Miscellaneous: Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time.... - FML

By Sophie - United Kingdom

Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time. It's a small, old cottage in the countryside. I went up for a shower and didn't realise that the plug hole was blocked. Before I knew it, the bathroom floor was completely flooded and the ceiling below was dripping. FML

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Taking stock

Dangling modifier

Forever the bridesmaid

By EyesofStone - United States

Today, I decided to work on my social anxiety by ordering some food. I waited in line, practicing my order in my head all the way. When I got to the front, I said my order with no mistakes. The cashier just stared blankly at me until I mumbled, "Never mind..." and left. FML

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By wtf - United States - Delmar

Today, my grandpa took my face in both hands, kissed me on the lips, said "Now you can tell all your friends you've had your first kiss," and walked out of the room. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Stuck

Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML

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By chunky monkey - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half informed me that he had "accepted" my stomach, even though it didn't conform to his "preference" for a flat stomach. He then added that his acceptance doesn't extend to my "chunky thighs". FML

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By Stuby14 - United States - Brookings

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

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By CaeliLady - United States

Today, my friend and I were at the mall and saw a "Grow Your Own Boyfriend" toy. I remarked that I already had one of those, and she freaked out, very loudly and openly, about me "finally having a boyfriend". I had to embarrassingly explain I meant I had the toy... not an actual boyfriend. FML

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By Michelle - United States

Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

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By dany - United States - Lancaster

Today, I discovered that when my professor had said "For every A there will be an F," he was deadly serious. I earned a 94% mark, which in this class is known as a D. FML

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By jasminejzhu - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

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By Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

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By socksoffire - United States

Today, I did my laundry. When I took it out, everything was clean, including the mouse that had been hiding in it. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went out for New Year's. When I got back, I found my house had been broken into. I found a note saying, "Happy New Year, sucker." FML

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By anonymous - United States - Avon

Today, I tried to jokingly hold the door shut so my friend, who I'd seen walking down the hall to our class, couldn't get in. It was funny, until my new teacher yelled "Open the damn door!" from the other side. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, one of my neighbors dressed up in the exact same costume as me. Every house I go to refuses to give me candy because my neighbor has already been there. FML

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By twat - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to give things a go with the guy that has fancied me for three years, based purely on my looks. After getting to know my personality he has decided he no longer fancies me at all. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today I was very excited to go to the post office to claim a parcel. I didn't know what it could be, so I assumed it was a gift. It turned out to be a speeding ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a completely random boner at a coffee shop, five seconds before two attractive women asked me to stand up and take their picture. FML

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By Gemma - 7/2/2021 01:01 - United Kingdom

Kids are hard work

Today, I realised my boyfriend is only nice to my son to make me happy. Turns out he hates children and will only do the minimum interaction with my 4-year-old son he can get away with, until he can fabricate an excuse to leave the room. FML

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By Nohearingornoeating

WHAT?

Today, my brand-new digital hearing aid fell out of my ear as I was walking home from the store. I've retraced my steps, but cannot find it anywhere. It cost $2000, and replacement, like the hearing aid itself, is not covered by insurance. FML

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By deewe - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I planned to go on a date with a man I met online. He came to my apartment to pick me up, and I told him I'd be right out as I grabbed my purse. When I got outside, he was gone. FML

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By gross - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I changed my toothbrush because the bristles were wearing down. My brother later asked me why I changed his toothbrush. Apparently we've been sharing the same one for the past several weeks. FML

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By DumbLackofLuck - United States

Today, I waited until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. Today, I also discovered that my bank account has been frozen due to suspicious activity. FML

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By exalia - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally bought a car, after saving up for a year. My dealer had told me it was a good buy, so I snapped it up then and there. On the way home, the rear axle practically fell out of the car due to frame rot. My dealer wants to buy the car back at half the price. FML

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By Rainman - United States

Today, I had to water my entire garden. After an exhausting hour of watering hundreds of plants, I turned off the hose and started to feel good about the grueling job. That is, until it started pouring rain. FML

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By nano123

Played yourself

Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML

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By yourmom - United States

Today, I was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in, pulls down her pants, and sits on my lap. Needless to say she didn't even notice I was there until I hyperventilated. FML

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By ohiochibi - United States

Today, I posted a note on Facebook about a weird dream I had about my ex-boyfriend, where I made out with him, then it transitioned into a vampires vs. werewolves battle. My ex private messages me and says there's a better chance of a vampires vs. werewolves battle than us ever making out again. FML

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By B-377 - United States - Sarver

Today, I was walking around my block when a random stranger pulled up next to me. He assumed I was a woman, and started catcalling me. I'm a 34-year-old man with a wife and kids, and my hair isn't even long. FML

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By SlappyMcGee - United States

Today, I was talking to a hot girl at the bus stop. She seemed interested in me and I was feeling a connection forming. When the bus came, I offered to let her board first, but she said it "wasn't her bus" and said goodbye. Later, I realized I'd spent 20 minutes making moves on a prostitute. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML

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By Clumsy - United States - Millville

