Geek: Today, I was sitting using my laptop, I was also eating a bag... - FML

12/04/2009 06:50 - United States

Today, I was sitting using my laptop, I was also eating a bag of starbursts. They bag slid off the bed, I went to catch them and in the process my knee hit my laptop which flew off the bed onto the wooden floor, and shattered. I broke my $2,500 laptop to save 11 starbursts from falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 123

You deserved it 56 831

BO Central

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Thanks, Marley

03/02/2015 07:50 - United States - Bloomington

Today, as I passed by the window that looks out on to my front yard, I saw a man out there so I ran to the kitchen to call the police. The operator asked me to describe the man. It was then that I realized the mysterious man in my yard was the snowman I built yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 765

You deserved it 32 826

21/03/2012 04:06 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 064

You deserved it 53 341

Benjamin Button

By TooYoungForThis - 03/09/2019 20:00

Today, my father was helping me move into college. When we arrived, the students helping people move in mistook me for one of the parents. I’m 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 125

08/06/2009 06:54 - Australia

Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 007

You deserved it 43 287

06/06/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 876

You deserved it 5 582

06/03/2009 22:20 - United States

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity filled. As she's drilling into my tooth, I feel the drill slip, and then she quickly stuffs gauze into my mouth. She nervously laughs and says to me "Wow! You must really be numb!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 170 082

You deserved it 7 483

14/11/2009 17:31 - France

Today, in a big meeting, my secretary calls me saying that I have an important call waiting. I put the call through. It was my beautician, confirming my appointment to get rid of an ingrown hair. I hurriedly confirm and hang up to see everyone in the room giggling. The speaker phone was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 711

You deserved it 7 291

02/02/2014 16:13 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, the highlight of my day was when I figured out that my little brother's toy dump truck could actually dump stuff out. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 527

You deserved it 7 703

23/12/2013 23:11 - United States - Washington

Today, I diagnosed a patient with a spastic colon. For some reason, the term "spastic colon" has always amused me, and I burst into uncontrollable laughter as I said it. By the time I managed to stop laughing, my eyes were watering and my patient was visibly angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 372

You deserved it 48 559

27/08/2012 07:29 - United States - Brockton

Today, I got a flat tire. The spare was also flat, so I had no other choice but to walk home. I got to my house and realized I'd left the front door key and garage clicker in my car 5 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 392

You deserved it 10 175

09/04/2012 00:13 - United States - San Mateo

Today, my boyfriend gave me a $100 gift card for Victoria's Secret. Suspicious, I checked the receipt he'd left in the bag. Turns out he had bought it during the 2 weeks we were broken up for some other girl who rejected him, so decided to give it to me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 256

You deserved it 6 964

10/05/2016 02:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I started my first training day using an MRI machine and completely forgot to remove my nipple piercings before I went in. I've never experienced a pain so vile and lingering in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 181

You deserved it 10 127

25/07/2009 18:50 - China

Spicy

Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 028

You deserved it 9 285

27/01/2010 20:03 - France

Today, after spending a few minutes de-icing my car and leaving the heat on so it would warm up, I slipped as I was entering the car and hit my head on the door, causing it to close and lock. I'm waiting for my mom who has a spare key to come and unlock it. Class started ten minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 565

You deserved it 3 856

22/11/2010 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was showing my Mom how to use the Internet on her phone. As there was bad reception, it said "Unexpected Failure." Seeing it, she muttered under her breath, "Just like you, then..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 852

You deserved it 3 081

05/10/2009 18:53 - United States

Today, while in the drive-through for Taco Bell, I hit the car behind me after forgetting my car was in reverse. It was in reverse because I was worried the old lady in front of me was going to forget she was in reverse. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 396

You deserved it 45 450

11/03/2013 04:17 - United States

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 875

You deserved it 4 355

11/12/2013 22:25 - Luxembourg

Today, my mother told her friends that I work as a call girl. I'm a call center agent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 238

You deserved it 3 231

12/05/2014 03:29 - United States - Omaha

Today, the tornado sirens went off so my family went to the basement and turned on the TV to the local news. The station goes to their sky cam as a trampoline flies by. Quite the sight. When the storm passed, I looked outside to see our trampoline was gone. It was the one flying by on TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 610

You deserved it 4 857

04/06/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, I went to the bar I go to every week. My favorite bartender told me I owed $50 for a tab because the waiter screwed up and undercharged me. The tab was from when my friends bought me drinks to cheer me up because my girlfriend moved away. I ended up paying for my own drinks plus theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 109

You deserved it 3 431

01/04/2013 23:18 - United States - Port Charlotte

Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 087

You deserved it 2 902

02/08/2013 05:03 - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, after learning that my wife has been cheating on me, I decided to distract myself by playing The Sims. Not long after I began, my Sim's wife basically started cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 534

You deserved it 6 219

10/03/2015 23:15 - United States - Angleton

Spicy

Today, I jokingly sent my girlfriend a link to an article about giving better head. She didn't think it was funny, and has since sent me numerous articles about the female orgasm, and I just got a link to the Wikipedia article about the clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 594

You deserved it 57 343

23/04/2017 14:00

Today, the main cause of my recent boost in anxiety is in fact the amount of debt that going to a therapist in the first place has put me in. I guess he did help me find the main cause of my emotional issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 913

You deserved it 415

06/06/2017 16:00

Today, I was fired, all because I asked my manager for help on the line when we were short staffed and he was on his butt in the office. He said it wasn't his job to help us. Apparently, asking your manager for help when you're busy gets you fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 860

You deserved it 217

22/03/2012 04:56 - United States - Portland

Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a woman asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 518

