Work: Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested... - FML

By anon - Canada

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

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Our house, in the middle of our street

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Kids

By apparentlyhesbusy - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year invited me over to dinner at his house. Before leaving, I called him to let him know I was on my way. Just as he begins to tell me he'll call me back, I hear another girl in the background say, "Why don't you just tell her you're busy?" FML

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By wtfguys - United States

Today, I got back from a weekend at my best friend's house. Apparently, he and his friend invented a new game. It involves sticking duct tape to their pubic hairs, ripping them out, and sticking as many as possible on my face and body before I wake up. FML

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By Anonymous

Smooth

Today, I turned 30. I still can't grow any facial hair. FML

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By undateable - 18/10/2020 02:01 - United States

Oh, he's a "Nice Guy"

Today, I tried to drown out the petulant whining of my idiot coworker as he droned on and on about how, “bitches don’t appreciate good men.” He’s 35, lives at home, still uses the term 'friendzone' and has the hygiene of a sewer-dwelling ogre. I was written up for for snapping and yelling at him. FML

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By spoiled22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to change the batteries of my automatic room freshener. As I held it to my face to figure out where the batteries went, it started spraying on my face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

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By Anonymous

Dared

Today, I was dared to stand and hold a sign saying, "Free Hugs." This girl I'd never seen before gave me a crushing hug and cried hysterically on my shoulder in the blazing afternoon sun. I couldn't get her off. FML

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By Lilah - Canada

Today, I was showing off my sexy new lingerie set to my boyfriend. While we were getting frisky, he got really into things and ripped it completely off my body, destroying it. It cost me $110. FML

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By RandomLG94 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was fired from my job because I would "scare" the customers. Two days ago a coworker spilled fry oil onto the grill causing flames to singe my eyebrows and the front of my hair off. FML

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By MyLegsHurt - United States - San Francisco

Today, I felt flexible in my yoga class. I put my legs in the butterfly position and tried to press them down. Both my hips popped very painfully and I screamed in the middle of a quiet room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after 3 nights of insomnia, I was finally able to doze off. My boyfriend woke me up just to ask which soda in the fridge was mine. FML

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By balloonface - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I finally treated myself and bought my first moisturizer. The woman at Sephora promised it would "retexturize my face." If by "retexturize" she meant, "make it feel like a rubber balloon," then she was right on the money. FML

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By flaggurl - United States

Today, I was in my backyard scolding my cat. I yelled, "If you can't learn to use the bathroom correctly then I am going to leave your stupid butt out here in the snow until you figure it out!!" Later, my neighbor left me a nasty note about child abuse - she thought I was scolding my son. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

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By OnlyAvailableID - Australia

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

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By Plush - France

Today, a work colleague announced that she is organising a bit of a party. She says, in front of everyone, that I'm not invited to "avoid ruining the vibe". FML

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By me - United States - Wyandotte

Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML

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By ilivehere - United States - Moline

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his parents' house. I was overjoyed. His mom hugged me with tears in her eyes. His father, who never really spoke before, hugged me a few hours later when we were alone, his hands traveling to my ass and whispering, "I can change your mind." FML

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By Vlen - United States - Phoenix

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

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By fmypaint - United States

Today, I was vigorously putting primer on my canvas for a beginning painting class. I accidentally sprayed specks of primer on the very dark painting to the right of mine. The painter is in an advanced class. She's been working on this one all semester. There's no one to her right. FML

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By KarolBee - United States

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. Trying to be romantic, I told him that I loved him and I was so glad I was with him. He responded by giving me a thumbs-up and turning back to the TV. FML

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By dumpedandstranded - Canada

Today, I flew to Mexico with my (now ex) boyfriend of two years. It was my first time flying, and apparently I have a fear. I had a panic attack on the plane. When we landed, I got dumped for "causing a scene." I am now stranded in Mexico alone for two weeks with no hotel room booked. FML

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By yikes :/

Today, the cute coworker who's been flirting with me drove me home. While I was contemplating asking him to kiss me, he politely told me to, "Please get out, I promised my girlfriend I'd pick her up." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2020 05:04

Liquid fun

Today, after 25 years, I quit drinking. It wasn’t worth it. My life and everyone around me still sucked. So I started up again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my oven decided that it was going to lock and clean itself right in the middle of cooking my steaks. FML

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By SN MetalMilitia - 3/11/2020 05:02

Make believe

Today, I once again bought condoms at the gas station to make the people who work there think that I have a sex life. FML