Today, I was working out with the guy I like when he spilled his water bottle. I went to clean up the spill, bashed my face into the weight bar, which broke my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I sat through an incredibly long and tedious class lecture. Just as my professor was nearing the end of his lecture, the resident stoner loudly yawned and asked what we'd been talking about for the past hour. We got to hear most of the lecture all over again. FML

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By momoffour - United States

Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

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By ChaosFerret - United States - Eugene

Today, I spent six hours making chicken and black bean chili for a big family gathering. I go to use the restroom. I come back to the pot on the floor with my cat standing in the chili, eating it. FML

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By sadphonegirl - Canada - Brampton

Today, I remember that I changed my phone lock password when I was still half asleep this morning, but I don't remember what I changed it to. FML

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By Lonely_Army - Qatar

Today, I realised that I've been deployed for far too long, when I caught myself looking down the cleavage of a mannequin wearing a bathing suit. FML

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By whyme27 - United States - South Bend

Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML

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By StewPit - United States

Today, I was eating some left over Easter peanut MandMs at work, when I exclaimed "oh cool, they have E's on them for Easter". It took me a couple of minutes, but I eventually realized that I was looking at a regular MandM sideways. Definitely explains my coworkers' uncontrollable laughter. FML

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By like - United States

Today, I decided it would be pretty amusing to press the "Like" button on everyone's status on Facebook without reading them just to get on peoples' nerves. After re-reading them later, I found out one of them said "I MISS YOU SOO MUCH GRANDMOM. RIP". I liked that her grandmother died. FML

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By Carmen VanDiest

Legit logic

Today, I asked my husband why his socks are always inside-out in the laundry basket. He replied, "So the insides get clean." FML

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Top comments

By lw73 | 2

#4536306 - Thursday 7 June 2012 16:03

You seriously didn't notice the tub filling up and your feet splashing in the water. YDI big time!

By perdix | 29

#4536323 - Thursday 7 June 2012 16:05

I'll bet he was so mad another plug hole went unattended all weekend!

COMMENTS

By savyk2014 | 6

#4536295 - Thursday 7 June 2012 16:01

At least you know it works? xD

Reply

iKendall | 3

#4536298 - Thursday 7 June 2012 16:01

O

Reply

himynameischeese | 6

#4536371 - Thursday 7 June 2012 16:17

Take a bath in it! Haha

By grrrrmetigers | 0

#4536300 - Thursday 7 June 2012 16:01

new indoor swimming pool?(:

Reply

CoolBreezeKing | 8

#4537212 - Thursday 7 June 2012 21:12

Yea so she can bring some boats and hoes

Reply

zachherbert | 10

#4537570 - Thursday 7 June 2012 23:13

Waterslide down the stairs!!

By lw73 | 2

#4536306 - Thursday 7 June 2012 16:03

You seriously didn't notice the tub filling up and your feet splashing in the water. YDI big time!

Reply

LouisianaBob | 9

#4537655 - Thursday 7 June 2012 23:35

I was thinking that too but then again I've also never seen a shower with a plug so I have to wonder how high the rim is. I can only think of a bathtub having a plug in which case I find this fml all the more silly.

Reply

comeatmebroo6254 | 1

#4538406 - Friday 8 June 2012 2:32

Maybe she didn't include that the faucet got stuck.

Reply

Zaros_fml | 24

#4538637 - Friday 8 June 2012 3:57

Judging by the fact that it's a "small old cottage" I doubt it had a shower stall. Probably a bath tub with a showerhead fixture. The fact that it had a plug makes this even more probable.

Reply

gojira666 | 7

#4540145 - Friday 8 June 2012 14:34

Yea...when the water gets to your knees, it means there is a plug in the drain....YDI

By tony1891 | 22

#4536308 - Thursday 7 June 2012 16:03

how do you not know the plug is blocked. looks down.... Oh snap. it's plugged

By Ashley1722 | 3

#4536313 - Thursday 7 June 2012 16:04

How do you take a shower and not realize the water rising and eventually spilling over..... YDI op.

By perdix | 29

#4536323 - Thursday 7 June 2012 16:05

I'll bet he was so mad another plug hole went unattended all weekend!

By allard | 14

#4536329 - Thursday 7 June 2012 16:08

Water you think happens next?

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#4536415 - Thursday 7 June 2012 16:24

Showers of puns start pouring in.

Reply

Ray_of_midnight | 22

#4538492 - Friday 8 June 2012 3:12

Oh, pipe down.

By ImBrent | 8

#4536333 - Thursday 7 June 2012 16:08

Sounds like your fault. Not sure how you could let the water just fill up that much without noticing.

By urbanimpression | 6

#4536344 - Thursday 7 June 2012 16:11

You couldn't feel water on your legs all that time and out soaked through to the lower level? Wow.....

By fightinTXaggie | 2

#4536384 - Thursday 7 June 2012 16:19

How long was this shower? I can wash up twice and still sit down for about 10 minutes before my showerhead can fill my tub up to bath level, let only spill over...