Miscellaneous: Today, I was sleeping over at a friend's house. I went and took... - FML

By Lotje13 - Hungary

Today, I was sleeping over at a friend's house. I went and took a shower, and as I tried to get out, the door jammed. I called my friend for help, and after much tugging, the glass shattered all over me. She panicked and sent her dad to rescue me. It was the first time he and I had met. FML

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Understandable

Serious times

Sorry…

By Groom - France

Today, I had an important interview. On the way there, I stopped in front of a car window to look at my reflection, checking I didn't have salad stuck between my teeth. Having pulled several faces, I realised that there were two girls inside the car, cracking up with laughter. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was told I don't qualify for disability benefits because I'm too young. I get this answer each time I apply, no matter how many lawyers and doctors I get. My mobility is so bad I've become wheelchair-bound and need assistance to bathe. How much worse do they want me to get? FML

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By carnivore - United States

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were hugging in the hall after school. This annoying kid I know walked by, and yelled, "Tiny penis!" at me. My girlfriend responded, "Yep." FML

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By sandi519 - United States

Today, I was working retail when a group of older gentlemen came in looking for a good sound system. I showed them a top-range system and gushed about it in detail, trying to close the sale. One of them snorted and said, "See Dave, girls like her are the reason ball gags were invented." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Albany

Today, I was running late for school and accidentally ran a red light and got pulled over. I couldn't find the registration and was freaking out, when the cop told me that he wouldn't give me a ticket if he could give me some advice. His advice? Don't wear your shirt inside-out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at college, I found a lanyard with some keys and a YMCA member's card attached. Hoping to find contact details, I googled the name on the back of the card, just in time for him to return and see me looking through his Facebook profile like some kind of stalker. FML

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By Peter Steele love - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML

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By jobless - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, after a month at my new job, my boss fired me because I didn't have enough experience. She hired me with full knowledge of this fact. FML

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By outofajob - United States - Farmington

Today, I gave feedback on how the store is run at the owners' request, because they don't understand why everyone keeps quitting. I guess they took it personally, because they asked me not to come back. FML

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By not a shitty situation so fuck you - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2020 02:02

Empathy Man

Today, I told my man I was feeling a lack of emotional closeness and dialogue in our relationship. I'd hoped for a comeback like, "So what do you need in order to change that?" Or even, "Aw, come here, let's cuddle!" Instead, I got a simple, "I don't." FML

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By Acesup111 - United States

Today, I informed my grandparents of my upcoming graduation from college. My grandma looked at me with tears in her eyes, and told me how proud she was that I was able to make it so far in spite of being autistic. I am not, nor have I ever been autistic. FML

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By I_Am_The_Edge - United States

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent the entire day at school being called Meg. My name isn't Meg, so I started to get really annoyed and confused. Later, I found out it was because I look like Meg from the show Family Guy. She's known for being unpopular, unwanted, ugly, and stupid. FML

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By soonaked - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower. I took all of my clothes off, and stepped into the shower facing the knobs. When I turned around, I saw somebody standing in there with me. Apparently, my little brother and his friend were playing hide and seek, and I found his friend. FML

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By Mary - France

Today, after a year together, my boyfriend admitted to me that in bed I had as much an effect on him as a crossword puzzle. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was headed towards the unisex bathroom at physical therapy when another patient looked up at me and quickly looked away. I knew instantly and prepared for the smell, but I wasn't expecting remnants still floating in the toilet. FML

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By Stuckwiththebill

The show must go on!

Today, during my wedding ceremony, the groom-to-be found it appropriate to blurt out about an ongoing affair with my maid of honor. They got married instead. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I realized the cute guy in my Spanish class only talks to me so he can steal my answers. He asked if I'd give him the answers for the final as well. FML

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By Jebus - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

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By Michelle - 19/12/2020 08:01

Since when has that been there?

Today, I thought something was wrong with my car battery because my dashboard lights were really low. I paid $77 to find out the dimmer switch was turned down. FML

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By ???? - United States

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered "nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

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By taxed - United States

Today, I found out that I owe the IRS money due to my previous job not taking enough taxes out. I am broke, unemployed, and was counting on a big refund so I could pay for my divorce. FML

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By Anon - United Kingdom - Kingston Upon Thames

Today, I requested a pay rise at work. They said they couldn't do it as they have to cut costs, so I resigned. They've now re-advertised my job for more money than I asked for. FML

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By lostinspace - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work. Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am. They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars. They suck. FML

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By NoFunForMe - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I saw my ex for the first time since we broke up. We were on a train next to each other for 6 hours, to a festival where our tents were pitched next to each other. We're here for 5 days. FML

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By Lisa - United States - Bayside

Today, my boyfriend told me that the main reason he was dating me was because he was intimidated by pretty girls. FML

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By redjesus69 - United States

Today, after almost nine months of doing anything and everything to show my love for my girlfriend and make her happy, she told me she would give "anything" to relive the one week of her and her ex's relationship where she was the happiest in her life. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my Kung Fu-trained father found out that my boyfriend, a Krav Maga student, got me pregnant. Since I'm only 17, my dad got extremely mad. Several broken bones and a few ambulances later, it looks like a Steven Seagal movie happened in my house. FML

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By LadyAlyxandrea

Today, I almost died after getting an epidural in my neck. The medicine paralyzed my entire body, including my diaphragm and lungs. The doctor tried to say it was a panic attack. I had turned blue. FML

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By tjm - United States

Today, after finally getting a job offer after months of unemployment, I found out that the person who was going to hire me got fired. Which means I'm not getting the job. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2021 20:01

Wake up Boo!

