Today, I was sitting on the bus when an obese woman with flu... - FML

By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 09:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting on the bus when an obese woman with flu came to sit beside me. After snorting hideously for five minutes, she picked up her scarf, blew her nose into it and dropped it. It fell on my lap. When I stood up to leave the bus, there were streaks of snot on my new skirt. FML

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Great speech, thanks!

Trip Advisor says no

Boom, headshot

By nuns aren’t sexy - 7/5/2019 02:00

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with some kinky role play. I chose a sexy naughty nun's outfit, complete with head cover, thigh-high stockings and crotchless panties. I guess my outfit was a little too convincing, because he couldn’t get it up. Thanks Catholic guilt. FML

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By SuddenlyDogless - 22/2/2017 13:00 - Canada - Beachville

Today, my dog has very watery diarrhea. I laid down paper towels to soak it up, and went to get sanitary wipes for the rest of it. When I came back, my dog had dragged the paper towels up onto the sand coloured loveseat. Sand coloured no longer. FML

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By Emily - 21/9/2012 01:39 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, my friend posted my phone number all over the Internet, claiming I was a deranged stalker who prank called her. I was calling from my new number to give it to her. FML

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By PureFallPain - 23/11/2019 20:00

He may be disappointed

Today, I am Catfishing a guy on Twitter. I didn't mean to start it, I had an account I use to vent with and I used a pic with a cute girl. He sent me a DM that he liked my pic. He wants to talk on the phone. We have fallen for each other. He thinks, I am 18. I am a 39 year old single mother of 3 kids. FML

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By Battlebarney - 22/9/2016 10:58 - United States - Washington

Today, I learned that the burning sensation I get on my balls isn't from when my girlfriend poured hot sauce on my balls as a prank, it's actually gonorrhea. FML

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By fmyarse - 22/7/2012 22:45 - United Kingdom - Blairgowrie

Today, I realised a second too late why trying to hack a popcorn kernel out from between your teeth with a steak knife is really a bad idea. FML

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By bri_sci94 - 26/9/2014 06:56 - United States - Madison

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up. He greeted me with a winning smile, a belch, and the words, "Nice tits." I'm beginning to lose hope. FML

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By Harejordan - 4/2/2009 16:44 - United States

Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn't move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn't breathing. FML

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By pipefitter28 - 27/12/2012 06:46 - Canada - Vernon

Today, I tried to impress a girl at the gym on the squat rack, but let out a big fart. She was grossed out and laughed at me with her friends. Her boyfriend came over and told me I was a dead man, and I'd better leave. I'm now the proud owner of a year membership at a gym I can't go to. FML

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By Estee1024 - 24/1/2014 05:28 - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today, my sister found out that Justin Bieber got arrested and now she won't stop crying. 5ML

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By missmolliss - 25/6/2015 20:59 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I keep getting calls from companies that I applied to for interviews. The thing is, I moved 1,000 miles away a week ago because I couldn't find a job. FML

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By Anon - 5/12/2015 23:15 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML

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By joyful-not - 26/10/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, my sister got married. For the second time. She's 30. Two men have loved her enough to cry over their vows to her. Every single person there asked me why I wasn't married yet. FML

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By - 7/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, after a year and half of being single, I was asked out on a date. I was asked by a married man. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2013 19:04 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I had an awful day and angrily threw a glass at the wall. Needless to say, I didn't feel like cleaning it up, and I took a nap, intending to do it later. I thought I would remember the bits of glass everywhere when I woke up. I didn't, but my feet soon did. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2016 14:03 - United States - Salem

Today, I had my first real break from work in ages, so I decided to go hiking. Less than 20 minutes in, I tumbled a couple hundred feet down a steep hill, broke my leg and several toes, and lay there in agony for an eternity before I was finally rescued. FML

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By sadf4x0r - 24/2/2010 17:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised my girlfriend is the perfect woman for most men. She only ever talks to me in the intermissions on Modern Warfare 2; shame it's not me playing. FML

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By -__- - 11/8/2013 16:26 - Greece - Athens

