Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store... - FML

By maconda99 - United States

Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow, and when the daughter saw it, she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looks at my nametag, then me, then turns to her daughter and says "Because he hates God honey". FML

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Serious times

Fear factor

This is us

By teach - Canada

Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I bought $250 worth of groceries and was feeling rather good about myself because it's the first time I've been able to do so in months. When I returned home I found my fridge/freezer broken. Most of the food I bought was dairy or frozen. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Gatineau

Today, my dad was doing FaceTime with a friend. He turned his iPhone towards my sister and said "There's my daughter..." He then turned it to me and said "...and there's my ugly son", then walked away. I'm still not sure if it's a joke or not. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

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By Anonymous - Finland

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

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By Neurocardiogenic Syncope - Canada

Today, I have a heart condition that causes migraines and fainting, so I take salt tablets to stop the fainting. The migraines can lead to a stroke, so I have medication for them. The medication has a side effect: fainting. And to avoid migraines, I should avoid salt. FML

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By Rawr - United States

Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML

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By karmas a kunt - United States

Today, I was at work, when an elderly lady casually mentioned it was her birthday. I motioned two of my coworkers over, and we sang a little happy birthday to her over the phone. Our boss stormed in mid-song and suspended all three of us on the spot for "unprofessional behavior." FML

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By keenan - United States

Today, I had to use my driver's license to convince the security guard at a game room that I was a girl. FML

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By oohrahgal - United States - Clementon

Today, my boyfriend graduated from boot camp. After the ceremony, I rushed over and tried to jump into his arms. This would have been romantic if he was expecting it. Instead, he fell over and we crashed onto the floor in front of everyone. FML

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By loser - France

Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done I went to zip up when I realized I never unzipped. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Newcastle

Today, it's my 7-year anniversary with my boyfriend. I was excited so I asked him what day it was and he said, "Wednesday?" FML

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By buttpicker - United States

Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML

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By Anonyme - France - Lyon

Today, Murphy's law didn't check out: my piece of toast didn't fall on the side containing the spread of jam. However, when I leaned against the corner of the table to pick it up, I knocked a full ashtray on top of it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Nutley

Today, I realized I'd put on my shirt on inside out, so I went to the bathroom stalls to fix it. As I was taking it off, I accidentally dropped it in the toilet. FML

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By dollarstorepwnr - Canada

Today, my dad cussed out an individual on the phone because he thought it was a telemarketer. He was my Indian girlfriend's father. FML

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By Jarman - United States - Columbus

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

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By anonymoose - Australia - Adelaide

Today, in the middle of our one year anniversary dinner, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend showed up declaring her love for him. They left together and I had to take the bus home. FML

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By tammylauraine - United States

Today, after handing out several résumés for several jobs, I realized that I forgot to add my phone number to them. FML

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By wowzersthatsucks - United States

Today, I got a facebook relationship request from my crush of 2 and a half years. I was so excited until he posted on my wall, "Sorry wrong Catherine". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my sister brought her class hamster home from school. Somehow it escaped from its cage, and ran into my room. My boyfriend, thinking it was a mouse, stomped on it. I'm stuck cleaning hamster guts from my carpet, and explaining to a kindergarten class what happened to their pet. FML

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By awkwardpaul - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I sent a group text round to my friends asking if they wanted to hang out sometime. One of my friends thought this was aimed directly at her and confessed her love for me. FML

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By dumped - South Africa

Today, I got a postcard from my boyfriend who is on vacation in the Caribbean. He's breaking up with me. FML

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By Colin Jr. - United States

Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML

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By rook - United States

Today, my parents tried to convince me to get a divorce. My wife and I are perfectly fine. FML

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By Studying is for crazy people. - United States - Stockton

Today, I was studying for my Spanish midterm nonstop. After I closed my book, I was so tired that I thought that my cat was asking me questions in Spanish. FML

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By cowgurl91 - France

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was going to propose to me about three months ago. I was completely surprised and asked why he didn't. At that time, I had told him to stop looking at me like that and go buy me some damn tacos. I was 2 months pregnant then. Now he wants to wait a couple of years. FML

