Work: Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested... - FML

By anon - Canada

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

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Late term

Triage

And today, on Dr Phil…

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got on the train with my bike, leaning it up against the wall. After a while, it began to slide down the wall and wobble, so I dashed out to catch it. As I ran for it, I slipped and crashed into it, knocking it into an old man and busting the rear brake. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I fed my cats their usual dinner of canned cat food. Without thinking, I put the spoon I had used for their food into my mouth so I could use both hands to rinse the can before recycling it. FML

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By neighbour hell - Norway - Kristiansand

Today, after 2 months of my new neighbours' kids throwing rocks at our cars, constantly swearing at us, bullying my siblings in and out of school, and vandalising our property, their mother has convinced the landlord that we're the ones out of control. FML

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By brokeandalone - United States

Today, I found out my wife has been bribing my daughter to keep quiet about her affair with my boss. That would explain the iPhone 4S, the $500 shoes, the $200 purse, and the professional $300 haircut. They told me it was because she had straight A's. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2020 14:00

Libel

Today, my friends told me that my girlfriend of over a year and a half refers to me on Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat as "the monster I can't get rid of." FML

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By failure461 - United States

Today, I ruined my computer screen trying to kill a fly. FML

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By carl_carl_ - United States - Grand Ledge

Today, I found my dad on a dating website looking for younger girls. My mother and father are "happily" married, well according to her Facebook profile. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML

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By inthesticks - United States - Orlando

Today, I was cleaning off my couch so my nephew could crash here for a few nights. It's been so long since we've sat on it that it is now inhabited by rats we didn't know were in the house, including newly born ones. FML

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By L

Today, the sewers in my town became overloaded. My basement is now filled with other people's poo. FML

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By karebear - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months said he wasn't going to break up with me, he was just going to stop touching me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my little sister decided the best way to cheat on a test is to take someone else's test, scratch through their name in pencil, and write her name underneath. She starts high school next semester. FML

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By GN - United States - New York

Today, I got stopped by the fuzz. The officer told me he "could care less" about my excuses. He was probably about to let me go without a ticket, but my inner Grammar Nazi kicked in and I explained why he meant to say "couldn't care less." I got the ticket. FML

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By Sad Chef ;( - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Being a chef of a highly-rated restaurant, I cooked a well-liked dish. Not only did she say no, but commented on how bland and tasteless the meal was. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing Apples to Apples with my girlfriend and a few others. The card that was drawn was labeled "pathetic". Among other cards that were laid down in attempts to be similar to "pathetic" was my girlfriend's card. She won with a create-a-card labeled "my sex life". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I was telling my girlfriend about how my parents are flying out to Japan today on vacation. She was shocked at how short the flight will be, because "It's on the other side of the world." We live in the USA, and it seems I'm dating a Flat Earther. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned after weeks of waiting that my order of vinyl siding had been shipped to a contractor in another state, who installed it without realizing it was the wrong style and color. I would have to wait weeks for a new shipment, except the manufacturer has discontinued it. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found my boyfriend browsing tablet PCs on the internet. He actually had a tablet until a while ago, but he hardly ever used it. He still has two smartphones, a desktop PC and a laptop he never uses. But yeah, sure, he needs a tablet. Because, "they're cheap." FML

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By News to Me

Today, I went to switch my phone number to a new carrier. During the credit check, I was told that I couldn't because I already had an active account. This came as a surprise, as I've never had an account with that carrier. Time to file a fraud claim. FML

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By Lostring

Today, I was fiddling with a ring my aunt hand made me, accidentally slipping it off, and dropped it in the toilet. Like an idiot, I scrambled to get it out only for my bending over to activate the automatic flush. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Inez

Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML

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By mikeissad - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML

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By nicklesg - United States

Today, my car was impounded because I never registered it in California after moving here. In order to get it back, I need to register it. In order to register it, I need to pass a CA smog check. In order to pass the smog check, I need my car. FML

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By TheThirdWheel - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I found out my boyfriend is bringing his friends on our trip. I'm now the third wheel on the romantic trip we've planned for a year. FML

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By Annebelle - United States

Today, I ordered a graduation cake from a woman at the grocery store. She asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I said "Congratulations Annie". Then she asked me who was ordering and I said "Annie". I had to order my own cake. The woman was silent. FML

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By Dog_Lover - Canada - Montreal

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

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By kbrider - United States

Today, my husband's rich aunt and uncle came in town and handed us an envelope and said we hope this helps out with the student loans. Inside the envelope was just an article on new student loan procedures and how to get lower payments. FML

