Kids: Today, I was responsible for taking care of Hoppers, the rabbit...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was responsible for taking care of Hoppers, the rabbit belonging to my sons 3rd grade class. Tomorrow my son returns Hoppers so the next student can care for him. That won't be happening because Hoppers hopped out my 5th story window. FML

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Kids

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Basic Instinct

Catflap time

By TheThirdWheel - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I found out my boyfriend is bringing his friends on our trip. I'm now the third wheel on the romantic trip we've planned for a year. FML

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By e_edge - United States

Today, after I successfully blew up a really large balloon, my mom said, in front of my older brother's friends, "Wow, you're going to make some man really happy one day!" FML

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By Jumanji - France

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

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By Sonotsuave - United States - Arlington

Today, my now ex-friend told me she had feelings for my ex and was also choosing him over our friendship, despite being fully aware of the crazy rollercoaster our relationship was and being there to hear every detail of the trauma. She classily told me at random, in a public mall. People suck. FML

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By littlekellilee - Canada

Today, I was told I have narcolepsy, and I've it for a year and a half. When asked why I didn't go to a doctor before, I answered that I'd always assumed it was a normal adult thing to fall asleep randomly because of how everyone says they're always exhausted. Apparently not. FML

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By Anonymous user

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 08:01

Unfortunate

Today, I was eatings a bag of chips when one of the pieces broke off into a sharp point and when I chewed it, it stabbed into my gums. When I got up to wash the blood out of my mouth, I hit my big toe on my desk corner. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Inspired

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML

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By weirdedout - United States

Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asks "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML

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By Anonymous - Slovenia - Domzale

Grandma rocks!

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML

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By louise - United Kingdom

Today, I was on Skype with the guy I like. After a while of being on Facebook I forgot I was on webcam to him and started picking my nose. He ended the call. FML

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By Anonymous

Smooth

Today, I turned 30. I still can't grow any facial hair. FML

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By Melissa Barrios

Today, my son, who has ASD, told a woman how gigantic her butt was. While trying to remind him that some things are not nice to say, he screamed that her butt is the "giantest butt ever," like it was an accomplishment. FML

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By jaded_woman - Australia

Today, I backed out of the driveway of our newly built home. Being unfamiliar with the driveway, I ended up getting bogged in the mud and slid halfway down the steep slope of the front yard, trying free myself. I haven't met my neighbours yet. They stood in their front lawns watching me. FML

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By TehUglyLife - United States - Jacksonville Beach

Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mariokart, she decided to leave. FML

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By deserved - United States

Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged on to Facebook to see my boyfriend had posted "I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world!" I 'liked' it and commented "Aww thank you baby!" I logged in later to see that he commented back saying "I didn't mean you." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

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By Jessica - Australia

Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML

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By CatLady - Canada

Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML

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By mariokarter - United Kingdom

Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Westerville

Today, I saw a dead ant. It made me think about how brief and fragile life is, why we're all here, and whether it has a point. It was a piece of lint. FML

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By thissucks - United States

Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML

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By buckid310 - United States

Today, a woman evidently posted on a chat website asking for any young men to send pictures of their junk to her cell phone. Over 60 messages were sent, mostly by underage boys, most of them including the picture. Only problem. The number posted wasn't hers... It was mine. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

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By jeezy - Canada

Today, I was working my shift and my ex girlfriend came in to apply for a job. She broke up with me for another guy so i can't stand being in the same room as her. The manager talked to her and decided to hire her on the spot. I need to train her. FML

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By Staying Home Today - United States - Severn

Today, my driver's-side door was so frozen that the locking mechanism wouldn't move. My passenger-side door's lock worked, but the door itself wouldn't budge. The door handle on the other hand, budged quite well. It budged right off its hinges. FML

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By JustAmirage

Today, it was my first day at work. They had me a large tray with lots of food on it, even after I told them I wasn’t comfortable carrying it. I hit the door on the way out of the kitchen, spilling everything on the tray, breaking 2 soup bowls and 3 salad plates. FML

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By fuck you dad - Ireland - Carrickmacross

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

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By Mayrose125

Today, I learned that my boss is training one the the trainees I trained to be supervisor. Everyone supports this, including me. So what's the issue? I was promised that position almost 2 years ago. Apparently, I train people well enough to promote, but I'm not good enough to be promoted myself. FML

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By Black Cat 13 - United States

Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Metamora

Today, a cop turned his lights and siren on to pull me over. I pulled into a parking lot and got a ticket. It wasn't until the cop pulled away that I realized that I'd pulled into, and interrupted, an on-going funeral visitation. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I started having chest pains and shortness of breath. I thought I was having a heart attack and I asked my husband to take me to the hospital. He told me to wait because he'd just ordered a pizza. FML

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By WellThatSucks - United States

Today, I discovered my dog pooped in my bed, under the covers, by rolling over onto it. FML

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By Gabby - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

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By Polmkk - United States

Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my extremely lazy colleague received a promotion with benefits, while I was fired for "not being a team-player". I had stayed quiet about her constant negative behaviour because my supervisor said we needed to "have each other's backs". While I was protecting hers, she put a knife in mine. FML

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By onemoredonut - United States - Herndon

Today, while directing traffic in uniform, I tripped over a traffic cone and fell straight on my butt in the middle of a busy intersection. FML

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By Reihna - United States - Marion

Today, it's my birthday. I spent $100 on myself, using it to set up an account so that my son can call me from jail. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted to help, so I tried to yank her purse from the mugger's hands. I guess my neighbor didn't see me clearly, because she thought I was another mugger and kicked my directly in the happy sacks. FML

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Top comments

By JustAndrew79 | 0

#123356 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

He lives up to his name.

By _apecakez | 0

#123361 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

poor Hoppers. :(

maybe, taxiderm him and return him?
"YAY! Hoppers is back! why isn't he hopping?"
".. i don't know.."

COMMENTS

By nammz | 0

#123348 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:30

RIP Hoppers =[
But it's kinda your fault for not paying more attention to the rabbit. Never leave anything to a 3rd grader
and first!

nateb1tch | 1

#1118136 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 6:40

hmm free dinner

da_page09 | 0

#1136872 - Sunday 25 July 2010 7:44

Did u watch it fall?

NikkiRainbow63 | 31

#5849988 - Thursday 6 February 2014 2:14

Why exactly was a bunny left next to an open window.... ?

By Bobskoo | 0

#123352 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:31

I laughed. Does that make me a bad person?

JamesM9794 | 0

#965476 - Sunday 21 March 2010 3:12

no I did too

Cjw1220 | 0

#1149258 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 20:40

Does that just make both of you bad people?

zyxwvutsrqponmlk_fml | 0

#2316111 - Friday 8 April 2011 22:26

No, I laughed as well.

rajjyboi | 0

#3032336 - Wednesday 3 August 2011 23:32

so 3 people... ohwait! I laughed too... so 4 bad people?

xXCherrryBombXx | 6

#4710029 - Friday 20 July 2012 1:49

... let it go... it's not funny anymore

By JustAndrew79 | 0

#123356 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

He lives up to his name.

isaiaha11 | 2

#1281678 - Sunday 22 August 2010 0:30

ftw

duke56924903 | 11

#4444781 - Wednesday 16 May 2012 23:37

He died doing what he loved.

ekim300 | 26

#6134028 - Wednesday 3 December 2014 17:53

#3
Well.. seeing its not alive anymore...

that's a poor choice of words. :(

By Rodjmeister | 0

#123357 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

OH my god....that sucks a lot..

By Tigro_fml | 0

#123359 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

Hoppers will no longer be hopping... And #2 theres no pic, so it could have been an ugly bunny.. lol

By _apecakez | 0

#123361 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

poor Hoppers. :(

maybe, taxiderm him and return him?
"YAY! Hoppers is back! why isn't he hopping?"
".. i don't know.."

By so_me_fml | 0

#123362 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

Omg Hoppers!! Poor baby! Run, quick! To the pet store and get a replacement Hoppers! Totally had to do that with a goldfish I was fish sitting once.

By buryuntime | 0

#123363 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

Who puts a bunny or any animal for that matter next to an open window?

hollistergrrl129 | 0

#2150525 - Saturday 5 March 2011 0:09

very true

CherryBombb | 0

#2940828 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 22:41

well, obviously no one would place a bunny or any animal for that matter, next to an open window of a 5th

CherryBombb | 0

#2940835 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 22:44

story building. the rabbit could've hopped towards the open window which I assume was on the other side of the room. he might've thought it lead to freedom. poor Hoppers. Rest in pieces liddle buddy. I apologize for sending 2 separate comments.

By Loony_fml | 4

#123364 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

Ouch...

Call the teacher asap and offer to buy a new bunny.

By FBIWarning | 0

#123370 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:34

Fail bunny sitting.