Miscellaneous: Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking...

By dumbo - 29/05/2009 20:14 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 113

You deserved it 9 002

Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Good kid

My booze

Some people just never learn

By WhatJustHappened - 09/10/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, as a millennial, I had to explain to a baby boomer why he needs to use condoms when having sex with his 25-year-old girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 171

By Anonymous - 06/04/2017 02:00

Today, they played Nickelback at our school dance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 309

You deserved it 1 445

By WearingSomethingStringy - 10/04/2013 00:02 - United States - Cranston

Today, I noticed a stray string on a seam of my pants. I started absentmindedly pulling at it thinking maybe I could pull it off. Five minutes later, I realized it looked like I was fiddling with my crotch in the middle of Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 123

You deserved it 12 055

By Good Luck Chuck - 29/04/2013 17:07 - United States - Orlando

Today, my former fiancée, who I stopped seeing 5 months ago, married another guy. She wore the dress that I'd purchased for our would-be wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 185

You deserved it 5 686

By Iman - 04/05/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116 653

You deserved it 293 036

By hatemyboss - 03/11/2011 16:13 - Canada

Today, I gave my boss a nick name. Everyone thought it was funny. Unfortunately "The Troll" was behind me and heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 554

You deserved it 44 986

Socialite

By Jason - 22/11/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, I was finally able to hang out with a girl I really liked at a party. We had a great time and spent hours together. When I leaned in for a kiss at the end of the night, she stopped me and said , "You're a great guy, but we can't go out because you'd be bad for my social reputation." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 066

You deserved it 3 819

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I got a haircut for the first time in almost a year. I thought it looked really nice and made me look good. On my way to CVS, I ran into one of my friends. He examined me and said, "You look... like a crack whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 444

You deserved it 5 519

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 16/11/2021 05:00

Today, my husband waited until our honeymoon to reveal his scat fetish, because he didn’t want me to think he was too weird to marry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 126

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 22:52 - United States

Today, my mother gave me an early Christmas present; a Bissell mop so I can "do a better job" when I "clean her floors". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 935

You deserved it 3 950

By MLS - 14/02/2009 23:19 - United States

Today, I wore the belt that my stepfather has spent 2 months needle pointing, as a finishing touch he added my initials: 'fml'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 305

You deserved it 5 339

By ugly - 25/07/2011 02:53 - United States

Today, I saw a facebook status that said, 'Wedding today. Ugly people belong together.' I'm getting married today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 415

You deserved it 3 747

By partypooper - 28/07/2009 06:34 - United States

Today, a friend asked me if I could help him set up the stage for his wedding. Feeling honored that he considered me a close enough friend to aid him on his special day, I agreed to help. Turns out we aren't so close. I was asked to leave after I was done because I hadn't actually been invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 371

You deserved it 3 005

By Anonymous - 18/09/2015 21:14 - United States - Jonesboro

Today, at the small daycare I run, I turned around to put something away. I heard a splashing sound and then saw one of my kids vomiting. He puked several times, and managed to hit the only rug in the entire house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 439

You deserved it 1 966

By ouch - 12/12/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, I finally finished vacuuming my downstairs. Instead of finding the wall outlet and unplugging the vacuum, I triumphantly tugged the cord from across the room to release the plug from the wall. It flew at me at top speed and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 918

You deserved it 41 841

By SpongeAbii2 - 24/01/2012 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking for directions. After I pointed him in the right direction, he held my hand, stroked my face then pushed me into a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 709

You deserved it 2 949

By APoorGuy - 15/03/2016 12:08 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I found $20 on the ground. I'm so broke, this is the first time in 3 months that I've had any disposable income. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 575

You deserved it 1 908

By Anonymous - 30/09/2010 13:25 - United States

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 992

You deserved it 5 451

By nt121511 - 03/08/2016 22:40

Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 036

You deserved it 1 130

By worker666 - 13/04/2014 14:51 - United States

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 835

You deserved it 4 231

By Anonymous - 24/01/2014 00:10 - United States - Birmingham

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 46 777

You deserved it 25 774

Not likely in 2020

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 20:02 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I’m stuck not being able to sleep, because the thought of someone actually caring about me occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 147

By Anonymous - 08/06/2009 10:41 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I wasn't expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from Facebook, requesting my confirmation that we were engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 479

You deserved it 7 405

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 08:11 - United States

Today, I was going to surprise my boyfriend at his family birthday celebration with a $2,000 trip he's always wanted, Ireland. Right before my gift, he had opened his mother's gift, an envelope containing a plane ticket. Guess where it was going? FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 010

You deserved it 5 043

By good citizen - 27/11/2011 08:58 - United States

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's ex. I decided to be a good person and hold the door for her as we walked into the store. She decided to be the bitch she is and stomp on my foot as she walked through the open doorway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 871

You deserved it 6 744

By Anonymous - 03/06/2019 06:33

Today, I began writing thank-you cards for the gifts I got for my 21st birthday. To one set of grandparents, I wrote, "Thank you for the dancing chicken toy," and to the others I wrote, "Thank you for the $10 check." Those were the only gifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 239