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By Laura - United States

Today, at school, I got seated in front of the resident creepy kid that everyone stayed away from. I was pretty relieved to get through most of the class with no incidents, until the bell rang and he tore out a chunk of my hair, yelling "DNA! DNA!" FML

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By gagus123

Karma sucks

Today, I pretended to be sick at the office and went home early because I wanted to attend a party. On the way to the said party, my car caught fire on the highway. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to chase my dog all the way down the street, watching in horror as she proudly showed all of my neighbors my bra. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lakeville

#winning

Today, I placed $20 in a slot machine at a casino and in a matter of 5 minutes lost it all. My sister then sat at the same machine, put her $20 in and quadrupled her money. FML

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By Miss_Whipped - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I just received the king-sized bed I'd ordered. My boyfriend moved out two days ago when we broke up. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my dad came home and said that he was so inspired by hip hop dancers on TV that he decided to take a hip hop dance class. He signed up for the class that my girlfriend teaches. FML

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By fridgemylifee - United States

Today, I had a first date with a guy I met online. And his mom. FML

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By mwja - France

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

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By reallyhighschool - United States - Torrance

Today, I got nominated to sit in a chair in the middle of the gym during a high school rally while the entire school got to throw paper balls at me. FML

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By swedishguy - Sweden

Today, I was paying for coffee and accidentally touched hands with the girl behind the counter. As I was walking home, I realised that was the closest I've been to getting laid in two years. FML

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By NoUsernamHere - United States

Today, I was working on a project in my schools library when a group of teenagers came in and began loudly talking and laughing. When I asked them to please quiet down, the librarian asked me to leave for being too loud. FML

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By Anonymous

Framed

Today, the police turned up. It turns out the girl I slept with two nights ago was burgled. She told my great aunt, who happens to live next door to her. They then told my grandparents, who then told my mum. I'm now a suspect. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Yuma

Today, after buying hundreds of dollars worth of Christmas presents, my transmission blew up on the interstate heading home. Now, I either have to return the gifts or not drive over 25. FML

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By georgiana072 - Philippines

Today, as I was coming out of the ladies' room, I saw a guy glancing at me. A few minutes later, I saw him coming at me at a fast rate. I decided to run from him. As I got out of the building and into a cab, I saw him from the window waving my phone at me. He was just trying to return it. FML

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Top comments

By OwNowBrownCow | 0

#1141652 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:01

Gotta love the neighbors

By BubblyTay | 0

#1141823 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:15

"Smile and wave boys, smile and wave."

COMMENTS

By OwNowBrownCow | 0

#1141652 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:01

Gotta love the neighbors

Reply

956TXking | 0

#1141791 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:11

creeper

Reply

crimsongetsu | 0

#1141839 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:15

I wuld so totally buy that house.. win!

Reply

Arsonnist | 3

#1141867 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:17

Ha. At least it wasn't on the lawn like I pictured the first time. Toilet included. And a Sasquatch.

Reply

liljeron | 0

#1141908 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:19

did u wave back?

Reply

BananaSticker | 0

#1141976 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:24

Dude! Is that the same guy that posted an fml in his pov a few months ago? Lmao.

Reply

Sharpie23 | 7

#1142055 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:32

That's really shitty, literally.

haha

Reply

LordXavier | 0

#1142307 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:06

yeah sharpie, what a shitty house.

Reply

epr | 0

#1142325 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:08

I really liked how this FML was worded. Oh, hilarity.

Reply

cincin75 | 0

#1142330 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:08

Put off your pants, ass off him, then wave back. 

Reply

glen12 | 0

#1142426 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:29

that's when u say 'we are glad to tell you we have very friendly neighbors'

Reply

YourEvilHero | 12

#1142488 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:43

ydi for not being friendly in return

Reply

9shadow9fox9 | 0

#1142613 - Monday 26 July 2010 11:19

he smiled and waved
such a nice neighbor

Reply

summersizzle | 0

#1142656 - Monday 26 July 2010 11:33

haha

Reply

Daraybat | 0

#1142988 - Monday 26 July 2010 13:38

WIN!

Reply

Shookitup | 0

#1143026 - Monday 26 July 2010 13:49

I would have taken out my phone and pretended to take a pic to make him feel uncomfertable :P

Reply

Atmaster | 3

#1143604 - Monday 26 July 2010 16:59

I think I know who this fml is about!!

Reply

sind3r3la | 0

#1143696 - Monday 26 July 2010 17:28

21 your suuuuuper hotttt;)
ohh and ydi for showing them that! shoulda just left that window closed.

Reply

kewlster1 | 0

#1143756 - Monday 26 July 2010 17:48

lmfaoooo!