Today, my girlfriend discovered subliminal messaging. She thought that whispering "you want to shave your beard" under her breath while I'm not looking at her, then denying ever saying it, would eventually make me shave my alleged upper-lip hair FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2013 01:08 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to yet again explain to the guy I live with that just because you can't see dirt, it doesn't mean it's clean. And so letting his dog lick the plates is NOT the same thing as washing up. He won't listen to me, and he uses my plates. FML

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By ehcanadianeh - 13/12/2015 20:04 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found $20 under my car seat, so I put it in the cup holder, only for it to fly out of the window while going down the highway. FML

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By rejected - 2/10/2014 08:56 - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, I thought I was finally over my anxiety problem, and confidently went to my first ever job interview. Halfway through, the manager tells me that if I didn't stop being so nervous, he couldn't give me the job. I cried. FML

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By fugachumi - 7/8/2011 08:08 - United States

Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML

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By burnt38392 - 24/12/2010 19:36 - United States

Today, as a means of getting over my abusive ex, I decided to write his name on a piece of paper and light it on fire. As I lit the paper up, I noticed the marker ink had bled through it. The paper is gone, but his name is forever engraved on my desk. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2013 07:19 - United States - Portland

Today, I found that someone had paid off my $16,500 student loan. I was so excited that I called my family and posted on Facebook about how awesome it was. Then I called the loan company and found out that they had just sold my loan to another company; no one had actually paid it off. FML

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By nomorenakedpicsplease - 7/7/2013 05:21 - Canada - Leduc

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend gives out my number to guys who ask for hers. Let's just say that I'll never be able to unsee the pictures that were sent to me. FML

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By - 22/3/2019 20:00

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. Not only did the people next to me have a loud conversation through the entire set, the guy behind me repeatedly tried to lecture me for head-butting him. Given he was a foot taller than me, I'm not even sure how that was possible. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2013 01:53 - Australia - Rowville

Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML

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By WellThere'sThat - 26/11/2017 15:00

Today, I got a big math test back. Good news: I can connect abstract ideas beyond what was taught. Bad news: I can’t do simple math, such as 30/-5. I failed. FML

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By Julia - 2/8/2010 09:50 - New Zealand

Today, I applied for a job and sent my CV, then realised I sent the example CV I got off the internet. Now they think Bob Brown who lives at 123 Sunshine Street is applying for a job. FML

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By Chewy - 5/1/2010 10:45 - United Kingdom

Today, after my girlfriend telling me for years that she would marry me in a heartbeat, I finally proposed. She said no. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2013 07:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I bought $250 worth of groceries and was feeling rather good about myself because it's the first time I've been able to do so in months. When I returned home I found my fridge/freezer broken. Most of the food I bought was dairy or frozen. FML

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By Isitreallythatbad, - 22/12/2013 05:37 - United States

Today, I went to a local bar for a speed dating event. The first person I hooked up with took one look at my face, burst into laughter, and walked out of the bar practically doubling over. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2013 05:56 - United States

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

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By hopeless - 14/2/2015 20:04 - Canada - Halifax

Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML

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By badizzle - 15/9/2019 22:00

Helmut Newton strikes back

Today, my art teacher fawned over my friend's photographs of random children and people making out, while she called my picture of an old man looking thoughtful on a pier "creepy" and "voyeuristic." FML

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By bleeding - 6/12/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview. Then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, and saw that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML

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By Protectress - 23/8/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, while going around trying to find a job, a manager came up to ask me, "Are you looking to work here?" I nodded happily, hoping this would be the end of my search. She looked me up and down, saw I had a jacket on to hide my tattoos and said, "Sorry, I can't hire heroin addicts." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2012 14:22 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I started my first day of work at our local humane society. I asked where the break room was, so my coworker directed me to a small room in the back of the building. The only place I get to take my lunch break is the same room where they euthanize, freeze and cremate the animals. FML

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By tkr - 6/2/2012 03:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML

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By nothanks - 22/8/2010 13:42 - United States

Today, after struggling with an eating disorder and hiding my symptoms for months, I got up the courage to tell my mom that I need help. Then she asked if an ice cream would make me feel better. FML

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Top comments

By SARSvirus79 | 0

#1808689 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:02

Gross. Just, gross.

