Miscellaneous: Today, I was so lonely that I left the TV on for company. The... - FML

By Lonely - 17/06/2011 03:25 - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I left the TV on for company. The power went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 593

You deserved it 5 760

Dementia or hate? You decide

Own it

Cognitive dissonance

By eyerollplease - 30/04/2017 22:00

Today, after recently celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary, my husband and I watched my mom and his dad say "I Do". I am now married to my step-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 625

You deserved it 486

By Username - 24/11/2010 01:40 - United States

Today, I woke up early and went to the dermatologist's, only to have them tell me that the skin condition I have that causes big, white spots to appear is chronic and I can do nothing about it. But they did give me cream for a different skin condition they found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 337

You deserved it 2 388

By Anonymous - 17/12/2011 07:47

Today, I found out the hard way what it sounds like when you take the first letter of my first name, A, and put it with my last name, Hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 655

You deserved it 3 876

By houdini - 03/02/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 884

You deserved it 11 629

By King_of_hearts - 04/04/2014 23:46 - United States - Plymouth

Today, my phone rang just seconds after I left a conference meeting to go use the restroom. It wouldn't have been a problem, except it seems one of my friends thought it would be funny to change my ringtone to a woman having an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 576

You deserved it 4 815

By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 07:21 - United States

Today, I went to the hospital to visit my aunt and her newborn baby. The receptionist gave me the room number, and I went and my aunt was in the bathroom so I cuddle the baby, only to find that the woman who came out of the bathroom was a complete stranger. I was holding her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 548

You deserved it 8 334

By TayTay - 16/05/2009 07:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a Taylor Swift concert. At the concert they put up a sign that said "Scream if you love country boys." My boyfriend took one look at it and started screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 857

You deserved it 12 413

Don't be an asshole

By Anonymous - 11/03/2021 00:30

Today, the only person I know that ever traveled with me told me he doesn't enjoy the experience and thinks I'm an asshole, so I don't have a travel buddy any more. Every affordable trip requires two people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 1 015

By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Spicy

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 249

You deserved it 5 017

Seize the means

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 07:58

Today, I found out I make less money than the temps at my job by over 2 dollars an hour. I've been working there the longest and do 75% of the job myself. I was told, "We'll think about it" when talking to upper management about getting equal pay or close to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 87

By SadBride - 08/09/2015 00:39 - United States

Today, my in-laws decided they were going to stay an extra week during our vacation to Dominican Republic next year. This would be fine, if we weren't travelling for our destination wedding, and the extra week wasn't our honeymoon. They are literally joining us on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 268

You deserved it 2 459

Tight ass

By Paf - 21/09/2021 19:59 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, after I've been cleaning a hostel 7/7 for free accommodation for a few weeks, and the owner telling me 3 times to take a day off while he was able to do the job, I'm finally leaving. He's now (and only now) asking me to pay for the 3 nights I "didn't work for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 68

By anonymous - 04/11/2014 12:03 - Canada - North Vancouver

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 099

You deserved it 8 452

Good question

By Juliett - 29/08/2019 19:00 - United States - Wisconsin Rapids

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend gave me an amazing orgasm after a long dry spell. I moaned his name as I climaxed, and he replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 271

By Anonymous - 03/03/2017 04:00

Today, I found out why my girlfriend removed me from Facebook last week. Turns out she didn't want me to see pics of her with a new boyfriend. How I found out? My coworker, her new boyfriend, left his messenger open during lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 834

You deserved it 540

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

By Lennie Mcfish - 09/04/2020 14:00

Spicy

Today, while at a party, my extremely drunk crush came up to me and told me she had a crush on me. She then wanted to have sex with me while she drunk, but since she was under the influence I didn't. Later, when I told her about it, she say denied the fact that she likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 530

You deserved it 386

Dat ass

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 11:01

Today, I got a slap because my 8 year-old stepson has such a big mouth, he couldn’t resist pointing out a nearby white woman had a "phat butt" and should "give it back to the black lady she stole it from." I blame his racist old grandad for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 172

By dpap - 18/01/2013 23:03 - United States - Waukee

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. The first thing my dad did was comment that given how pretty she looked in our photos, and compared to how she looks in real life, she's amazing at using Photoshop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 161

You deserved it 3 724

By Anonymous - 07/10/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because I'm in the military and I'm gone too much. The reason I enlisted in the first place is because we agreed that the money and benefits I would earn would help us be able to start a family in the future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 812

You deserved it 3 947

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should wear a hideous shirt to count down the last days of freshman year. So when Friday came around we decided to have a contest for most hideous shirt. I won. I forgot to wear a hideous shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 105

