Miscellaneous: Today, I was sitting at a bus stop reading a book when out of... - FML

By Anonymous - 11/09/2012 13:32 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, I was sitting at a bus stop reading a book when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a middle-aged lady in a leopard-skin coat stumble up to me. She stopped, belched twice, and unleashed a torrent of red wine colored vomit onto my bag. It was 8:45 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 598

You deserved it 1 614

Own it

And today, on Dr Phil…

Chuds

By negromancer - 11/07/2009 01:08 - United States

Today, I worked up the courage to ask my crush out for coffee after work. She agreed and I confidently said "Alright, it's a date!" She replied, "Haha a date with you? I'm just going for the free coffee!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 572

You deserved it 4 351

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 077

You deserved it 316

By Anonymous - 05/07/2011 22:37 - United States

Today, I got trapped in a glass elevator at the mall. My father walked right by the elevator, laughed and went into a store. A fireman got me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 756

You deserved it 3 403

By Anonymous - 22/03/2012 06:40 - Australia - Saint Marys

Today, I overheard a girl and a guy sitting behind me on the bus who were talking about Skyrim, one of my favourite games. After a while, I turned around and, as a fellow gamer, thanked them for restoring my faith in humanity. They went very quiet. I'm now that weird guy on the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 803

You deserved it 38 479

By gman - 12/09/2018 03:30

Today, I've been seeing this girl for three months. After asking her if she'd like to go out to eat with me, I realized that she never called me by my name, just "hey you". While we were out, I wondered what she had me saved as, so I texted her when she got up to use the restroom. It was "free food". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 926

You deserved it 452

By Ouchithurt - 04/08/2009 07:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 862

You deserved it 20 993

By "7thwardlord" - 21/08/2017 16:00

Today, I decided to be nice and "drop" a twenty in my grandma's house for her to find. She injured her back while picking it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 895

You deserved it 826

By Anonymous - 27/04/2013 16:35 - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he says I need to learn how to be happy without relying on him. I'm not a clinger, I'm just unhappy because my dad recently passed away, my best friend turned on me, and I lost out on the exchange program of my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 187

You deserved it 4 090

By Nicole - 09/05/2016 20:12 - United States - Bozeman

Today, a friend came to visit me from across the U.S. We spent the majority of the time she was here standing in the rain, at the dog park 20 miles from my house, so she could "make sure her baby poops on time". Basically, I took time off to watch my friend's dog take 6 craps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 169

You deserved it 889

By PangolinScholar - 25/01/2014 00:34 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 36 254

You deserved it 4 300

Take a chill pill

By failed - 23/02/2011 10:06 - Switzerland

Spicy

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 032

You deserved it 46 141

By Anonymous - 12/02/2015 16:50 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my boyfriend threw a fit because I "still" live with my mother at age 30. I bought her an apartment in my building and hired a live-in nurse because she is senile and permanently bedridden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 223

You deserved it 2 523

Not the one

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 16:00

Today, my ex, who I'm still love with, told me he's engaged. We weren't together for long because he didn't want a committed relationship. Guess it was just me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 593

You deserved it 201

By riiiight - 29/01/2014 22:14 - United States - Warren

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 315

You deserved it 5 836

By petlover - 23/11/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I had to put my 17 year old cat down. I cried the whole way up to the vet's office and back. After finally coming to terms with the situation, and trying to forget, my dad's friend walks up to me and says, "So, I heard you killed your cat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 933

You deserved it 3 833

By sharibaby - 30/04/2013 21:26 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, it's my wedding day. I have a cold sore that makes me look like The Joker. Make-up won't cover it and the emergency medicine my doctor gave me only irritates it more. My future husband asks, "Why so serious?" and laughs whenever he sees me. Fantastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 795

You deserved it 4 026

By theoriginalkydd - 11/12/2018 07:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I met up with my ex girlfriend for coffee. It’s been months, and I was planning on flexing on her with my new car. Turns out, she also got a new car, and it’s newer, cleaner, faster, and better on gas... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 3 504

By Davios - 24/09/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I moved in with an older gentleman renting out a room. Tonight, he had a domestic dispute with his girlfriend who threw a lawn chair at my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 057

You deserved it 2 339

What did I do?

