Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested... - FML

By anon - 26/7/2010 00:07 - Canada

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

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Whatthefuckaburger

The student becomes the master

Peaky Bladders

By pabj208 - 22/12/2015 16:53 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me during what was supposed to be a romantic getaway at a remote log cabin. FML

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By sketchball - 5/10/2012 14:56 - United States

Today, my landlord informed me that from now on, she'd prefer if I paid my rent in cash each month. Apparently, I "look sketchy" and she didn't "ever want to deal with the hassle of a bounced check." FML

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By vibratorgirl - 8/3/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, I left my parents house to drive 90 minutes back to college. As I was getting off the exit for my school, I realized I left my bright pink vibrator sitting on my dresser back at home. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2015 05:56 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2020 08:08

Zoomers zooming

Today, I was blowing my husband when we heard that distinctive shutter noise, and we realised our daughter had taken a photo of us. Apparently, she meant to take a video because she knows a website where any kind of "spying on people having sex" video will earn her $50. FML

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By unknown - 24/1/2010 15:27 - France

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't showered since our first date. We've been dating for three weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2015 13:07 - United States - Niles

Today, I had my first open job interview, which is when a group of applicants are interviewed together. I also found out that despite being great at one-on-one interviews, I will panic and make myself look like a complete moron when I'm part of a group. FML

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By missyoudad. - 31/8/2010 07:54 - Australia

Today, I Googled my father, who I haven't seen in 3 years. The first website link was his obituary. When I confronted my mom about it, she said, "Oh, didn't I tell you?" and walked off. FML

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By what_a_loner - 17/11/2013 22:07 - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, I got into a fight with a lawn chair. It won. FML

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By Acne_problems - 22/2/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2010 14:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that I could see my own mustache out of my peripheral vision while I was eating. I'm a 23 year old woman. FML

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By kittyslayer - 15/12/2011 02:46 - United States

Today, my landlord came and beat on my door demanding the rent check. I just got home from a trip and my wife was supposed to pay it while I was away. What happened to the money? Black Friday. FML

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By MegGRRRz - 28/11/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, I woke up and took my mom to work. It wasn't until after I got home, logged on Facebook and looked at the upcoming birthdays to see that it was her birthday today. No wonder she was silent the entire car ride and slammed the door on the way out. FML

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By hunchbackofnotredamn - 29/9/2015 08:33 - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I had to stand up on a train for my 4-hour journey. Why? Two pregnant women flew into unbridled rage with me over sitting in the priority seating, saying I was selfish. I'm recovering from spinal surgery. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, I found out my mom has notebooks with lists of everything she has bought for me ever since I was born. Apparently she is going to make me pay her back for all the money she spent on me once I'm an adult. FML

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By danonno - 2/8/2012 21:08 - Canada - Nelson

Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML

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By notmarriedyet - 1/10/2009 13:28 - United States

Today, it was my wedding day. Everything went great, except that no one showed up. Apparently, the address of the invitation was typed wrong. FML

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By Fml24609 - 20/8/2010 06:20 - United States

Today, I ended up sleeping on the dirty floor because my sister didn't want to share a king sized bed with me. She got up to get a drink and stepped on my face. FML

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By hatesurf - 26/6/2009 17:23 - Peru

Today, I was surfing. I saw a cop writing a ticket for my car, I swam as fast as I could to stop him, I got caught in a wave, and smashed onto the rocks. I ended up with a huge bleeding scratch on my back, a broken surfboard, and a note saying that I had a flat tire. FML

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By bella - 8/12/2013 01:07 - United States - Edinburg

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

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By Rich - 19/5/2010 20:43 - United States

Today, I let my dog outside so he could pee. After an hour, I let him back in. He just wanted to come inside to pee on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 08:07 - Canada

Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/3/2013 05:25

Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

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By lolu - 10/10/2010 21:45 - United States

Today, my friends threw me a Halloween themed party for my sweet sixteen. When I arrived, one of my friends jumped out from behind the door, dressed as Michael Myers. I peed myself in front of everyone I knew. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2014 22:14 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML

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By laurencoc - 31/8/2015 22:50 - Australia - Perth

Today, I dyed my hair purple. I came out of the salon and a little girl walked past and said, "Wow, you look like a mermaid!", to which her mother quickly said, "No she doesn't, she looks like her parents don't love her." FML

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By stewiesclone - 11/2/2010 09:09 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2019 00:01

Seize the means of production!