You deserved it 10 449

By madari - 21/10/2012 23:11 - Spain - Benalm?dena

Today, my husband and I went to marriage counselling. I confessed something that was bothering me, but he didn't understand. Our counselor repeated word-for-word what I said right back at him. He turned to me angrily and shouted, "Why couldn't you just say that the first time?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 012

You deserved it 2 803

By Anonymous - 15/05/2013 20:12 - United States

Today, I called my mother to tell her that I got engaged. In the 15 minute conversation that followed, 13 were spent listening to how this is going to affect her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 405

You deserved it 3 325

By baddad - 23/09/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 433

You deserved it 7 758

By Parental Support - 30/08/2013 04:11 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, I found out I was 13th in a graduating class of about 350 students. When I told my mother, without batting an eye, she told me, "Hey, shit floats". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 539

You deserved it 2 969

By oohrahgal - 14/02/2019 16:32 - United States - Clementon

Today, my boyfriend graduated from boot camp. After the ceremony, I rushed over and tried to jump into his arms. This would have been romantic if he was expecting it. Instead, he fell over and we crashed onto the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 101

You deserved it 29 908

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 14:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was getting out of the car, my 7-year-old son opened the door for me. I thought it was very gentlemanly of him to do that, until he smashed my thumb with the car door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 930

You deserved it 1 311

Suspicious Minds

By PaulaP - 09/07/2021 07:59

Today, my husband wants to go on a trip to Tulum with his friend. I suggested I go as well, but he refused because it’s a "friends trip." He assures me that he "won’t sleep in the same bed with her or anything." I had to explain why it was still inappropriate. He still doesn’t get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 191

By anonymous - 28/07/2012 13:26 - Lebanon

Today, I went on an overnight airplane flight. I wanted to be comfy so I took off my shorts, threw a blanket over myself, and slept. When the lights came back on, I ran to the bathroom before they served food. After using the bathroom, I noticed I hadn't put my shorts back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 730

You deserved it 42 337

By shescomfortablynumb - 05/06/2009 07:49 - United States

Today, I had a 3rd date with a great guy. Over dinner, he told me that he wanted to see more of me. When I agreed, he pulled out his schedule book and started to tell me he was dating 5 other women besides me. He then told me what week in the "rotation" would be mine. He wasn't kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 528

You deserved it 4 751

By MissCan'tKeepAJob - 23/08/2011 16:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 074

You deserved it 57 301

Evil

By Courts - 28/02/2017 21:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I had a shift as a carer in a high-rise disability home, and working with a lady whom was once a midwife. She had a toy baby, and was rocking it. When I asked her what she was going to do what the baby so she could come to lunch, she casually threw the baby off the balcony and shrugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 464

You deserved it 506

By NextTimeMom'sDriving - 11/06/2014 16:41 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, my family and I were on a road trip. Everything was fine until we discovered that my dad, the driver, was not only fast asleep, he was also snoring. We were in the middle of the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 511

You deserved it 4 451

Denied

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 00:01 - United States - Austin

Today, an Air Force recruiter called me. I've been wanting to join the Air Force for 5 years now. After chatting on the phone with him for 10 minutes, I mentioned to him that I had asthma. He quickly told me I can't join any of the military branches, and to have a good day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 430

Unloved

By Anonymous - 03/08/2020 08:03

Today, my dad lied and said he was busy working, all because he didn't want to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 110

By toazt - 10/10/2010 08:45 - United States

Today, after my marching band's performance, the girls had to change out of our uniforms in a very dark school bathroom. Someone turned on the lights and I realized that more than a dozen roaches had crawled into my skinny jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 429

You deserved it 3 483

By ilook12 - 24/06/2015 03:23 - United States - Paris

Today, we had customer complaints of a child molester hanging around our restaurant. After confrontation by a manager, he wouldn't leave. I had to be walked to my car after my shift by more than one person because I look 12 and they were afraid for me. I'm almost 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 893

You deserved it 2 157

Communication Breakdown

By rosie - 08/03/2021 13:59

Today, I was unable to communicate with a customer who only spoke French. As a result, my boss called me a "monolingual idiot." I speak Spanish, German, and Japanese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 55

Dietitian is the recognized title

By fatty mcfatfuck - 24/06/2020 02:02

Today, I caught my mother-in-law filling my one-year-old's cup with Dr. Pepper. When I flipped out, she told me I was overreacting since "all her kids turned out fine." Save for my husband, all her kids are morbidly obese diabetics who’ve struggled with poor diets. She herself is almost 450 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 866

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 00:25 - United States

Today, as I put my 4 year old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 054

You deserved it 9 170

Stinky

By kmthomas91 - 11/05/2020 23:00

Today, after coming home, my apartment reeked of something fierce. Small animals frequently like to crawl under my apartment since I live next to a wooded area. Apparently, skunks are among those who like to visit, and Febreze isn't helping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 114

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Friday 17 June 2011 8:46

FAP= Forever Alone Party

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Friday 17 June 2011 8:44

Sounds like a party.

