Today, I was so lonely that I left the TV on for company. The... - FML

By Lonely - 17/6/2011 03:25 - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I left the TV on for company. The power went out. FML

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Understandable

All for nothing

True hero

By Anonymous - 10/5/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me saying, "I can come over today. She thinks I've got work." I think he had the wrong number. FML

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By jilted - 21/3/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

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By electricpuddle - 25/4/2011 01:11

Today, while letting horses out to switch pasture, one ran at me, sending me through the electric fence and into a mud puddle. Wrapped in electric fence, I sat in that electric mud puddle, screaming every time it shocked me. Help arrived, once they'd had a good long laugh. FML

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By "Sarah Ellsberry" - 13/9/2017 16:00

Today, my girlfriend and I moved back in after over a month of couch hopping and $2,000 of heat and chemical treatments for a chronic bedbug issue. I just found bedbugs on my legs. We've used all our favors and have nowhere to go. FML

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By serialkillingex - 7/5/2013 07:45 - Netherlands

Today, my ex won a writing competition. His story was inspired by our relationship. In it, I'm a serial killing prostitute. FML

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By Bobby - 10/8/2012 11:42 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, while housesitting my neighbor's dogs the phone rang. I answered it and a voice said, "Stop checking your Facebook and take care of my dogs. They look like they need to go out." FML

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By fuck you, boss - 21/12/2013 00:30 - United States

Today, my boss scolded me for being too friendly to our customers and told me to back off and let them do their thing. Less than an hour after doing as he said, he scolded me again, this time for slacking off and not asking them if they needed help finding stuff. There goes my bonus. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2012 19:39 - United States - Richland

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

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By Mitcha857 - 30/7/2011 16:01 - United States

Today, I had my back waxed to deal with the uncontrollable hair growth. Afterwards, I broke out in numerous pimples where the hair used to be. Basically, a lose-lose situation. FML

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By oopsjsp90 - 17/10/2009 08:45 - Australia

Today, I told a lady that came into my clothing store that I thought her abstract looking necklace was pretty. She responded, "Oh... Thats actually a pipe that goes into my lung." FML

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By Autocorrected - 4/3/2012 05:02 - Philippines

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML

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By mcdman - 19/1/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, one of my employees lit my tie on fire. FML

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By YouDontSay - 10/5/2015 15:35 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML

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By Mojo_Jojo - 13/6/2009 11:01 - China

Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML

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By zachhewett - 2/2/2016 22:53 - United States - Birmingham

Today, at my job drug testing high schoolers, I see that one of the kids selected for the testing looked incredibly high. So, after he goes in the bathroom and gives me his cup with his urine inside, I take a closer look and see that the little shit jizzed in the cup. I hate my job. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2012 00:13 - United States - San Mateo

Today, my boyfriend gave me a $100 gift card for Victoria's Secret. Suspicious, I checked the receipt he'd left in the bag. Turns out he had bought it during the 2 weeks we were broken up for some other girl who rejected him, so decided to give it to me instead. FML

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By zac545 - 19/2/2009 06:14 - United States

Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML

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By Jeremy - 7/8/2009 02:03 - United States

Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said I remind her of her dad. FML

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By BluBaller - 6/4/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, after about a month with no sex, my girlfriend told me to come up to her room and began kissing me passionately. She got me down to my underwear before informing me that she had Spanish homework left. To make things better, upon finishing up, she went straight to sleep. FML

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By erin1985 - 22/2/2010 00:31 - Australia

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. I leaned down to get something out of my bag and hit my head on some protruding concrete. I said I was fine. Then blood came running down my face. FML

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By unemployed - 11/7/2016 19:09 - United States - Modesto

Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML

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By salt. - 28/2/2012 22:04 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom". That's how he put it, anyway. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2013 07:18 - United States - American Canyon

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

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By gspotter - 14/11/2014 21:58 - Canada - Verdun

Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' for the first time in months. Upon my arrival, I found out that I won't be spending the day with them because they've taken a car trip to attend a Sarah Palin book signing. FML

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By idonthavelice - 28/2/2010 13:44 - China