Today, there was a gas leak at work. We called the fire department, who advised us to evacuate the building. We called our manager to let her know, and her response was "Oh, don’t do that." My boss would rather let us die of carbon monoxide exposure than lose out on 3 hours of work. FML

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By Mark - 30/3/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I was working out at the gym doing squats. There was a girl there that I wanted to impress so I loaded up the bar with a lot of weight and began to do my squat. As I was going down I farted so loud that I began to laugh and fell backwards. Everyone in the room just stared at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 18:12 - Australia

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

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By pist off - 5/3/2018 19:00

Classy.

Today, I felt rain on my face. I looked up and saw a man peeing off a hot air balloon. FML

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By ameremanapparently - 26/3/2016 12:27 - United States - Carlisle

Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've never cheated in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, she made a big post on Facebook about what a dick I am. Pretty much all the comments went along the lines of "What a bastard." and "Ugh, men are pigs." FML

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By desigymrat - 25/12/2010 05:29 - France

Today, I was working out at the gym. A very attractive girl was watching me work out, so feeling like a stud, I tried to lift a really heavy weight. I failed, got trapped, and watched helplessly as she walked away laughing. FML

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By BadLuck - 21/12/2015 11:45 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, four days before Christmas, I discovered a rash on my daughter's shoulder. The doctor took one look and said, "It's chicken pox. Merry Christmas." FML

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By Jobless - 12/3/2009 09:01 - Malaysia

Today, my boss wanted to promote me to a managerial position. I declined the position saying I don't think I'm ready and experienced enough for that role. I was then fired instead for not accepting the promotion. I was fired for being honest. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2014 04:06 - Canada - London

Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML

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By JRock - 22/2/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, at my softball game, there was one spot left for center field. The coach had to choose between me or the girl who forgot her glasses and was blind without them. He chose her. FML

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By Melting in Texas - 9/8/2016 18:56

Today, I discovered that my freezer had died when I saw the contents oozing out the bottom. The now-full trash can won't be picked up for another 6 days, and the high temperatures are supposed to be in the 100s all week. FML

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By samantha - 17/8/2019 06:02 - United States

Today, I found out that after using several types of birth control, and being paranoid about pregnancy, I've been infertile for years. FML

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By Hate2Date - 5/4/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML

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Top comments

By OwNowBrownCow | 0

#1141652 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:01

Gotta love the neighbors

By BubblyTay | 0

#1141823 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:15

"Smile and wave boys, smile and wave."

COMMENTS

By OwNowBrownCow | 0

#1141652 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:01

Gotta love the neighbors

Reply

956TXking | 0

#1141791 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:11

creeper

Reply

crimsongetsu | 0

#1141839 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:15

I wuld so totally buy that house.. win!

Reply

Arsonnist | 3

#1141867 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:17

Ha. At least it wasn't on the lawn like I pictured the first time. Toilet included. And a Sasquatch.

Reply

liljeron | 0

#1141908 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:19

did u wave back?

Reply

BananaSticker | 0

#1141976 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:24

Dude! Is that the same guy that posted an fml in his pov a few months ago? Lmao.

Reply

Sharpie23 | 7

#1142055 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:32

That's really shitty, literally.

haha

Reply

LordXavier | 0

#1142307 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:06

yeah sharpie, what a shitty house.

Reply

epr | 0

#1142325 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:08

I really liked how this FML was worded. Oh, hilarity.

Reply

cincin75 | 0

#1142330 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:08

Put off your pants, ass off him, then wave back. 

Reply

glen12 | 0

#1142426 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:29

that's when u say 'we are glad to tell you we have very friendly neighbors'

Reply

YourEvilHero | 12

#1142488 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:43

ydi for not being friendly in return

Reply

9shadow9fox9 | 0

#1142613 - Monday 26 July 2010 11:19

he smiled and waved
such a nice neighbor

Reply

summersizzle | 0

#1142656 - Monday 26 July 2010 11:33

haha

Reply

Daraybat | 0

#1142988 - Monday 26 July 2010 13:38

WIN!

Reply

Shookitup | 0

#1143026 - Monday 26 July 2010 13:49

I would have taken out my phone and pretended to take a pic to make him feel uncomfertable :P

Reply

Atmaster | 3

#1143604 - Monday 26 July 2010 16:59

I think I know who this fml is about!!

Reply

sind3r3la | 0

#1143696 - Monday 26 July 2010 17:28

21 your suuuuuper hotttt;)
ohh and ydi for showing them that! shoulda just left that window closed.

Reply

kewlster1 | 0

#1143756 - Monday 26 July 2010 17:48

lmfaoooo!

