Today, I was stung by a wasp. Startled, I stumbled and grabbed...

By Anonymous - 4/10/2015 23:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was stung by a wasp. Startled, I stumbled and grabbed a nearby tree branch to regain my balance. The branch happened to be the location of the wasp's nest, which fell to the ground and split open. The wasps weren't happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26138

You deserved it

1925

Favorite

Animals

Season finale

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Night terrors

By ChaoticGamer - 23/12/2015 15:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23685

You deserved it

1869

Favorite

By 00anon00 - 2/7/2020 02:01

Animalistic

Today, I was fired from my local animal shelter. I was a volunteer and am currently in school for veterinary technology. My education made the paid staff at the shelter feel threatened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1549

You deserved it

134

Favorite

By poormomma - 15/4/2020 08:00

Shame! Shaaaame!

Today, I found out my son kept quiet about having head lice for a week. He's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1521

You deserved it

161

Favorite

By Saddoc - 26/7/2013 07:58 - Australia - Dalkeith

Today, I attended an elderly patient's funeral. He died of a heart attack after his daughter, as his carer, stopped all of his meds in favour of a half-cup of garlic a day. Apparently she'd "read an article" about the healing power of garlic, which trumped my 6-year degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54115

You deserved it

2953

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/9/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with diabetes. I went to tell my grandpa, who immediately said, "I'm sorry, let's go get ice cream to cheer you up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45809

You deserved it

3908

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/6/2016 17:07 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15539

You deserved it

2071

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/9/2019 20:00

Pills, thrills and bellyaches

Today, I came home from surgery to remove my tonsils. It's a much better surgery to have as a kid, because when you get older it's much more painful. I didn't know my mom liked pain killers. I do now, because I have none left and I haven't even taken any yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1864

You deserved it

Favorite

By Atheist - 22/3/2012 04:56 - United States - Portland

Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a woman asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26487

You deserved it

5593

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/10/2013 13:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, the family upstairs decided to play basketball. Indoors. At 3am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44836

You deserved it

3104

Favorite

By Tams - 12/9/2019 12:00 - Canada

Cheers, Henry

Today, my grandma and I went to visit one of her friends. The elderly gentleman told me I'd grown into a very beautiful young woman, to which my grandma replied, "Have you started in on the sherry early this evening, Henry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1318

You deserved it

111

Favorite

By Username - 8/1/2011 07:01 - United States

Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25803

You deserved it

44226

Favorite

By okseñoryoucrazy - 2/2/2015 00:43 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I found out that my 2-year-old brother is afraid of his own penis. Whenever he doesn't have a diaper on, he screams, cries and yells, "Ew". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33929

You deserved it

2941

Favorite

By uhoh - 16/2/2013 05:27 - Canada - Sechelt

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21476

You deserved it

59637

Favorite

By Damnsoup - 3/7/2009 00:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40051

You deserved it

6880

Favorite

By Toaster - 30/7/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

59539

You deserved it

4106

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/8/2017 23:15

Jinx

Today, I was reversing my brother's car out of a driveway. I turned to my friend in the passenger seat and said "check it out, I'm so good at reversing!" Next minute there's a huge bang. I had just reversed into a tree and shattered the windscreen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1231

You deserved it

4724

Favorite

By roostergirl - 22/8/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. As I was leaving his house I hear him shout "Hey! Wait! Sweetie, come back here!". He was talking to his cat who ran out the door behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38683

You deserved it

3404

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/2/2012 08:40 - United States

Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26817

You deserved it

7294

Favorite

By up to no-good... - 22/8/2014 04:09 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my parents accused me of being secretive. I have no idea what they're talking about; all I do is work, go to school, sleep, and eat. Now I'm grounded until I tell them what's going on. I have crazy parents, that's what's going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47224

You deserved it

3081

Favorite

By haphazard2007 - 2/1/2012 09:44 - United States

Today, I got a gift from my wife in the form of divorce papers. She waited till after New Year's so it wouldn't show up on her taxes for 2011. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33901

You deserved it

2816

Favorite

By DopeDickDover - 26/10/2015 15:50 - United States

Today, at school, a cute girl kept glancing up at me, giggling, and looking away as soon as I looked at her. So naturally I walked up to her and asked if she wanted to go out sometime. She said she didn't like me, she was just laughing at how big a zit was on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26260

You deserved it

2541

Favorite

By ihatethisjob - 27/9/2013 08:18 - United States - Romulus

Today, I was working the night shift when a guy came in smelling like alcohol. He kept muttering his order, so I leaned over the register to hear him better. My ear now smells of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41709

You deserved it

4408

Favorite

By Lonely - 18/3/2010 04:02 - United States

Today, the girl I have been dating for the past couple months broke it off with me. She said she's tired of waiting around for me and being ignored in the mean time. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so greedy as to finish my 2 degrees and work 2 jobs to pay for my school. How selfish of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37395

You deserved it

18855

Favorite

By LH0026 - 6/8/2011 09:28 - United States

Today, I learned from the noise outside my window that construction workers start their days at 5 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26542

You deserved it

3094

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, while walking in the mall, I spotted my ex boyfriend with his friends. To make myself look less lonely, I put my iPhone up to my ear and started an imaginary conversation with my invisible boyfriend. As I passed him, my phone started ringing loudly. It was him calling. He knew I was faking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10391

You deserved it

45804

Favorite

By sonofawackjob - 18/8/2017 17:15 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my raving lunatic mother screamed at me for being "disrespectful", threatened to not pay for my college, swore at me, and accused me of having multiple personality disorder, all in rapid succession. This was provoked by me sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4459

You deserved it

245

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/10/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have a UTI, he's just developed a fetish for peeing on plastic bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26437

