Love: Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt,...

By littlegirl - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

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Love

Proactive

Out of it

Sick burn

By Anonymous - 29/7/2020 08:00

Reading comprehension

Today, one of my clients called me, saying that he received my email. When I asked what I could do for him, he replied, “Well, what does the email say?” FML

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By nano123 - 17/4/2020 08:00

Played yourself

Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML

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1470

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at work as a musician, sitting on a piano bench. Suddenly I found myself at eye-level with the piano, dumped on the floor by the broken bench, with my legs splayed out. I felt like I picked the wrong day to wear a skirt to work - but the audience members all disagreed. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

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By LadyDean - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home, chugged a beer, and passed out in our bed without saying hello or goodnight to me. I've been on vacation for a week and was hoping to cuddle. But no, if I try to touch him, he hits me and growls. FML

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By jdch_99 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I'm at home, sick with walking pneumonia and a raging UTI. Every time I cough, I piss myself. I'm now having to lie on a bath towel and garbage bags until the meds kick in. FML

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By Maleficia

Today, the government froze my bank account for not paying college debt, and now I can't access my 0.30 cents. FML

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6796

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Uddingston

Today, I got dragged to dinner with my grandparents. It was awful from the start, but things took a turn for the worse when my grandpa went to give me a kiss on the cheek as we left. I could clearly see lice crawling around in his beard, and I couldn't stop it from touching my face. FML

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47912

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By junior07

Today, I gave my niece a $100 bill instead of a $10 so she could buy ice cream. When I realized my mistake, she never returned it but thanked me and gave me a big hug. Now I don't have money for gas or food all week. FML

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3543

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By Anonymous - Taiwan

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Shelbyville

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

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By ted_the_interpreter - 22/11/2020 05:03 - United States - Corona

Masked Singer

Today, I was in a video conference with my coworkers. They started arguing so much that I decided to turn off my video and started chanting ,"Let it be over, let it be over... Let me go!" The boss finally stoped everybody to comment, "We can hear you." I hadn't turned my mic off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

320

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1188

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By educatedreptile - Canada - Yorkton

Today, I found out that I owe the government money and that the amount will increase if I miss the deadline 2 months ago. FML

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9135

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By No thank you - United States - Columbus

Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, a guy I like asked me to a dance. Trying to act modest and at the same time compliment him, I told him, "You could do so much better, though." After thinking for a moment, he replied, "You're right, I could. Never mind," and walked away. FML

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31376

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By Rowan Curry - United States - San Jose

Today, I got mad at my parents and threatened to run away. Things got so bad that I packed a bag and left, planning to hide in my front yard to teach them a lesson. It's been two hours, and I'm still standing behind a bush in front of my house while they make no effort to look for me. FML

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9633

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By Anonymous - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

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53509

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By fml - United States

Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML

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68300

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By m0r0n - 20/10/2020 20:00 - United States - Cleveland

Cancer sucks

Today, like most days, I awoke from a dream where my hair was long again. This time, it was in the way while I was trying to drink water from a fountain. I lost my hair from chemo; it's slowly growing back. FML

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1299

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By caroline - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

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717222

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, all because he heard me speaking Arabic. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Egypt. FML

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23722

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By ToiletProblems - United States - Northbrook

Today, I decided to use the disabled toilet in work to get a little extra privacy while I did my business. The cleaners who unlocked the door from the outside and barged in on me were nice and waited until I finished to apologize and explain there were complaints the door had been locked for days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2019

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By Merdoc - United States

Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML

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By Alex - New Zealand

Today, it was my engagement party. All was going fabulously until my fiancé's dad decided to give us a toast, and completely forgot my name in front of all my family and friends. I've been with his son for 7 years. FML

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35924

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By Username - France

Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML

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49152

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, the guy I really like acknowledged my existence for the first time. Too bad it was through a text saying "lol ur a fat fukc". FML

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40164

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By pist off

Classy.

Today, I felt rain on my face. I looked up and saw a man peeing off a hot air balloon. FML

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4915

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287

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By Hank Gummyworm - United States

Today, I was working the register at our local McDonald's. After a strange man left a massive order, he said, "Can I pay you in gummy worms?" FML

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38995

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By oface13 - United States

Today, I held up my best friend with a lighter shaped like a gun, and jokingly accused him of sleeping with my wife, only to have him admit that he really did. FML

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By tired of my job - Canada - Surrey

Today, I was at work, stocking shelves. A customer got mad because I was in the way of her "shopping time" and knocked down all the work I had done. FML

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23984

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By snipsnip

Today, after finally growing my curly hair down to shoulder length, I decided to get it styled for a dinner date. The stylist rolled up the barrel brush on my head and it got stuck. Hello, pixie cut. FML

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12550

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By Darkandcold - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, my dad learned that it's possible to power a lightbulb with a potato. Since then, he's been going around the house removing all the plugs from the wall and plugging them into potatoes instead. He's absolutely baffled as to why it won't work. FML

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By Helpful Smile - United States - Davenport

Today, after my bosses excitedly told me I'm getting promoted to customer service at our grocery store, a customer called me an idiot in the parking lot for accidentally backing into the shopping cart she left in my blind spot. And so it begins. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Kristianstad

Today, while I was waiting for the train, a woman sat next to me. Her dog jumped up between us and I started petting it. She took this to mean we were now close enough for her to tell me in detail about her experience so far going through the menopause. FML

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39952

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By Anonymous - United States - Royersford

