Intimacy: Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage"...

By Kate - 07/06/2011 07:50 - United States

Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 653

You deserved it 44 178

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Same thing different taste

By mrssagdiyev - 05/03/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 611

You deserved it 5 436

By Indigo_Kitten - 08/08/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 961

You deserved it 19 046

By Something I said? - 05/11/2013 15:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 049

You deserved it 59 049

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 065

You deserved it 50 978

By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 399

You deserved it 6 857

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 907

You deserved it 6 511

By anonymous - 03/02/2011 05:17

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 276

You deserved it 6 449

The good old days

By WOWreally - 25/09/2009 06:24 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 033

You deserved it 12 108

By notinterested - 13/09/2011 10:11 - United States

Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 362

You deserved it 5 439

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 005

You deserved it 4 670

perdix 29

Tuesday 7 June 2011 16:22

Smack it a few times and say, "Is this thing on?" That'll stop him. Unless he's into S S S S, M M M.

HahaYDI 0

Tuesday 7 June 2011 16:05

Sounds like a win-win situation to me.

Comments

Firebirdfreak47_fml 0

Tuesday 7 June 2011 18:30

Hey mic coulduse thattalk test to

sonya_92 0

Tuesday 7 June 2011 18:42

Amazing lol

reebokkid123 14

Tuesday 7 June 2011 18:54

Did his Mic sound nice?

skyeyez9 24

Tuesday 7 June 2011 19:00

Just start singing into the 'microphone.'

ryankon518 3

Tuesday 7 June 2011 19:15

That is the most epic thing I've ever heard. I must find this book. it's golden!

DueOrDie 0

Tuesday 7 June 2011 19:29

lol damn I'ma try that with my girl

KGabehart9 0

Tuesday 7 June 2011 19:33

so what's the problem?

CallMeHush 0

Tuesday 7 June 2011 19:45

Piggy.

evan_mchugh 0

Tuesday 7 June 2011 20:46

I don't get it :(

oocarmelgirl0807 0

Tuesday 7 June 2011 22:04

me either. :(

CheezIt62 0

Wednesday 8 June 2011 2:00

FAIL

nerdwithagun 0

Thursday 9 June 2011 7:40

This has got to be one of the most simple FML's ever.

Ray_of_midnight 22

Tuesday 7 June 2011 20:55

"It looks just like a Telefunken U-47"....

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Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 690

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 159

You deserved it 11 993

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I agree, your life sucks 30 202

You deserved it 5 465

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to ride a bike with no training wheels. After comforting her and assuring her that she'd be fine, I gave her a big push. She fell forward over the handlebars and scraped her chin on the front wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 189

You deserved it 26 864

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I agree, your life sucks 29 631

You deserved it 1 284

Today, I found out that I need a hysterectomy. When I told my boyfriend of 2 years, he broke up with me, because he didn't have time to "coddle my feelings". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 79

Today, while I took my dog out, my mother began to cook, took a Xanax, locked the doors, and passed out. When I managed to get in, I called the paramedics because she was in the smoke for at least an hour. When she became conscious, she blamed me for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 386

You deserved it 194

Today, and for the past four years, the only time my husband stops snoring while asleep is so that he can fart. FML

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Same thing different taste

Revealing

The language of love

The good old days

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