Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested... - FML

By anon - Canada

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Fear factor

Time don't heal nothing

By anonymous - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my mom got mad at me because I wouldn't write to Ellen Degeneres about her. She now won't talk to me. FML

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By alipallie - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, after running across London to catch my train, I collapsed, panting, into a seat across from a concerned elderly woman. She leaned over to ask whether I had my inhaler and I smiled and nodded. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'm not asthmatic, just really unfit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It's a self-propelling mower so it's easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn't have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor's pool. FML

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By Baby Bethy - United States

Today, I went to bed at noon after having driven 11 hours from Washington to Maine. I missed my flight due to a delayed plane, and was told there were no open flights the next 2 days. I'd been driving my $200 rental car for 1.5 hrs when the airport told me, over the phone, that there was in fact a flight available. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML

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By Anonameow - United States - Nanticoke

Today, I'm recovering from surgery. Every time I laugh, it hurts so badly I start to cry, which hurts even worse and makes it difficult to breathe. The painkillers I'm on make everything seem funny. I laughed so hard at a dumb pun that I nearly passed out. FML

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By SomePeoplesKids - Canada - Okotoks

Today, I walked in on my daughter attempting to iron her pants with a hair straightener. She's 17. FML

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By Ivan

Today, at work I tried to help an old man by opening the door for him. He flipped me off because I was wearing a Kansas State University shirt. FML

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By oc_cheergirl - United States

Today, I wore my cheerleading uniform to my boyfriend's house. He was a nerd in high school and mentioned a fantasy about hooking up with a cheerleader. I started acting sassy and a little mean, figuring he would enjoy a more realistic experience. Apparently not, because he started to cry. FML

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By I_Has_A_Fishy - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was brutally tackled and detained by a group of people until the police arrived, because I fit the description of a wanted criminal who was featured on the news. This isn't the first time this has happened, and no style change I've tried has been able to avert it. FML

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By dickwebs - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

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By Pastrygirl

Today, while finishing up at work, I started helping a co-worker out with his workload since I'd finished mine. His girlfriend apparently didn't like this and started slamming things around, constantly muttering passive aggressive comments because she wanted to help him. I work with idiots. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

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By Stickysituation - United States - Depew

Today, my friend set me up on a blind date, to get my mind off having been recently broken up with. The guy was perfect: tall, muscular, handsome. But while we were watching a movie, I saw him dig around in his nose, then wipe his finger on my pants. FML

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By Kilimanjaro - France

This is war!

Today, the war against the pigeons on my veranda reached a new level. To try and get them to clear off, I gave my window pane a short, sharp knock. It broke into several shards, and not one of the totally oblivious birds moved. Pigeons 1, Me 0. FML

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By Anna - United States

Today, my dad decided that he shouldn't have to wear clothes in the privacy of his own home. FML

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By phonesnshit - Canada

Today, I was expecting a very important work call. Today was also the day I got insuppressible diarrhea. As I was running to the washroom, the phone rang. I didn't make it to the washroom or the phone. FML

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By guest - Canada

Today, I moved into a lovely basement suite. Unfortunately, the 12 year old upstairs plays violin. She also plays baritone. She said she alternates each day. FML

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By MrOh - Canada

Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML

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By oneiPodlighter - United States - Conshohocken

Today, my "friend" came over. I caught him trying to steal my iPod on the way out. Proud of myself for catching him, I asked him to leave, only to realize that I had forgotten to actually take the iPod back from him before he left. FML

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By lebanesewoman - Hong Kong

Today, I went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher. When I got there, the teacher said "she adored me for who and what I am". I was puzzled. Turns out my son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML

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By shit - United States - South Holland

Today, my sister was taking forever in the bathroom, and I jokingly threatened to kick down the door. I rammed into it, and it actually bust almost off its hinges. My sister screamed and our parents came running. Now I'm grounded forever and our bathroom has no door. FML

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By caught out - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

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By vsf - United States

Today, my parents wouldn't let me go to the fair because they reckon my IQ is so low, I could quite possibly choke on cotton candy and pass out confused by the hall of mirrors. FML

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By DezyCoCo - United States - Penfield

Today, I spent 2 hours organizing all of my coupons, just to leave out my room for 10 seconds to come back to my 2-year-old crumbling them up and ripping them. FML

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By Hopeless - Australia - Saint Kilda

Today, I had a dream that I met my celebrity crush. As I leant in to kiss him, he rejected me saying “woah no thanks”. I get rejected even in my dream. FML

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By Austin - United States

Today, I got a notice in the mail saying I had been fired from my job. My dad's the boss, who I happen to live with. FML

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By FlatFoot - United States - New York

Move, bitch! Get out the way!

