Money: Today, I was studying for a final when I noticed all I had was... - FML

By Noname - 12/03/2009 00:09 - United States

Today, I was studying for a final when I noticed all I had was a blue highlighter. I decided to drive to the store to get a yellow one. On the way there, I got $200 worth of traffic tickets for not stopping at a stop sign. I basically spent $200 because I prefer yellow highlighters over blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 488

You deserved it 109 975

Sorry…

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Broken dreams

By Anonymous - 16/07/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, while talking on the phone with my long distance boyfriend, he let me know that he was getting married in August to "some girl" for his papers. After I objected he told me, "well you can marry me if you want." I'm not sure if I just got dumped or proposed to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 266

You deserved it 5 862

By yesikilledit - 20/11/2018 13:30

Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 282

You deserved it 314

Like what you see?

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 08:08

Spicy

Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my cousin, instead of the girl who shares the same name. She liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 1 439

By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 20:00 - United States - Framingham

Today, my fiancé pawned off my engagement ring so he could buy himself a PS4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 551

You deserved it 4 870

By FrOsTy25 - 13/04/2011 22:57

Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 687

You deserved it 7 626

Looks aren't everything

By Anonymous - 28/05/2020 02:00

Today, I was watching "My 600-lb Life". Most of the people on the show are married or in relationships. I cant even find a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 279

By mmromig - 08/02/2011 14:46 - United States

Today, my therapist told me that I need to do something different with my hair. Then I paid her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 419

You deserved it 5 562

Dirty rice

By Dirtyrice - 24/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my 8-year-old son decided to make some rice for lunch. When we had it, I noticed a horrid gritty taste. It turns out, he puts dirt in the rice to make "Dirty Rice". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 379

By MyNameIsNotJeff - 08/05/2015 03:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 165

You deserved it 3 091

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 03:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, while trying to score a date, I almost made a girl pass out. No, I didn't try to chloroform this one. I just came across as so pathetic that she laughed hard enough to have an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 847

You deserved it 3 120

By Anonymous - 14/11/2018 14:00

Today, the lady in front of me in the checkout line had a pacifier hanging around her neck, but I didn't think much of it until it was time for her to pay. She reacted to the $250 total by crying like a baby and very loudly asking me to put the pacifier in her mouth to calm her down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 355

You deserved it 205

By M to the line - 11/01/2009 03:57 - France

Today, I lied and said I was late for work because my car's tire was flat. Two hours later, some of my friends came in and said something along the lines that "We should do brunch every saturday, (like this morning) it was awesome!" in front of my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 058

You deserved it 32 311

Slicy slicy

By ChloeLuvzAnime - 30/03/2021 17:01

Spicy

Today, I got the courage to surprise my boyfriend by shaving my pubic region. To my agonizingly painful dismay, the razor sliced through an apparent zit on one of my lips. Now my vagina is bleeding for a whole different reason, and I'm possibly traumatized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 218

By Anonymous - 11/05/2012 19:30 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 708

You deserved it 4 213

The L Word

By Humiliated & Heart-Broken - 30/07/2014 04:41 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him for the first time. The L-word is probably one of the only things I'm scared to say, so what did he do? He stared at me blankly before making a farting noise with his mouth and asking if he could go get Chicken Express for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 781

You deserved it 5 162

By Anonymous - 24/12/2011 21:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband left his laptop logged in to a chat site after leaving for work. Curious, I read some of the logs, and discovered he has been posing as a woman and holding filthy conversations with "hot teen lesbians" for the past several months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 250

You deserved it 6 259

You OK?

By Anonymous - 21/03/2021 11:01 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, while I was working in the drive-through at work, a lady was wearing kitchen oven-mitts and a snorkeling mask instead of gloves and a mask to pick up her prescription. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 86

By GideonSquire - 13/06/2017 20:00

Today, I walked through a car park and brutally bashed my head, leaving a tennis ball sized lump on my forehead on an overhead sign saying, "Max height 6"6'". I'm 6"4'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 762

You deserved it 419

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 02:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me on facebook to stop calling/texting her because she lost her phone. Right under her post was "sent from facebook for iPhone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 373

You deserved it 4 639

By Username - 26/09/2011 04:28 - United States

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 726

You deserved it 2 366

By Username - 20/08/2011 09:20 - United States

Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 366

You deserved it 2 664

By Scholar - 05/09/2012 16:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 366

You deserved it 3 896

By castironstomach - 03/10/2017 20:00

Today, I learned that my daughter will literally eat until she is sick to keep her father and brothers from getting her dessert. I also learned that my boys are sympathetic vomiters. All five of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 691

You deserved it 345

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up, and he came by to get his things while I was at work. When I got home I saw that the only thing he had taken was my cat. I only dated him for 5 months, I've had that cat for 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 524

You deserved it 3 779

By Savingforplasticsurgery - 14/04/2018 19:00

Today, at work, I heard a child whisper, "Mom, why do that woman's ears look like that?" The mom replied, "Because she's not smart enough for a good job." I have large plug ears and a degree in mechanical engineering. I waitress because no engineering firm will hire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 342

You deserved it 2 419

By cestquoicebordel?? - 14/08/2012 22:50 - France

Today, my fiancée showed me her wedding plans. It will be themed on one of her video games, the best man will be dressed as an alien warlord, and the vows talk about how we'll beat the odds and be blessed by the "Goddess Kalahira". Apparently, I have no say in this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 801

You deserved it 6 172

By Peter - 27/12/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, we found out where our daughter had been hiding her crayons. We also found out why our stereo stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 494

You deserved it 2 968

By LoveSick - 06/02/2019 04:00

Today, I'm getting married. I woke up with no voice to say my I dos with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 498