You deserved it

2901

Favorite

By workerbee - 9/8/2019 12:00

Today, because of a miscommunication with my boss, the furniture I was renting during my summer job was taken back by the movers. I still have a week of work left and nothing to eat with, and nothing to sit or sleep on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1405

You deserved it

116

Favorite

By whatthef - 2/11/2009 18:06 - United States

Today, I found out that my fifty-five year old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend saying "I'm his uncle, send tit pics." She did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30371

You deserved it

2977

Favorite

By gerbilmaster - 9/7/2015 21:12 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I had 3 teeth pulled. Due to the anaesthesia, my mom came along to drive me home. Halfway through my surgery, she decided to leave and go shopping with her friend. She even left a note with the receptionist, saying that I needed to take on my own adult responsibilities. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30209

You deserved it

1823

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/6/2015 19:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28950

You deserved it

3180

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/3/2009 03:38 - United States

Today, my parents and I were looking through old photos. My dad comments, "Wow you were chubby back then. But that's ok, it was baby fat." Then he turns to me and asks, "What's your excuse now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

57414

You deserved it

11331

Favorite

By crudofalife - 4/7/2011 09:42 - United States

Today, while working as a cashier at McDonald's, a man came in telling me that he had not received his hamburger. I looked at his receipt and the date said 11/17/09. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37384

You deserved it

3849

Favorite

By aprilfooled - 2/4/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, for april fools day, my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher. During our daily meditation time, while his eyes were closed, we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom. Two minutes later he opened his eyes, locked us out, and called the dean to give us all detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21925

You deserved it

76603

Favorite

By Erasmus - 27/10/2008 03:27 - France

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. I took stupid photos all day long and when came the moment that the bride entered the church, my battery died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14773

You deserved it

58002

Favorite

By toelie - 6/11/2017 22:00

Oh the times, they are a-changin'

Today, as two of my students walked into my classroom, I said, "Hi, ladies". One of them screamed at me: "Did you just assume my gender?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4950

You deserved it

561

Favorite

By ruhrohraggy - 28/7/2019 16:00

Today, I got a haircut. I wanted three inches cut off. When the lady finished, she had cut off everything but three inches of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1801

You deserved it

305

Favorite

By Username - 24/6/2011 22:11 - United States

Today, I found out that when my room-mate agreed to babysit someone's two year old kid for money, what he really planned on doing was dumping it with me. The kid won't stop crying and screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32157

You deserved it

3908

Favorite

By Higgs - 2/6/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67976

You deserved it

6152

Favorite

By ghost? - 16/12/2012 08:31 - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't spend the day with me as he had his grandmother's funeral. Lonely, I went shopping and I bumped into his mum having lunch with his 'dead' grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39385

You deserved it

2928

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By lex1459 | 38

#6427408 - Monday 5 October 2015 10:43

I think that wasps as a species are the biggest assholes on the planet.

By asdadfhowrh | 23

#6427434 - Monday 5 October 2015 11:52

wasp happening with you?

COMMENTS

By lex1459 | 38

#6427408 - Monday 5 October 2015 10:43

I think that wasps as a species are the biggest assholes on the planet.

TheCookieComet | 23

#6427432 - Monday 5 October 2015 11:49

Yes, wasps are assholes but mosquitos are worse.

DoomedGemini | 37

#6427570 - Monday 5 October 2015 16:20

Mosquitoes are annoying and I hate them, but they only itch. Wasps hurt, sting multiple times, and also alert other wasps to come attack you.

julia2750 | 11

#6427622 - Monday 5 October 2015 18:01

Sounds like my neighbourhood

Wiringify | 22

#6427705 - Monday 5 October 2015 20:19

#1 What about humans though?

remometol | 16

#6427712 - Monday 5 October 2015 20:28

Jellyfish. Dead wasps can still sting you, but jellyfish can even keep moving with the current. I don't even know the difference between a live jellyfish and a dead one.

Iamnotfat | 16

#6427861 - Tuesday 6 October 2015 0:02

Mosquitoes transfer diseases which kill you. I'd rather be stung than get a deadly disease.

fmlperson8264 | 16

#6427940 - Tuesday 6 October 2015 2:14

I wish if they didn't exist.

lex1459 | 38

#6428142 - Tuesday 6 October 2015 10:29

#30 you're very right. I've actually been stung by a dead jellyfish. The stinger must've ripped off or something, but it wrapped around my ankle and it hurt like hell. But wasps are still worse.

By bdun4 | 18

#6427409 - Monday 5 October 2015 10:43

Sounds painful. Hope you are ok OP

By aimbug | 42

#6427410 - Monday 5 October 2015 10:45

This is why people and wasps can't be friends. Hope you're feeling better Op!

By iwanttogotoparis | 26

#6427411 - Monday 5 October 2015 10:45

Hope you aren't allergic, get well soon

By maddie_xo | 21

#6427412 - Monday 5 October 2015 10:48

Imagining the pain is just terrible

By lavapants | 15

#6427419 - Monday 5 October 2015 11:14

Torch them I hate wasps almost as much as I hate mosquitos.

By JohnForge | 13

#6427423 - Monday 5 October 2015 11:23

Not necessarily wasps as the biggest assholes in the world, sometimes humans are to each other.

tantanpanda | 26

#6428101 - Tuesday 6 October 2015 8:19

I'm more afraid of a wasp than a human, tbh. When you back off, those fuckers get closer. Got stung on the head once for doing absolutely nothing. go figure.

By rainbowsRlove | 15

#6427426 - Monday 5 October 2015 11:29

thats just bad luck ouch

By asdadfhowrh | 23

#6427434 - Monday 5 October 2015 11:52

wasp happening with you?

By Bryce8 | 11

#6427444 - Monday 5 October 2015 12:07

That sucks, hope you didn't get stung that badly!