Today, my dad ran over my foot with his work truck. FML

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By ssenmodnaR

Today, I learned that I'm in that special kind of relationship where my ex thinks we're still married, no matter how many times I tell him that we were divorced over a year ago. FML

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By M - United Kingdom

Today, I went back to the key cutter for the second time because apartment key I gave to my boyfriend didn't work. The man cut me another key and apologised profusely. When I got home and tried the key, it didn't work. I realised I'd asked him to copy the wrong key. Twice. FML

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By shittyhall

Today, someone shat liquid poo in the hallway at work. Right. Outside. The bathroom. Another foot and they could have used a toilet instead of the carpeted floor. FML

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By apenglishstudent - United States

Today, I overheard a conversation two of my friends were having about Homer, so I interjected with a quip about a Simpson's episode I had seen before. They were talking about the poet. I'm an AP literature student. FML

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By FedExMan - United States

Today, I was delivering packages as usual for work. I was dropping off a large letter to a hot girl. Before I turned to leave the girl opened her mouth to say something. Instead, she just vomited all over me. Her letter was my first delivery of the day. I had to finish my job covered in puke. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my dad telling his work buddy that he's disappointed in his kid. I assumed he meant my brother, for flunking out of school. He meant me, for quitting sports to focus on my studies. FML

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By greenandswirly - United States - Columbia City

Today, I injured my knee at a Zumba class, a class I joined to lose weight so my knees wouldn't hurt so much. Now I can't even go for a leisurely walk. FML

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By me - United States

Today, I went to my parents' house. I recently lost about 30 lbs. My mom hugged me and said, "Aww, you're not my chubby baby girl anymore." She then said she wished I were still fat because she missed it. She's the reason I lost the weight; she used to tease and taunt me. Thanks Mom. FML

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By sarahijklmnop - United States - Louisville

Today, I started at my first job. Within the first five minutes of arriving, I was followed around by a white guy who repeatedly sang to me, "Black people love making music" along with a few of his own songs. It resulted in me getting fired for bringing my "boyfriend" to work. I didn't even know him. FML

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By ugly - United States

Today, my sister told me not to come over anymore because her baby is scared of my face. FML

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By Arthur - United States

Today, my neighbor scolded me for "allowing" her son to be bitten by one of my dogs. This would be reasonable, except for the fact that her kid had jumped my fence and tried to steal a rattle out of my daughter's hands. FML

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Top comments

By OwNowBrownCow | 0

#1141652 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:01

Gotta love the neighbors

By BubblyTay | 0

#1141823 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:15

"Smile and wave boys, smile and wave."

COMMENTS

By OwNowBrownCow | 0

#1141652 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:01

Gotta love the neighbors

Reply

956TXking | 0

#1141791 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:11

creeper

Reply

crimsongetsu | 0

#1141839 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:15

I wuld so totally buy that house.. win!

Reply

Arsonnist | 3

#1141867 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:17

Ha. At least it wasn't on the lawn like I pictured the first time. Toilet included. And a Sasquatch.

Reply

liljeron | 0

#1141908 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:19

did u wave back?

Reply

BananaSticker | 0

#1141976 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:24

Dude! Is that the same guy that posted an fml in his pov a few months ago? Lmao.

Reply

Sharpie23 | 7

#1142055 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:32

That's really shitty, literally.

haha

Reply

LordXavier | 0

#1142307 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:06

yeah sharpie, what a shitty house.

Reply

epr | 0

#1142325 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:08

I really liked how this FML was worded. Oh, hilarity.

Reply

cincin75 | 0

#1142330 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:08

Put off your pants, ass off him, then wave back. 

Reply

glen12 | 0

#1142426 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:29

that's when u say 'we are glad to tell you we have very friendly neighbors'

Reply

YourEvilHero | 12

#1142488 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:43

ydi for not being friendly in return

Reply

9shadow9fox9 | 0

#1142613 - Monday 26 July 2010 11:19

he smiled and waved
such a nice neighbor

Reply

summersizzle | 0

#1142656 - Monday 26 July 2010 11:33

haha

Reply

Daraybat | 0

#1142988 - Monday 26 July 2010 13:38

WIN!

Reply

Shookitup | 0

#1143026 - Monday 26 July 2010 13:49

I would have taken out my phone and pretended to take a pic to make him feel uncomfertable :P

Reply

Atmaster | 3

#1143604 - Monday 26 July 2010 16:59

I think I know who this fml is about!!

Reply

sind3r3la | 0

#1143696 - Monday 26 July 2010 17:28

21 your suuuuuper hotttt;)
ohh and ydi for showing them that! shoulda just left that window closed.

