Miscellaneous: Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard... - FML

By Slipperywhenwet - United States

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20569

You deserved it

48032

Tweet

Share

Serious times

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Always ask for documentation

By Marjorie - Canada - Toronto

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31113

You deserved it

3407

Tweet

Share

By pussyface96 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I asked a girl I like to the movies. Wanting her to lean on me and stay in my arms during the movie, I chose a horror film. I screamed like a pussy the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9576

You deserved it

44383

Tweet

Share

By IHateSchool-.- - United States

Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

23236

You deserved it

30058

Tweet

Share

By SouthPaw - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I confronted my wife because I thought the many hours a day she spends at a local coffee shop were so she could smoke. Turns out she's cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37886

You deserved it

3045

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Finland - Nykarleby

Today, I was diagnosed with strep throat. My mom wasted no time accusing me of whoring around and claiming that most people get strep from performing oral sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47080

You deserved it

3359

Tweet

Share

By he wasn't even playing - Australia - Corrimal

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to cover his share of the rent because he didn't work during the week, saying business has been slow. I checked and found out he called in sick four times. He wanted to stay home and watch online gaming matches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34541

You deserved it

3901

Tweet

Share

By poop_mcqueen - United States

Today, I bought a cool new pair of sunglasses. I wore them today, and all day I kept getting comments about how much I looked like Ozzy Osbourne and John Lennon. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34348

You deserved it

13282

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32930

You deserved it

114831

Tweet

Share

By mapollis - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for the fifth time, and all I could say was: "Can I have my parking permit back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

10342

You deserved it

31757

Tweet

Share

By FMAhole - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while at the office, a surprise Valentine's gift arrived for me, the first I've ever received. It was a box of heart-shaped cookies. From my mother. I'm 39. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33635

You deserved it

4120

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23064

You deserved it

46668

Tweet

Share

By Bride to be - United States - Dayton

Today, after religiously eating healthy, getting good sleep, and trying to keep my stress level low, I'm stuck in bed with aches, fever, sore throat, the shits and throwing up. My wedding is in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2868

You deserved it

216

Tweet

Share

By stillkindahorny - United States

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37647

You deserved it

4691

Tweet

Share

By lolographic24 - Norway

Today, it was my turn to take out the trash. While walking to the dumpster, I slip and fall. It doesn't really hurt, so I get up and go to the dumpster, but the top is frozen stuck. It won't budge. Then I really pull with a lot of force, and the lid swings open and busts my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25271

You deserved it

4122

Tweet

Share

By Tuture - France - Paris

Today, a learner driver was practicing maneuvers in the parking lot at work. This happens a lot, and my colleagues and I usually have fun watching and laughing. It was all fun and games as usual, until the learner crashed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13510

You deserved it

2507

Tweet

Share

By single pringle - United States - Morristown

Today, my boyfriend came home from college for the first time in weeks just to visit me. I was so excited that I spent two hours getting ready. Turns out he was only coming back to dump me. Now I'm single and out of foundation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41803

You deserved it

4406

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45473

You deserved it

9271

Tweet

Share

By Grrrr! - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to hunt Easter eggs before we have sex. I'm glad he has his priorities straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34900

You deserved it

10887

Tweet

Share

By newly passed, newly grassed - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32043

You deserved it

8353

Tweet

Share

By loserllamalick - United States - Rochester

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29650

You deserved it

39602

Tweet

Share

By pornstorebitch

Knock yourself out, dude

Today, I got told I was a bitch because I wouldn’t let a homeless man dig through my dumpster at work, even though he was hungry. We don’t even sell food. I work at a sex store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1653

You deserved it

184

Tweet

Share

By volvo_owner - 10/2/2021 02:01 - Germany - Harsefeld

Vandals!

Today, I wanted to go shopping in my new car that I bought just a month ago. When I stepped outside, I saw someone had smashed the driver side's window. They didn't even steal anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

863

You deserved it

44

Tweet

Share

By chocofreak - United States

Today, I work at a chocolate factory on the sanitation shift. I was under a machine cleaning and a spider fell on me. I started freaking out and a coworker thought I got caught in the moving parts and frantically pulled me out and alerted my boss. Turns out it was just a piece of caramel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17155

You deserved it

44816

Tweet

Share

By Wounded_irony

Today, I was wearing flip flops whilst putting out the trash, and was careful not to step near the broken glass surrounding the trash cans. My mother ran up to me hysterically warning me about the glass, which startled me and caused me to step on a shard, slicing my foot open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3815

You deserved it

574

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in my car and a cute guy pulled up next to me. He looked at me and smiled, but in order to be cool, I pretended not to notice. I also pretended that I was listening to music and was completely absorbed in it, singing passionately. I wasn't even listening to music and my window was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7994

You deserved it

82513

Tweet

Share

By Your ass... Grab it... - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I was out on a leisurely jog. Out of nowhere, a car slowed down in the street, and a passenger screamed "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, MOTHERFUCKER," before tossing a lit Roman Candle at my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50838

