Work: Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 88

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 1 207

06/04/2009 03:14

Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow, and when the daughter saw it, she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looks at my nametag, then me, then turns to her daughter and says "Because he hates God honey". FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 863

You deserved it 5 157

Taking stock

Commando

Privacy

07/05/2012 04:12

Today, my dad found a couple of coins on the floor next to my desk, and gave me a lecture about how money doesn't grow on trees and how irresponsible I am when it comes to money. They were Chuck E. Cheese tokens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 049

You deserved it 2 679

20/12/2009 13:40

Today, my grandparents thought it would be acceptable to give me and my wife Christmas presents to take to my ex-wife, along with a card saying how much they missed her and to get in touch with them next time she is in town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 956

You deserved it 3 190

Narcolepsy

By Isuckreallybad - 06/02/2021 21:30

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 327

29/06/2009 17:31

Today, I got a facebook relationship request from my crush of 2 and a half years. I was so excited until he posted on my wall, "Sorry wrong Catherine". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 202

You deserved it 5 916

07/07/2019 00:00

Today, I went to my favorite burger joint. Upon taking the first bite of my burger, I dislocated my jaw. The employees had to call 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 686

You deserved it 174

09/05/2016 04:33

Today, my coworker told me when we got to work that she purposely left her phone at home. I then had to suffer 8 hours of listening to her constantly whine like a toddler about how much she missed her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 000

You deserved it 1 173

04/03/2010 20:00

Today, it was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. We had dinner reservations to an expensive restaurant and planned to see a movie after. At least, we did, until he called to tell me he'd volunteered to work tonight. He won't get off until 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 803

You deserved it 3 509

24/04/2016 04:45

Today, I went into the bathroom and got angry upon finding that once again, no one had bothered to put on a new roll of toilet paper. And then I remembered that I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 848

You deserved it 21 182

13/05/2015 23:19

Today, I stuck my hand out the car window and noticed my arm fat flapping in the wind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 670

You deserved it 10 424

31/12/2009 07:39

Today, my 7 year-old looked at me and stated, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 310

You deserved it 11 431

06/02/2010 18:29

Today, my boyfriend of two years said he would finally take me somewhere romantic. I spent my day at a Star Wars convention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 836

You deserved it 7 017

Heart = Broken

By Anonymous - 27/01/2018 19:00

Today, I got my lady bits waxed for my man with a little heart-shaped landing strip. Later, as he removed my panties, he crinkled his nose and stated, "It looks like Donald Trump." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 270

You deserved it 1 056

Kitchen Nightmare

By Pinsky - 30/07/2021 23:01

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom, my dad, Sarah, and Sarah's husband James making dinner in the kitchen. Completely naked. At 2 p.m. They weren't cooking anything to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 103

31/08/2009 21:18

Today, I was in an unfamiliar building on campus and I needed to use the bathroom before class started. I walked in and saw a man at the sink. I said "Oh my god I'm sorry! I thought this was the women's washroom." It was. The very butch looking woman gave me a look of death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 681

You deserved it 10 404

Cruel

By Gayafnow - 02/08/2021 02:01

Today, my sister outed me to my very conservative parents as retaliation for not taking her to get McDonald’s at 2 a.m. last night. My mom gave me an ultimatum, either "stop the lesbian shit" or get the fuck out of her house. My sister smirked through the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 140

10/07/2011 20:54

Today, I came home after having traveled abroad for the last two months. Before I left, I'd asked my dad to take care of my fish, and he promised they'd be safe with him. I found them all decomposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 967

You deserved it 3 668

01/11/2016 14:01

Today, my boss bitched me out for a customer complaint. The complaint was me not laughing at the customer's joke of me asking for his ID and him saying no. I'm sorry, I've been getting this joke a least twice a day since I started working here two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 398

You deserved it 633

Disappointed

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 20:01

Today, my phone received a text which rarely happens. While getting my phone, I stubbed my toe, just to see a message from a telemarketer. Now my toe hurts and I didn’t even want what they were selling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 107

17/11/2010 10:58

Today, I started an awesome job with competitive pay. I also found out that the place is closing its doors in June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 390

You deserved it 2 669

15/09/2012 15:37

Today, I got mad at my parents and threatened to run away. Things got so bad that I packed a bag and left, planning to hide in my front yard to teach them a lesson. It's been two hours, and I'm still standing behind a bush in front of my house while they make no effort to look for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 642

You deserved it 49 142

08/02/2018 15:00

Today, I came home from a month long vacation to find my house absolutely trashed with a lot of valuable items missing. Burglary? Nope. My dad, who was meant to be house-sitting for me, let the neighbour's teenage son have several parties there in exchange for weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 338

You deserved it 452

14/05/2011 10:43

Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 251

You deserved it 14 161

20/08/2019 14:00

Today, I called my boyfriend. He answered with, "Hey, I'll call you back when this goes to commercial." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 462

12/11/2018 18:00

Today, my brother threw a mug at my head and threatened to stab anybody who came at him because I woke him up for school. I called the police after threats were thrown at my mom, who then lied to them and said I overreacted. I'm currently getting the silent treatment from my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 199

You deserved it 404

Good Meowrning!