Today, while I was standing in the elevator with a few people I just met when I moved in yesterday, I felt something fall on my hair and dusted it off. It was a cockroach. None of them will come within a 1m distance to me now, because they all think I've got lice. Welcome to the building! FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 12:01 - United States

The straights are at it again

Today, I went on a Grindr date with a really cute guy. I thought things went really well. When he dropped me off at home, he told me not to text him anymore because his wife might get mad. FML

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By radiant - 22/1/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, I told my mom I want to get liposuction. She said "Whats the point? Its not like you can get lipo on your face!". FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2013 07:23 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I asked my dad why he only has pictures of me from when I was a little kid. Without skipping a beat, he said, "I only keep pictures from when I liked you." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2017 04:30

Today, I saw a creepy guy grab a woman's ass on the bus, so I caught his arm and put him in an arm lock, only for the woman to hit me in the head with her handbag. Turns out they were a married couple on their way home to have sex, and who couldn't resist a quick grope during the journey. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2019 20:01

Today, I found out that the airhead sitting next to me at work who can't get anything done on her own, makes more money than I do. FML

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By bpruitt95 - 31/12/2013 06:46 - United States - Pitkin

Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML

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By dangit - 1/3/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I was wearing my favorite silk sweater, one I actually paid full price for. I sat down in my desk chair to work, and when I tried to get up I felt a strange pull. A corner of my sweater is still stuck in the screw at the back of the chair, the rest is in the trash. FML

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By Catsfordays - 20/8/2015 06:02 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 10:52 - Netherlands

Today, I used the restrooms at the shopping mall. The cleaning lady stepped in after me, immediately turned around and very demonstratively started spraying air freshener. FML

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By Ugh - 16/2/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML

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By crazyattracts - 31/7/2016 05:53 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my new girlfriend canceled my badly needed haircut appointment. She feels that having my female hairstylist wash and cut my hair involves "too much touching" and "counts as cheating." FML

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By Gage - 27/10/2017 15:00

Today, having moved to Moscow over a week ago, I finally received the TV my work promised my flat would have. A big Russian man came to my door, handed me a TV from the 1970s and left. It doesn't work. FML

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By forgotten - 19/10/2014 18:19 - United States - Folsom

Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2019 11:00 - United States - University

Today, I went to take a shower, but forgot my towel and dorm key in the room. After my shower, I had to run down to the front desk butt-naked, using only a shampoo bottle as cover, and ask for a temporary key. The person running the front desk was my ex-girlfriend’s current boyfriend. FML

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Top comments

By thedrummer | 0

#2700528 - Friday 17 June 2011 8:46

FAP= Forever Alone Party

By angiedancesalott | 8

#2700507 - Friday 17 June 2011 8:44

i guess thats gods way of telling you you have no life.

COMMENTS

By angiedancesalott | 8

#2700507 - Friday 17 June 2011 8:44

i guess thats gods way of telling you you have no life.

Reply

QwertyMcNugget | 0

#2700758 - Friday 17 June 2011 9:10

People this lonely are so sad! Dx

Reply

ColdplaySucks | 18

#2700762 - Friday 17 June 2011 9:10

OP should play neopets when the power recovers.

Reply

IceeCreamm | 7

#2700780 - Friday 17 June 2011 9:13

Use chatroullete brah.

Reply

jbluebird923 | 0

#2700971 - Friday 17 June 2011 9:35

mean

Reply

Kawboy | 1

#2700994 - Friday 17 June 2011 9:40

How is watching tv company op? it's not like they're talking to you or you can talk back! If you do then you have serious issues. Maybe you should invest in a generator lol

Reply

angiedancesalott | 8

#2701085 - Friday 17 June 2011 9:52

im not mean. im just stating the truth.

Reply

MeBeYourFriend | 0

#2701356 - Friday 17 June 2011 10:56

yeah shes just stating the truth. Like really? TV for company? thats pretty pathetic and it shows you have nothing to do and no life. Pretty simple

Reply

Kawboy | 1

#2701368 - Friday 17 June 2011 10:59

HEY, SHE'S A NICE LADY!!

Reply

XXizzlerXX | 0

#2701492 - Friday 17 June 2011 11:50

a tv for company?! u should go outside or call ur friends up..

