Today, I was sent to an elementary school for safety day. One... - FML

By Franco - 10/4/2009 14:07 - United States

Today, I was sent to an elementary school for safety day. One of the dads was asking about my job, when I told him about the long hours and high stress involved. He turned to his son and said "Now see why you stay in school?" I'm a paramedic. With a bachelor's degree. FML

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Family values

White line fever

Social distancing gone wrong

By Idk - 12/12/2018 08:00 - United States - Wilton

Today at work I had recieved a lot of phone calls. I thought maybe it was a scammer line because I never recieve calls. Turns out my phone number was a character's same number in a TV Show. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2018 16:00 - United States - Great Barrington

Today, it's my birthday. My husband hasn't slept with me in months. I am so humiliated every time I try to be intimate with him because I am only ever turned down. Tonight, he rubbed my leg and got mad when I fixed myself so I wouldn't be turned on. Apparently tonight was the night but I moved and ruined it. FML

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By Jaclk - 24/4/2012 21:28 - United States - Needham

Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn't have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I'm not a loser. FML

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By Username - 16/6/2011 13:20 - United States

Today, my son invited his girlfriend over to our house just to break up with her. Then he asked me to drive her home. So I was then stuck in a car with a bawling teenage girl who lived over twenty minutes away. FML

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By obsequiousfannyflapper - 10/2/2013 23:13 - Netherlands - Zwijndrecht

Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2012 07:56 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after I requested a sick day, a very close co-worker texted her boyfriend that I'm a bitch for pretending to have the same rare illness that she recently suffered. She said it was unlikely, disrespectful and unfair that I didn't even look sick. I know this because she texted me instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2013 07:32 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my sister sent me countless pictures of my boyfriend making out with different girls at a bar. His excuse? Photoshop. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2018 01:30

Not lovin' it.

Today, a kid pulled down my shorts while I was ordering at McDonald's. In my haste to pull them back up, I hit my head on the counter and was knocked out cold. I woke up on the floor, my shorts still around my knees, in a puddle of my own urine. I had peed myself while unconscious. FML

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By Wtfbruhimmovingout - 28/11/2015 02:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my mom tried to burn my arm with a hot spatula, all because I got a tattoo against her wishes. FML

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By Depressed - 8/3/2009 21:58 - United States

Today, I called up the boy I like to ask him on a date. He said "Haha, thats a pretty good impression Chris. Next time pick someone less ugly and maybe I'd think this is real." He thought I was his friend prank calling him. FML

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By -1 friend - 17/5/2013 21:16 - United States - Freeport

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

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By Less Friendship, More Cash - 6/5/2016 11:54 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I realized one of my best friends was only friends with me because I would take her shopping, spoil her regularly, and help her out financially. She moved to another province and only contacted me whenever she wanted money. After I refused a couple of times, she deleted me on Facebook. FML

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By nicklesg - 23/6/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, my car was impounded because I never registered it in California after moving here. In order to get it back, I need to register it. In order to register it, I need to pass a CA smog check. In order to pass the smog check, I need my car. FML

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By klv8 - 7/2/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I logged onto facebook to realize that my boyfriend is now listed as single. News to me. FML

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By hickey - 5/2/2010 10:35 - United States

Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML

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By amie - 11/8/2009 08:43 - Canada

Today, my mom said that we needed to have a family meeting because of all the issues that have been going on with our family. My mom, sister and I sat down and began to talk about everything. As I started to cry my sister looks at my mom and says "I win!". She bet my mom $20 that I would cry. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2018 15:00

Understandable.

Today, I found out that the dream in which I drunkenly phoned my boss and called him a "fat useless piece of shit" actually did happen. I woke up to 10 missed calls and 5 angry texts stating I was fired. FML

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By AHHH_REPTAR - 23/6/2016 04:54 - United States - Spearfish

Today, while drilling holes in "No Smoking" signs for my job, I gave myself a minor cut that would appear to most as a papercut. I then had to fill out 3 double-sided pages of paperwork. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2011 07:24 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

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By shockedgirl - 16/1/2010 07:17 - United States

Today, I spent the day studying with one of my classmates whom I've just met. While studying, she kept bragging about her boyfriend and decided to show me a picture of him. It was my boyfriend. FML

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By WorkerBee - 17/3/2019 02:00

Today, I found out I didn't get accepted into a program I was nominated to attend at work that all other applicants with less experience than myself did. I found out when they asked if I had gotten the acceptance email. They didn't even bother telling me I was rejected. FML

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By kubbyp - 3/4/2014 21:22 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while reading the paper I saw a picture of a guy I really like that I met online. The picture is in the obituaries. No wonder he hasn't called. FML

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By anonymous - 9/8/2011 02:01 - United States

Today, my wife heard that wifi could be harmful for our newborn baby's undeveloped brain box. Her solution was to switch the wifi off on our laptops. She won't listen to the flaw in her plan. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML

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By anonymous - 7/6/2012 11:00 - United States

Today, I found out I have an incredible fear of butterflies. I discovered this after my mother took me to a butterfly sanctuary for some "mother-daughter bonding time." FML

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By rippedoff - 4/3/2010 14:09 - Australia

