Miscellaneous: Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I noticed... - FML

By Idek - 30/01/2015 16:27 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I noticed my boyfriend had commented on a post. It said, "Tag the hottest girl you know". Yeah, he tagged his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 971

You deserved it 3 094

Batman

Sorry…

Good boy

By ;_; - 19/12/2013 22:13 - Canada - Burlington

Today, I saw a guy in the street drawing caricatures, and I decided to pay him to do one of me. Being a caricature, I looked pretty monstrous in it. When I showed it to my mum later, she shuddered and said, "Yeah, looks just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 834

You deserved it 4 325

By Nicks - 03/07/2013 15:10 - United States - Las Vegas

Spicy

Today, my mother-in-lawyer threatened to sue me unless I took my professional wedding photographs off Facebook as she did not like that they made her look fat. She is over 300 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 219

You deserved it 4 791

By embaressed - 27/01/2009 17:33 - Canada

Today, I realised I like Britney Spears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 236

You deserved it 33 973

By supervisor - 06/11/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, at work I wrote up my boyfriend (whom I've been secretly dating, because I'm his supervisor) for being $40 short on his register. Our policy is to write up anyone short over $10. He got mad and told my boss we're dating, and I was instantly fired. Then I got dumped for being a "tattle-tale". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 811

You deserved it 18 151

By Anonymous - 21/12/2012 04:05 - United States - Springfield

Today, in the "end-of-the-world" spirit, I asked my boyfriend to marry me. His response was, "It's really windy out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 982

You deserved it 29 243

By wtf - 17/12/2012 19:38 - United States

Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball. I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 759

You deserved it 3 857

Clumsy

By evilwater - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant when I knocked my glass of ice water over. In my attempt to clean it up with a napkin, I knocked a freshly filled cup of coffee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 067

You deserved it 8 456

By tiptoesjohnson - 19/01/2012 23:26

Today, I attempted to cheat on a test by writing some notes on my hand. During the test I had a question. I raised my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 451

You deserved it 83 062

By Anonymous - 02/11/2011 07:12 - United States

Today, at work I asked a cute, albeit slightly large customer, her name. Being hard of hearing, I thought she said "Porky" and asked her about it. Turns out she'd said Courtney. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 170

You deserved it 10 860

By Anonymous - 17/09/2011 01:24 - United States

Today, at college, I found a lanyard with some keys and a YMCA member's card attached. Hoping to find contact details, I googled the name on the back of the card, just in time for him to return and see me looking through his Facebook profile like some kind of stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 341

You deserved it 12 393

By Stixchop - 26/02/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 258

You deserved it 54 826

By kitty - 18/10/2010 02:54 - United States

Today, while talking about my plans for college, I was interrupted so my family could discuss my brother's zit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 419

You deserved it 3 141

Mask off

By Anonymous - 09/04/2020 20:00 - India

Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating for a year is and always has been gay. I was apparently "an amazingly convenient beard" for his ultra-religious family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 836

You deserved it 169

By mysterygurll1234567 - 20/01/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job. The reason? My boss didn't feel comfortable paying his son's girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 639

You deserved it 3 696

By girly girly - 26/05/2012 14:42 - United States - Keller

Spicy

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 161

You deserved it 46 685

By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 16:33 - Australia

Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 351

You deserved it 4 065

By Confused - 16/04/2014 04:13 - United States - Irvine

Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 623

You deserved it 14 611

By Anonymous - 06/05/2013 08:35 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 626

You deserved it 6 580

By MikeNick - 17/12/2011 07:59 - United States

Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 649

You deserved it 9 777

By Anonymous - 10/06/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I offered my seat to an elderly lady on the subway. She quietly refused. Minutes later on a sharp turn, she almost fell down on two people. Clearly the youngest in the disability seating section, everyone on the train turned and glared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 586

You deserved it 3 941

By theyarefarapart - 09/05/2011 07:05

Today, I found out that my classmates affectionately refer to me as "the kid whose eyes are really far apart." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 697

You deserved it 3 549

Sorry dude

By EatYourGreens - 21/08/2021 06:01 - Australia - Augustine Heights

Today, my four year-old very loudly asked me if the little person she saw at the shops was like that because he didn't eat his vegetables. He definitely heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 104

By Noname - 29/10/2008 10:09 - Slovenia

Today, they finally took my braces off. 7 hours later I fell off my bike and chipped my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 443

You deserved it 6 388

They'll go at night

By jesuschrist - 22/03/2020 00:30

Today, my daughter asked me why NASA hasn't gone to the sun yet. She's seventeen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610

You deserved it 418

Thanks, Marley

By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 08:08

Today, I made sure my puppy went number 1 and 2 before taking them into a pet-friendly store. In the store, two ladies awed at my puppy, but as I picked him up I didn't notice he'd shat on the floor until they pointed it out, giving me a dirty look. Other customers glared as I picked up his smeared shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 224

By artsmart1 - 06/03/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 273

You deserved it 2 917

Bird song

By Anonymous - 23/10/2019 20:00

Today, I figured I've been watching too many horror films, due to my parrot mimicking a women's blood-curdling screams that he heard in a movie. How do I know? He decided to reproduce the screams at 3 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 502

You deserved it 396

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 141

You deserved it 2 721

By thirdwheel - 09/07/2013 11:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush to a movie. What I didn't realise is that she would bring a "friend" along, and that I would have to sit next to them making out for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 348