By TrimKibbles | 12

#1808695 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:03

ewww i woulda slapped that bitch. that's just disgusting.

COMMENTS

By FrannyPackIt | 0

#1808687 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:02

eww first

Reply

ImOutsideYourWin | 0

#1808704 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:04

Ewwww. She could have apologized.

Reply

KrazyKatz3 | 26

#7536683 - Saturday 2 September 2017 11:55

I agree. That "first" comment was pretty ew

By SARSvirus79 | 0

#1808689 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:02

Gross. Just, gross.

Reply

ajohnson2318 | 0

#1809130 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 17:06

I love how she throws in the "obese" part, as if getting snot on you from a skinny or normal sized person wouldn't have been as bad haha. ewwww fat person snot!! yum skinny person snot!!! :)

Reply

Bobissmall | 13

#1809186 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 17:12

Fat people are gross, it just adds to the grossness of it.

Reply

jewban | 3

#1810847 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 23:38

there are some people that just dont give a fuck lol

Reply

seekndestroy | 3

#1810878 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 23:44

some of you guys have obviously never sat next to a large person on the bus or plane. i dont care if someones fat or not, gimme some space please

Reply

mamamiaaa_fml | 12

#1812677 - Wednesday 8 December 2010 10:46

I would just look at her, stick my finger down my throat and throw up on her, and tell her to have a nice day. can't forget to be polite in these types of situations.

Reply

ridikulous | 0

#1815549 - Wednesday 8 December 2010 21:32

it wudnt have been as bad Ajohnson, fat ppl are gross on their own. then she got snot on OP. thats 1 gross plus 1 gross = 2 gross. 2 gross is more gross than 1 gross of course. lets be serious.

Reply

chickletno1 | 0

#2142002 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 19:07

haha nice

Reply

Ddylan88 | 0

#2443298 - Monday 2 May 2011 5:34

it's not her fault she was snorting hideously, she obviously has the flu.

Reply

tatababe | 0

#2869376 - Monday 11 July 2011 22:21

not all fat people are gross

By worldclass | 0

#1808691 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:03

It could have been worse, snot that bad. You should have told her off, eh?

Reply

thisisafamily | 0

#1809421 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 17:51

true..thats what you get for not speaking up. ppl walk all over you

Reply

ZzkekekezZ | 0

#4020131 - Saturday 11 February 2012 5:03

Uhmm it's not her fault she's sick, everybody gets sick( especially during flu season )

By beccapurple | 0

#1808693 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:03

oh my god. that's just extremely disgusting. ewwwwwww!!!

By TrimKibbles | 12

#1808695 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:03

ewww i woulda slapped that bitch. that's just disgusting.

Reply

winner2013 | 0

#1809002 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:49

I agree with you, don't let ppl run over you

By Jaxztr16 | 0

#1808701 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:04

LOOGY!!!!!

By juliaaalove | 8

#1808713 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:05

aww, that's sad and gross. what's up with all the barbaric people these days? and why didn't you cuss her out? nasty ass lady.

By XxdarkangelxX13 | 0

#1808722 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:07

eww *shudder* :P

By sourgirl101 | 28

#1808775 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:12

Ugh! I want to jump in the shower and scrub myself from head to toe after reading this! Yuck yuck yuck!

Reply

catatonicsleep | 17

#1809487 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 18:10

jump in the shower after throwing the skirt in the washing machine, don't want to get all squeaky clean and then have to deal with the mess...

By Michigan_Girl | 0

#1808781 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:12

What is it lately with FML's about obese women on busses?

Reply

WallyTheWombat | 0

#1808848 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:24

I was thinking the same thing. FMLs seem to appear in numbers.

Reply

BDTM | 0

#1808866 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:27

or maybe fat people like to attack in packs 0.0

Reply

TheDrifter | 23

#1811282 - Wednesday 8 December 2010 2:33

No, they're just making busses with larger doors these days. The morbidly obese are becoming more mobile.

Reply

cheesecake19 | 0

#1812052 - Wednesday 8 December 2010 7:56

ppl make them up to make fat jokes immature kids nothing new

Reply

MEM0817 | 18

#1814408 - Wednesday 8 December 2010 17:12

Valid point to The drifter.