You deserved it 5 606

12/05/2013 04:09 - Singapore

Today, my cousin thought it would be funny to make copies of my house keys and give it to random people on the street. I live alone and work a 12 hour shift daily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 915

You deserved it 3 604

He's still got it

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 130

01/03/2010 19:15 - United States

Today, I woke up on the floor after I fell asleep last night while counting my tips. The pennies stuck to my face and left large blue circles from the copper. The blue won't come off. I have my senior photos today. My appointment can't be rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 632

You deserved it 6 546

12/02/2012 00:53 - United States

Today, I walked all the way across campus to eat the first meal I've had all day. After waiting for my food in a congested line for 30 minutes, I got to the register to pay. Turns out my wallet was a twenty minute walk away, back in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 365

You deserved it 7 481

Stinky

By mickymoose1 - 19/07/2020 02:02

Today, my dog decided to play with a skunk. Today is also the day I figured out that no matter how much you wash everything that's come in contact with the smell, it will never go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 126

29/12/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, six months have passed since my parents announced that they're getting a divorce. We're all still awkwardly living together because we haven't been able to sell our house yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 922

You deserved it 2 499

27/08/2019 00:01

Today, my parents told me that I wasn’t invited to a family wedding because it was too expensive to invite everyone. This would be fine, if they didn’t invite all my other cousins, and my baby sibling as well. To be honest, it’s probably just because I’m gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 504

You deserved it 517

18/01/2016 18:53

Today, I had RA training and we were doing mock situations. During one of these, I had a seizure. Everyone thought it was fake, until I started violently throwing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 260

You deserved it 1 443

My pleasure

By billjoebob424 - 07/02/2020 01:00 - Canada

Today, I've realised that I give my girlfriend more pleasure with back rubs than with anything sexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 197

You deserved it 689

22/12/2014 23:15 - United States - Watertown

Today, my mother brought over some early Christmas presents for me and the kids. The kid's presents were fine, mine however consisted of many yard accessories, including solar lights. I live in an apartment building with no yard. Her response? "Buy a potted plant and shove them in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 978

You deserved it 2 621

05/02/2009 00:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 719

You deserved it 18 660

18/03/2016 20:57 - United States - Valley Stream

Today, my roommate reached a whole new level of laziness: I caught him casually peeing into an empty beer bottle while laying in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 464

You deserved it 1 355

04/04/2017 12:00

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me for starting to give him oral sex because I wasn't paying attention to the Marvel movie he was showing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 264

You deserved it 2 478

28/06/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 970

You deserved it 72 098

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Top comments

Chaith 16

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Sunday 12 April 2009 17:50

Well, what color were most of them?

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Sunday 12 April 2009 17:53

That's what you get for buying a Mac

Comments

Chaith 16

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Sunday 12 April 2009 17:50

Well, what color were most of them?

Emofluffinzhehe 0

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Tuesday 9 March 2010 5:14

so worth it :D

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Friday 14 May 2010 0:09

I agree with 108...starbursts are the best

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Monday 28 June 2010 0:08

you can pick em up after they fall. mac or pc? pc not a big deal mc: DAMNSHIT!!!!!!!!!

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Wednesday 5 October 2011 0:04

Kidding me right?!?! Pc worth way more than shitty Mac!

23lf 16

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Thursday 31 July 2014 3:19

That's backwards

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Sunday 12 April 2009 17:53

That's what you get for buying a Mac

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Thursday 20 October 2011 13:07

There are other companies aside from Mac that produce expensive products. Plus, if it were a Mac, it might have come out fine. They're all metal (aluminum). I bet you just wish you had one.

jlavy 0

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Sunday 4 December 2011 4:23

What if it's 1 of those gaming pcs? Those cost that much

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Thursday 13 September 2012 22:12

If op bought an expensive gaming laptop, thats still pretty ridiculous

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Tuesday 23 April 2013 21:39

You know that Automatic Reflexes do not require the brain, so literally his body made the decision without his mind? It's not fair.

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Sunday 12 April 2009 17:59

#2 fails. xD Macs are wonderful machines. And how do you know it was a Mac anyways? Anyways...I approved this one! :D

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Sunday 9 September 2012 6:51

How many PCs do you know of that are $2500?

man_eating_bunny 18

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Friday 12 September 2014 2:02

I know from personal experience that macs r better. I experimented with pcs and all of them overheated and had incredibly slow connection. They froze all the time and had endless problems. The only company that didnt have a single problem was apple so i agree with u. Macs are great computers?

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Sunday 12 April 2009 18:04

how did I know? It was OVER 2000 DOLLARS!!!

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Sunday 12 April 2009 18:08

inb4 mac vs pc debate. anyway, you saved them right? stop complaining. :(

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Sunday 12 April 2009 18:11

Wow youre a dumbass for buying a 2500 dollar comp. Most macs aren't even that expensive but you deserved it for being a filthy mac user. You know, you could have gotten a pc with the same specs for 700, right?

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Sunday 28 March 2010 4:33

yea I got a toshiba laptop for 700 , way better value for money ;D

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 14:19

Ya then they the give u the "it's prettier" bs lol and A"it kills pc in battery life", but I'm too dumb to know what a 12 cell battery is haha

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Monday 24 September 2012 22:33

Yea exempt the same specs on the Mac last a dozen years longer

Stay_beautiful 0

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Sunday 12 April 2009 18:11

EPIC FAIL!!!!!!!!!!

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Sunday 12 April 2009 18:15

Ah, the things we do for love.

_FYL_ 0

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Sunday 12 April 2009 18:15

LOL! Nice dude! At least you have something to munch on while it's getting..fixed? x]

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Sunday 12 April 2009 18:20

#3 - It was over $2000 and shattered from one drop. That's how he knows it's a mac.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 275

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 69