Reply

MrWTF_fml | 2

#1143861 - Monday 26 July 2010 18:27

I guess you don't know the house and the neighbours too well!!

Reply

gabbster95 | 0

#1143874 - Monday 26 July 2010 18:29

I would of done the same thing... prolly even give them a show... hahaha

Reply

twinny_sc | 13

#1144072 - Monday 26 July 2010 19:18

What's the big deal? He seems nice, I mean he smiled and waved. Sounds like a pretty friendly neighbor :)

Reply

JohnGraveline | 0

#1144326 - Monday 26 July 2010 20:30

Sasquatch....

Reply

comedychick | 1

#1145421 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:46

lmfao maadr my day
I actually laughed

Reply

sexybitch92 | 0

#1145553 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:17

HAHaha that's so funny ! He was friendly atleast :)

Reply

LMFAOwned | 9

#1145738 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 4:23

Lol that's an awesome neighbor. So friendly. Would you rather he flick off your clients?

Reply

xoxolovemexoxo | 0

#1145916 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 5:26

haha nicee

Reply

usmc2016 | 0

#1146136 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 6:35

fake!!! thus same username posted he was fired from a restaurant for food poisoning and it was their meal... in the USA now it's in Canada

Reply

uhazsquiads | 0

#1150791 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 4:02

lol my favorite part was he smiled and waved hehehe.... but still ew

Reply

smerry | 3

#4843234 - Tuesday 21 August 2012 12:33

The neighbor is probably Borat?

By Crlnprz | 11

#1141654 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:01

haha lmao

Reply

lakaiskate | 12

#2779959 - Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:48

I don't get how he could have been seen toilets usually don't face a window normally a wall under a window.

By maaack | 0

#1141671 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:03

Can I have a biscuit?

Reply

hsshae | 0

#1141711 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:05

epic fail little buddy

Reply

nicknesser | 0

#1141725 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:07

3 you definitely have a chode.

Reply

gohabs21 | 0

#1141739 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:07

You're a moron aren't you?

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#1141686 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:03

"Hey, Derek, sprechen sie dick?"

Reply

We_Li_Ve_Fr_Ee | 0

#1141748 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:08

Exactly what I thought about reading this.

Reply

SupxD | 0

#1141917 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:20

haha I fckn Love Step Brothers..!

Reply

xaxtonx319 | 0

#1142364 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:14

stepbrothers hate guidos

Reply

VoodooGypsy | 2

#1142954 - Monday 26 July 2010 13:26

I immediately thought of that movie when I read this haha. "fuck you Derik" I just love the way he says it.

By hsshae | 0

#1141688 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:03

that's epic. better than finding a log in the toilet

Reply

cbroxs17 | 0

#1143347 - Monday 26 July 2010 15:28

I should have my neighbor do that sence my parents really want to move but I don't.

Reply

worlds123dumbest | 4

#4890636 - Monday 3 September 2012 7:29

Who in their right mind places a window in front of a toilet? But FYL OP.

By Freeze_fml | 16

#1141707 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:04

Shit happens.

Reply

raineydayes | 0

#1141716 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:06

Apparently right next door #6!! ...By a naked hairy, happy neighbor...eep!

Reply

BubblyTay | 0

#1141968 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:24

can anyone spot the odd one out in #6 pic?

Reply

FFML_314 | 11

#1142028 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:28

No, we are all idiots.

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#1142189 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:51

I agree.

By te_amo_ily | 0

#1141713 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:06

LMFAO

By theonlyhighlandr | 0

#1141714 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:06

At least he's friendly?

Reply

tarynshay551 | 3

#1151990 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 10:27

at least he didnt go over there and say hi to everyone like that!

-Taryn Shay

By Mirorbo | 26

#1141779 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:10

Fuhohoho... Sounds like he does this on purpose so he doesn't have to deal with any annoying new neighbors. I've heard of worse, darling.

By BubblyTay | 0

#1141823 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:15

"Smile and wave boys, smile and wave."

Reply

raineydayes | 0

#1141876 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:17

Ha! Isn't that from the Madacasgar movie?? A quote from the penguins??

Reply

BubblyTay | 0

#1141996 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:25

yup, Im forced to watch their show by lil brother :(
and it did feel that way.

Reply

raineydayes | 0

#1142229 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:57

Well I thought the movie was funny :)

Reply

walkmywaynot | 0

#1144576 - Monday 26 July 2010 22:27

me 2

Reply

mollyslips | 13

#3070140 - Tuesday 9 August 2011 10:31

LOL, why is it sinful?:D