By ananomoose - United States

Rush job

Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next to me seemed to be flying through the questions. So I cheated off her. When we finished I asked her to lunch. She said "No, I just rushed through the exam so I can go fuck my boyfriend." I got shutdown and probably failed an exam. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

Mother of the year

Our house, in the middle of our street

By mikmak - United States - Charlotte

Today, I had fallen asleep in the back of a friend's car on the way home from a night out. When I woke up, they were in the middle of a full-on make out session. I had to pretend to be asleep for 20 minutes until they decided to "wake me up". FML

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By tuck87 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a customer write "fuck you" in the tip option area on his credit card slip, I have no idea why. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

What a dick

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, I hit it off with a girl at a club and I brought her back to my place. I was sure I was finally going to score, until my useless cat attacked her as we walked upstairs. She fell down the stairs and dislocated her ankle. Just my luck. FML

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By Dxxk Biter

Today, the first guy I tried to have sex with at university got his foreskin stuck in his zip and had to go to hospital for stitches. He told all his friends I did it on purpose with my teeth during a blowjob. I now have a reputation, so I guess I'm staying single for the next 3 years. FML

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By holyshitbatman - United States - Chicago

Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML

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By El Camino - United States

Territorial Pissings

Today, I parked in a different lot because the one I usually park in was full. When I came back later, a bumper sticker was stuck to the windshield that said, "INCONSIDERATE F***, DON'T PARK HERE AGAIN!" To make matters worse, it was stuck on with a special type of glue, so it can't be removed. FML

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By beautifulme - United States

Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML

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By Singleton - Canada

Today, it was my birthday dinner with my family. Everyone was making an effort to avoid a certain topic. Later my 5 year old cousin gives me a nice hand drawn card of me and my boyfriend. Apparently no one had the heart to tell her my boyfriend had broken up with me on my birthday. FML

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By Gary - Canada

Today, I was walking next to this building that was getting renovated, and read a sign that said "Watch out for falling debris at all times." While I was watching out for debris, I fell down a staircase. FML

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By Lonely, I am so lonely - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, a friend posted a photo on Facebook of a meal with all of our other friends. The same meal they'd told me just yesterday had been cancelled. FML

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By Char - United Kingdom - Gravesend

Today, whilst at work, I had a woman come in with a problem with the seat in her car not moving backwards or forwards. There was a dildo stuck in the chair rail. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I'm being evicted from my apartment on my birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I went to the beach with a friend. We'd forgotten to get our towels out of the SUV, so I rushed back to the parking lot. I opened the passenger-side door and climbed in to begin my search. After ten seconds or so, I realized I'd busted into someone else's car. FML

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By bl3ur0z3

The luck of the draw

Today, my supervisor was in a leadership meeting pulling random calls for quality. Mine was chosen. He got excited and told them my stats and how I put him to shame with how I drive my team, that I'm the best and this call is going to be amazing. I was then written up for arguing with a customer. FML

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By crushed - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother won't let me intern at a prestigious college, working with graduate students and professors, and being paid, because she doesn't want to drive me. FML

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By Oops - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

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By it's v - United States - Denver

Today, after my flight arrived late, I ran 60 gates to get my connecting flight. I sprinted up to the gate agent, completely out of breath, and he looked at me, shut the door, and said, “The door is shut. You’re too late.” FML

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By

May be

Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML

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By 911 - France

Today, my boss sneezed onto his hands and then licked them in front of my best customers. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was scrolling through Instagram when I got a new follow suggestion. I checked her feed, and found out it was my ex-fiancé’s newest fiancée. And he'd proposed to her using an $185 ring I'd bought myself for my birthday last year. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Washington

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

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By UGH - United States

Today, my parents decided I was old enough to know that my mother doesnt really have horrible nightmares. She's a screamer. FML

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By jcdc - United States - Georgetown

Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML

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By crapcrapcrap - United States

Today, I went on my first date with a guy I really like. He completely ignored me. FML

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By zaynemaliksvagina - United States - Shrewsbury

Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML

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By honey, no boo-boo - United States

Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me if I don't satisfy his "needs." By "needs", he means me wearing a diaper during foreplay. FML

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By alf - France

Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Donvale

Today, my roommate, who happens to be a writer, got so pissed off at his editor that he got drunk, wrapped his arms around my waist, and only stopped when I agreed to spoon him. This is not the first time this has happened either. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

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By Theresa - 26/10/2020 13:55

