Today, I was sent to an elementary school for safety day. One... - FML

By Franco - 10/4/2009 14:07 - United States

Today, I was sent to an elementary school for safety day. One of the dads was asking about my job, when I told him about the long hours and high stress involved. He turned to his son and said "Now see why you stay in school?" I'm a paramedic. With a bachelor's degree. FML

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No justice

Bad news

Great guy

By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, in the senior class I teach, I asked my students who had traveled outside of the country, excluding Canada and Mexico. One student raised his hand and proudly stated, "Arizona". He wants to be a doctor. FML

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By catastrophy - 19/11/2016 09:20

Today, a guy I've been seeing called me really drunk again to talk about his and his cat's angst. He put me on speaker so I could have a meowing-conversation with his cat to soothe her. FML

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By anonymous - 12/5/2011 02:20

Today, my doctor told me I should consider a breast reduction. I'm a man. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2012 12:39 - Australia

Today, I walked into two things. The first was a spiderweb. The second, due to blind panic, was oncoming traffic. FML

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By assault and imnotracistbuttery - 18/4/2015 04:57 - United States - Waxahachie

Today, I got into an argument with my racist brother after he opened his god damn stupid mouth in front of my girlfriend. He actually tried to convince me that he's not a racist, because one of his favorite types of porn is black girls getting fucked by white guys. FML

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By waterspike - 29/1/2010 13:18 - France

Today, after finally getting a date with the girl I like, she invited her new boyfriend along as well. I ended up paying for their first date. FML

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By ouchhhh - 20/7/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. 5 seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

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By Geemeisters - 8/11/2015 10:03 - United Kingdom - Studley

Today, after several months desperately searching for a job and feeling pretty insecure and unimportant, I drove 15 miles to a job interview. On parking my car at the destination, I found that during my drive a spider had been making a cobweb between the car and my hair. FML

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By leosmom - 25/11/2018 03:00

Today, I used a glue stick instead of my Carmex lip balm. FML

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By whaaaaat111 - 9/3/2013 12:04 - United States - Vienna

Today, while at the mall, a lady dropped her credit card while in line to buy something. I came over, picked it up and gave it to her just for her to shove it in my hand and scream, "She's stealing my wallet! My wallet!" The police came. FML

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By Forgotten One - 15/10/2009 11:11 - France

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years decided to start an online blog about his life. He mentioned his cars, his friends and even his staff. I was never mentioned. FML

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By Shopper - 23/5/2012 22:50 - United States

Today, I was shopping with a friend. We snuck into the same fitting room so we could give our opinions on each other's clothes. The suspicious saleswoman knocked on the door and asked how many people were in our room. I quickly answered, "It's OK. She's just watching." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2010 12:23 - United States

Today, my dad got a hard-on looking at my best friend. He asked me how my NutriSystem diet was going. He was looking at my friend's boobs when he asked me. FML

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By anonymous - 1/3/2013 15:52 - United States - La Grande

Today, I filled out an application for a job at Dairy Queen. I handed my application to the manager along with my résumé, and he said he'd be in contact with me. Not even five minutes after I left, a friend who works there sent me a picture of my crumpled-up application in the trash. FML

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By Wtfbruhimmovingout - 28/11/2015 02:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my mom tried to burn my arm with a hot spatula, all because I got a tattoo against her wishes. FML

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By breyn - 18/2/2015 19:48 - United States

Today, while working at my salon, I was cutting an older gentleman's hair. When he got up to leave, everyone noticed he had clearly pissed his pants. I felt bad for him until he laughed and said, "Here's your tip, have fun cleaning that up." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/6/2014 22:20 - United States - Barnhart

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

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By justwantingtohelp - 16/8/2013 05:02 - United States - Highland

Today, a child was choking in the store I work at. He was alone in the aisle, so I started the Heimlich without his parents' permission. After dislodging what was caught, his mother turned the corner and went screaming to my manager for touching her kid. I got a write up. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2011 02:10 - United States

Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2014 15:42 - Australia - Burnside

Today, my wife pressed a button in the elevator and quickly ran out, leaving me in there with my crying baby. When the elevator arrived at the floor, the doors opened on a wedding reception. The doors couldn't have taken any longer to close again FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2013 04:40 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, after I explained to my waitress that I have an allergy to butter, she nonetheless put some on my baked potato. When I had her get me another, without butter, she came back with one and then asked if I would like butter with it. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2012 04:49 - United States - Moorhead

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

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By IguessFML - 20/10/2017 05:00

Congratulations. You played yourself.

Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 17:18 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

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By MarBlu - 23/1/2014 12:53 - United States

Today, I came home from the army and explained to my family how tough it was there. Then, as I was walking away, I stubbed my toe on the couch, fell and cried. FML

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By cmd102 - 20/10/2011 21:18 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to see if he wanted to come over to my house. He said he couldn't because he was out of town. That would have be perfectly acceptable, if I hadn't called him on his house phone. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 06:21 - United States

Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML

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By Lo - 25/10/2008 16:56

Today, I went to see a movie with the girl I've liked for months. After the commercials, she told me she had to go to the ladies room. She never came back. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2014 15:17 - Denmark

Today, my allergies flared up and I started sneezing. I guess my girlfriend was having a bad day, because she lost her shit and started telling me how annoying I am and how I can never do anything right. I'm not sure if we're still a couple, because she stormed out and won't answer my calls. FML

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By lilmamma - 5/11/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, I took my four year old son to the playground. When it was time to go, he squirmed out of my arms back to the jungle gym. Not being the type of mother to put up with bad behavior, I swatted his rear and told him we had to go. That's when I realized I'd just spanked the wrong child who was wearing the same coat as my son. FML

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By fartbucket51995129565 - 10/6/2014 18:29 - United States - New York

Today, after having asked me out on Monday, the guy I like angrily cancelled our date because I "hadn't bothered" even talking to him for "several days". One day. You didn't hear from me on Monday. It's now Tuesday. That's one day, dick. FML

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By FUUUUCK - 11/2/2014 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was Skyping with a guy I'm really into. I'm not supposed to Skype at night, so when I heard my mum coming, I minimized the window. She walked in before I could mute my mic and started bitching me out for flushing my tampons down the toilet. FML

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By anonymous - 25/8/2016 02:33 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I got a brand new down comforter and duvet cover that I really liked. I'd finally managed to put everything the way I wanted it, and then my roommate's dog came and peed all over my bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2012 17:09 - Philippines - Makati

Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML

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By mister_pinky - 15/7/2014 22:04 - United States - Portland

Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML

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By allycat - 25/7/2011 03:26 - United States

Today, after a year of suspicion, I finally found out my sister is in a cult. My family's response? "It will be good for her." FML

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By not a shitty situation so fuck you - 24/6/2016 22:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

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By Scared - 5/6/2012 00:54 - United States - Arlington

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

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By Noname - 16/1/2009 17:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML

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By ugly - 7/4/2009 23:34 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML

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Top comments

By disadvantage | 0

#99707 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:01

That sucks man.

I always wanted to be a Paramedic when I was a kid. I think you guys do great work. Fuck this ignorant guy.

By balanceMMX | 0

#99720 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:03

not really a FML... it just wasn't explained enough for the dad to know what you were talking about. we're all thankful for your hard work as a paramedic, though- thank you

COMMENTS

By disadvantage | 0

#99707 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:01

That sucks man.

I always wanted to be a Paramedic when I was a kid. I think you guys do great work. Fuck this ignorant guy.

Reply

xocourtxo | 0

#843266 - Thursday 11 February 2010 3:56

my cousin is one!

Reply

jazziue | 0

#901838 - Sunday 28 February 2010 23:58

well tell him that and say it all high and mighty like

Reply

enave | 0

#1320759 - Monday 30 August 2010 7:32

maybe he was teaching his kid a lesson about staying in school and u could become a paramedic

Reply

rttr | 18

#3934076 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 6:38

Yeah I agree. I had a serious medical situation at school and the doctor said that, if it wasn't for the paramedics, I my brain could have been hurt badly. Ignore that asshole, you guys are awesome.

By balanceMMX | 0

#99720 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:03

not really a FML... it just wasn't explained enough for the dad to know what you were talking about. we're all thankful for your hard work as a paramedic, though- thank you

Reply

JGirl113 | 6

#3006473 - Sunday 31 July 2011 5:57

the dad could have been saying to stay in school to be able to get a really good job.

By hans12 | 0

#99721 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:04

lol it's the dad that needs to stay in school and learn his shit. your life's on track man and like the people before me said you do good work. no worries

By Zoa_fml | 0

#99730 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:05

I hope that you told that ass hole what was what!
I commend you for the work that you do! I certainly couldn't do it!

Reply

troyboyd05 | 0

#960720 - Thursday 18 March 2010 3:55

Same. I have great respect for people who can stay calm and save lives.

By lmfao69_fml | 0

#99740 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:07

how is that an FYL...your successful and u have a life that doesnt suck at all, just because one moron doesnt understand that ur successful doesnt mean ur life is fucked

By Jaxro | 6

#99741 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:07

Hahaha, don't save his life anytime soon.

Reply

mstaerk7 | 0

#4007857 - Wednesday 8 February 2012 5:43

Just because the guy's a moron doesn't mean he should die!

By Jaywin | 3

#99743 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:08

Congrats on being a paramedic. I have more respect for you than for doctors. Just try to ignore the ignorance.

By rukusrazor | 0

#99746 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:08

Whatever. You are successful, who cares what some asshat of a father says. Like #5 stated.

Shoulda said "Hey, have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up!"

By llSgtScopell | 0

#99748 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:09

I would rather make 50,000 a year and save lives then make 100,000 a year and be some corrupt banker.

Next time he gets a heart attack take your time getting to his house.

By Singularity_fml | 0

#99759 - Friday 10 April 2009 20:10

God bless you for your great work!