By YAABOIII - 05/04/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, the 7 year old boy I was babysitting studied my upper lip and said "It's okay, my daddy won't let me shave yet either." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 123

You deserved it 8 782

By ManagerWithoutRespect - 05/12/2016 05:14 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, one of my co-workers threw a piece of garbage at the waste bin beside me. When it missed, he said, "Aw, I missed the garbage... and the bin beside it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 869

You deserved it 858

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 462

You deserved it 64 209

By Anonymous - 15/12/2014 16:07 - Australia

Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 459

You deserved it 3 218

By tdtf - 16/03/2016 09:11 - Germany - Neuburg

Today, the company I work for decided to herald the step to becoming fully digital by hanging physical passive-aggressive flyers everywhere, urging everyone to go digital. Might as well have written, "Save the trees" on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 726

You deserved it 1 487

By NonBelieber - 18/09/2013 04:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Beiber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 773

You deserved it 3 068

By Alone - 06/05/2013 14:24 - United States - Chapel Hill

Today, my girlfriend found a letter I'd written to myself for moral support while we were broken up, in which I explained why we would never work out. Apparently I made a convincing argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 226

You deserved it 37 841

By sarahh38 - 16/09/2009 18:23 - Canada

Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 139

You deserved it 105 305

By Anonymous - 08/02/2017 08:00 - Korea, Republic of - Pyongtaek

Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message saying that I was unfaithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 541

You deserved it 24 850

By Tights2Tight - 19/12/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I was at the local theatre watching "The Nutcracker" ballet with my mother. When the prince made his appearance in his tights my mother leans over to me and says, "Those are some well defined butt cheeks!" loud enough for everyone around us to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 310

You deserved it 3 261

By anonymous - 17/12/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 959

You deserved it 2 500

By anon - 27/04/2016 00:11 - United States - Arverne

Today, I got pulled over by the cops for swerving a lot while driving. I tried to explain that my dog bit the back of my neck, but as soon as I opened my door to show him the bite marks and the dog, it ran out of the car. I still can't find him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 336

You deserved it 2 116

By poongoon - 13/07/2016 04:11

Today, while at the supermarket, I came back to one of my car windows smashed in. Apparently, the stuffed animal my son left in the back seat looks like a dehydrated dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 959

You deserved it 831

Let it all out

By Anonymous - 20/08/2021 20:01

Today, my husband shit himself a little during sex, but tried to keep going because he was "so close" and didn’t want to ruin the orgasm. I, of course, shoved him away but it was already down my leg and had stained our cream bedsheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 119

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Top comments

Jaywin 3

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Saturday 30 May 2009 1:43

I loved how you used "like a chihuahua on drugs" to describe your actions. I'm adding this to my favorites just because I like your writing style.

sadlife67 0

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Saturday 30 May 2009 1:41

when its up put an fml telling the url

pepperburn 0

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Saturday 30 May 2009 1:38

lol guess you got set up

reyemrein 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 21:43

YDI the movie it is not scary at all and even if it was the clown in it doesn't ring your doorbell.

Allie26 0

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Saturday 6 March 2010 20:31

SEND ME THEINK!

purplebluetattoo 3

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Saturday 1 May 2010 18:29

YDI for acting like a chiahuahua on drugs. lol

andrewzzz 0

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Thursday 30 September 2010 4:20

rofl u should get revenge if they r guys just tell everyone u walked in on on of em and they have 2 and a half inches... hard

btnhdude 0

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Saturday 3 September 2011 11:53

I still have this fml on my favorites!

fmlAllStar7274 0

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Saturday 30 May 2009 1:39

LOL that is hilarous cant wait to see the video on youtube :)

nabee26 15

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Saturday 30 June 2012 0:55

Agreed!... ;)

sadlife67 0

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Saturday 30 May 2009 1:41

when its up put an fml telling the url

legitfick 0

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Saturday 30 May 2009 1:42

that is so great, props to your friends they sound like a cool bunch

Oupazas 1

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Saturday 30 May 2009 1:43

Prank them back and turn this into an ongoing war.

mich23 10

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Saturday 30 May 2009 1:43

ehh thats not all that bad, many people would have freaked out if this happened

BirdieCurls 25

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Saturday 5 July 2014 16:40

She could have a phobia of clowns. My stepmom has a very severe one, actually.

Jaywin 3

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Saturday 30 May 2009 1:43

I loved how you used "like a chihuahua on drugs" to describe your actions. I'm adding this to my favorites just because I like your writing style.

jennapokorny 0

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Monday 9 May 2011 5:34

me too!

nabee26 15

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Saturday 30 June 2012 0:57

me three!!! Lol

blond13gurl13 0

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Saturday 30 May 2009 1:44

definitely post the url for this

drama582 0

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Saturday 30 May 2009 1:44

Haha, that sucks, Let us know when the video is uploaded :P

anglcdvl89 0

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Saturday 30 May 2009 1:44

Why within the week? I'd put that ish up ASAP lol But really, you'll laugh about this. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But someday. And if you don't...then you really need to learn how to laugh at yourself. And look on the bright side, at least you didn't piss yourself.