By notmansbestfriend - United States - Williamsburg
Today, I was stuck on the toilet for hours after eating some questionable seafood. During this time, I watched through the open door as my dog destroyed the nice shoes I just bought, as well as the tux I rented for my sister's wedding. The wedding is in 12 hours. FML
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  Zebediabolical  |  39

I used 'my dog ate my homework' as an excuse one time. The teacher didn't believe me so I showed her the video. The really hard part was getting the kibble to stick to the pages!

  webbface  |  25

Especially if you are shitting like OP, the door being open is a good thing. Sea food coming back out could be quite suffocating if trapped in.

  CallMeMcFeelii  |  13

So once your dog starts chewing on your clothes and shoes, you just say fuck it and take him to a new home? You really shouldn't get a dog if you don't think it'll chew on your stuff. It's a damn dog. Or are you saying its ok if they chew on shoes, but not clothes? Or vice versa? I'm lost by your comment, either way it's just dumb.

  tounces7  |  27

If your dog can actually watch you taking a shit and tear your stuff up right in front of you(which I assume he was telling the dog to stop), then your dog is an asshole.

  Mifflicious  |  18

If the dog tear stuff apart ( unless it's a puppy ), it has probably not been trained properly.
Especially if the owner can see the dog but still not even be able to make it stop.

By  perdix  |  29

It's best that you don't go anyways. They're serving raw shrimp at weddings these days, so you'd be stuck on the toilet for a few more days afterwards.

  drewflav  |  17

I'm surprised you chose to quote that particular FML Perdix.

For those of you that don't know, the FML involved a seafood manager fired for a customer complaint regarding raw shrimp served at a wedding. The customer was too stupid to realize that they needed to cook it first and the employee suffered because of it.