You deserved it 224

By mcadabax - 05/11/2011 11:06 - Canada

Today, during my friend's group's science project presentation, the teacher yelled at me, "Stop making stupid faces at the presenters!" I was smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 199

You deserved it 3 878

By Anonymous - 26/06/2012 22:04 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 323

You deserved it 2 279

Bad job

By Anonymous - 17/04/2021 23:00

Today, I confirmed that my professor hates me. Weeks ago, I failed a paper for the first time, so I went to my professor, apologized profusely, and discussed my revision plan. I got his approval on my conclusions and added all the details he suggested. I then submitted my paper. I got my grade this morning: C-. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 223

By That idiot - 28/08/2014 02:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 331

You deserved it 3 613

By alpine75 - 03/05/2009 16:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to have a sperm analysis done at the fertility clinic. I spent an hour trying to masturbate into a cup but I was too anxious and couldn't finish. There was a knock on the door, a clinician and a lab assistant both were there, wondering if I was ok. I have to go back next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 841

You deserved it 8 514

By Anonymous - 13/07/2011 05:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 546

You deserved it 8 480

By Good Luck Chuck - 29/04/2013 17:07 - United States - Orlando

Today, my former fiancée, who I stopped seeing 5 months ago, married another guy. She wore the dress that I'd purchased for our would-be wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 181

You deserved it 5 686

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 13:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to 70 new text messages and 100 calls all from numbers I didn't know. The night before I got into a heated argument with my old best friend about who was prettier. She got mad and posted my number on Craigslist as a prostitute. Apparently I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 172

You deserved it 23 839

Remember me?

By sydthekid2000 - 23/03/2020 20:08

Today, I called my workplace to ask if I was going to be working, and if our store would be open. I was told that yes, we're still open, however, I can order inside, but I can’t sit in the dining room. They thought I was a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 248

Lust at First Sight

By brokenheart - 21/05/2018 19:00

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years is leaving me for someone he met once at graduation 2 days ago. Apparently it was a magical "love at first sight" experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 339

You deserved it 269

By Anonymous - 17/06/2015 14:12 - United States - Kill Devil Hills

Spicy

Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 930

You deserved it 3 066

By jseid2 - 15/01/2014 05:54 - United States - San Leandro

Spicy

Today, my students unanimously agreed, in front of me, that the only reason they take my course is to look at my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 752

You deserved it 15 393

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:11

That is a fucked up idea of causality. You got a ticket because you failed to obey the law, the highlighters had nothing to do with it.

horyo 0

Send a private message

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:05

You probably should have obeyed Traffic laws than worry about petty things. You could have hurt someone.

Comments

horyo 0

Send a private message

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:05

You probably should have obeyed Traffic laws than worry about petty things. You could have hurt someone.

Send a private message

Thursday 13 May 2010 4:23

sounds like procrastination to me! nice work

Send a private message

Friday 6 August 2010 7:25

ydi cuz blue us WAY better. ha

Send a private message

Monday 29 November 2010 17:00

lmfao!!! ya blue is WAY better!!! blue zebra refrigerator!!!! #93 you are now my favorite

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 April 2012 2:41

You didn't get $200 in traffic tickets because you prefer yellow highlighters. You got the ticket because you stupidly ran a stop sign and could have hurt someone.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:11

That is a fucked up idea of causality. You got a ticket because you failed to obey the law, the highlighters had nothing to do with it.

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 20:15

agreed

Send a private message

Thursday 12 August 2010 3:26

agreed

Send a private message

Thursday 30 September 2010 7:45

agreed.

HairyPunisher 27

Send a private message

Monday 23 April 2012 5:12

agreed

Send a private message

Friday 21 June 2013 10:03

agreed

Fireashes250 16

Send a private message

Wednesday 24 July 2013 20:46

Agreed

DippinGrizzly907 27

Send a private message

Wednesday 5 February 2014 8:26

agreed

Send a private message

Sunday 16 March 2014 22:05

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER! Sorry, but I had to.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:17

you must be from california.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:41

Maybe you should stop at stop signs? It's not like you needed the highlighters to save a life or something.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:42

You actually paid 200 dollars for blatantly breaking the law. It had nothing to do with highlighters.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 March 2009 10:04

Today, I went to fmylife.com to read about other people's screwed up lives only to find that half of the stories were fake and the other half people doing highly stupid things trying to get sympathy from internet strangers. FML

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 16:41

faggy picture

Send a private message

Sunday 23 January 2011 6:58

Agreed! This site is quickly losing its appeal.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 March 2009 10:07

Next time, just use the damn blue highlighter! The words will still show. You are not gonna die from lack of yellow highlighter.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 March 2009 10:28

In Jersey I got a ticket for not stopping at a stop sign and it was only $80 so that sucks, but still, just use the blue highlighter.

amandarocks04 0

Send a private message

Thursday 12 March 2009 10:31

If you prefer yellow highlighters over blue, then why wouldn't you keep a yellow one at your house, and why would you even have a blue one in the first place. It's not the highlighters fault you ran a stop sign. It's yours. You running the stop sign has nothing to do with the highlights. That's just you being a careless drive.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 March 2009 10:32

Today, my roommate was playing 80's music, which pisses me off. So I killed him. Now I'm going up against murder charges. So, basically, I'm going to jail because I don't like 80's music. FML moron.

Send a private message

Sunday 30 August 2009 6:35

hahahahahaha

Send a private message

Saturday 6 February 2010 4:20

@10...lmao! thaats AWESOME. LOL. these externalizing people never get old. lol

xXxEmotionalxXx 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 7:24

Nice one, killface. OP, you deserve it because you're an idiot.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 31

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 146