Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next... - FML

By ananomoose - United States

Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next to me seemed to be flying through the questions. So I cheated off her. When we finished I asked her to lunch. She said "No, I just rushed through the exam so I can go fuck my boyfriend." I got shutdown and probably failed an exam. FML

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There's no helping some people

F is for Family

Business school of business school

By Anonymous - United States - Hackensack

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

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By fishruinsex

Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML

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By calling_while_driving - United States

Today, while driving, I got a call on my cell phone. Trying to be safe and avoid an accident, I pulled into the nearest parking lot before answering. While I was turning in to park, someone rear-ended me. FML

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By Anonytard - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Orlando

Today, I received a text saying, "I don't think we should be friends anymore. You're terribly depressing and you make everyone unhappy" followed by, "Oops, wrong person!" and then by, "Sorry, it really is for you". FML

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By crossfitter

Today, I decided to get in shape for swimsuit season, so I went to the gym. I tried to lift a barbell up and over my head, which was fine, until I dropped it. Exercise earned me a concussion and a neck brace. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I finally got everything in order to ask out the girl of my dreams. I bought her a gold necklace, engraved with our names, and with the date on the back. Everything was going great until she got sick and had to go home. Now I'm stuck with this necklace with the wrong date. FML

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By Eminnis - United States - Woodland Park

Today, I walked in on my dad completely naked. When I expressed my displeasure, he told me to knock next time. I'd agree with him, if he hadn't been standing in the middle of the hallway in our very open living room. FML

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By nomoreart - United States

Today, I was working on my art portfolio. I had drawn a self-portrait. When I was satisfied, I wanted to show my parents. They thought it was a drawing of a bear. FML

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By Donewithit - United States - San Francisco

Today, my class was called to the auditorium. We were told that some asshat proctor took a picture of our testing room during out test and posted it on Facebook. Someone noticed that according to the rules, we were sitting too close to each other, so now we have to retake the whole test. FML

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By DamnTornadoAlley - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, I had to force myself to take a dump at school, even though I have severe restroom anxiety and shyness. I had finally relaxed enough to go when the tornado drills went off mid-dump, and 46 students and teachers packed into the bathroom with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 04:01 - Canada - Brampton

Cum hoc ergo propter hoc

Today, I fell down my stairs twice after helping a senior get in her car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wichita

Today, my husband finally admitted that he squandered the last three months of my share of the rent on booze. He then blamed me, demanded more money, asked for a divorce, and stormed out. When he returned he asked, "How am I the bad guy?" FML

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By RedFaced - Netherlands - Capelle Aan Den Ijssel

Today, I discovered the effect the cream has that my mom gave me. It was for my acne and it worked, in a way. Instead of having a lot of little pimples, I now just have a few gigantic ones. FML

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By fyreangel - United States - Warren

Today, I replaced my dating apps with food apps cause at least someone will show up after I use the food apps. FML

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By Loola - France

Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML

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By lextoast - Rwanda

Today, I went on a fabulous date with a really cute, smart, funny guy. He only mentioned his dad, so when I asked about his mom, I asked if they were divorced. She'd died of breast cancer so I felt awful. Then I asked if his dad had ever remarried. His stepmom had died of cancer too. FML

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By Makeitdance - United States - Pleasanton

Today, a customer asked me how long our 6-inch sandwich was. FML

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By MissArizona - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Make it so

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

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By Kristopher - United States

Today, I moved into my aunt's house. She had a little too much fun in the sixties and now tells everyone about her many imagined conquests, including her church minister and several has-been celebrities. As a plus, I discovered she has a habit of wandering around the house in the nude. FML

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By PureFallPain

He may be disappointed

Today, I am Catfishing a guy on Twitter. I didn't mean to start it, I had an account I use to vent with and I used a pic with a cute girl. He sent me a DM that he liked my pic. He wants to talk on the phone. We have fallen for each other. He thinks, I am 18. I am a 39 year old single mother of 3 kids. FML

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By lonergirl - Australia

Today, after being with the company for over 3 years, I realised nobody really knows my name. This was after my boss was walking around a new staff member and couldn't introduce me. Neither could my colleague, who's been sitting next to me for the last 6 months. FML

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By pained - United States

Today, I had an ingrown toenail cut out, and the pain medication I received does not actually help with the pain. Instead, it makes me high, which results in me losing balance and slamming my injured toe into objects and then getting sick from that new pain. FML

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By Elle - United States

Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drug use, a suicide attempt, and the overpowering hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML

