Work: Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store... - FML

By maconda99 - United States

Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow, and when the daughter saw it, she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looks at my nametag, then me, then turns to her daughter and says "Because he hates God honey". FML

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Proactive

Sorry…

Don't give up

By nothungry - United States

Today, after four years of anorexia and lots of recovery, my parents took me out to dinner with my counselor and whole family to celebrate my progress. I ended up eating something that made me vomit everything I ate. My parents now think I am bulmic and are sending me back to counseling. FML

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By tyler_powellROTC - United States - Irving

Today, while practicing for a competition, someone decided to spin a rifle with a bayonet. I'm currently sitting in the ER with stitches in my foot. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was out skating with a guy I really like. I put on my best moves, to impress him. I ended up slicing his lip open with my skate mid-jump. His lip is now wired shut by twelve stitches. FML

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By supersplatoon - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking down the street when someone started yelling at me, saying I was dead. I bolted, ran into a pole and when they caught up to me, said "Oh, wrong person." and walked off, leaving me bruised on the ground. FML

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By Cupcakes - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML

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By Ferniferousfern

Today, I sat down to use the bathroom after a long day of work. My toilet, however, had other plans, as a spontaneous, ear shattering crack flooded the entire bathroom, soaking the outer carpet and shorting out my bathroom scale. FML

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By effinit - United States

Today, while I was on a second date with this guy, my roommate tried calling me and I ignored her. After dinner my date brought me back to my apartment and there was a waterfall gushing down from the balcony above our apartment. The guys above us had started a fire and our apartment was flooded. FML

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By NoBabies - United States - Tucson

Today, the last of my close friends announced she is pregnant. Meanwhile, I'm single and my nest is empty. Well, not exactly, because even my freaking cat is pregnant. FML

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By stickers - United States

Today, I was going through my moms closet. On one of the shelves, I found two baby books. One was mine, the other was one for a dog she owned before I was born. I looked through them both. The dog's baby book was filled out more than mine was. FML

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By Bedrest Blues

Today, my boyfriend told me that we can’t be together because I’m not the person he fell in love with since I don’t do anything all day. I’m 6 months pregnant and on bed rest. FML

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By DENTALITY - Norway

Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML

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By Kait - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I went on a Tinder date. Sort of. I got ready and went to the bar he'd chosen. I waited 15 minutes for him to show. We exchanged ”Hellos,” then he said he was going to grab a drink and walked off. He didn’t come back. Damn, was it the way I said, “Hello”? FML

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By Massasam - United States

Today, I was late for work. Trying to cut a few seconds off the clock, I tried to open my breakfast candy bar while taking a piss. I ended up pissing all over myself and dropping the bar in the toilet. FML

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By sad - United States

Today, after the firetruck and EMS came to my house for an emergency, I realized that not all firefighters looked like the ones in my calendar. This depressed me more than the emergency. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket while I was in the car. I didn't even notice it happen. Ninja cops do exist. FML

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By Puppy_Killer - 16/12/2020 23:02 - Australia

Murderer!

Today, I was backing out of my garage when my neighbour's collie ran behind my car. Unfortunately, I didn't see it, but I heard a thump. They were out, so I rushed him to the vet's. I was upset, and I guess I was driving too fast and didn't see that another dog was crossing the road. I killed two dogs today. FML

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By Moosh - Australia

Today, my stepdad did a crap in the shape of the number 2, took a picture of it and showed it to all my friends at my party, while we were eating. FML

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By dj163 - Australia

Today, my (now former) best friend kicked me out of the band I started because I wasn't 'dedicated enough' after a 3 day 'holiday' to visit my dying uncle. He also during this 3 day 'holiday' convinced my girl friend to leave me and date him. FML

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By sadparty - United States

Today, I suffered a mental breakdown. I told my roommates about it, and they decided to throw a very loud party while I was sobbing in my room, unable to sleep. My Xanax prescription ran out, I have no more sick days, and I have to wake up in two hours to work a ten hour day. FML

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By JustAnotherFML23 - United States - Seattle

Today, my loneliness reached a new level when I befriended the fly in my apartment, Mr. Stickyfoot. FML

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By Username

Today, a woman laughed after hearing my voice for the first time. This happens whenever I meet someone new, without fail. FML

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By damnit - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spring

Today, my boss got mad at me because I told her that I wouldn't be able to work two days out of the week, due to college classes. She then cut back my hours so much that I now only work one day a week. I got the job in the first place to pay for my college classes. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2021 00:01 - Australia - Melbourne

Can it, now!