By mislabeled - 27/08/2020 20:05

Today, two friends of almost ten years told my husband they had concerns about our marriage, and basically said they can no longer be friends with me. My husband and I never fight, and have other people tell us they are jealous of our relationship. The worst part is they still want to be friends with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 165

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 06:02

Today, I wasn't allowed to fly. Again. Yesterday my flight was overbooked. Today I didn't have the yellow fever vaccine. Not once was this requirement mentioned. Nobody would believe me. Luckily, it turned out that this requirement did not apply to me. They realised this after the plane left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 942

You deserved it 104

By Anonymous - 03/03/2013 14:40 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 366

You deserved it 50 091

By DogLover - 06/02/2013 13:59 - United States - Watertown

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 483

You deserved it 4 791

By really? - 23/09/2013 02:24 - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend to tell her that we couldn't hang out because my dog died this morning and we were burying him. She replied that she wasn't going to get stood up by a stupid dog. She then broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 937

You deserved it 4 387

By Anonymous - 22/06/2016 21:15 - Finland - Kouvola

Today, I was in a clothing store with my girlfriend. I saw the ugliest hat ever on a hat shelf, tried it on and said to my girlfriend, "Look at this ugly hat, it's absolutely horrible. It's even dirty." An old woman stood next to me said, "Well no wonder it's ugly, it's mine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 478

You deserved it 5 972

Stealth attack

By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 16:58 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, I was cooking when I got jumped from behind by my friend's cat, who thought my back would make a great lookout perch. Yesterday he tried to sharpen his claws on me. Last time I looked in the mirror I didn't look like a tree trunk, but maybe I need glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 142

By qld - 20/12/2016 10:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I got sunburnt to a crisp on the first day of my holidays away. Only 5 more days to go now, spent inside, trying not to burn more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 195

You deserved it 3 528

By S - 21/05/2009 04:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was surprised to learn that I could carry on intelligent conversations about basketball with my guy friends. Then I realized it was because my boyfriend insists on watching ESPN while we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 662

You deserved it 8 435

By Sadface - 06/12/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, my 15 year old son told me he had his first kiss. I told him how I was the same age when I had mine, and then I told him all kinds of wild stories about things I did in my childhood and college life. Truth is, I made them all up. I didn't get kissed till I was 24, and laid till I was 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 873

You deserved it 13 959

By Sam - 30/10/2008 14:51 - Canada

Today, I did a barbecue. My boss won't believe me tomorrow when I tell him that the main pages of his 2-months work file helped make the best sausages I've ever done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 195

You deserved it 30 681

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 16:57 - United States - Avon

Today, there was an issue with the sewage system at work. It smelled like somebody took a turd, left it in the sun to marinate, threw up on it, then put in the air conditioning to fill the store with nauseating stink. I nearly threw up multiple times because we weren't allowed to leave early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 228

You deserved it 1 364

The straights are at it again

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 12:01 - United States

Today, I went on a Grindr date with a really cute guy. I thought things went really well. When he dropped me off at home, he told me not to text him anymore because his wife might get mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 286

By Flipside - 02/05/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, as I was driving home, I saw a woman get hit by a car. I immediately parked on the side of the road to assist her. I called an ambulance and stayed with her until they came to get her, comforting her all the while. When I returned to my car, I found a parking ticket in my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112 579

You deserved it 6 430

Alexa, play "All You Need Is Hate" by The Delgados

By Anyonymous_101 - 21/09/2019 14:02

Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 80

By Anonymous - 02/01/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, while making New Year's resolutions, I realized that I haven't hung out with anybody other than my family in over two years and I started crying. When my mom came in and I explained why I was crying, she replied, "Well that sucks. I'm off to have lunch with some friends. See you later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 246

You deserved it 8 066

By Lapis - 20/12/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a quite frigid room, which wasn't out of the ordinary since my building's heat is broken. But I realized that the extra cold I was feeling was due to the snow piled up on my bed. It had snowed 20 inches last night. My mom had apparently opened my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 884

You deserved it 2 865

By Noname - 14/03/2009 01:06 - United States

Today, after taping 5-year-olds do a skit at an improv camp, I used the camera's view-finder to zoom in on a female co-worker's chest. Another female co-worker tapped me on the shoulder to show that the TV was still connected to the camera. Parents, kids, and instructors all witnessed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 176

You deserved it 138 130

By FreshDonuts - 28/02/2015 05:03 - United States - Antioch

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 176

You deserved it 6 243

By embarrassedmom - 31/08/2013 23:48 - United States

Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 248

You deserved it 4 216

By ow - 18/12/2016 18:33

Today, while playing paintball, a shot ricocheted off a wall and slammed into my nuts. I told the other team I was out and tried to run out of the field, but as I was jogging to the door I was hit again in the balls. My friend saw this and dropped his gun, laughing. It hit me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 613

You deserved it 589

By thissucks - 21/02/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, it's my mom's birthday. I woke up at midnight to be the first to tell her happy birthday. When I awoke in the morning, I decided to bake her a cake. Little did I know my whole family was going out to lunch to celebrate. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 478

You deserved it 3 400

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Top comments

Argumental_Rhino 8

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 18:51

What the fuck is wrong with people these days, sorry for that OP.