Reply

kewlster1 | 0

#1143756 - Monday 26 July 2010 17:48

lmfaoooo!

Reply

MrWTF_fml | 2

#1143861 - Monday 26 July 2010 18:27

I guess you don't know the house and the neighbours too well!!

Reply

gabbster95 | 0

#1143874 - Monday 26 July 2010 18:29

I would of done the same thing... prolly even give them a show... hahaha

Reply

twinny_sc | 13

#1144072 - Monday 26 July 2010 19:18

What's the big deal? He seems nice, I mean he smiled and waved. Sounds like a pretty friendly neighbor :)

Reply

JohnGraveline | 0

#1144326 - Monday 26 July 2010 20:30

Sasquatch....

Reply

comedychick | 1

#1145421 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:46

lmfao maadr my day
I actually laughed

Reply

sexybitch92 | 0

#1145553 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:17

HAHaha that's so funny ! He was friendly atleast :)

Reply

LMFAOwned | 9

#1145738 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 4:23

Lol that's an awesome neighbor. So friendly. Would you rather he flick off your clients?

Reply

xoxolovemexoxo | 0

#1145916 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 5:26

haha nicee

Reply

usmc2016 | 0

#1146136 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 6:35

fake!!! thus same username posted he was fired from a restaurant for food poisoning and it was their meal... in the USA now it's in Canada

Reply

uhazsquiads | 0

#1150791 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 4:02

lol my favorite part was he smiled and waved hehehe.... but still ew

Reply

smerry | 3

#4843234 - Tuesday 21 August 2012 12:33

The neighbor is probably Borat?

By Crlnprz | 11

#1141654 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:01

haha lmao

Reply

lakaiskate | 12

#2779959 - Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:48

I don't get how he could have been seen toilets usually don't face a window normally a wall under a window.

By maaack | 0

#1141671 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:03

Can I have a biscuit?

Reply

hsshae | 0

#1141711 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:05

epic fail little buddy

Reply

nicknesser | 0

#1141725 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:07

3 you definitely have a chode.

Reply

gohabs21 | 0

#1141739 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:07

You're a moron aren't you?

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#1141686 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:03

"Hey, Derek, sprechen sie dick?"

Reply

We_Li_Ve_Fr_Ee | 0

#1141748 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:08

Exactly what I thought about reading this.

Reply

SupxD | 0

#1141917 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:20

haha I fckn Love Step Brothers..!

Reply

xaxtonx319 | 0

#1142364 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:14

stepbrothers hate guidos

Reply

VoodooGypsy | 2

#1142954 - Monday 26 July 2010 13:26

I immediately thought of that movie when I read this haha. "fuck you Derik" I just love the way he says it.

By hsshae | 0

#1141688 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:03

that's epic. better than finding a log in the toilet

Reply

cbroxs17 | 0

#1143347 - Monday 26 July 2010 15:28

I should have my neighbor do that sence my parents really want to move but I don't.

Reply

worlds123dumbest | 4

#4890636 - Monday 3 September 2012 7:29

Who in their right mind places a window in front of a toilet? But FYL OP.

By Freeze_fml | 16

#1141707 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:04

Shit happens.

Reply

raineydayes | 0

#1141716 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:06

Apparently right next door #6!! ...By a naked hairy, happy neighbor...eep!

Reply

BubblyTay | 0

#1141968 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:24

can anyone spot the odd one out in #6 pic?

Reply

FFML_314 | 11

#1142028 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:28

No, we are all idiots.

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#1142189 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:51

I agree.

By te_amo_ily | 0

#1141713 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:06

LMFAO

By theonlyhighlandr | 0

#1141714 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:06

At least he's friendly?

Reply

tarynshay551 | 3

#1151990 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 10:27

at least he didnt go over there and say hi to everyone like that!

-Taryn Shay

By Mirorbo | 26

#1141779 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:10

Fuhohoho... Sounds like he does this on purpose so he doesn't have to deal with any annoying new neighbors. I've heard of worse, darling.

By BubblyTay | 0

#1141823 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:15

"Smile and wave boys, smile and wave."

Reply

raineydayes | 0

#1141876 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:17

Ha! Isn't that from the Madacasgar movie?? A quote from the penguins??

Reply

BubblyTay | 0

#1141996 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:25

yup, Im forced to watch their show by lil brother :(
and it did feel that way.

Reply

raineydayes | 0

#1142229 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:57

Well I thought the movie was funny :)

Reply

walkmywaynot | 0

#1144576 - Monday 26 July 2010 22:27

me 2

Reply

mollyslips | 13

#3070140 - Tuesday 9 August 2011 10:31

LOL, why is it sinful?:D