You deserved it 4 811

By hellokitty133 - 30/09/2011 01:56 - United States

Today, the boys who sit at my math table decided it would be funny to throw broken pencils at my boobs to see if they were real. They did this the entire class period. I have to work with this group for the rest of the school year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 924

You deserved it 3 706

By Anonymous - 05/06/2015 01:07 - United States - Elkhart

Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 758

You deserved it 2 119

By Gimmie a spare - 19/04/2016 20:45 - United States - Memphis

Today, as usual, I went to pick up my brother and sister from school in the rain. When we got to my truck, I realized I had locked us out. We had to walk home in the rain, only to find the spare house key had not been put back in its spot since the last time it was used. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 657

You deserved it 2 883

By CorpseBride - 07/02/2017 04:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, and my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse!" He laughed his head off and I died a little inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 843

You deserved it 2 072

By whoneedsdumbcars - 14/08/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, at a restaurant, I noticed a really hot girl leaving with her friend. A few minutes later they came back, laughing uncontrollably, and announced that some moron forgot to put on their parking brake and the car was rolling into the full parking lot. It was my car. They watched me chase it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 346

You deserved it 39 638

By Anonymous - 20/06/2014 19:21 - United States - Concord

Today, we went to the wedding of one of my friends. As she was about to throw her bouquet, my boyfriend muttered that if I tried to catch it, we'd be through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 844

You deserved it 5 516

By suckstobeme - 12/04/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?", she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163 636

You deserved it 10 695

By seriously_CAT - 21/10/2015 02:26

Today, I had to try to convince my roommate that, yes, you do need to use dish soap when you hand wash dishes because of bacteria in old food. She still won't believe me, insisting that, "there's no such thing as bacteria in food". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 520

You deserved it 1 596

By singleladynow - 20/01/2011 05:04 - United States

Today, I bought something special at Victoria's Secret, then sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for 2 hours to get to my boyfriend's house. When I got there, he broke up with me. We're 37 years old and he actually gave me the "it's not you, it's me" speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 284

You deserved it 3 388

By megan228 - 20/03/2009 21:16 - United States

Today, my older brother and some of his cute friends came over. When we got inside my mom yells to me "I got you some bigger tampons because you leaked all over your new underwear." They all started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 309

You deserved it 8 985

By serendipity1027 - 30/10/2010 13:40 - France

Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 739

You deserved it 8 862

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Top comments

aylind 18

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Saturday 31 January 2015 0:16

Find every post that says "tag an asshole," or any other similar name, and tag him in all of them.

heart_aussie_fml 20

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Saturday 31 January 2015 0:13

That's both rude and humiliating..

Comments

Saturday 31 January 2015 0:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

R2Y2 22

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Saturday 31 January 2015 0:18

It's pretty offensive to OP, since he thinks that she's hotter.

MegasaurusRex89 28

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Saturday 31 January 2015 1:25

I think you're missing the point... Like, entirely.

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Saturday 31 January 2015 0:12

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

littleteapot 21

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Saturday 31 January 2015 2:35

haha I bet somebody would try to use this excuse and expect everything to be okay.

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Saturday 31 January 2015 0:12

Tact, thy name is man!

Emzinatorbot 26

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Saturday 31 January 2015 0:12

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Smooth_Criminal 24

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Saturday 31 January 2015 3:16

Obviovsly not.

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Saturday 31 January 2015 7:59

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

DiamondGirlj 18

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Saturday 31 January 2015 19:02

You're both missing the point

heart_aussie_fml 20

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Saturday 31 January 2015 0:13

That's both rude and humiliating..

patrickalamo 47

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Saturday 31 January 2015 1:40

Yet true...

bab3ruthl3ss 16

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Saturday 31 January 2015 3:58

... How do you know?

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Saturday 31 January 2015 0:13

When he starts looking for sex give him the cold shoulder, tell him to " tag" his ex.

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Saturday 31 January 2015 0:21

That'll probably fix everything right! Oh wait that's way to resolve issues, by with holding sex, and you're basically just giving him an excuse to do worse by stooping down to his level.

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Saturday 31 January 2015 20:54

What would happen if he does tag his ex?

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Sunday 1 February 2015 0:24

Well who would be attracted to anyone sexually after that anyway. I don't think she would with hold sex from to get even but more because that self-esteem you had to bare it all in front of him is lost because she knows she's not the hottest thing he's been with.

aylind 18

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Saturday 31 January 2015 0:16

Find every post that says "tag an asshole," or any other similar name, and tag him in all of them.

_parth 20

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Saturday 31 January 2015 6:41

Genius.

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Saturday 31 January 2015 7:23

She should CREATE a post called 'Tag an asshole' and tag him.

R2Y2 22

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Saturday 31 January 2015 0:19

People on FML need to find better boyfriends. This kind of shit behavior gets real old, real fast.

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Saturday 31 January 2015 0:21

Well, to be fair, FML is not the place for stories about great boyfriends and girlfriends.

R2Y2 22

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Saturday 31 January 2015 1:37

True that

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Saturday 31 January 2015 0:19

Your boyfriend is either an idiot or 14... Actually those are synonyms.

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Saturday 31 January 2015 6:21

uh.. that's pretty sexist against 14 year old's. I am 14 and i am very smart as a matter of fact, i would say that you are the intellectually challenged one here.

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Wednesday 4 February 2015 3:06

Not quite - not all idiots are 14, but all 14 year olds are idiots.

AutisticAbyss 10

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Saturday 31 January 2015 0:44

Just tag him in the balls with your knee next time you see him & call it even!

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 15

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 26

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 69