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By - France

Today, I went onto my computer and found a cyber sex conversation between my sister and my girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Harrison

Today, my boyfriend murmured his sister's name during sex. Before you say he was thinking of someone else with the same name, I've only ever met one person in our town called Nohemi. FML

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By NoWedding - United States

Today, I made a joke about having a wedding to my mom and she told me not to joke about something that will probably never happen. FML

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By nipped - Australia

Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML

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By immaturity all around - United States

Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML

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By Thepunchline - United Kingdom

Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML

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By twoheadedboy - Canada

Today, I got industrial toilet cleaner in my eyes. Despite the raging fire party going on behind my eyelids, I resisted the urge to stop, drop, and roll, and calmly got in the shower to wash it off. Wherein I promptly slipped, fell, and whacked my head full-force on the bathtub on the way down. FML

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By it_IS_just_me - United States

Today, I Googled my ex-husband only to find that in the years since we've split he now fancies himself as a stand-up comic. His material? Our sex life. FML

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By douglisk1994 - United States

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

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By hater

Today, I was proposed to in a McDonald's. FML

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By novacabudsforme - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my mother told me that I could take a friend on vacation with us. Then she added that because I have no friends, my brother can bring his girlfriend instead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hopkinsville

Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML

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By Brax - United States

Are you experienced?

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

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By Liz - United States

Today, I took a bike ride to enjoy the weather and stopped for a break on the sidewalk of an overpass, taking in the view of the beautiful hills. I was approached by a cop, who said to me: "Ma'am, I know your life is crap right now, but I'm sure it'll get better. Please don't jump." FML

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By unwanted - Australia

Today, my parents fought over who gets the dog when they divorce. Nothing has been said about where my brother and I will live when they split. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked a coworker if she would cover for me on Easter because I want to spend it with my 3 year old daughter. She said no because she wants to spend Easter with her kids, too. She doesn't have kids. FML

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Top comments

By jdb2009 | 0

#115619 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:40

You deserved that one. You should just study for the exam, get a passing grade, and meet someone better down the road. How do you know she won't turn into a crack whore given her attitude about taking an exam??

By cbrown89 | 0

#115618 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:40

well you probably would have failed either way :P

COMMENTS

By cbrown89 | 0

#115618 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:40

well you probably would have failed either way :P

Reply

Crncj | 0

#2863663 - Monday 11 July 2011 0:58

but she had a nice way of putting it

Reply

Andrew6111 | 6

#3839697 - Friday 6 January 2012 16:05

But this way was funnier.

By jdb2009 | 0

#115619 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:40

You deserved that one. You should just study for the exam, get a passing grade, and meet someone better down the road. How do you know she won't turn into a crack whore given her attitude about taking an exam??

Reply

Sigilwen | 19

#6043511 - Thursday 21 August 2014 0:48

Assume much?

By Emzoo | 0

#115627 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:42

Wow, you deserved that. Oh well you probably would of failed anyways.

By Hellcrapdamn | 0

#115630 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:44

Wow #2 that was one hell of an extrapolation.

By fatty08 | 0

#115633 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:44

Haha, that sucks.

By McA513M | 0

#115634 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:45

Wow. You didn't get the girl OR passed an exam. Your life's sooooo fucked up.

No, but seriously dude. Suck it up dude. It's your own damn fault for studying hard enough (if you did at all), and your own damn fault for cheating. Karma's a bitch, ain't it looser?

http://jaronm.mybrute.com

By jdb2009 | 0

#115639 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:46

"Wow #2 that was one hell of an extrapolation."

LMAO, I know, I get you, now that I think about it, but damn! What if it's right on!! lol.

By XanderK | 0

#115641 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:47

"So I cheated off her" is when I clicked YDI and didn't turn back.

Reply

jazziue | 0

#860695 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 4:41

what does lmao stand for

Reply

rwac07 | 0

#971932 - Wednesday 31 March 2010 14:39

how old are you? 12? how could u not know what lmao stands for.

Reply

Alexitis1 | 3

#1012098 - Sunday 30 May 2010 2:03

lol!! it means 'laughing my ass off'

Reply

wowthatshorrible_fml | 0

#1108343 - Monday 19 July 2010 7:06

dude me too

Reply

schomes | 0

#2676569 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 5:03

99 that's exatly Wut i used to think

By BRBICECREAMTRUCK | 0

#115643 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:47

rofl now go study

By yesmy_love | 0

#115659 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:52

haaaaaaaaaaaaaasuuuuucks.