Love: Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt,...

By littlegirl - 07/05/2011 04:46 - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 532

You deserved it 45 199

Love

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Triage

Shoulda, woulda, coulda

By Sam - 09/02/2011 20:56 - United States

Today, I toured an art museum. Our tour guide had an obvious lisp, so I tried my best not to laugh. When she asked me a question about a sculpture, I accidentally responded "Yeth ma'am". She ended the tour right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 549

You deserved it 68 698

By ywouldudomelikethat - 03/01/2016 20:02 - United States - Renton

Today, I found out my ex started a Tumblr where she posts one photo a day. Each photo being a pic I texted her over the course of our relationship. My office, the bars I like to go to, favorite restaurants, my mom's place, my place, my penis, etc. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 520

You deserved it 4 555

By fmlsomuch - 25/02/2012 20:51 - Japan

Today, I told my mom about an article I'd seen that said people tend to make the most mistakes at 2 to 3 in the morning. Without a trace of humor in her voice, she said, "Tell me about it. You were conceived round about then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 136

You deserved it 3 354

By broke and hungry - 30/05/2015 18:53 - United States - West New York

Today, I had to skip lunch to work on a big project, so I stopped by a vending machine. The number I wanted was 126, but I accidentally typed 124, using my last dollar. 124 was the only empty row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 361

You deserved it 5 515

By Cuntlette - 11/04/2014 16:38 - Australia - Brighton

Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 446

You deserved it 3 348

Legend

By Anonymous - 23/03/2021 05:59 - United States

Today, I tripped really hard and twisted my ankle on a toy that was on the floor, dropping a bag of trash filled with coffee and energy drinks my husband has piled around his desk. Instead of helping me up or helping me clean, he berated me about it. Told me that it's not my problem and went to his LoL game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 125

By angela - 12/06/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I thought my face was breaking out with pimples, and I thought it was weird because I never break out. And I noticed all these "bug bites" all over my body. When I got home, I realized those weren't bug bites. I have chicken pox, and my high school graduation is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 225

You deserved it 3 700

By what did I do? - 25/10/2013 11:54 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 123

You deserved it 21 344

By Michael - 05/06/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, I found the source of the bad smell that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks in my apartment. The police knocked on my door asking if I've seen my neighbor recently. I haven't. The smell has been that of a dead person. It's a smell that even Febreze can't remove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 028

You deserved it 5 178

By stanky - 19/06/2015 14:47 - United States - Columbus

Today, I was about to leave for my honeymoon with my new husband, when he saw my deodorant in my bag. He picked it up and asked what it was. When I said it was deodorant, he gave me a confused look and said "girls don't wear deodorant". He actually believed that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 245

You deserved it 2 968

I'm parked here!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 17:00

Today, they've been building a house next door. I went to wash and wax my car, and I was back home for only 10 minutes before a Bobcat digger backed into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 49

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 00:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was cleaning, listening to music and sometimes singing along, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off the music and opened the door to the police, who stated they had to investigate reports of "repeated female screams" coming from my apartment. I'm a 23 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 851

You deserved it 2 389

By Anonymous - 10/05/2019 16:00

Today, the guy I've been talking to for two months told me he hooked up with a girl last night, before blocking me on everything. I also was with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 810

You deserved it 176

By Anonymous - 28/09/2013 21:40 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, we got my dad an iPad for his birthday. I had to repeatedly reassure him that he could in fact touch the screen without being shocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 497

You deserved it 4 012

By John - 06/06/2017 15:00 - United States - Midway City

Today, one of my interviewers got so bored, he made a paper airplane out of my résumé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 696

You deserved it 558

By Sally19863 - 30/08/2010 16:18 - South Africa

Today, I discovered that I have developed a latex allergy. I'm a third year medical student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 911

You deserved it 3 053

By doomed - 22/08/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 228

You deserved it 6 651

By Anonymous - 25/04/2014 21:21 - United States - Marlboro

Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 118

You deserved it 11 215

First Dates

By Anonymous - 06/06/2014 22:44 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 229

