Today, I was riding on a stationary exercise bike at home, when... - FML

By missy - 10/4/2009 08:17 - Italy

Today, I was riding on a stationary exercise bike at home, when I went to get off, my shorts got stuck under the seat. I dangled half upside down until my shorts ripped and I fell on the ground face first breaking my front tooth. I broke my tooth riding a bike that doesn’t even move. FML

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Clocked

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Workaholic

By lindsaykay - 18/4/2012 00:07 - United States

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

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By nobffs - 1/1/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, my sister-in-law asked why I wasn't out partying with my friends to celebrate the new year. My mom then asked "What friends?". Ah, the new year begins. FML

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By milkysubstance - 14/3/2017 05:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to the doctor's to find out why I was producing small amounts of milky liquid from my nipples, even though I'm not pregnant. When she asked me to show her, I squirted on her shirt. FML

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By CODgirl102 - 16/11/2013 05:17 - United States - Palm Bay

Today, I decided to confront my friend who has been stealing from me for months. She denied it, while wearing a pair of my pants. FML

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By Tyler_Padgett - 24/5/2009 23:52 - United States

Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my Grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box,"Face this side toward crowd for best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on it's side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML

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By caligirl921 - 11/12/2010 06:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. When I orgasmed, my leg flew out and I accidentally kicked him in the balls. For the next ten minutes, he lay in the fetal position. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2010 07:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend had to be hospitalized to drain poison from a bad spider bite. His mom is convinced that he got it from my house and won't let him come over anymore. I suppose she's right, because guess who found a spider web under their bed today, along with 5 new spider bites? FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2019 02:30

Today, after 2 years of paying off the insurance fees after an accident, I got rear-ended. It was the same driver who crashed into me the first time. FML

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By PerpetuallyHappy - 25/9/2012 23:20 - United States - Rochester

Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML

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By krissy - 20/3/2011 21:40 - United States

Today, I found out that the sleazy guy I met with a few days ago decided to move into my home town to "be closer" to me. I've already told him I'm not interested in him, but he still continues to ask me out. FML

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By anonymous - 6/7/2011 15:21 - United States

Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes, she was serious. I'm Jewish. FML

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By brighteyes - 31/1/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I tried to befriend the lonely boy who sits at the end of my table at lunch. He always sleeps or does homework during lunch. I walked over to him, tripped, and spilled my open bottle of water on his jeans. I apologized profusely and wiped off his pants with napkins. He got hard. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2014 10:55 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was told by my teacher that she had 'given up' teaching me because someone had told her I have a mental illness, and that I don't understand what she says. FML

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By ohhhman - 10/4/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, one of the Haitians that works in the kitchen at my restaurant said something to me. Usually I can't understand them and I just smile and laugh, so that's what I did this time. Later, I found out he was trying to tell me his father had passed away. FML

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By mynameisarmpit - 15/11/2010 06:48

Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML

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By lissysue1 - 12/7/2012 19:23 - United States - Green Bay

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I realized he was opening his mouth wide a lot. At first, I thought he was trying to French-kiss me. He was actually yawning through the whole thing. FML

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By 420curse - 5/5/2015 18:20 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2009 03:16 - Canada

Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML

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By rbates - 25/7/2009 18:32 - United States

Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called “The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML

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By masterman - 27/8/2012 06:45 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I turned on the TV just in time to see my picture on the news. I have no idea what they said about me. FML

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By mom - 6/12/2012 19:23 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML

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By melas303 - 30/12/2013 00:22 - United States

Today, I came home to find a pregnancy test in my trashcan. I live alone with my boyfriend and I'm not pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2016 13:12 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had to politely nod and say "Ah okay..." as my grandpa told me that he's not racist; he just doesn't think it's right for black men to associate with white women. He's well aware that my boyfriend is black. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 00:52 - Canada

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML

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By random guy - 30/3/2016 06:49 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 3 years. She responded by drinking all the alcohol in sight, falling unconscious and pissing herself. Six hours later, she said that I was too immature and that's why it would never work. FML

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By no selfie for me - 16/4/2013 04:08 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I was at the park unsuccessfully trying to take a selfie. A stranger walked up to me and offered to take the picture for me. I agreed and gave him my phone. He took it and ran off. FML

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By how the fuck did this happen?! - 11/9/2018 04:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I found out that even after having had my tubes tied, I am in fact pregnant. I have an 8-month-old son and his father just remarried another woman 2 months ago. Neither of them believe that the new baby is his. FML

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By HedgehogFace - 29/11/2018 03:00