Sounds like a catch

Today, my ex called and said he still loved me. I said I’d move across the country to be with him. Then he said we could live in his dad’s house, so I can protect him from his sister’s best friend, who gave him chlamydia. At the end of call, he said he’s seeing someone and he likes her because she buys him gifts and food. FML

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By imanidiot - United States

Today, I ordered take out, and paid with a credit card. The cute cashier gave me the receipt to sign, and under 'tip' I gave a couple of dollars. I realized that I had given too much, crossed it out, and changed it. Unaware she was watching, She then responded, "Did you just lower the tip by $1?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Racine

Today, my mom got angry that I wasn't responding to her texts. I couldn't because I was in the dentist's chair. She'd dropped me off, and after returning from errands, sent the text from the waiting room. FML

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By soonaked - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower. I took all of my clothes off, and stepped into the shower facing the knobs. When I turned around, I saw somebody standing in there with me. Apparently, my little brother and his friend were playing hide and seek, and I found his friend. FML

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By birthdayboy

Today, it was my birthday. My only birthday present was a cake that my dad bought from Walmart. Well, it sure looked tasty. The only problem: it had nuts on it. Guess what I'm highly allergic too? At least my dad told me he'd "tell me how it tastes." FML

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By katie06 - United States

Today, my dad explained to me the "chain of command" for our house. McKinley, Mom, himself, Charlie, then me. McKinley is my two year old daughter and Charlie is the dog. He was dead serious. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got back from a 6 month deployment overseas. My girlfriend of 3 years couldn't pick me up from the airport because she had an intramural softball game to go to. FML

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By apparentlytoougly - United States - Garden Grove

Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML

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By I knew it! - United States - Washington

Today, I woke up to 6 missed calls. I called back to find a woman asking how I know her boyfriend after seeing our texts. I told her he's been my boyfriend for 4 months, and she told me he's been hers for over a year. He vehemently denied knowing who I am as I spoke, even with obvious proof. FML

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Top comments

By jdb2009 | 0

#115619 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:40

You deserved that one. You should just study for the exam, get a passing grade, and meet someone better down the road. How do you know she won't turn into a crack whore given her attitude about taking an exam??

By cbrown89 | 0

#115618 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:40

well you probably would have failed either way :P

COMMENTS

By cbrown89 | 0

#115618 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:40

well you probably would have failed either way :P

Reply

Crncj | 0

#2863663 - Monday 11 July 2011 0:58

but she had a nice way of putting it

Reply

Andrew6111 | 6

#3839697 - Friday 6 January 2012 16:05

But this way was funnier.

By jdb2009 | 0

#115619 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:40

You deserved that one. You should just study for the exam, get a passing grade, and meet someone better down the road. How do you know she won't turn into a crack whore given her attitude about taking an exam??

Reply

Sigilwen | 21

#6043511 - Thursday 21 August 2014 0:48

Assume much?

By Emzoo | 0

#115627 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:42

Wow, you deserved that. Oh well you probably would of failed anyways.

By Hellcrapdamn | 0

#115630 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:44

Wow #2 that was one hell of an extrapolation.

By fatty08 | 0

#115633 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:44

Haha, that sucks.

By McA513M | 0

#115634 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:45

Wow. You didn't get the girl OR passed an exam. Your life's sooooo fucked up.

No, but seriously dude. Suck it up dude. It's your own damn fault for studying hard enough (if you did at all), and your own damn fault for cheating. Karma's a bitch, ain't it looser?

http://jaronm.mybrute.com

By jdb2009 | 0

#115639 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:46

"Wow #2 that was one hell of an extrapolation."

LMAO, I know, I get you, now that I think about it, but damn! What if it's right on!! lol.

By XanderK | 0

#115641 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:47

"So I cheated off her" is when I clicked YDI and didn't turn back.

Reply

jazziue | 0

#860695 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 4:41

what does lmao stand for

Reply

rwac07 | 0

#971932 - Wednesday 31 March 2010 14:39

how old are you? 12? how could u not know what lmao stands for.

Reply

Alexitis1 | 3

#1012098 - Sunday 30 May 2010 2:03

lol!! it means 'laughing my ass off'

Reply

wowthatshorrible_fml | 0

#1108343 - Monday 19 July 2010 7:06

dude me too

Reply

schomes | 0

#2676569 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 5:03

99 that's exatly Wut i used to think

By BRBICECREAMTRUCK | 0

#115643 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:47

rofl now go study

By yesmy_love | 0

#115659 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:52

haaaaaaaaaaaaaasuuuuucks.