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By anon - United States - Elkhart

Today, while having sex with my husband, we had to move around our cat during position changes. Our cat controls our sex life. FML

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By clkoko - United States - Buffalo

Today, I noticed that the eye drops I have been using 3 times a day for the past week expired when the Jonas Brothers were popular. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should wear a hideous shirt to count down the last days of freshman year. So when Friday came around we decided to have a contest for most hideous shirt. I won. I forgot to wear a hideous shirt. FML

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By Nothingonyou - France

Today, it was my birthday. But instead of a decent surprise, my friends decided to smash a cake on my face and unhook my dress, while taking a video of it. In a public shopping mall. FML

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By kait - United States

Today, at work, an overweight man riding an electric cart started peeing all around the store. I had to clean it up. FML

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By JulietMarie - United States - Baldwinsville

Today, I got my first compliment in over a year. It was from my gynecologist, saying I have a beautiful cervix. FML

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By Pugsley - Australia

Today, for my birthday, I found out I'm too ugly even for a hooker to have sex with me. FML

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By whatthewoah - United States

Today, I went to the bookstore. While I was in line, I heard everyone talking about how a book cart had gotten loose and rolled down the parking lot into a car, smashing the front. It was my car. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I wanted nothing more than to go home and get into bed. While I was unlocking my front door, the flimsy key snapped off inside the lock. A locksmith was called out, who did nothing but sadistically guffaw at my misfortune and crack sarcastic jokes as he undid the lock. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, trying to be cute, I told my soon-to-be husband he was the ying to my yang. He responded with "Baby, you're the Monica Lewinsky to my Bill Clinton." FML

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By worstfatherever - United States

Today, I came home after having traveled abroad for the last two months. Before I left, I'd asked my dad to take care of my fish, and he promised they'd be safe with him. I found them all decomposing. FML

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By >.> - Canada - Chestermere

Today, my dad decided to clean his muddy shoes right beside me by clapping them together, causing mud to fly all over me. This wouldn't have been a problem had I not been wearing my white wedding dress just before getting married. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I can sneak out of my house... but not back in. FML

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Top comments

By OwNowBrownCow | 0

#1141652 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:01

Gotta love the neighbors

By BubblyTay | 0

#1141823 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:15

"Smile and wave boys, smile and wave."

COMMENTS

By OwNowBrownCow | 0

#1141652 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:01

Gotta love the neighbors

Reply

956TXking | 0

#1141791 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:11

creeper

Reply

crimsongetsu | 0

#1141839 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:15

I wuld so totally buy that house.. win!

Reply

Arsonnist | 3

#1141867 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:17

Ha. At least it wasn't on the lawn like I pictured the first time. Toilet included. And a Sasquatch.

Reply

liljeron | 0

#1141908 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:19

did u wave back?

Reply

BananaSticker | 0

#1141976 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:24

Dude! Is that the same guy that posted an fml in his pov a few months ago? Lmao.

Reply

Sharpie23 | 7

#1142055 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:32

That's really shitty, literally.

haha

Reply

LordXavier | 0

#1142307 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:06

yeah sharpie, what a shitty house.

Reply

epr | 0

#1142325 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:08

I really liked how this FML was worded. Oh, hilarity.

Reply

cincin75 | 0

#1142330 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:08

Put off your pants, ass off him, then wave back. 

Reply

glen12 | 0

#1142426 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:29

that's when u say 'we are glad to tell you we have very friendly neighbors'

Reply

YourEvilHero | 12

#1142488 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:43

ydi for not being friendly in return

Reply

9shadow9fox9 | 0

#1142613 - Monday 26 July 2010 11:19

he smiled and waved
such a nice neighbor

Reply

summersizzle | 0

#1142656 - Monday 26 July 2010 11:33

haha

Reply

Daraybat | 0

#1142988 - Monday 26 July 2010 13:38

WIN!

Reply

Shookitup | 0

#1143026 - Monday 26 July 2010 13:49

I would have taken out my phone and pretended to take a pic to make him feel uncomfertable :P

Reply

Atmaster | 3

#1143604 - Monday 26 July 2010 16:59

I think I know who this fml is about!!

Reply

sind3r3la | 0

#1143696 - Monday 26 July 2010 17:28

21 your suuuuuper hotttt;)
ohh and ydi for showing them that! shoulda just left that window closed.

Reply

kewlster1 | 0

#1143756 - Monday 26 July 2010 17:48

lmfaoooo!