Today, I found out that the man who sold me my car 6 months ago lied about it being "recently serviced" and "in excellent condition". It actually hasn't been serviced in years, and fixing all its problems is going to cost me $900 more than what I paid for the car. FML

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By ohgodwhy - 20/4/2012 20:24 - United States

Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML

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By Lilo4life - 6/8/2015 15:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I discovered that I am just tall enough and my hair is just long enough, to get caught in the ceiling fan if I flip it over to dry it. FML

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By EMT_Koulianos - 25/5/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML

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By ilovemypup - 31/10/2016 11:20

Today, while at my job in a candy store, a boy stuck his hand into the bin, contaminating the candy. As I politely explained that the dad had to purchase the affected candy he refused, yelled, then angrily agreed to buy them. The total cost of the candy with the extra pieces? $1.69. FML

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By NAT - 3/1/2016 16:15 - United States - Gaffney

Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2015 05:03 - United States - Denver

Today, I found a picture of myself on the "People of Walmart" site. FML

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By Raptorcake - 15/8/2016 12:50 - Australia - Calwell

Today, it's my birthday and I celebrated with friends. I now have 34 individual copies of the first Twilight movie. FML

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By iloveyoutoomom - 8/6/2011 13:03 - France

Today, my mom had an appointment with my teacher after class. She never showed. My teacher ended up driving me home. FML

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By nosey - 8/4/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

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By Realworldred - 18/6/2015 03:50 - United States - Scranton

Today, my sister started a full-time job with a good pay despite having no prior work experience and being a college freshman. Meanwhile, I've graduated with two degrees, have been working two jobs for the last five years, and still can't get a full-time position anywhere. FML

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By lonelygirl - 14/10/2012 12:43 - Canada - London

Today, my boyfriend promised me he wouldn't leave me alone in Niagara. I'm currently sitting alone in the hotel room drinking a bottle of wine while he gambles away money he doesn't have. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2015 07:03 - United States - Tampa

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

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By Rev - 18/3/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was working at Coldstone. When a customer tips us we are required to sing. A late night DJ came in, put 20 dollars in the tip cup, and asked to hear every song we had. After we sang one song he looked at me and asked me to please stop singing or he was taking his money back. FML

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By unendowed - 18/3/2012 02:11 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

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Top comments

By disadvantage | 0

#99707 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:01

That sucks man.

I always wanted to be a Paramedic when I was a kid. I think you guys do great work. Fuck this ignorant guy.

By balanceMMX | 0

#99720 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:03

not really a FML... it just wasn't explained enough for the dad to know what you were talking about. we're all thankful for your hard work as a paramedic, though- thank you

Comments

By disadvantage | 0

#99707 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:01

That sucks man.

I always wanted to be a Paramedic when I was a kid. I think you guys do great work. Fuck this ignorant guy.

Reply

xocourtxo | 0

#843266 - Thursday 11 February 2010 3:56

my cousin is one!

Reply

jazziue | 0

#901838 - Sunday 28 February 2010 23:58

well tell him that and say it all high and mighty like

Reply

enave | 0

#1320759 - Monday 30 August 2010 7:32

maybe he was teaching his kid a lesson about staying in school and u could become a paramedic

Reply

rttr | 18

#3934076 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 6:38

Yeah I agree. I had a serious medical situation at school and the doctor said that, if it wasn't for the paramedics, I my brain could have been hurt badly. Ignore that asshole, you guys are awesome.

By balanceMMX | 0

#99720 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:03

not really a FML... it just wasn't explained enough for the dad to know what you were talking about. we're all thankful for your hard work as a paramedic, though- thank you

Reply

JGirl113 | 6

#3006473 - Sunday 31 July 2011 5:57

the dad could have been saying to stay in school to be able to get a really good job.

By hans12 | 0

#99721 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:04

lol it's the dad that needs to stay in school and learn his shit. your life's on track man and like the people before me said you do good work. no worries

By Zoa_fml | 0

#99730 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:05

I hope that you told that ass hole what was what!
I commend you for the work that you do! I certainly couldn't do it!

Reply

troyboyd05 | 0

#960720 - Thursday 18 March 2010 3:55

Same. I have great respect for people who can stay calm and save lives.

By lmfao69_fml | 0

#99740 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:07

how is that an FYL...your successful and u have a life that doesnt suck at all, just because one moron doesnt understand that ur successful doesnt mean ur life is fucked

By Jaxro | 6

#99741 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:07

Hahaha, don't save his life anytime soon.

Reply

mstaerk7 | 0

#4007857 - Wednesday 8 February 2012 5:43

Just because the guy's a moron doesn't mean he should die!

By Jaywin | 3

#99743 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:08

Congrats on being a paramedic. I have more respect for you than for doctors. Just try to ignore the ignorance.

By rukusrazor | 0

#99746 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:08

Whatever. You are successful, who cares what some asshat of a father says. Like #5 stated.

Shoulda said "Hey, have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up!"

By llSgtScopell | 0

#99748 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:09

I would rather make 50,000 a year and save lives then make 100,000 a year and be some corrupt banker.

Next time he gets a heart attack take your time getting to his house.

By Singularity_fml | 0

#99759 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:10

God bless you for your great work!