Today, I learned that I've married into a family that talks to movie characters as they’re doing stuff in the movie. Good luck hearing the dialogue now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML

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By waterpistolriot - 23/10/2020 11:02 - Austria

Keeping up appearances

Today, I ordered food for delivery. I actually made it sound as if there were other people at home so I had an excuse for ordering so much. I don't think they bought it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me that he had cheated on me two months ago with my best friend. I decided to give him a second chance. About twenty minutes later, he then broke up with me for not wanting to watch football. Apparently I don't care about his feelings. FML

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By no, YOU raised him - United States - Concord

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

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By Anonyme - France - Aigremont

Today, I watched the Sochi Winter Games online. Excited by an athlete's victory, I yelled out, "YEAH!" to 20-or-so silent coworkers. As if to redeem myself, I then said, "Don't pretend like you're all working you lot!" Our boss was right behind me. FML

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By bbbkingsey - United States

Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Apeldoorn

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was texting with my childhood crush late at night and we were exchanging secrets. I figured this was as good a time as any to tell her about my long-standing crush on her. Turns out she's a lesbian. FML

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By effiestonem154 - United States

Today, the Chinese student I've been teaching English to got on stage in front of hundreds of people to read her final essay. She ended with, "What a fucking day." I don't swear, and I no longer have a job. FML

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By Anonymous

Charming...

Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML

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By :( - United States

Today, I learned it's best not to piss off your mom when she's cutting your hair. FML

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By yoggabe - Mexico - Villahermosa

Today, I found out that my six year old cousin has a raging crush on my boyfriend. She lives across the street and watches from her window for his car to appear in front of my house. She's indicated that she'll stop at nothing until he's hers. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, while waiting for a doctors appointment, my husband started playing angry birds. Continually losing the game ended up raising his blood pressure to the point where he now has to have his medication changed. The new medication is $100 copay. FML

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By Morganisoverrated

Today, I was planning to ask a guy at school out since I had mustered up the confidence to finally tell him how I really felt. I ended up puking on him. FML

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By mrboston - United States

Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML

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By James - United Kingdom - Cirencester

Lost

Today, I was having a good time drinking with a few friends. Next thing I know, I'm walking down an unknown street, with just one shoe, no wallet and no phone. FML

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Top comments

By Checkmix | 0

#86479 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:54

Hey, men can wear rainbow tags without being gay! That women needs to be punched or something for being stereotypical. Besides, I bet your a very FABULOUS man.

By LaVonne | 0

#86489 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:58

Wow. I'm Christian myself and cannot STAND people like that :/

COMMENTS

By Sirobin | 0

#86456 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:43

That's hilarious...stupid people make me laugh.

Reply

rawrkittehpwnage | 0

#1094450 - Thursday 15 July 2010 18:44

I agree with #1. lol

By Jordn_fml | 0

#86461 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:45

Wow.... thats incredibly rude.... -_-

Reply

chelzy | 0

#1041974 - Thursday 24 June 2010 23:42

did u slap her? I completely aprove in this case!!!!!!!

By alex_vik | 0

#86473 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:52

*waits for shitstorm of angry Christian bashing from gays and gay supporters*

By Checkmix | 0

#86479 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:54

Hey, men can wear rainbow tags without being gay! That women needs to be punched or something for being stereotypical. Besides, I bet your a very FABULOUS man.

By Shippicus | 0

#86481 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:55

And she knows you chose to wear a rainbow how...? Stupid people

By Inspired22 | 11

#86482 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:55

That's just funny. Why would you take personal insult to that? She's clearly an idiot! No FYL. FHL! She's a moron and has no brain!

By LaVonne | 0

#86489 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:58

Wow. I'm Christian myself and cannot STAND people like that :/

By IMz0r | 0

#86493 - Monday 6 April 2009 10:00

That's pathetic.
Rainbow nametag = Gay
Gay = Devil Spawn

Quick, hide the Rainbow nametags! The kids are coming!

By Tri_fml | 5

#86501 - Monday 6 April 2009 10:05

Lol. Who cares what someone that closed minded thinks?

By blland | 0

#86506 - Monday 6 April 2009 10:09

fortunately, the teaching is still towards the positive side