Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when... - FML

By danyelicindereli - 29/5/2009 03:41 - United States

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

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Serious times

Ambien conversations are the worst

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

By cartrouble - 25/11/2010 03:52 - United States

Today, my car broke down. My boyfriend, who is not too handy, insisted on fixing it. He called me outside and said he was done and started the engine. Moments after rejoicing, it burst into flames. FML

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By Nicole - 3/4/2011 07:11 - United States

Today, I was in IKEA when my friends and I thought it would be fun to play hide and seek. We all hid; I was in a good hiding spot. Half an hour later, I was still there. I texted my friends to see where they were. They all left to see a movie, and forgot about me. FML

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By slightlyslow - 2/7/2009 20:33 - United States

Today, while watching The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh with my 5 year old, I realized why the kangaroo's name is Kanga, and why her son's name is Roo. Kanga-Roo. Get it? Yeah. I didn't until today. I'm 47. FML

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By anonymous - 6/3/2020 03:17

Next, on A&E…

Today, when I got out of the shower, my mother, my boyfriend, and 3 of my friends confronted me for an intervention. My problem? They think I'm a workaholic. What they don't know is that I lost my job 4 weeks ago. I stay up all night filling out job applications. FML

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By shithead - 18/9/2011 20:17 - United States

Today, my friends and I ran through a flock of resting seagulls. The birds took to the skies and chased after us, covering us in shit. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2011 06:29 - United States

Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML

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By "syd_the_kidd_9707" - 25/2/2019 00:00

Today, I went in my car to a very important job interview. I was out of gas, so I had to get some on the way. When i was done pumping, I went to get back in and the door handle broke off on the driver's side. Then I blew a tire on a piece of metal. Needless to say, I lost my chance. FML

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By poormum - 17/11/2016 11:41 - Australia - Carlton North

Today, I was unsuccessful in getting a job at a supermarket. The same supermarket I used to work at. I now have a degree but can't even get a job at a place I used to work. FML

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By RDS - 8/7/2019 18:00

Today, I talked to my husband about leaving his parents' house. He said, and I quote, ''No. I don't want the responsibility of paying bills.'' FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2011 21:56 - Isle of Man

Today, I went to the toilet during drama, not because I had to actually go, but because I wanted to play Monopoly on my iPod. I lost track of time and came back twenty minutes later. My whole class listened while I was forced to tell my teacher I'd been really constipated. FML

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By stupidquestionsstupidpeople - 30/4/2013 03:32 - United States - Chicago Heights

Today, I met one of my favorite web-comic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2010 18:52 - United States

Today, I found out that instead of having four wisdom teeth, I have eight. They all have to be removed as soon as possible, which happens to be over the Christmas break. I get to spend my whole vacation in excruciating pain and a swollen face to boot. FML

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By babyboomerang - 12/5/2009 11:16 - United States

Today, I spent hours baking a multi-layered, detailed cake from scratch for my mom's birthday. It took two seconds for my dog to devour the cake while I picked up a spoon I dropped on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2014 04:08 - United States

Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2009 14:26 - France

Today, I learned that "Je suis excité" does not mean "I'm excited" in French. It means "I'm sexually excited"... more or less. I've been doing a lot of exciting things and using it a lot the past two weeks. With my French friends, people I meet, and especially with my host family. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2019 12:00

Duchamp would be proud

Today, my five year-old niece thought that it would be acceptable to carve her artwork all over our toilet seat. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2016 09:25 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, while driving on the motorway, I sneezed so hard my contacts popped out. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2009 06:19 - Australia

Today, after failing my Ls twice in the previous weeks, I finally passed. As I got home, I went for a drive with my dad. I smashed my mums car into an old ladys fence and ended up in her backyard. FML

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By erphy21 - 26/9/2015 20:44 - United States - Lompoc

Today, my 18 year old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

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By compguy - 25/2/2010 15:39 - United States

Today, I applied and was accepted for a part-time network engineering position. Being contract work they asked me what I charge. I replied, "$12 an hour." After a look of surprise they accepted me for the position and said, "Our last guy charged $200 an hour, you're a bargain." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2009 16:39 - United States

Today, I got my laptop back after sending it to Dell to repair water damage after a night of partying. Dell returned my computer unrepaired, saying it was unfixable. When I called to ask why they couldn't fix it, they told me it was a biohazard. Someone got drunk and pissed on my laptop. FML

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By pandora - 13/6/2012 09:08 - Israel - Palmahim

Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML

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By parentof5 - 23/4/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2011 17:59 - United States

Today, a month after my 21st birthday, I received my health exam results. I don't remember the night of the birthday because I was hammered. However, I called my friend and it's now clear that the stripper they paid to have her way with me, had Chlamydia. FML

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By dustlander.com - 16/10/2018 07:30 - United States - Provo

Today, I was wrapping up a 30+ hour commission when a software bug caused my main layer to delete itself. There doesn't appear to be any way I can restore it. FML

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By He Hates Me... - 21/10/2015 00:15 - United States - Ogden

Today, I'm in my third week at a new job. Using an online service our company recommends, I accidentally downloaded a virus that is now working its way through our website, randomly sending our customers Viagra ads via our email. I personally had to tell the founder of the company. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2016 23:50 - United States - Westerville

Today, the family computer kept overheating. My four-year-old son thought the solution was to pour a nice, cold cup of water on it. FML

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By HelenErutherford - 9/7/2018 01:30