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 18:59

Oh God. She found out about "YOLO"..

Comments

Argumental_Rhino 8

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 18:51

What the fuck is wrong with people these days, sorry for that OP.

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 19:02

*sighs* Dignity has gone the way of chivalry.

the_anti_hipster 7

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 19:03

Yep, sounds like a great night. Was her name Lindsey Lohan, by chance?

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 19:08

You consider Lindsey Lohan middle age? Haha I guess she hasn't aged well in your eyes.

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 19:24

Have you SEEN Lohan lately? She looks beyond middle aged.

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Wednesday 12 September 2012 4:56

Somebody probably let snookie out of her cage.

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Wednesday 12 September 2012 7:43

The first plane hit the South Tower around this time--8:45AM---11 years ago today. I think being thrown up on by a cougar is about the equivalent..

irockusuck123 3

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 18:51

She partied

thejewishfuhrer 17

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 19:03

The party never stops for some people.

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 19:05

2- Hard

thgiL 9

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Wednesday 12 September 2012 0:30

Sounds like the perfect end of a night.

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Wednesday 12 September 2012 6:12

Vomit back at her god damn it, teach her a lesson

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Wednesday 12 September 2012 7:13

^You ruined the thread, Dick.

IQWasJustLowered 0

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Wednesday 12 September 2012 16:32

Ain't no party like a pewdiepie party.

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 18:53

I would not like to know where she spent the night...

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 19:09

Not at a Holiday Inn, that's for sure

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Wednesday 12 September 2012 5:52

It could have been a holiday inn if Chingy was there.

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 18:53

At least it wasn't... Never mind. That just sucks!

amandajlucas2015 2

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 18:53

I'd love to know how this person deserved this misfortune

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 18:58

Someone will come up with some bullshit about how one shouldn't be out at 8:45 in the morning, and that nothing good happens at that time

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 19:04

Despite the fact that thats when EVERYBODY goes to work.

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 19:07

The sad thing is, someone out there is probably dumb enough to try and make that argument

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 19:22

And some of us will YDI it for taking public transit. City busses are disgusting.

Pretty_Pink_Lady 10

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:07

Not everyone can afford their own car and have no other choice.

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Wednesday 12 September 2012 7:35

Drifter, when I go out to Philadelphia or Baltimore for sports events, I take public transit. Hell of a lot cheaper than paying the 10 or 15 bucks to park

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 18:54

Put the bag on her head.

ydi_4_suking 20

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 19:07

throw her ass out the bus too

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 19:50

#20, I have this weird feeling that they weren't on the bus yet. I'm sure it's just my imagination, though. No doubt you can have a bus stop inside said bus.

ydi_4_suking 20

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 21:03

Haha I could have sworn I read the fml correctly

lovepandorasaver 11

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 18:57

So thats what streaming torrents means... the wine must of been illegally downloaded and needed to be returned.

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 21:18

She probably went through the hash files all ready too!

BunchieRules 31

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 21:49

Maybe she had too many cookies... gotta love these nerd jokes!

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Wednesday 12 September 2012 4:04

Either way, the situation mega bites

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 18:57

Sounds like a classy lady.... Sigh. =

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 18:59

This is why it isn't safe to take the bus. Keep working, save up some money, get a car. Problem solved. And then you find this lady's address, show up in a panther skin coat and shit on her doorstep.

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 19:07

*holds up a bottle of Guinness beer* BRILLIANT!

SenselessPattern 12

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 20:58

*Takes beer and smashes both of you on the head with it* Not quite, but good try. Believe it or not, getting a car and keeping up with it isn't as easy as you make it sound.

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 21:07

My goodness! My Guinness! *punches you in the face, knocking you to the ground, then kicks you in the gut*

SenselessPattern 12

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 21:25

*croaks out* I got your beer at least! DocBastard.....need......help.....

Dracoboxer357 35

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 23:01

^ *Gives a standing ovation* Brava, brava! :') *Tosses roses* *Tosses beer.* *Tosses left shoe.* *Tosses pants.* ......Think I'm good now. :P

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Wednesday 12 September 2012 1:33

And it's turned to madness.

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Wednesday 12 September 2012 1:39

Now a part of the comments section has turned into a imaginary bar fight over the Internet. My sincere apologies to the FML community for my inappropriate comment and the hell I've unleashed.

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 18:59

Oh God. She found out about "YOLO"..

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 101

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 288