Intimacy: Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage"...

By Kate - 07/06/2011 07:50 - United States

Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 654

You deserved it 44 178

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Same thing different taste

By mrssagdiyev - 05/03/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 611

You deserved it 5 436

By Indigo_Kitten - 08/08/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 961

You deserved it 19 046

By Something I said? - 05/11/2013 15:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 049

You deserved it 59 049

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 065

You deserved it 50 978

By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 399

You deserved it 6 857

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 907

You deserved it 6 511

By anonymous - 03/02/2011 05:17

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 276

You deserved it 6 449

The good old days

By WOWreally - 25/09/2009 06:24 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 033

You deserved it 12 108

By notinterested - 13/09/2011 10:11 - United States

Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 363

You deserved it 5 439

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 005

You deserved it 4 670

perdix 29

Tuesday 7 June 2011 16:22

Smack it a few times and say, "Is this thing on?" That'll stop him. Unless he's into S S S S, M M M.

HahaYDI 0

Tuesday 7 June 2011 16:05

Sounds like a win-win situation to me.

Comments

slynoble32 11

Wednesday 8 June 2011 6:43

i dont get what it means.....

rainport 0

Wednesday 8 June 2011 7:29

omg u actuly put this on here fml

1naenae95 5

Wednesday 8 June 2011 7:55

it's all fun and games...until someone loses an eye

saltypirate 0

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:32

I dont get it...

Nemmycakes 3

Wednesday 8 June 2011 13:01

Did this book happen to be written by Gregory JP Godek? because I've been getting these briefcases full of candy because someone is taking his "advice"

stargazur 9

Wednesday 26 September 2012 13:22

That's mad creepy!

krty402 7

Wednesday 8 June 2011 15:52

Then it's hilarious.

pike1346 3

Wednesday 8 June 2011 18:45

gonna try that.

lowshadows 21

Wednesday 8 June 2011 19:30

" fall for it" ha ha ha! good choice of words

sayers6 0

Friday 10 June 2011 3:39

so suck it lol

FlyingLazerWALRU 0

Friday 10 June 2011 4:35

I have something like that: "The FBI is trying to kidnap my penis. I need some place to hide it." Female responds "How can I help?". DONT EVER FALL FOR THIS. YOU MIGHT GET PREGNANT.