By piliseep - 01/12/2017 09:00

Today, at 6 am, I was suddenly jerked from the warm embraces of sleep by the smell of poo. I was very groggy and confused when my hand landed in something wet and cold. I turned on the light and was horrified to find that my kitten took a huge dump in my bed. It was everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 544

You deserved it 529

25/04/2018 15:00

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 434

You deserved it 411

16/12/2013 04:47

Today, I was at a Christmas party when I noticed someone had taken all of the cash I had from out of my wallet. It was a family gathering. I'm related to the culprit but have no idea who it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 417

You deserved it 3 207

23/04/2013 23:22

Today, I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates from an "Anonymous Admirer". She immediately dumped me, saying she couldn't be with someone who "isn't even as romantic as a stranger". Yep, I think I just got dumped for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 194

You deserved it 8 701

29/07/2009 00:47

Today, after four years of anorexia and lots of recovery, my parents took me out to dinner with my counselor and whole family to celebrate my progress. I ended up eating something that made me vomit everything I ate. My parents now think I am bulmic and are sending me back to counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 256

You deserved it 5 132

07/12/2010 00:20

Spicy

Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a page long note from her friend talking about my mother's crazy drunk sex stories and describing multiple sexual encounters she had while on a pool table. I am deeply scarred forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 323

You deserved it 9 920

21/06/2009 21:26

Today, I went shopping at a thrift store. I found a really cute top that fit me perfectly, so I bought it. Afterwards, I noticed the original tag was still on it. It read: "designed with your pregnancy in mind". It was a maternity top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 124

You deserved it 15 146

08/07/2013 15:15

Today, I was walking down the street when someone pushed me into poison ivy. He ran off saying, "That's for beating me in the race." I've never been in a race, nor have I ever met him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 587

You deserved it 3 516

18/03/2009 04:07

Today, I was at my job in the Dean of Students office. My boss gave me some papers to copy. As I was copying, I read in a report that my boyfriend was written up for "cohabitation" (having a girl stay over) at my Catholic university. The report was from a weekend I wasn't at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 215

You deserved it 4 179

05/02/2018 15:30

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is actually a man. Not a transgender person, I'm okay with that, but an actual gay man who gets a kick out of pranking other guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 434

You deserved it 976

30/03/2013 05:23

Today, I texted a girl I met at the bar last night. She accused me of being "fake" because she couldn't find me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, then threatened to call the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 733

You deserved it 3 436

Asshat

By Anonymous - 13/08/2014 14:18

Today, a potential customer was looking at a treadmill at the fitness warehouse I work at. Once he was done testing it out, I asked him if he'd like me to order it for him. His reply? "Nah. I only had a go on it 'cause it looked like fun. Hey, but you could order one for yourself, huh, chubs?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 867

You deserved it 5 292

Wigging out

By Stacey Halvorson - 19/07/2021 04:01

Today, I was riding my bike on a sunny but windy afternoon. Coming up to an intersection, the wind switched directions and my wig blew off and landed in the middle of the road. At this point, I was almost at the other side but I had to turn around and grab my hair before the light turned green. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 269

18/05/2019 16:09

Today, I got a hamster against my wife's will. I can't wait until she wakes up and I have to tell her it's loose in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 2 463

Priorities

By Brodam - 17/09/2020 14:01

Today, we began our honeymoon with a Yellowstone Park hike. Wildfires took hold at both ends of the park. We lost all cell service. Her parents and my mom worried, texted and called. My dad just logged into my Fantasy Football team to pick up a running back in this week's waiver wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 168

16/09/2016 20:35

Today, I'm a janitor at a middle school. Someone took a poo and placed it on the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 107

You deserved it 719

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Top comments

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Monday 6 April 2009 9:54

Hey, men can wear rainbow tags without being gay! That women needs to be punched or something for being stereotypical. Besides, I bet your a very FABULOUS man.

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Monday 6 April 2009 9:58

Wow. I'm Christian myself and cannot STAND people like that :/

Comments

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Monday 6 April 2009 9:43

That's hilarious...stupid people make me laugh.

rawrkittehpwnage 0

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Thursday 15 July 2010 18:44

I agree with #1. lol

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Monday 6 April 2009 9:45

Wow.... thats incredibly rude.... -_-

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Thursday 24 June 2010 23:42

did u slap her? I completely aprove in this case!!!!!!!

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Monday 6 April 2009 9:52

*waits for shitstorm of angry Christian bashing from gays and gay supporters*

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Monday 6 April 2009 9:54

Hey, men can wear rainbow tags without being gay! That women needs to be punched or something for being stereotypical. Besides, I bet your a very FABULOUS man.

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Monday 6 April 2009 9:55

And she knows you chose to wear a rainbow how...? Stupid people

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Monday 6 April 2009 9:55

That's just funny. Why would you take personal insult to that? She's clearly an idiot! No FYL. FHL! She's a moron and has no brain!

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Monday 6 April 2009 9:58

Wow. I'm Christian myself and cannot STAND people like that :/

IMz0r 0

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Monday 6 April 2009 10:00

That's pathetic. Rainbow nametag = Gay Gay = Devil Spawn Quick, hide the Rainbow nametags! The kids are coming!

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Monday 6 April 2009 10:05

Lol. Who cares what someone that closed minded thinks?

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Monday 6 April 2009 10:09

fortunately, the teaching is still towards the positive side