Today, my science teacher said I looked like a hedgehog, then had the whole class take a vote. They voted unanimously that yes, I do look like a hedgehog. FML

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By Boobs McGee - 31/10/2016 02:48

Today, I should probably throw out my old, torn dress as my boob popped out to say hello to a passing car. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML

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By bird problems - 7/3/2016 17:42 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, since I've been paying attention to my newborn, my pet cockatoo learned to cry like the baby on the middle of the night. I haven't gotten more than four hours of sleep. FML

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By EdibleCape - 28/5/2020 23:00

Nerves of steel

Today, I went out with my best girl friend to spice up my wardrobe. I recently broken up with my girlfriend, who was constantly flip-flopping from being in love with me to being apathetic towards me. After having a great day, on the way home my ex pulled up next to our car and I had a panic attack. FML

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By bluskyz1979 - 17/5/2016 15:32 - United States - Cypress

Today, my boyfriend and I were on a date and he starts complaining about how his back is hurting him. He complains the whole evening. Fast forward to later that night, we are in bed so I ask him if he was feeling OK. He says, "I guess so. I'm just confused about my feelings for you." FML

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By Realworldred - 18/6/2015 03:50 - United States - Scranton

Today, my sister started a full-time job with a good pay despite having no prior work experience and being a college freshman. Meanwhile, I've graduated with two degrees, have been working two jobs for the last five years, and still can't get a full-time position anywhere. FML

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By WoofWoof - 7/12/2009 18:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months called me. He said his mom was making him choose between having a dog or having a girlfriend. I asked him which one he picked. He was quiet, I heard barking in the background. FML

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By BrokeAF - 12/8/2018 08:30 - United States - Great Barrington

Today, my ex showed up to pick up our kids in her brand new car. Last month child support doubled my amount because of a paperwork error. FML

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By misc - 13/9/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me over the phone in between telling the Subway employees what he wanted on his sandwich. FML

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By Goosey - 12/12/2009 17:26 - United States

Today, I was on Tiger TV, our high school's monthly TV program which was shown at lunch today. I was being interviewed and at one point the reporter made me laugh. I have a goose laugh so everyone in the lunch room started laughing. Then they played it in slow motion. Twice. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2013 01:32 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my daughter's biggest aspiration is to create a time machine for the sole purpose of going to the '70s to see the Ramones in concert. FML

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By Idiot - 26/5/2019 02:00

Today, I was in a store with my mom. I wandered off, then walked around looking for her. I spotted her, and decided to put on a ski mask to give her a scare for a laugh. I hid around a corner and yelled "BOO!" when I saw her. It wasn't my mom, and I'm now banned from that store. FML

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Top comments

By may_cause_fail | 0

#99055 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:05

Is that even physically possible?

By rukusrazor | 0

#99048 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:03

Wow. You fail at life.

COMMENTS

By leviseifert88 | 0

#99044 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:03

haha funny one . 1st!

Reply

rawrgle | 7

#967730 - Thursday 25 March 2010 4:55

Be thankful it wasn't in public like at the gym ;)

Reply

jablesthechamp | 0

#1156439 - Thursday 29 July 2010 11:09

that's not so bad my friend sliced his leg open to the bone on a stationary bike. I saw the whole thing I almost passed out.

Reply

bezach | 0

#2668010 - Monday 13 June 2011 0:25

lines 2-5 that's what she said!

By rukusrazor | 0

#99048 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:03

Wow. You fail at life.

By may_cause_fail | 0

#99055 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:05

Is that even physically possible?

Reply

stuffhappens223 | 7

#3918784 - Saturday 21 January 2012 16:07

When your clumsy almost anything is possible; trust me I know.

By allyoop | 0

#99056 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:06

hahahahahahahahaha that just made my morning.

Reply

i_wuz_nver_here | 31

#1902446 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 7:24

it would've been a lot funnier if it was just the last sentence. leave some room for imagination.

By eschreib | 0

#99076 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:11

thats an embarrassing story to tell people

By UnCensoredBitch | 0

#99079 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:12

Bahahaha! Bike -1 You- 0

By chipndip829 | 0

#99080 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:12

Hahah man that must suck. Imagine how bad it would have been if you were on a real bike?

By i_like_chicks | 0

#99105 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:19

FYL but still fuckin hilarious, sorry man, laughed my ass off at that!

By pumpkincakes | 0

#99114 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:22

you should have put your hands out to catch yourself

By heytherexoxo | 0

#99129 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:26

Haha. God that's an embarrassing story to explain to people.
Good going CLUMSY :p