Today, I was responsible for taking care of Hoppers, the rabbit...

By Anonymous - 18/4/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I was responsible for taking care of Hoppers, the rabbit belonging to my sons 3rd grade class. Tomorrow my son returns Hoppers so the next student can care for him. That won't be happening because Hoppers hopped out my 5th story window. FML

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Kids

They're everywhere

Mystery

Non-baby fever

By Anonymous - 27/11/2015 06:42 - France - Cateri

Today, I had a boyfriend who wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. When I came home, I realised he must have married my roommate. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 14:35 - Taiwan

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML

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By pandroida - 25/10/2009 15:56 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend admitted to checking out other girls when he's with me. In his defense, "he doesn't look at their face or boobs. Just their ass." FML

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By Nikki - 2/2/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend some nude pics of me. Later I get a text from my dad asking me when I had gotten a tattoo. FML

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By shmelly - 16/4/2010 04:03 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was unbuttoning my pants to go down on me, he looked at me and said in his best robot voice, "caution, contents may be stinky." FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2017 17:15 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, a teenage kid holding a cell phone ran up to me and kicked me as hard as he could in the groin. After I fell to the ground in pain, I realized he was liveblogging the event and asking people to subscribe to his YouTube channel. FML

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By collegegrad - 15/10/2013 15:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I read an article about the top 10 worst jobs this year. This list includes my degree and three of my main skills and interests. FML

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By nick - 22/3/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2010 04:27 - Canada

Today, a crying kid was brought to my attention by a customer. He was so upset from losing his mom that he couldn't say his name or his moms name. I took him around the store asking him to point out his mom. Once we found her she told me "I was hiding from my kid to test his independence." FML

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By alisaav - 8/8/2014 07:40 - Thailand

Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2015 18:29 - United States - South Burlington

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

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By SoMuchPee - 6/3/2017 22:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after scrubbing every surface twice a week for a month, I finally found the source of the pee smell in my bathroom. Under the toilet. The people who built our house didn't think it was necessary to seal around the toilet. There was two years of pee under there. FML

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By Anna - 2/10/2012 17:37 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, I got lost at Best Buy. Meanwhile, my mom freaked out, and they called out my name over the intercom. When I walked up to the desk and they saw I was 17, the employees burst out laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML

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By Coco - 19/4/2016 20:58 - Denmark - ?lborg

Today, I invited my sister to my wedding. She is not coming, because I didn't reply to her email three years ago. The one she sent to my whole family, saying that I was a dangerous psychopath. FML

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By sweetie808 - 28/1/2016 08:39 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

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By mook - 15/7/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, my neighbor confessed to me that he was homophobic and regrets that his family doesnt know it. He spent fifteen minutes explaining how much he would hate to have a gay child. I spent two hours last night convincing his son that it was the right thing to tell his family he was gay. FML

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By sucker - 6/1/2011 03:55 - Canada

Today, my cheating ex-boyfriend was offered the job we both interviewed for. I helped him with his cover letter before I found out about the affair. I've been unemployed for almost two years. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2012 23:05 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was holding our weekly poker game with a few work buddies. My psychotic, live-in mother-in-law wasted no time jumping into the game, cheating me out of $150, my new wristwatch, and what little pride I had left. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2010 23:10 - United States

Today, my friend asked why I always smell like a dead animal carcass. I have no idea. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2015 17:10 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be romantic to take me to a strip club for our 1-year anniversary. FML

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By milkshake - 23/1/2013 00:29 - United States - Pasadena

Today, at work at a car dealership, a seemingly overzealous customer shook my hand vigorously after we finalized a deal. I didn't think anything of it until a coworker pointed out that he was just trying to make my breasts jiggle. I'm a man. FML

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By melikeyturtles - 3/7/2012 15:08 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out my home health patient purposely drinks tons of prune juice every night so I will have a huge mess to clean up in the morning because I'm "a lazy bastard" and I "need to work harder." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2020 17:00

Run for the hills!

Today, my girlfriend asked me the details for al-Qaeda's plan during 9/11 for an essay. I had no idea and she said she just expected me to know, since I'm "one of those people." I'm Iranian. FML

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By aherdofpigs - 2/9/2013 19:22 - United States

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 17:54 - United States

Today, I woke up with a hangover, a shaved head, and my period. FML

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By KenzoBVB - 2/9/2015 03:55 - Canada

Today, I went to the orthodontist, and found out when I was supposed to get my braces off. His exact words, "You'll get them off around Christmas... but we're not sure what year." FML

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By RKE - 5/11/2009 02:12 - United States

Today, I went to our school golf banquet, after being with the team and practicing every day for a few months with them. When it came time to get the certificates, all the names were called out. Except for mine. When I asked the coach where my certificate was, he said "Who are you?". FML

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By datingamoron - 14/2/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML

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By wowjuststop - 3/10/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, I got offered a ride to go home for the weekend. I go to college six hours away from home and haven't seen my family for almost two months. When I called my mom with the good news, she told me not to come. FML

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By IB6UB9 - 28/11/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. Extremely upset, I called my parents, because it was their car and I didn't know what to do. I told them what happened, and asked if they were on their way to where I was. My dad's response was "Hell no, we're eating dinner." FML

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By volleyballgirl - 28/2/2010 01:11 - United States

Today, at my volleyball tournament I was extremely pumped to start playing so I went to take my sweats off and everybody began to stare at me then I looked down to come to realize I had no spandex on, just a thong. FML

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By CrappyCar - 14/5/2013 05:29 - United States

Today, I received a notice that if I don't move the abandoned vehicle from outside my house it will be repossessed at my expense. My car isn't abandoned. FML

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By soaked - 31/8/2009 13:05 - United States

Today, I stood for half an hour in the rain waiting for my bus. As I started to go inside, my bus turned around the corner and splashed water all over me. The bus driver wouldn't let me on the bus because I was soaking wet and I would "mess up the seats". FML

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By JhKhS - 14/9/2009 10:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2016 10:17 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I was at the gym. I'm 360 lbs and have finally decided it's time to change that. Some girl and her two bitch friends thought it'd be fun to follow me and belittle me at everything I did. When I mentioned it to the staff, they said that they were just "encouraging" me. FML

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By Dakota - 28/9/2017 04:30

Bad Day for a Good Boy

Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2014 17:53 - United States

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

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By chichi - 7/2/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I went to Subway to grab some lunch. As I was paying, the cashier gave me a tip. He told me of a great acne medication that would do wonders. Thanks. FML

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Top comments

By JustAndrew79 | 0

#123356 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

He lives up to his name.

By _apecakez | 0

#123361 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

poor Hoppers. :(

maybe, taxiderm him and return him?
"YAY! Hoppers is back! why isn't he hopping?"
".. i don't know.."

COMMENTS

By nammz | 0

#123348 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:30

RIP Hoppers =[
But it's kinda your fault for not paying more attention to the rabbit. Never leave anything to a 3rd grader
and first!

nateb1tch | 1

#1118136 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 6:40

hmm free dinner

da_page09 | 0

#1136872 - Sunday 25 July 2010 7:44

Did u watch it fall?

NikkiRainbow63 | 31

#5849988 - Thursday 6 February 2014 2:14

Why exactly was a bunny left next to an open window.... ?

By Bobskoo | 0

#123352 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:31

I laughed. Does that make me a bad person?

JamesM9794 | 0

#965476 - Sunday 21 March 2010 3:12

no I did too

Cjw1220 | 0

#1149258 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 20:40

Does that just make both of you bad people?

zyxwvutsrqponmlk_fml | 0

#2316111 - Friday 8 April 2011 22:26

No, I laughed as well.

rajjyboi | 0

#3032336 - Wednesday 3 August 2011 23:32

so 3 people... ohwait! I laughed too... so 4 bad people?

xXCherrryBombXx | 6

#4710029 - Friday 20 July 2012 1:49

... let it go... it's not funny anymore

By JustAndrew79 | 0

#123356 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

He lives up to his name.

isaiaha11 | 2

#1281678 - Sunday 22 August 2010 0:30

ftw

duke56924903 | 11

#4444781 - Wednesday 16 May 2012 23:37

He died doing what he loved.

ekim300 | 26

#6134028 - Wednesday 3 December 2014 17:53

#3
Well.. seeing its not alive anymore...

that's a poor choice of words. :(

By Rodjmeister | 0

#123357 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

OH my god....that sucks a lot..

By Tigro_fml | 0

#123359 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

Hoppers will no longer be hopping... And #2 theres no pic, so it could have been an ugly bunny.. lol

By _apecakez | 0

#123361 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

poor Hoppers. :(

maybe, taxiderm him and return him?
"YAY! Hoppers is back! why isn't he hopping?"
".. i don't know.."

By so_me_fml | 0

#123362 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

Omg Hoppers!! Poor baby! Run, quick! To the pet store and get a replacement Hoppers! Totally had to do that with a goldfish I was fish sitting once.

By buryuntime | 0

#123363 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

Who puts a bunny or any animal for that matter next to an open window?

hollistergrrl129 | 0

#2150525 - Saturday 5 March 2011 0:09

very true

CherryBombb | 0

#2940828 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 22:41

well, obviously no one would place a bunny or any animal for that matter, next to an open window of a 5th

CherryBombb | 0

#2940835 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 22:44

story building. the rabbit could've hopped towards the open window which I assume was on the other side of the room. he might've thought it lead to freedom. poor Hoppers. Rest in pieces liddle buddy. I apologize for sending 2 separate comments.

By Loony_fml | 4

#123364 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

Ouch...

Call the teacher asap and offer to buy a new bunny.

By FBIWarning | 0

#123370 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:34

Fail bunny sitting.