Kids: Today, I was responsible for taking care of Hoppers, the rabbit...

By Anonymous - 18/04/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I was responsible for taking care of Hoppers, the rabbit belonging to my sons 3rd grade class. Tomorrow my son returns Hoppers so the next student can care for him. That won't be happening because Hoppers hopped out my 5th story window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 632

You deserved it 15 777

Kids

You tried

Baby you can drive my car

Great parenting, mom

By Gamergirl137 - 16/01/2016 02:28 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 420

You deserved it 2 578

By dancincherrychic - 25/10/2015 19:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was making sweet potato chips using my new slicer. I didn't mean to make a pinky finger chip as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 876

You deserved it 3 485

By Scorned Employee - 02/01/2012 03:38 - United States

Today, it finally became clear to me that before you start dating a co-worker, it's best to figure out who they've already dated from work, just in case one of her exes is your new manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 982

You deserved it 7 585

By davidthegreat - 05/07/2011 08:27 - Japan

Today, I had to come to terms with the fact that I'm getting older because my pubic hair is turning white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 795

You deserved it 5 884

By slukaa - 13/06/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, for the first time in over a year, my mother actually called me. I excitedly picked up the phone. All I heard was rustling; her purse dialed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 640

You deserved it 3 252

By hamboneghost - 24/02/2015 19:02 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I greeted my girlfriend with a spinning hug. She got motion sickness and threw up all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 225

You deserved it 8 813

Dress up

By Hystcheria - 06/11/2021 12:00 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me. I refused his calls, so he texted, not to apologize, but to say I'd "left some clothes in his suitcase"; i.e., he stole some of my clothes. When he didn't get the response from me that he was hoping for, he texted, "I'm wearing your shorts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 94

Clean me, humanoid

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 15:00

Today, I had to wash my cat. Twice. The first time was because he decided to roll over in the litter tray after using it. The second was the result of him pissing on the floor, then rolling in it right after I'd dried him from the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 371

You deserved it 226

By John - 26/03/2012 02:53 - Saint Lucia

Today, I discovered that it is possible for bugs to lay eggs in your ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 611

You deserved it 3 023

By nottrustworthy - 18/11/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, my wife of seven years told me that she doesn't trust me with dog-sitting her dog while she leaves to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's with her family. She ended up calling someone she "trusts" to take care of her dog while I spend the holidays by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 417

You deserved it 4 554

By torturedears - 05/04/2013 04:20 - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I went to work at a hotel. One of the guests decided to play the piano in the lobby. He's deaf. Unfortunately, I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 289

You deserved it 6 640

By amber - 19/04/2012 18:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 668

You deserved it 4 755

By Money Shot - 15/07/2018 06:00

Today, I was sunbathing by my pool, totally naked. After a while I got a boner and decided to jerk off. As I was about to finish, I rolled over to cum on the deck, but when I rolled back, my elderly neighbor yelled, "Don't do that in the open if you won’t give up the money shot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 262

You deserved it 8 913

ESPN Love

By pieceofcake163 - 29/12/2009 08:59 - United States

Today, I found out that my booty call only likes to have sex with me so afterwards he can watch ESPN on my plasma screen TV, because he has neither. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 553

You deserved it 17 022

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 05/03/2010 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 594

You deserved it 3 639

By EveOnRoad - 05/05/2019 18:00

Today, my boyfriend of 9 years rode with his mother after boot camp graduation. She acts more like a jealous lover than a mom, so I'm currently chasing them all over Chicago in a blizzard, with her refusing to stop the car so he can see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 921

You deserved it 229

By Anonymous - 18/05/2013 19:34 - United States - Coatesville

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she apparently saw me making out with her sister. She doesn't even have a sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 394

You deserved it 4 666

By Anonymous - 10/09/2015 01:15 - United States - Mountain View

Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 426

You deserved it 2 589

By Anonymous - 31/12/2008 01:36 - France

Today, I am spending new year absolutely alone. My girlfriend canceled our plans the day before so she could spend it with alcohol and strangers. Somehow, I still love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 024

You deserved it 11 247

By TKDConnor92 - 22/07/2011 10:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a 7 year-old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 604

You deserved it 6 703

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - 29/01/2021 08:01

Today, I met what I thought was a decent guy, via an introduction by my pregnant friend. She's dating his brother. The guy was dropping my friend and me off, but on the way out of the door he slapped her on the butt and smiled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 81

By JoeyTheJedi - 18/10/2016 00:31 - United States - Batesville

Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's been a death in the family, then abruptly hangs up. I speed home, to find my mother holding the tiny corpse of a fish that she got 2 weeks ago. I got fired for being late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 325

You deserved it 1 311

By nakedness - 11/12/2011 01:35 - Australia

Today, I was getting dressed in my bedroom with the blinds open and had nothing covering my top half. I thought my neighbours wouldn't be able to see in through all the trees, that was until I heard someone wolf whistle and one of my neighbours running away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 435

You deserved it 32 082

By Guilpie - 29/01/2017 16:00 - Germany - Heidelberg

Today, I politely asked our overweight neighbour to park on her side of the garage. Three unsuccessful tries later, she drives out and parks on the street in a huff, and I'm now the world's biggest bastard because she can't legally park on her side and still open her door due to her size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 348

You deserved it 718

By Anonymous - 13/05/2013 22:05 - United States - Kapolei

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 645

You deserved it 4 389

By Lola - 26/12/2008 06:32 - France

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 437

You deserved it 18 857

By xxxchelsiexxx - 06/02/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my two friends. My hair was hanging over my upper lip, making it look like I had a big mustache. "Hey, look guys!" I said. "I have a mustache!" "I know," they both said without looking. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 312