You deserved it

4336

Tweet

Share

By sunburychick - Australia

Today, I realised that the man who I wanted to be with, the man who wanted to be with me, and my husband were three different people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46756

You deserved it

26056

Tweet

Share

By doomeddaddy - United States

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31173

You deserved it

3213

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36592

You deserved it

6173

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was the only girl in my lab class. The instructor was learning our names. When he came to me, I went to say "mine will be easy" and it came out as "I'm easy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15874

You deserved it

30920

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to give a speech but I wasn't prepared. I decided to give it anyway. While giving the speech, I got so nervous I passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24732

You deserved it

8540

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42511

You deserved it

4877

Tweet

Share

By yarhyun1 - United States

Today, I realized just how messed up my life is, thanks to all the scare stories my wife sees on Dr Phil. She's now convinced that I'll start beating her someday. She's started taking martial arts classes, and threatens to use her skills every time I get even slightly frustrated with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30194

You deserved it

2519

Tweet

Share

By onemoreruinedthing - United States

Today, my little brother learned to write his name. How did he tell the family? By writing it in permanent marker all over my 100 year old piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36496

You deserved it

2640

Tweet

Share

By nomegusta - United States

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12261

You deserved it

27981

Tweet

Share

By grossedoutgirlfriend

Not so normal, no

Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2144

You deserved it

304

Tweet

Share

By Leota - United States

Today, I received a message on Facebook from a guy I've liked for a year. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, so I said yes. When I walked out to his car later on, he gave me a really confused look. Apparently I was on my brother's Facebook, and he'd never logged out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39101

You deserved it

12995

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, I went to the kitchen to grab some cereal. I guess my mum didn't hear me, because as I entered, I heard her ranting to herself about her "God damned fucking cheerios". I started to slowly back out, but I tripped over my own feet. She heard and yelled at me for "sneaking around". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35954

You deserved it

4171

Tweet

Share

By jdch_99 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I'm at home, sick with walking pneumonia and a raging UTI. Every time I cough, I piss myself. I'm now having to lie on a bath towel and garbage bags until the meds kick in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26661

You deserved it

1730

Tweet

Share

By displeased - United States - Candler

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42592

You deserved it

3531

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Seegtease | 0

#9401 - Saturday 28 February 2009 20:32

Why is your TV in a room with a tile floor? And if this was your bathroom, why was your bat handy in the bathroom? This smells.

By meridith | 0

#9382 - Saturday 28 February 2009 20:11

At least it would have made sense if you smashed the RADIO with a bat.

COMMENTS

By meridith | 0

#9382 - Saturday 28 February 2009 20:11

At least it would have made sense if you smashed the RADIO with a bat.

Reply

rends | 0

#1096743 - Friday 16 July 2010 7:12

what's up with people using bats recently to defend themselves? use a gun, u have the right to own one; take advantage!

Reply

azn_pridee69 | 0

#1204106 - Saturday 7 August 2010 17:43

nice going sherlock.

Reply

i_wuz_nver_here | 31

#1445497 - Thursday 23 September 2010 4:52

wait... who has a bat in their bathroom

Reply

jonan1212 | 5

#1491597 - Sunday 3 October 2010 15:03

this

Reply

HunterAlpha1 | 8

#1552696 - Friday 15 October 2010 21:33

amen brother!

By urie | 0

#9388 - Saturday 28 February 2009 20:15

lol retard

By Melody_fml | 0

#9390 - Saturday 28 February 2009 20:16

HAHA that would suck!!!!!!

By Seegtease | 0

#9401 - Saturday 28 February 2009 20:32

Why is your TV in a room with a tile floor? And if this was your bathroom, why was your bat handy in the bathroom? This smells.

By d00d_c0m3_0n | 0

#9415 - Saturday 28 February 2009 20:47

maybe they had a bat in a hallway closet across from the bathroom, and one of those little kitchen tv's that got smashed.

By ummmyeahhh | 0

#9432 - Saturday 28 February 2009 21:05

baseball/softball player... inexpensive tile in the living room... TV in living room... yeah, it could happen.

By BeautyAndBrains | 0

#9438 - Saturday 28 February 2009 21:11

Why do you have a bat and a TV in your bathroom? I usually give people the benefit of the doubt, but seriously, this doesn't make any sense, unless you went to the kitchen or something, and grabbed the bat on your way there from your room or something.

Reply

bagsoffairydust | 10

#5303740 - Wednesday 2 January 2013 1:32

'ran into the living room' is a piece you might want to remember.

By KenMcGormick | 0

#9465 - Saturday 28 February 2009 21:58

hmmm reminds me of this movie with a spoilt radio going "we've only just begun......" lol... and what coincidence that im listening to this song while reading this FML

By jewbeans | 0

#9475 - Saturday 28 February 2009 22:14

lol

By PTERONOPHOBIA | 0

#9478 - Saturday 28 February 2009 22:17

How stupid is it that until I got to the end of the fourth sentence I was like "he just grabbed a freaking bat? why in God's name did he have a bat?"
Oh, animals vs sports equipment.