You deserved it 10 103

By Anonymous - 20/04/2011 07:27 - South Africa

Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 022

You deserved it 6 187

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, it was my big sister's birthday, and I was told the iPod I ordered her online was not coming due to a mix up. I drove to three different electronic stores before I found the one she wanted. After spending forever in traffic, I came home to find a package on my doorstep. It was her iPod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 273

You deserved it 4 016

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 08:50 - United States

Today, I got a call from the girl I like. I got very excited so I quickly picked up. As it turns out, she was actually prank calling me, pretending to be a "liposuction telemarketer" but forgot to press *67. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 794

You deserved it 3 309

By fuckyouverymuch - 13/06/2013 10:16 - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, my estranged father, who is a cop, decided to show up to my 17th birthday party. He immediately began arresting people for underage drinking. Way to mend fences, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 884

You deserved it 26 705

By tacoboy27 - 21/12/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, I found out that my father has taken my copy of Modern Warfare 3, and re-wrapped it as a Christmas present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 641

You deserved it 3 546

By mraow123 - 30/05/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 289

You deserved it 4 641

By WentInABush - 15/11/2012 07:23 - United States - Portland

Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 330

You deserved it 3 219

By browngirl - 29/09/2013 04:16 - Canada - Vernon

Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 793

You deserved it 4 940

By always amazed - 07/03/2016 14:03 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my dad came over and ordered me, a 43 year-old woman, to purchase a kitchen table. He and my sisters are embarassed that we are still using a plastic folding table. It doesn't matter to them that we have just spent over $30,000 on renovations. His cousins are coming from Italy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 137

You deserved it 3 006

By Anonymous - 03/10/2010 14:59 - Australia

Today, I got my posting orders for the Air Force. After spending four years training and studying to become an aerospace engineer, I am getting sent to the only base without aircraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 092

You deserved it 3 218

By Stevie - 17/12/2016 03:15 - United States - Southfield

Today, I kindly explained to a client that she had calculated her CD interest wrong. She kindly responded that, as a nurse, she would never give me medical treatment if I was involved in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 493

You deserved it 612

By mizzy - 19/11/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my four year old got mad that he couldn't find his favorite character on the Wii. So, he decided to smash the Wii remote into my $700 LCD TV, shattering the screen. That was the only TV in the house, and the $80 service plan I bought doesn't cover accidental damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 295

You deserved it 8 735

By Idek - 30/01/2015 16:27 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I noticed my boyfriend had commented on a post. It said, "Tag the hottest girl you know". Yeah, he tagged his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 976

You deserved it 3 094

By Anonymous - 09/11/2014 08:37 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me via Twitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 883

You deserved it 3 848

By Anonymous - 30/11/2011 19:55 - United States

Today, it's my soon to be 12 year old daughter's birthday. On my break at work I texted her how much I loved her and happy birthday. She replied with, "K, when will you be home? Mom won't let me open presents until you're here." Good to know I'm loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 734

You deserved it 5 067

You idiot!

By Anonymous - 28/10/2019 22:00

Today, I didn't want to hang out with my girlfriend so I could binge watch Pawn Stars instead. When she asked me why not, I lied not very convincingly and said my mom was sick and needed my help. She now thinks I'm cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 2 869

New JCS FML

By ImAnAhole - 10/11/2021 17:00

Today, I found out the Tinder girl I'd ghosted after going on a date with her committed suicide. They came to me for answers because I was the last known person that ever talked to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 741

By anon - 12/04/2015 10:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 800

You deserved it 2 473

By :( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 055

You deserved it 7 980

By Noname - 25/02/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I was on a subway with my boyfriend and it was stopping so I grabbed the pole for support. I felt another hand grabbing onto the pole knowing it was my boyfriend's. Without looking I carressed and tickled his hand. I turned around to smile at my boyfriend. The hand wasn't his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 314