Reply

MrWTF_fml | 2

#1143861 - Monday 26 July 2010 18:27

I guess you don't know the house and the neighbours too well!!

Reply

gabbster95 | 0

#1143874 - Monday 26 July 2010 18:29

I would of done the same thing... prolly even give them a show... hahaha

Reply

twinny_sc | 13

#1144072 - Monday 26 July 2010 19:18

What's the big deal? He seems nice, I mean he smiled and waved. Sounds like a pretty friendly neighbor :)

Reply

JohnGraveline | 0

#1144326 - Monday 26 July 2010 20:30

Sasquatch....

Reply

comedychick | 1

#1145421 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:46

lmfao maadr my day
I actually laughed

Reply

sexybitch92 | 0

#1145553 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:17

HAHaha that's so funny ! He was friendly atleast :)

Reply

LMFAOwned | 9

#1145738 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 4:23

Lol that's an awesome neighbor. So friendly. Would you rather he flick off your clients?

Reply

xoxolovemexoxo | 0

#1145916 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 5:26

haha nicee

Reply

usmc2016 | 0

#1146136 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 6:35

fake!!! thus same username posted he was fired from a restaurant for food poisoning and it was their meal... in the USA now it's in Canada

Reply

uhazsquiads | 0

#1150791 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 4:02

lol my favorite part was he smiled and waved hehehe.... but still ew

Reply

smerry | 3

#4843234 - Tuesday 21 August 2012 12:33

The neighbor is probably Borat?

By Crlnprz | 11

#1141654 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:01

haha lmao

Reply

lakaiskate | 12

#2779959 - Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:48

I don't get how he could have been seen toilets usually don't face a window normally a wall under a window.

By maaack | 0

#1141671 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:03

Can I have a biscuit?

Reply

hsshae | 0

#1141711 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:05

epic fail little buddy

Reply

nicknesser | 0

#1141725 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:07

3 you definitely have a chode.

Reply

gohabs21 | 0

#1141739 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:07

You're a moron aren't you?

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#1141686 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:03

"Hey, Derek, sprechen sie dick?"

Reply

We_Li_Ve_Fr_Ee | 0

#1141748 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:08

Exactly what I thought about reading this.

Reply

SupxD | 0

#1141917 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:20

haha I fckn Love Step Brothers..!

Reply

#1142364 - Monday 26 July 2010 10:14

stepbrothers hate guidos

Reply

VoodooGypsy | 2

#1142954 - Monday 26 July 2010 13:26

I immediately thought of that movie when I read this haha. "fuck you Derik" I just love the way he says it.

By hsshae | 0

#1141688 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:03

that's epic. better than finding a log in the toilet

Reply

cbroxs17 | 0

#1143347 - Monday 26 July 2010 15:28

I should have my neighbor do that sence my parents really want to move but I don't.

Reply

worlds123dumbest | 4

#4890636 - Monday 3 September 2012 7:29

Who in their right mind places a window in front of a toilet? But FYL OP.

By Freeze_fml | 16

#1141707 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:04

Shit happens.

Reply

raineydayes | 0

#1141716 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:06

Apparently right next door #6!! ...By a naked hairy, happy neighbor...eep!

Reply

BubblyTay | 0

#1141968 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:24

can anyone spot the odd one out in #6 pic?

Reply

FFML_314 | 11

#1142028 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:28

No, we are all idiots.

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#1142189 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:51

I agree.

By te_amo_ily | 0

#1141713 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:06

LMFAO

By theonlyhighlandr | 0

#1141714 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:06

At least he's friendly?

Reply

tarynshay551 | 3

#1151990 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 10:27

at least he didnt go over there and say hi to everyone like that!

-Taryn Shay

By Mirorbo | 26

#1141779 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:10

Fuhohoho... Sounds like he does this on purpose so he doesn't have to deal with any annoying new neighbors. I've heard of worse, darling.

By BubblyTay | 0

#1141823 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:15

"Smile and wave boys, smile and wave."

Reply

raineydayes | 0

#1141876 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:17

Ha! Isn't that from the Madacasgar movie?? A quote from the penguins??

Reply

BubblyTay | 0

#1141996 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:25

yup, Im forced to watch their show by lil brother :(
and it did feel that way.

Reply

raineydayes | 0

#1142229 - Monday 26 July 2010 9:57

Well I thought the movie was funny :)

Reply

walkmywaynot | 0

#1144576 - Monday 26 July 2010 22:27

me 2

Reply

mollyslips | 13

#3070140 - Tuesday 9 August 2011 10:31

LOL, why is it sinful?:D