You deserved it 7 812

Thanks, Stephen King

By Anonymous - 23/03/2013 00:02 - United States - Buford

Today, on Facebook, I mentioned that I'd just finished reading the novel Pet Sematary. Two hours later, I'd lost two friends and my boyfriend, after they commented "learn to spell, dumbass", "u illiterate fucker", and "well, I'm not dating you for your brains, am I?" I hate humanity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 659

You deserved it 7 995

By Anonymous - 26/09/2009 14:24 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 079

You deserved it 3 313

By Livingthedream - 12/08/2018 06:00

Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 874

You deserved it 441

By stuckonrepeat - 04/08/2010 20:17 - Ireland

Today, when I returned from holiday, I discovered my best friend taught my parrot dirty phrases for fun. I can't get her to shut up and my little niece and nephew are coming over in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 558

You deserved it 4 651

By vbscb - 07/10/2009 10:42 - Australia

Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide and seek. I went in the shed, and waited. After waiting a while, I went to go back inside to see what was happening. I saw my niece had locked all the doors and was eating cookies on the kitchen bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 922

You deserved it 39 491

By balls - 02/10/2015 05:49 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell my dick sweat while still wearing underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 487

You deserved it 29 897

Thanks Rufo…

By Anonymous - 09/11/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I found out that my mom is planning on going to my high school's board meeting to complain about her latest boogeyman, Critical Race Theory, being taught. I graduated 17 years ago. She doesn't really know what it is, either. I really wish she could get over her bonkers Facebook groups addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 227

By bballer4_life - 14/12/2016 23:22 - United States - Erie

Today, I made dozens of cookies just in time for Christmas. When I went to take out the last pan from the oven, I slipped. In a desperate attempt to catch the pan I grabbed it with my bare hand. My hand is striped like a candy cane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 834

You deserved it 877

By aur - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Today, I remember the first night I spent with my first English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 711

You deserved it 7 961

By anonymous - 03/09/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, I had a volleyball game against our rivals. I hit myself in the face with the ball 3 times, fell flat on my face against the court, and later had an asthma attack with no inhaler in sight. We lost the game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 668

You deserved it 6 717

By nybaby - 29/11/2010 21:17 - United States

Today, a little girl pointed to the acne on my face and said to her dad, "Look at how many mosquito bites she has on her face!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 392

You deserved it 3 919

By drew the short straw - 15/12/2018 13:30

Today, I had to follow a pony that had flatulent, severe diarrhoea for an hour in order to collect enough liquid for a sample. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 276

You deserved it 200

By capcha - 03/07/2009 18:30 - United States

Today, I was holding a yard sale. A man came up to me and asked if he could buy a pair of red and white sneakers that I'd found in my attic and had never worn. Five bucks later, he was walking away with what I now realize was the pair of shoes signed by Michael Jordan given to me by my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 038

You deserved it 78 490

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Top comments

JustAndrew79 0

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

He lives up to his name.

_apecakez 0

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

poor Hoppers. :( maybe, taxiderm him and return him? "YAY! Hoppers is back! why isn't he hopping?" ".. i don't know.."

nammz 0

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:30

RIP Hoppers =[ But it's kinda your fault for not paying more attention to the rabbit. Never leave anything to a 3rd grader and first!

nateb1tch 1

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Wednesday 21 July 2010 6:40

hmm free dinner

da_page09 0

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Sunday 25 July 2010 7:44

Did u watch it fall?

NikkiRainbow63 31

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Thursday 6 February 2014 2:14

Why exactly was a bunny left next to an open window.... ?

Bobskoo 0

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:31

I laughed. Does that make me a bad person?

JamesM9794 0

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Sunday 21 March 2010 3:12

no I did too

Cjw1220 0

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 20:40

Does that just make both of you bad people?

zyxwvutsrqponmlk_fml 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 22:26

No, I laughed as well.

rajjyboi 0

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Wednesday 3 August 2011 23:32

so 3 people... ohwait! I laughed too... so 4 bad people?

xXCherrryBombXx 6

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Friday 20 July 2012 1:49

... let it go... it's not funny anymore

JustAndrew79 0

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

He lives up to his name.

isaiaha11 2

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Sunday 22 August 2010 0:30

ftw

duke56924903 11

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Wednesday 16 May 2012 23:37

He died doing what he loved.

ekim300 26

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Wednesday 3 December 2014 17:53

#3 Well.. seeing its not alive anymore... that's a poor choice of words. :(

Rodjmeister 0

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

OH my god....that sucks a lot..

Tigro_fml 0

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

Hoppers will no longer be hopping... And #2 theres no pic, so it could have been an ugly bunny.. lol

_apecakez 0

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

poor Hoppers. :( maybe, taxiderm him and return him? "YAY! Hoppers is back! why isn't he hopping?" ".. i don't know.."

so_me_fml 0

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

Omg Hoppers!! Poor baby! Run, quick! To the pet store and get a replacement Hoppers! Totally had to do that with a goldfish I was fish sitting once.

buryuntime 0

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

Who puts a bunny or any animal for that matter next to an open window?

hollistergrrl129 0

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Saturday 5 March 2011 0:09

very true

CherryBombb 0

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 22:41

well, obviously no one would place a bunny or any animal for that matter, next to an open window of a 5th

CherryBombb 0

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 22:44

story building. the rabbit could've hopped towards the open window which I assume was on the other side of the room. he might've thought it lead to freedom. poor Hoppers. Rest in pieces liddle buddy. I apologize for sending 2 separate comments.