Reply

MrWTF_fml | 2

#1143861 - Monday 26 July 2010 18:27

I guess you don't know the house and the neighbours too well!!

Reply

gabbster95 | 0

#1143874 - Monday 26 July 2010 18:29

I would of done the same thing... prolly even give them a show... hahaha

Reply

twinny_sc | 13

#1144072 - Monday 26 July 2010 19:18

What's the big deal? He seems nice, I mean he smiled and waved. Sounds like a pretty friendly neighbor :)

Reply

JohnGraveline | 0

#1144326 - Monday 26 July 2010 20:30

Sasquatch....

Reply

comedychick | 1

#1145421 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:46

lmfao maadr my day
I actually laughed

Reply

sexybitch92 | 0

#1145553 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:17

HAHaha that's so funny ! He was friendly atleast :)

Reply

LMFAOwned | 9

#1145738 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 4:23

Lol that's an awesome neighbor. So friendly. Would you rather he flick off your clients?

Reply

xoxolovemexoxo | 0

#1145916 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 5:26

haha nicee

Reply

usmc2016 | 0

#1146136 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 6:35

fake!!! thus same username posted he was fired from a restaurant for food poisoning and it was their meal... in the USA now it's in Canada

Reply

uhazsquiads | 0

#1150791 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 4:02

lol my favorite part was he smiled and waved hehehe.... but still ew

Reply

smerry | 3

#4843234 - Tuesday 21 August 2012 12:33

The neighbor is probably Borat?

By Crlnprz | 11

#1141654 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:01

haha lmao

Reply

lakaiskate | 12

#2779959 - Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:48

I don't get how he could have been seen toilets usually don't face a window normally a wall under a window.

By maaack | 0

#1141671 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:03

Can I have a biscuit?

Reply

hsshae | 0

#1141711 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:05

epic fail little buddy

Reply

nicknesser | 0

#1141725 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:07

3 you definitely have a chode.

Reply

gohabs21 | 0

#1141739 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:07

You're a moron aren't you?

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#1141686 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:03

"Hey, Derek, sprechen sie dick?"

Reply

We_Li_Ve_Fr_Ee | 0

#1141748 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:08

Exactly what I thought about reading this.

Reply

SupxD | 0

#1141917 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:20

haha I fckn Love Step Brothers..!

Reply

xaxtonx319 | 0

#1142364 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:14

stepbrothers hate guidos

Reply

VoodooGypsy | 2

#1142954 - Monday 26 July 2010 13:26

I immediately thought of that movie when I read this haha. "fuck you Derik" I just love the way he says it.

By hsshae | 0

#1141688 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:03

that's epic. better than finding a log in the toilet

Reply

cbroxs17 | 0

#1143347 - Monday 26 July 2010 15:28

I should have my neighbor do that sence my parents really want to move but I don't.

Reply

worlds123dumbest | 4

#4890636 - Monday 3 September 2012 7:29

Who in their right mind places a window in front of a toilet? But FYL OP.

By Freeze_fml | 16

#1141707 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:04

Shit happens.

Reply

raineydayes | 0

#1141716 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:06

Apparently right next door #6!! ...By a naked hairy, happy neighbor...eep!

Reply

BubblyTay | 0

#1141968 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:24

can anyone spot the odd one out in #6 pic?

Reply

FFML_314 | 11

#1142028 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:28

No, we are all idiots.

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#1142189 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:51

I agree.

By te_amo_ily | 0

#1141713 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:06

LMFAO

By theonlyhighlandr | 0

#1141714 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:06

At least he's friendly?

Reply

tarynshay551 | 3

#1151990 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 10:27

at least he didnt go over there and say hi to everyone like that!

-Taryn Shay

By Mirorbo | 26

#1141779 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:10

Fuhohoho... Sounds like he does this on purpose so he doesn't have to deal with any annoying new neighbors. I've heard of worse, darling.

By BubblyTay | 0

#1141823 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:15

"Smile and wave boys, smile and wave."

Reply

raineydayes | 0

#1141876 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:17

Ha! Isn't that from the Madacasgar movie?? A quote from the penguins??

Reply

BubblyTay | 0

#1141996 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:25

yup, Im forced to watch their show by lil brother :(
and it did feel that way.

Reply

raineydayes | 0

#1142229 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:57

Well I thought the movie was funny :)

Reply

walkmywaynot | 0

#1144576 - Monday 26 July 2010 22:27

me 2

Reply

mollyslips | 13

#3070140 - Tuesday 9 August 2011 10:31

LOL, why is it sinful?:D