

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By Nosexytime - United States

Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML

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By Weedle

Today, I was at my brother's graduation. His mom was taking pictures of him in his cap and gown, but she got a picture of me sucking off a Coke bottle for a laugh, and she posted it on Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent five hours sobbing in my room due to anti-depressant withdrawal. My mother refused to come and talk to me, because I'm "a terrible, hateful child who only cares about herself." Last week I spent two hours comforting her because my brother hadn't called in a week. FML

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By Maddii1112 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he loved me for the first time in a way I'll never forget. In fact, his exact words were, "You're not the only one that I love." FML

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By GeesLouisee

Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML

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By Equi - United States

Today, I went to the company's health clinic to treat muscle spasms and a possible cracked rib. In the process the old quack doc and overly eager nurses wound up giving me a storng laxative and 3 enemas, two of them quite large. Then I still had to return to work. FML

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By NotAPrincess - United States - San Francisco

Today, while waitressing, I served a family with a little girl who was wearing a Frozen shirt. I told her I'm friends with Elsa and that she taught me to sing. The girl asked me to sing a song, so I did. Not even 5 seconds in, she started bawling. FML

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By pamcakes

Today, my dog pooped on the floor, and the Roomba my sweet boyfriend bought me as a housewarming gift, ran over it. FML

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By homewrecker - United States

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

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By jenny2989 - United States

Today, I reached behind my couch to plug my phone charger in. My arm got stuck and I had to wait for my roommate to get home to help me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Miami

Today, I'm in training at an animal shelter. There's an adorable tiny kitten there, which my boss said not to touch it because it's feral. "No way he's dangerous" I said, reaching into the cage to pet it. It struck like a cobra and tore up my arm. My first on-the-job injury is from a KITTEN. FML

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By UsuallyaUnicornbread - United States - Morrisville

Today, I went to get myself a latte to make myself feel better after having a bad day. As soon as I sat down to enjoy it, I spilled it all over myself, another customer, and the floor. FML

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By Plume - France

Today, it's my birthday. My ex just sent me a text. I read it, happy he had remembered. He wanted me to know he has a new girlfriend. FML

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By oopsididitagain - United States

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

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By notfatanymore - Germany

Today, the guy I've recently started seeing confided that he's relieved I'm on the heavier side, and that he has a thing for watching chubby women eat. I just reached my ideal weight after losing 40 pounds. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Avon

Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting at a traffic light when a cute girl appeared at the side of the road. I sat and watched her until she had crossed, when I realised that I had missed the light. A large queue of cars had built up behind me, yet none of them used their horn because I was driving my police car. FML

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By jswag2004 - United States - Elgin

Today, I finally got the guts to ask out my crush. She said yes and I was really happy. Then I woke up. FML

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By Cpt Colin - United States

Get out of here

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

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By missTyfied - Philippines - Sucat

Today, I had to hunt down and collect a stray dog's feces for my parasitology class. FML

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By Twitchy - Bahamas

Today, I watched a cat pounce on a small bird and rip it to shreds, feather by feather. It wouldn't have been any worse than mildly disturbing, had I not just spent the last 4 weeks nursing the bird back to health from a broken wing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Gournay-sur-marne

Today, I went to see the school counselor to schedule my classes for school. She asked me if I knew how to speak English. My parents are Chinese and I don't even know how to speak Chinese. I've lived in America my whole life. Plus, I even spoke to her in English to ask about classes. FML

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By horniness - Hong Kong

Today, I was in a bad mood after being stuck in traffic for 2 hours and late for work. I was walking to my building when I saw a 100 dollar note flying my way. A man called after me for it, but being selfish I took the note in my pocket as a little reward. That man was my boss. Yes, I'm fired. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML

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By bthms - France

Today, I was standing in a queue when an old lady turned, looked straight at me, and asked me to hold her bag. Confused, I took a hold of it. She started screaming for help claiming I was stealing her shopping. Turns out, she was talking to her husband behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

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By tempted to become single - United States - Atwater

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML

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By I will find you and I will fucking fuck y - United Kingdom - Falmouth

Today, I woke up from a short nap, only to find two waxing strips stuck to my eyebrows. I now have very little of my eyebrows remaining, and just as little idea which idiot in my family pulled this stupid excuse of a prank. FML

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Top comments

By lex1459 | 38

#6427408 - Monday 5 October 2015 10:43

I think that wasps as a species are the biggest assholes on the planet.

By asdadfhowrh | 23

#6427434 - Monday 5 October 2015 11:52

wasp happening with you?

COMMENTS

By lex1459 | 38

#6427408 - Monday 5 October 2015 10:43

I think that wasps as a species are the biggest assholes on the planet.

TheCookieComet | 23

#6427432 - Monday 5 October 2015 11:49

Yes, wasps are assholes but mosquitos are worse.

DoomedGemini | 37

#6427570 - Monday 5 October 2015 16:20

Mosquitoes are annoying and I hate them, but they only itch. Wasps hurt, sting multiple times, and also alert other wasps to come attack you.

julia2750 | 11

#6427622 - Monday 5 October 2015 18:01

Sounds like my neighbourhood

Wiringify | 22

#6427705 - Monday 5 October 2015 20:19

#1 What about humans though?

remometol | 16

#6427712 - Monday 5 October 2015 20:28

Jellyfish. Dead wasps can still sting you, but jellyfish can even keep moving with the current. I don't even know the difference between a live jellyfish and a dead one.

Iamnotfat | 16

#6427861 - Tuesday 6 October 2015 0:02

Mosquitoes transfer diseases which kill you. I'd rather be stung than get a deadly disease.

fmlperson8264 | 16

#6427940 - Tuesday 6 October 2015 2:14

I wish if they didn't exist.

lex1459 | 38

#6428142 - Tuesday 6 October 2015 10:29

#30 you're very right. I've actually been stung by a dead jellyfish. The stinger must've ripped off or something, but it wrapped around my ankle and it hurt like hell. But wasps are still worse.

By bdun4 | 18

#6427409 - Monday 5 October 2015 10:43

Sounds painful. Hope you are ok OP

By aimbug | 42

#6427410 - Monday 5 October 2015 10:45

This is why people and wasps can't be friends. Hope you're feeling better Op!

By iwanttogotoparis | 26

#6427411 - Monday 5 October 2015 10:45

Hope you aren't allergic, get well soon

By maddie_xo | 21

#6427412 - Monday 5 October 2015 10:48

Imagining the pain is just terrible

By lavapants | 15

#6427419 - Monday 5 October 2015 11:14

Torch them I hate wasps almost as much as I hate mosquitos.

By JohnForge | 13

#6427423 - Monday 5 October 2015 11:23

Not necessarily wasps as the biggest assholes in the world, sometimes humans are to each other.

tantanpanda | 26

#6428101 - Tuesday 6 October 2015 8:19

I'm more afraid of a wasp than a human, tbh. When you back off, those fuckers get closer. Got stung on the head once for doing absolutely nothing. go figure.

By rainbowsRlove | 15

#6427426 - Monday 5 October 2015 11:29

thats just bad luck ouch

By asdadfhowrh | 23

#6427434 - Monday 5 October 2015 11:52

wasp happening with you?

By Bryce8 | 11

#6427444 - Monday 5 October 2015 12:07

That sucks, hope you didn't get stung that badly!