Comments

angiedancesalott 8

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Friday 17 June 2011 8:44

i guess thats gods way of telling you you have no life.

QwertyMcNugget 0

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Friday 17 June 2011 9:10

People this lonely are so sad! Dx

ColdplaySucks 18

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Friday 17 June 2011 9:10

OP should play neopets when the power recovers.

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Friday 17 June 2011 9:13

Use chatroullete brah.

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Friday 17 June 2011 9:35

mean

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Friday 17 June 2011 9:40

How is watching tv company op? it's not like they're talking to you or you can talk back! If you do then you have serious issues. Maybe you should invest in a generator lol

angiedancesalott 8

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Friday 17 June 2011 9:52

im not mean. im just stating the truth.

MeBeYourFriend 0

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Friday 17 June 2011 10:56

yeah shes just stating the truth. Like really? TV for company? thats pretty pathetic and it shows you have nothing to do and no life. Pretty simple

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Friday 17 June 2011 10:59

HEY, SHE'S A NICE LADY!!

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Friday 17 June 2011 11:50

a tv for company?! u should go outside or call ur friends up..

kindlystfupls 0

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Friday 17 June 2011 12:50

64. LMAO. Love that movie.

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Friday 17 June 2011 15:02

64-most people won't get it but I do lol...win

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Friday 17 June 2011 16:36

There are some shows you can actually talk back to. For example, Dora. "Can you find the map?"

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Friday 17 June 2011 18:39

Good reference 64

angiedancesalott 8

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Saturday 18 June 2011 8:52

lmfao @ 64x

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Saturday 18 June 2011 10:37

:) lol

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Thursday 28 July 2011 17:02

OH JOY NO POWER!

angiedancesalott 8

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Thursday 4 August 2011 10:14

115, commented on my birthdayy. nicee(:

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Friday 17 June 2011 8:44

damn, it just got better and better didn't it

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Friday 17 June 2011 10:03

Ikr!!!!

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Friday 17 June 2011 8:44

Sounds like a party.

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Friday 17 June 2011 8:53

Fun fun fun fun (lookin' forward to the weekend)

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Friday 17 June 2011 10:09

Don't start please. •___•

Iamnotmyself 17

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Friday 17 June 2011 19:33

Hey! Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday. Today it is Friday, Friday. We-we-we so lonely, because I know all the lyrics to a stupid song.

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Friday 17 June 2011 8:46

FAP= Forever Alone Party

Darcon 8

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Friday 17 June 2011 8:51

LOL! That's a good one.

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Friday 17 June 2011 9:22

Ha..ha.. *wipes tear*

MrSassypants 32

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Friday 17 June 2011 15:07

5 now we just need one for MASTERBATE.

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Friday 17 June 2011 8:46

Hahaha, aw that sucks. Hope you find a way to get over your loneliness.

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Friday 17 June 2011 8:47

Pay yo' bills!

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Friday 17 June 2011 9:01

not all power failures are because someone did not pay the bill.

calebacleveland 0

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Friday 17 June 2011 9:16

Nah, but it's funny to think that is why his power went out. Don't ruin it man.

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Friday 17 June 2011 8:50

Ha, you're like my dog. He gets lonely when I leave the house so I leave my radio on for him.

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Friday 17 June 2011 8:58

Is it on NPR?

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Friday 17 June 2011 8:52

Guess the tv doesn't wanna b ur friend either

Iwashere12345 0

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Friday 17 June 2011 21:45

sad life, OP, sad life. even TV's don't like you

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Friday 17 June 2011 8:53

oh well! lol go to sleep

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Friday 17 June 2011 9:04

No

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Friday 17 June 2011 9:10

yes

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Friday 17 June 2011 16:43

maybe

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Friday 17 June 2011 23:29

So

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Saturday 18 June 2011 1:19

Hmm...

SilentTreatment 7

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Friday 17 June 2011 8:54

Well go make friends or something! Get out the house or something.

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Friday 17 June 2011 12:02

or something

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 6

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 22

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 171