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By Misbah Akhtar - 21/11/2020 12:59 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Child's play

Today, my 6 year-old bought down a card. On it was a turd belonging to my 4 year-old son. She got excited and grossed out, and threw it on the rug. FML

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By adopteddd - United Kingdom

Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML

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By Anonymous - Asia/Pacific Region

Today, and pretty much every day, my co-worker takes off her shoes while working. The smell of her feet makes me dizzy. I don't know if she's oblivious to the fact that her feet stink, or she just doesn't care. It's affecting the quality of my work. FML

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By has-evil-friends - United Kingdom

Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML

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By eliinu - United States - Middlesboro

Today, my aunt said that it looked like I lost some weight. I was pleased with this, since I've been trying to lose some. My mom, for some reason, thought it was insulting. She pulled me to aside to assure me that I most definitely don't look any skinnier. FML

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By Halle - United States

Today, my immature step-father rubbed my head destroying the $300 hairdo that took two and a half hours to finish. Three minutes before my wedding ceremony. FML

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By Anonymous - Zimbabwe

Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Evansville

Today, my girlfriend announced to everyone at dinner that she was no longer a virgin. This was news to everyone: her parents, siblings, best friend, and me. FML

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By queenbee12345678 - United States

Today, I accidentally left my cell phone at the restaurant. When I realized my mistake, I went back to see if anyone had found it. They said no, so I gave them my number to call if it turned up. I realized later that I'd given them my cell phone number. FML

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By Ants everywhere but my pants - United States - Sun City Center

Today, I left the windows open because I live in Florida without air conditioning because the asshole landlord won't fix it. There was nice cool air from the rain. I've killed about 100 flying ants that have made their way inside. Now I have a hot house with closed windows and flying ants. FML

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By Anon - United Kingdom - Stafford

Today, my ex-fiancée's new boyfriend phoned me to ask what her ring size is. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Romulus

Today, I realized my online dating profile has gotten more views with no picture than it has with my picture. FML

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Top comments

By Checkmix | 0

#86479 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:54

Hey, men can wear rainbow tags without being gay! That women needs to be punched or something for being stereotypical. Besides, I bet your a very FABULOUS man.

By LaVonne | 0

#86489 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:58

Wow. I'm Christian myself and cannot STAND people like that :/

COMMENTS

By Sirobin | 0

#86456 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:43

That's hilarious...stupid people make me laugh.

Reply

rawrkittehpwnage | 0

#1094450 - Thursday 15 July 2010 18:44

I agree with #1. lol

By Jordn_fml | 0

#86461 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:45

Wow.... thats incredibly rude.... -_-

Reply

chelzy | 0

#1041974 - Thursday 24 June 2010 23:42

did u slap her? I completely aprove in this case!!!!!!!

By alex_vik | 0

#86473 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:52

*waits for shitstorm of angry Christian bashing from gays and gay supporters*

By Checkmix | 0

#86479 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:54

Hey, men can wear rainbow tags without being gay! That women needs to be punched or something for being stereotypical. Besides, I bet your a very FABULOUS man.

By Shippicus | 0

#86481 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:55

And she knows you chose to wear a rainbow how...? Stupid people

By Inspired22 | 11

#86482 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:55

That's just funny. Why would you take personal insult to that? She's clearly an idiot! No FYL. FHL! She's a moron and has no brain!

By LaVonne | 0

#86489 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:58

Wow. I'm Christian myself and cannot STAND people like that :/

By IMz0r | 0

#86493 - Monday 6 April 2009 10:00

That's pathetic.
Rainbow nametag = Gay
Gay = Devil Spawn

Quick, hide the Rainbow nametags! The kids are coming!

By Tri_fml | 5

#86501 - Monday 6 April 2009 10:05

Lol. Who cares what someone that closed minded thinks?

By blland | 0

#86506 - Monday 6 April 2009 10:09

fortunately, the teaching is still towards the positive side