You deserved it 40 051

The main characters

By sarsuela - 08/07/2021 04:01

Today, we gave my in-laws-to-be our wedding invitations. Their first reaction was to assume we needed money and told us they couldn't help pay for the wedding. Their second move was to book hair and make-up for themselves. Congratulations? FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 86

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Top comments

DjeePee 24

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Saturday 7 May 2011 12:07

Stare seductively? I bet you scared the shit out of him with your creepy stare.

barlessprison 16

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Saturday 7 May 2011 11:55

well at least you made an impression!

samuel18 0

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Saturday 7 May 2011 11:55

lol how cute i would of just said it happens to the best of us

littlemissFYL 5

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Saturday 7 May 2011 19:44

how cute? it's actually annoying when girls TRY to act cute in front of guys. OP deserved it.

Zoh_Aubrey 8

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Saturday 7 May 2011 22:03

this FML is an true FML

instnt1nfction 17

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Sunday 8 May 2011 0:07

bagginzy 14

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Sunday 8 May 2011 15:08

Hey, who knows, maybe he's a vampire in which case you DID turn him on.

barlessprison 16

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Saturday 7 May 2011 11:55

well at least you made an impression!

WiderWille 11

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Saturday 7 May 2011 14:14

Bloody right

ritbbehindu 0

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Saturday 7 May 2011 14:22

I see what you did there

instnt1nfction 17

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Sunday 8 May 2011 0:10

well she didn't...

fadingfaith 4

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Sunday 8 May 2011 4:00

It may not be a good impression but it's still an impression.

DropDead77 11

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Saturday 7 May 2011 11:56

That's hot

FYLminerocks 7

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Saturday 7 May 2011 19:40

Not really.. what kind of guy wants a girl who can't aim towards her mouth..

parxxx 0

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Saturday 7 May 2011 20:24

how?

IndianRapper 0

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Saturday 7 May 2011 21:30

87 im pretty sure he was being sarcastic..

dcam13 19

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Sunday 8 May 2011 6:12

97, 87 would have to be stupid to not know that 4 was being sarcastic. ever heard of two people making sarcastic remarks? lol

YacL 15

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Saturday 7 May 2011 11:59

Don't bother trying to act cute... just get on your knees and--JK, but really, don't bother trying to act cute... shut like that will happen... again.

YacL 15

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Saturday 7 May 2011 12:04

shit*

EverybodyHatesCh 0

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Saturday 7 May 2011 19:24

oooooo!! she said a bad woooood!!

wolve86 0

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Saturday 7 May 2011 12:04

made it an actual bloody Mary I see

allmidnighteyes 10

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Saturday 7 May 2011 12:05

littlegirl? Are you in elementary school? Was the straw from a juice box?

msj1093 0

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Sunday 8 May 2011 0:51

your a bitch

princessjazz 0

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Sunday 8 May 2011 1:01

Dude, that's funny

DjeePee 24

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Saturday 7 May 2011 12:07

Stare seductively? I bet you scared the shit out of him with your creepy stare.

jklol11 0

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Saturday 7 May 2011 12:26

hahahahahaha LMFAO

KBangUp13 0

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Monday 9 May 2011 0:55

pahahah! thts funny!:)

khaya 9

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Saturday 7 May 2011 12:08

Well now he knows where not to stick it.

ribbyc80 0

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Saturday 7 May 2011 12:08

next time, use a banana, it won't fit in ur nose

sourgirl101 28

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Saturday 7 May 2011 15:18

I always break my banana into pieces before I eat them. Even when I'm home alone. I don't know why but I just do.(:

iamfreakinkylie 0

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Saturday 7 May 2011 17:16

I do that with those big pickles lol

kingatowning 2

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Saturday 7 May 2011 19:27

yet. key word "yet". it won't fit into her nose yet

ribbyc80 0

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Sunday 8 May 2011 9:58

well, 47/67, u seem to have an aversion to put cylindrical objects in your mouth, on behalf of the male population that's unfortunate:-p BUT WAIT!!! there is a cure!!! and it takes lots of practice...