Today, my work made us all get up at 3 a.m. to head to the airport for our 7 a.m. flight, only for us to get to the airport and find out the flight is cancelled. FML

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By Gottabekidding - United States - Ashland

Today, my workplace instituted a policy in which employees must stop and write down what they are doing every fifteen minutes. FML

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By yeah okay then - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML

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By Brittanyy_leigh - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

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By Mudge - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend said that his dad told him we couldn't hang out anymore, he thinks I'm a bad influence because I don't have all 90's in my classes. The only reason he knows I have below a 90 is because he's my geography teacher. I have an 87. FML

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Top comments

By Sickly_Slick | 4

#3814540 - Sunday 1 January 2012 9:25

Sounds like a intro to a Porno

By monkeysareyummy | 0

#3814581 - Sunday 1 January 2012 9:29

Dad later that night: fap fap fap fap fap.

COMMENTS

By panicbunny | 0

#3814511 - Sunday 1 January 2012 9:23

Wow that's sad:( first btw :D happy new year

By GentleGreenOhio | 5

#3814519 - Sunday 1 January 2012 9:24

:O I feel so sorry for you.

Reply

BeaterOfTheDrums | 15

#3814746 - Sunday 1 January 2012 9:55

I feel sorry for the dad; having to be put into a pedo-bear status situation... Unless he's into that.

Reply

lerouxmaster | 7

#3815586 - Sunday 1 January 2012 17:27

Your... Your hair... it's... It's devouring my soul !

Reply

Jakesterk96 | 8

#3841451 - Friday 6 January 2012 23:27

So even though your friend knew you were in the shower, she sent her dad. Smart move.

By littlej0n | 0

#3814521 - Sunday 1 January 2012 9:24

that's one hell of an entrance to make on your friends dad

Reply

derpster | 7

#3814954 - Sunday 1 January 2012 11:22

MrMisfit- you have just earned yourself the official pedo-bear seal of creepiness.

Reply

thebaconweave | 0

#3815868 - Sunday 1 January 2012 18:56

same with the guy in your picture

By qtbabe127 | 22

#3814532 - Sunday 1 January 2012 9:25

Well, at least he'll never forget who you are:)

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#3815508 - Sunday 1 January 2012 16:54

Oh I remember her.. Nudey McGlassass.

By Sickly_Slick | 4

#3814540 - Sunday 1 January 2012 9:25

Sounds like a intro to a Porno

Reply

Fx13mz | 7

#3814622 - Sunday 1 January 2012 9:32

"Sounds like you need some help in that shower"
*Dad begins to undress*
*Commence kinky porno music*

Reply

laundryninja | 1

#3814935 - Sunday 1 January 2012 11:14

yeah was wondering who else got that vibe?

By linkinpark98 | 23

#3814572 - Sunday 1 January 2012 9:28

Haha... well, yeah, FYL OP. :/

Reply

fundanger | 0

#3823171 - Tuesday 3 January 2012 7:08

What's op?

Reply

KailyKii | 11

#3823242 - Tuesday 3 January 2012 7:40

84 - It means original poster. It refers to the person that posts the FML.

By monkeysareyummy | 0

#3814581 - Sunday 1 January 2012 9:29

Dad later that night: fap fap fap fap fap.

Reply

AngrehPirate | 0

#3817288 - Monday 2 January 2012 1:15

69 Thumbs up

Winning ^

By J1hill33 | 12

#3814585 - Sunday 1 January 2012 9:29

Wait are you a guy or a girl?

Reply

bananabuttercup | 8

#3814713 - Sunday 1 January 2012 9:48

Dont know of many teenage giys who would sleep over at a girls house, or many girls that would send their dad in to rescue their guy friend.

Reply

J1hill33 | 12

#3814738 - Sunday 1 January 2012 9:53

Oh ok thanks. Just wondering

Reply

All_Blacks | 2

#3814837 - Sunday 1 January 2012 10:27

I personally thought it was a good question to ask

Reply

Isoldael | 27

#3815762 - Sunday 1 January 2012 18:24

Lotje is a dutch girl's name, so you guys were right :)

By Doribella98 | 14

#3814589 - Sunday 1 January 2012 9:29

That sucks. Are you okay though? :-/

By xShannonxSammyx | 7

#3814594 - Sunday 1 January 2012 9:30

It'll make a funny story in a few years time! :)

Reply

zakkyzebra | 11

#3814776 - Sunday 1 January 2012 10:02

It makes a funny story now >:)