Senpai Noticed

Today, my period started. It wouldn't be a big deal if it hadn't happened while I was in my karate class practicing kicks, and if the guy I have a crush on hadn't informed me of it after chuckling. FML

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By gangstalicious - 8/5/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I got the cell phone bill for my family and saw that my son had gone over his limit by around 1,000 messages. Curious to see what he was talking about that much, I read the messages. Apparently, my 15 year old son is having it off more than me and my wife. FML

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By liishax3 - 22/11/2014 07:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I noticed my fish was still hungry after feeding him earlier. I figured, "Eh, a little bit more won't kill him". I was wrong. FML

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By nen_00 - 14/9/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I realized the guy I've been hooking up with has a daughter who is a year younger than me. As if that wasn't bad enough, I also found out she had a child of her own. I've been hooking up with a grandpa. FML

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By jetlagged - 16/1/2011 17:17 - Sweden

Today, for an eight hour flight to Copenhagen, Denmark, I paid extra to get a seat offering more leg room. Unfortunately, the man behind me was so tall, his knees were pressing against my back the entire flight. FML

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By jend - 23/5/2009 20:20 - United States

Today, I went into work happy about my supervising promotion. When I arrived at work, I realized that only one person had decided to come into work today, which meant I had to clean 15 rooms, and supervise myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 14:02

Sewer monster

Today, I realized my morbidly obese sibling's favorite bathroom to use is whichever one is closest to me during the day. Three floors of living space and the monster wants to drop a nuke where the odors are certain to waft to my nose three times a day. Every. Single. Day. FML

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By dJ21 - 15/12/2009 09:23 - Guam

Today, I was at the airport getting ready to go to Hawaii. The guy at the counter said my flight was delayed. It turns out that the flight that was delayed was a flight going to Miami. My flight left at the regular time, and my luggage was on it, because I checked in the night before. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2015 13:33 - Philippines - Philippine

Today, I found out the fund-raiser my uncle ran to raise money for his cancer treatment was all a sham, that he doesn't even have cancer, and that the money was to fund a coke habit nobody knew he even had. FML

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By Jehovah God - 7/3/2014 18:51 - United States - Richmond

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, a drunk guy limped in front of my car, unzipped, and started pissing on my windshield. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2019 14:00

Today, it's my 21st birthday. The only person who drank with me was my elementary school principal, who I happened to run into at a bar where we were the only two people there. FML

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By Fmycatslife - 26/7/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, I got my cat stuffed after her death. I brought her home and set her down by my couch. I guess my dog thought it was a new chew toy. FML

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By Neckbruise101 - 15/10/2016 06:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss berated me in front of 2 other coworkers about how unprofessional it was for me to show up to work with a clearly visible hickey. I had to explain to him that my "hickey" was actually a huge pimple that had bruised up after I popped it. FML

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Top comments

By N00d13s | 0

#241878 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:15

you were right, that was funny.

By melissasmile21 | 0

#241867 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:10

the damage could've been worse,
thats pretty lucky really.

shouldnt you be doing work instead of staring out windows?

COMMENTS

By melissasmile21 | 0

#241867 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:10

the damage could've been worse,
thats pretty lucky really.

shouldnt you be doing work instead of staring out windows?

Reply

m0tl3ycru3 | 0

#3507433 - Saturday 29 October 2011 5:56

Idk u tell me

Reply

MrCatman1125 | 2

#5049846 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 0:07

Number 1, not everyone spends every second of their life working. If she wants yo look out a window, she may.

Reply

MrCatman1125 | 2

#5083131 - Friday 26 October 2012 4:20

*to

Reply

MrCatman1125 | 2

#5134619 - Saturday 10 November 2012 9:42

Bitch don't thumb down my comment, as if you never glanced out I window...

Reply

MrCatman1125 | 2

#5153364 - Friday 16 November 2012 2:01

Shouldn't you be doing work instead of being on FML?

Not everyone works constantly, and your no exception. Have you never looked out a window? Or are you always busy working? The Op could be 16 to, and unemployed!

Reply

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#5355668 - Tuesday 5 February 2013 20:15

Uh, #99? The FML clearly states "at work." I don't think OP is unemployed.

By MiseryLotus | 0

#241869 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:10

YDI for thinking that. "Thought karma"'s a bitch, eh?

By airandfingers | 0

#241876 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:14

Ouch. Hope you have "comprehensive" insurance instead of just collision or liability insurance!
Also, I would think you'd only need a new headlight cover, not a new bulb or anything.. Still costly but not too bad.

By N00d13s | 0

#241878 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:15

you were right, that was funny.

Reply

yawndiver | 2

#2526720 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 3:23

By keoct | 4

#241879 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:15

Same thing happened to my boss... It was beautiful it went right between 2 parked cars and smashed his headlight as he was trying to run after the cart.

By Jimboom | 11

#241885 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:19

HA HA!!!

Now get back to work you slacker!

By Moviefreak321 | 0

#241886 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:19

YDI because I bet after seeing that you realized a shopping cart hitting a car isn't as funny as you thought :P

By spillproof | 0

#241887 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:20

Oh, so now not its not funny when its your property that is damaged?

Reply

Vball6 | 19

#4259854 - Thursday 5 April 2012 0:07

Obviously you fucktard.

By Aelaena | 6

#241889 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:24

wizard of oz comes to life

Reply

capslockisgood | 19

#4831800 - Saturday 18 August 2012 19:23

What?

By redbluegreen | 40

#241890 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:25

Too bad ShopMan wasn't there to save your headlight from the dreadful shopping cart attack.
You never know when those bad boys will strike, you know?