Reply

kindlystfupls | 0

#2701736 - Friday 17 June 2011 12:50

64. LMAO. Love that movie.

Reply

Jimmyd0t | 0

#2702266 - Friday 17 June 2011 15:02

64-most people won't get it but I do lol...win

Reply

EnterChoose | 1

#2702743 - Friday 17 June 2011 16:36

There are some shows you can actually talk back to. For example, Dora.
"Can you find the map?"

Reply

BWill9014 | 4

#2703118 - Friday 17 June 2011 18:39

Good reference 64

Reply

angiedancesalott | 8

#2707780 - Saturday 18 June 2011 8:52

lmfao @ 64x

Reply

Kawboy | 1

#2708033 - Saturday 18 June 2011 10:37

:) lol

Reply

TipsfromSips | 3

#2987359 - Thursday 28 July 2011 17:02

OH JOY NO POWER!

Reply

angiedancesalott | 8

#3036505 - Thursday 4 August 2011 10:14

115, commented on my birthdayy. nicee(:

By MXXD17 | 0

#2700509 - Friday 17 June 2011 8:44

damn, it just got better and better didn't it

Reply

condom101 | 0

#2701139 - Friday 17 June 2011 10:03

Ikr!!!!

By mazora | 0

#2700511 - Friday 17 June 2011 8:44

Sounds like a party.

Reply

raysfan4 | 0

#2700603 - Friday 17 June 2011 8:53

Fun fun fun fun (lookin' forward to the weekend)

Reply

rocketeer_97 | 1

#2701180 - Friday 17 June 2011 10:09

Don't start please. •___•

Reply

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2703339 - Friday 17 June 2011 19:33

Hey! Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday. Today it is Friday, Friday. We-we-we so lonely, because I know all the lyrics to a stupid song.

By thedrummer | 0

#2700528 - Friday 17 June 2011 8:46

FAP= Forever Alone Party

Reply

Darcon | 8

#2700579 - Friday 17 June 2011 8:51

LOL! That's a good one.

Reply

imlagginglol | 0

#2700863 - Friday 17 June 2011 9:22

Ha..ha.. *wipes tear*

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#2702297 - Friday 17 June 2011 15:07

5 now we just need one for MASTERBATE.

By mintcar | 9

#2700530 - Friday 17 June 2011 8:46

Hahaha, aw that sucks.
Hope you find a way to get over your loneliness.

By rereandres | 0

#2700531 - Friday 17 June 2011 8:47

Pay yo' bills!

Reply

dmmcintyre3 | 8

#2700682 - Friday 17 June 2011 9:01

not all power failures are because someone did not pay the bill.

Reply

calebacleveland | 0

#2700803 - Friday 17 June 2011 9:16

Nah, but it's funny to think that is why his power went out. Don't ruin it man.

By HahaYDI | 0

#2700571 - Friday 17 June 2011 8:50

Ha, you're like my dog. He gets lonely when I leave the house so I leave my radio on for him.

Reply

Chinnithy | 0

#2700657 - Friday 17 June 2011 8:58

Is it on NPR?

By AuburnBoi17 | 5

#2700588 - Friday 17 June 2011 8:52

Guess the tv doesn't wanna b ur friend either

Reply

Iwashere12345 | 0

#2704041 - Friday 17 June 2011 21:45

sad life, OP, sad life. even TV's don't like you

By TylersMB | 0

#2700600 - Friday 17 June 2011 8:53

oh well! lol go to sleep

Reply

alemania07 | 0

#2700724 - Friday 17 June 2011 9:04

No

Reply

TylersMB | 0

#2700764 - Friday 17 June 2011 9:10

yes

Reply

triggerit | 5

#2702775 - Friday 17 June 2011 16:43

maybe

Reply

ipwnlosers | 4

#2704445 - Friday 17 June 2011 23:29

So

Reply

dj_tricky | 0

#2705100 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:19

Hmm...

By SilentTreatment | 7

#2700612 - Friday 17 June 2011 8:54

Well go make friends or something! Get out the house or something.

Reply

afdude87 | 6

#2701561 - Friday 17 June 2011 12:02

or something