Today, my very conservative mom met my girlfriend, who recently shaved her head in support of her best friend, who has cancer. My girlfriend looks beautiful and feminine even with her still very short hair. My mom, however, keeps insisting that I'm dating "a confused transgender". FML

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40176

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By why... - United States - East Orange

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

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32849

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By fuck you, Jeff - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was out drinking with some colleagues, when one started ranting about some pretty sensitive subjects. There were some Latino guys nearby, and as soon as he said "I'm not racist, but..." I tried to casually get the hell out of there. We all got the crap beaten out of us anyway. FML

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44426

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By demotivator - Romania - Timisoara

Today, I finally got off my lazy ass and start studying for my upcoming exam. It was going pretty well, until my classmate called and after I proudly told him about my sudden motivation, the only thing he had to say was, "You got the date wrong, the exam was on thursday." FML

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By - France

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

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47505

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By stuck - Australia

Today, because the two other managers decided to go on a spa day together, I had to stay at work despite the fact I spent most of the day throwing up in the bathroom. They called me to say what a good day they had. FML

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Top comments

By DjeePee | 24

#2472073 - Saturday 7 May 2011 12:07

Stare seductively? I bet you scared the shit out of him with your creepy stare.

By barlessprison | 16

#2472009 - Saturday 7 May 2011 11:55

well at least you made an impression!

COMMENTS

By samuel18 | 0

#2472007 - Saturday 7 May 2011 11:55

lol how cute i would of just said it happens to the best of us

littlemissFYL | 5

#2473311 - Saturday 7 May 2011 19:44

how cute? it's actually annoying when girls TRY to act cute in front of guys. OP deserved it.

Zoh_Aubrey | 8

#2474314 - Saturday 7 May 2011 22:03

this FML is an true FML

instnt1nfction | 17

#2474964 - Sunday 8 May 2011 0:07

bagginzy | 14

#2478171 - Sunday 8 May 2011 15:08

Hey, who knows, maybe he's a vampire in which case you DID turn him on.

By barlessprison | 16

#2472009 - Saturday 7 May 2011 11:55

well at least you made an impression!

WiderWille | 11

#2472270 - Saturday 7 May 2011 14:14

Bloody right

ritbbehindu | 0

#2472279 - Saturday 7 May 2011 14:22

I see what you did there

instnt1nfction | 17

#2474988 - Sunday 8 May 2011 0:10

well she didn't...

fadingfaith | 4

#2475904 - Sunday 8 May 2011 4:00

It may not be a good impression but it's still an impression.

By DropDead77 | 11

#2472020 - Saturday 7 May 2011 11:56

That's hot

FYLminerocks | 7

#2473286 - Saturday 7 May 2011 19:40

Not really.. what kind of guy wants a girl who can't aim towards her mouth..

parxxx | 0

#2473618 - Saturday 7 May 2011 20:24

how?

IndianRapper | 0

#2474128 - Saturday 7 May 2011 21:30

87 im pretty sure he was being sarcastic..

dcam13 | 19

#2476953 - Sunday 8 May 2011 6:12

97, 87 would have to be stupid to not know that 4 was being sarcastic. ever heard of two people making sarcastic remarks? lol

By YacL | 15

#2472035 - Saturday 7 May 2011 11:59

Don't bother trying to act cute... just get on your knees and--JK, but really, don't bother trying to act cute... shut like that will happen... again.

YacL | 15

#2472056 - Saturday 7 May 2011 12:04

shit*

EverybodyHatesCh | 0

#2473210 - Saturday 7 May 2011 19:24

oooooo!! she said a bad woooood!!

By wolve86 | 0

#2472049 - Saturday 7 May 2011 12:04

made it an actual bloody Mary I see

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#2472063 - Saturday 7 May 2011 12:05

littlegirl? Are you in elementary school? Was the straw from a juice box?

msj1093 | 0

#2475148 - Sunday 8 May 2011 0:51

your a bitch

princessjazz | 0

#2475194 - Sunday 8 May 2011 1:01

Dude, that's funny

By DjeePee | 24

#2472073 - Saturday 7 May 2011 12:07

Stare seductively? I bet you scared the shit out of him with your creepy stare.

jklol11 | 0

#2472128 - Saturday 7 May 2011 12:26

hahahahahaha LMFAO

KBangUp13 | 0

#2479723 - Monday 9 May 2011 0:55

pahahah! thts funny!:)

By khaya | 9

#2472075 - Saturday 7 May 2011 12:08

Well now he knows where not to stick it.

By ribbyc80 | 0

#2472077 - Saturday 7 May 2011 12:08

next time, use a banana, it won't fit in ur nose

sourgirl101 | 28

#2472380 - Saturday 7 May 2011 15:18

I always break my banana into pieces before I eat them. Even when I'm home alone. I don't know why but I just do.(:

iamfreakinkylie | 0

#2472789 - Saturday 7 May 2011 17:16

I do that with those big pickles lol

kingatowning | 2

#2473217 - Saturday 7 May 2011 19:27

yet. key word "yet". it won't fit into her nose yet

ribbyc80 | 0

#2477660 - Sunday 8 May 2011 9:58

well, 47/67, u seem to have an aversion to put cylindrical objects in your mouth, on behalf of the male population that's unfortunate:-p

BUT WAIT!!! there is a cure!!! and it takes lots of practice...

By SpectSelf | 0

#2472080 - Saturday 7 May 2011 12:09

that takes a lot if skill to do what you did

niki74_fml | 0

#2475989 - Sunday 8 May 2011 4:39

yea true, also courage