Miscellaneous: Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when... - FML

By danyelicindereli - United States

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

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Triage

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Life is unfair…

By Andrew Cab - 6/4/2021 13:00 - United Kingdom

Relief

Today, our 9-year-old daughter was removed from our home and placed into a home for children too violent to function in a family setting. I can't stop crying but my wife hasn't been this happy in years. She was actually smiling as our daughter was restrained and forced out the front door. FML

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By sigh - United States - North Branford

Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my little brother found the singing Santa Claus from last year, and it still works. I'm now going to be hearing nothing but "We WISH you a MERRY CHRISTMAS!" for the next 20 days. FML

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By Breadline single mom - 26/12/2020 19:56

"Life is unfair…"

Today, my deadbeat ex-husband who works at a country club was invited to play poker with some club members as they needed a last player. He’s rubbish at poker but got some lucky hands and ended up winning £112,000 from those rich guys. Life isn’t fair. FML

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By Amelia

Today, I’ve discovered that even if he brushes his teeth for 10 minutes straight, flosses, and rinses with mouthwash, my boyfriend’s breath still smells like a cross between sewage and rotting fish. I’m running out of excuses for not kissing him. FML

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By ouchers - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

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By lululee53 - United States

Today, after spotting my ex-boyfriend's truck in a desolate parking lot, I decided to "decorate" the muddy side of it with a rather large male appendage. After checking around me to make sure there were no witnesses, I got to work. I probably should have made sure he wasn't sitting in the truck. FML

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By GamerGirl - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating so I broke up with him. As revenge he threw my PS3 and XBox out of the window when I wasn't in our house. I got those consoles out of the spare money my three jobs had brought in - the same three jobs I had to get because he refused to get a job of his own. FML

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By heatproblems - United States

Today, I can't get my heat to turn off. It is currently 87 degrees Fahrenheit in my house, and my heat is running non-stop. It's about 20 degrees outside with over a foot of snow on the ground, so a repairman can't come out to fix it. My electricity bill will be about $1000. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my violent geriatric patient was trying to escape the facility. When I intervened, she poked my belly then told me I was squishy and that I might explode. FML

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By he's still not convinced - United States

Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML

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By MaryJane

Today, my best friend told me she didn't want to be my friend anymore, because she wanted to start afresh in college and have pretty friends. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML

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By SingleWorker - United States

Today, I come home for lunch. I see a sandwich on the table with a note saying "I hope we can have a healthy new relationship, Love, Carissa." I see another note from my girlfriend next to it saying "I hope you enjoy your new relationship with Carissa." Carissa is my new step mother. FML

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By Emily - France

Today, I woke up to a good friend of mine leaving my bed. The very friend I've had a crush on for months, and knows exactly how I feel about him. Everything was great until he said, "Yeah, about last night... It's just that you were there, and I was weak. See ya." FML

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By CheeseAndCrackers

Everyone loves a weepie

Today, my always over-emotional husband burst into sobs when I thanked him for making me lunch. Apparently, I did not compliment his cooking enough. He microwaved me a Hot Pocket; it was still frozen in the middle. FML

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By weddingbells - United States

Today, my parents had a huge fight because my mom found out my dad was cheating on her. They screamed for half an hour. Right in the middle of my wedding. FML

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By lacy - United States - Louisville

Today, I told my husband to give our dog a bath while I was at work. When I returned home, I found my dog, along with my husband, in the bath together. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, school tuition has taken up so much of my paycheck that the only thing I had to eat for dinner was applesauce. FML

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By thenotsomanlyman - United States

Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rochester

Today, I spent over an hour shovelling the walkway and driveway, snow blowing in my face and down my coat. When I was finally finished, a guy started going through the neighborhood plowing everyone's driveways for them. FML

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By Anonymous - Norway - Mo I Rana

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

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By EpicFailAtItsFinest - United States

Today, I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a seizure. Nervous, I went into shock and walked into a tree, knocking myself out. Post seizure, the woman stood up and walked away. Later, I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her, but ended up taking me instead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

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By doodlecrzyMeg - United States - Mattoon

Today, I had to hide in the closet all morning because my 22-year-old boyfriend didn't want to admit to his parents that he had his girlfriend stay the night. FML

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By CancerFdMyLife - United States - Washington

Today, I learned that an antidepressant that works too well is a stimulant. I've been jittering and twitching like a meth-head, and my co-workers are asking when Jesse will be showing up with my "stuff". FML

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By scaryhairy - United States

Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML

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By djteller - Israel

Today, While I was running around the block I had this urge to spit. Suddenly I noticed this beautiful girl running in front me. Trying to impress her, I smiled and by mistake drooled everything on the pavement. She wasn't impressed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my job at a luxurious retirement community was terminated when I ran over an old lady with my work golf cart. FML

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By fatty milkshakes - United States

Today, I found out that my roommate has been switching my protein powder with chocolate milk mix and brown sugar. Since I work out frequently, I've been consuming large amounts of this and have gained at least 10 pounds of fat. His reason? I turned his bookbag inside out. Once. FML

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By smashed - United States

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

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By CB - New Zealand

Today, I have to go to the dentist to get a tooth capped. Why? Because my room mate knows I sleepwalk and thought it would be funny to put a trip wire across the top of the stairs. It worked. FML

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By beachedwhale21 - 22/6/2020 05:01

Always save to the cloud!

Today, I finally finished typing up a story I had been working on for about 7 months, saved it on my computer and left to hang with friends. Came home later to find my dad had sold my laptop in order to pay his phone bill. My hard work is now gone. FML

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By JustSayNo - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML

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By laststand11 - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

It's all in the timing

Today, my mom used, "Happy Thanksgiving break" and, "We sold your car" in the same sentence. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Southend

Today, my little sister randomly came up to me and said: "Aww, don't be sad. Even ugly people can get boyfriends." She then smiled, patted my back, and walked off. I wasn't actually sad before, but I am now. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 17:02

One hell of a poker game?

Today, I lost 1200 dollars, my fiancée, my dog, my apartment, and my car. FML

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By AudreyUs - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Franklin Park

Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML

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By Cpt_Concerned - Canada

Today, I realized that my alcoholism has gotten so bad that I rotate liquor stores so the clerks don't think bad about me. FML

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Top comments

By N00d13s | 0

#241878 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:15

you were right, that was funny.

By melissasmile21 | 0

#241867 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:10

the damage could've been worse,
thats pretty lucky really.

shouldnt you be doing work instead of staring out windows?

COMMENTS

By melissasmile21 | 0

#241867 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:10

the damage could've been worse,
thats pretty lucky really.

shouldnt you be doing work instead of staring out windows?

Reply

m0tl3ycru3 | 0

#3507433 - Saturday 29 October 2011 5:56

Idk u tell me

Reply

MrCatman1125 | 2

#5049846 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 0:07

Number 1, not everyone spends every second of their life working. If she wants yo look out a window, she may.

Reply

MrCatman1125 | 2

#5083131 - Friday 26 October 2012 4:20

*to

Reply

MrCatman1125 | 2

#5134619 - Saturday 10 November 2012 9:42

Bitch don't thumb down my comment, as if you never glanced out I window...

Reply

MrCatman1125 | 2

#5153364 - Friday 16 November 2012 2:01

Shouldn't you be doing work instead of being on FML?

Not everyone works constantly, and your no exception. Have you never looked out a window? Or are you always busy working? The Op could be 16 to, and unemployed!

Reply

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#5355668 - Tuesday 5 February 2013 20:15

Uh, #99? The FML clearly states "at work." I don't think OP is unemployed.

By MiseryLotus | 0

#241869 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:10

YDI for thinking that. "Thought karma"'s a bitch, eh?

By airandfingers | 0

#241876 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:14

Ouch. Hope you have "comprehensive" insurance instead of just collision or liability insurance!
Also, I would think you'd only need a new headlight cover, not a new bulb or anything.. Still costly but not too bad.

By N00d13s | 0

#241878 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:15

you were right, that was funny.

Reply

yawndiver | 2

#2526720 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 3:23

By keoct | 4

#241879 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:15

Same thing happened to my boss... It was beautiful it went right between 2 parked cars and smashed his headlight as he was trying to run after the cart.

By Jimboom | 11

#241885 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:19

HA HA!!!

Now get back to work you slacker!

By Moviefreak321 | 0

#241886 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:19

YDI because I bet after seeing that you realized a shopping cart hitting a car isn't as funny as you thought :P

By spillproof | 0

#241887 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:20

Oh, so now not its not funny when its your property that is damaged?

Reply

Vball6 | 19

#4259854 - Thursday 5 April 2012 0:07

Obviously you fucktard.

By Aelaena | 6

#241889 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:24

wizard of oz comes to life

Reply

capslockisgood | 19

#4831800 - Saturday 18 August 2012 19:23

What?

By redbluegreen | 40

#241890 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:25

Too bad ShopMan wasn't there to save your headlight from the dreadful shopping cart attack.
You never know when those bad boys will strike, you know?