Work: Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of... - FML

By Infadel - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML

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Late term

Season finale

The geyser

By Ohdear - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I was holding the ladder while my husband was in the attic, and I let out a silent fart, thinking he wouldn't notice. A minute later, he complained of the dreadful smell and told me he was checking for a dead animal. FML

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By joi9496

Today, at age 23, I met my absentee father. He went on about how much he missed me and wanted to know more about me. He then asked if I knew where he could get some good weed, and said he'd share it to make up for all the missed birthdays and Christmases. FML

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By oboy - United States

Today, after ten minutes of squishing my boobs together for my boyfriend, trying to get him to stare, he glanced at them then blankly said "I've seen better tits on my mom, so baby just stop that" and smiled. FML

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By leanne - 16/12/2020 17:58 - United States - Denver

Seasons greetings to you too

Today, I said hi to my coworker and she immediately yelled, "Get your gross unwashed hands out of my face!" I wash my hands compulsively and they were nowhere near her face. FML

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By Leyla - Canada - Brampton

Get ready to rumble!

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought we were wrestling, so he got on top of the covers and started "wrestling" with us. FML

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By Czechplease - United States

Today, my mom told my girlfriend an embarrassing story about me, along the lines of whenever my parents would take me school clothes shopping, I'd cry because I hated all the choices they gave me. The most recent incident of this? Last year. I'm 18. FML

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By KatieElizabeth - United States - San Francisco

Today, at work, I had a customer accuse me of taking the giftcard I had issued her for her return, after spending 15 minutes trying to fix her screwed up transaction. She began to yell, and follow me around the store. Security had to intervene and I had to be locked in an office until she left. FML

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By "AdorableDoxie"

Today, I fell asleep in the school bus on the way back home when my loud fart woke me and a few other kids up. I am a teacher. FML

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By ohman - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, after having sex for the first time with my girlfriend, I realised I was in love with her. I noticed she had an eyelash on her breast. After tugging it a few times I realised it was actually a single black nipple hair. She was so embarrassed, she kicked me out and now won't return my calls. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

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By mintypoison - United States

Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML

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By jgboy - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML

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By shart - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had an accident at work. Not the kind involving worker's compensation. The kind involving desperately scrubbing my office chair with paper towels, before going home to change my pants. FML

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By Public Indecency

Today, after some cajoling, I finally posed naked for my long-term partner and his Polaroid camera. After saying he would cherish the intimate snapshots forever, he almost immediately forgot them on a crowded bus. FML

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By katelouise2102 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to make up a boyfriend to stop my lesbian roommate coming onto me. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 11:01 - United States - Rockaway Park

Credibility loss

Today, I was promoted to vice president of my company. I gave a speech explaining how I intended to run things more transparently. When I bent down to pick up my folder, my pants split. Somebody said, "Powerpuff girls panties. Transparent indeed." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML

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By ouch.... - United States - Duxbury

Today, my boyfriend broke a glass in the kitchen and accidentally stepped on it, cutting his foot. He asked me if I could help him clean his cut. Apparently, he's ticklish and I now have a huge bruise on my chest from where he kicked me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I gave my name for a lunch order, I even spelled it out for the cashier. When my food was ready, they screamed "Labia," in the restaurant full of people. My name is Nadia. FML

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By asparagus piss - United States - Tifton

Today, after having loaned my girlfriend money after she claimed to be broke and unable to pay her rent and electricity bills, she went out, spent it all on a new purse and phone, and now refuses to pay me back. FML

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By Casdmo

Today, the person who is supposed to train me at my new job left the country for a week due to a family emergency. I can't start until they return. This pushes my first paycheck back a pay period, two weeks later than expected. I'm already broke. FML

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By Toothless_Lasagna

Today, my boyfriend and roommate got into a fist fight over a magic trick. They ended up putting a huge hole in the wall that's going to be expensive to fix. We're renting my boss's house. FML

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By m - United States - Stamford

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was pretty upset, so one of my guy friends offered to comfort me and get some ice cream. Apparently his definition of "comforting" is to feel my tits and try to get me to give him head. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dallas

Today, I returned to work after taking two days off to find I'd been fired. Why? For not being at work on those two days. Everything was agreed in writing, all trace of which has mysteriously vanished. I can't work until HR sorts it out, and nobody can tell me how long that'll take. FML

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By lilshoobydoo14 - United States

Today, I met a guy that I liked. We really hit it off, that is until his parents walked by and he started begging them, down on his hands and knees, to buy him a new video game. FML

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By Disgruntled ADP - United States - Dallas

Today, we moved desks for the umpteenth time, and my supervisor stuffed me in a corner by the door with no one around to talk to. The worst thing is I hear the badge reader beep every few seconds. It's already driving me crazy. FML

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By nofriends - United States

Today, after going to T-Mobile thinking my phone won't receive texts, I found out that my phone is perfectly fine, my friends just don't text me back. FML

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By misty - Canada

Today, after checking in and waiting 3 hours to see the doctor, the receptionist said she forgot about me because she didn't see me. She asked me to come back tomorrow. I was sitting right in front of her. FML

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By maddie94 - Australia

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

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By aunty_social

Today, I took my 5-year-old nephew camping. I was about to take him to the outhouse for a bathroom break when he flung the door of the camper open and shouted at the top of his lungs to the entire campground, "We are going to poop now!" FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I met my father, who I hadn't seen since I was a baby, at Subway. He made me pay for his meal. FML

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By SwimSquid - United States

Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML

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By getmoneyab - Mexico

Today, I went to Cheese Cake Factory for dinner. There was this hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML

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By Whosthegroom - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent out a mass text to everyone on her contact list. She's getting married in a month. I didn't propose to her. FML

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By hayleediaz - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked nice in my profile picture. I began to reply "Aww, thank you!" until he sent another message saying "Mostly because your face isn't in it." FML

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By 99520 - United States

Today, I gave my dad a brochure for anger management. His response? Throwing a chair out the window. FML

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By unlucky - 27/9/2020 10:49

Heavy sleeper

Today, I had a migraine. I decided to wear earplugs to block out sound while I slept. I don't usually wear them because they hurt my ears like nobody's business. The one day I wear earplugs, I get robbed. In the middle of the day. Through my own bedroom window. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to the phone store to get a new SIM card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn popped up. FML

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Top comments

By DragonDude | 24

#6016089 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 9:26

Well, suit up anyway.

By cailey1234567890 | 24

#6016091 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 9:26

Oh geez...
I could definitely see how you would make that mistake if you were in a hurry, but they don't exactly feel the same....

COMMENTS

By fatkidfalling | 11

#6016088 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 9:26

At least your face is dry now :)

Reply

football98_fml | 20

#6016109 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 9:50

At least you washed your face before wiping it

Reply

jerryj | 27

#6016147 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 11:37

Probably face was wet again from tears after realizing what he did :(

Reply

jackel_love | 14

#6016179 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 12:30

I'm just not understanding how OP didn't realize it wasn't a towel... I thought suit jackets and towels have two different textures.

Reply

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6016200 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 13:22

Maybe OP has fancy towels. Lol

Reply

hamzor | 5

#6016496 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 19:24

Or OP had a suit jacket made out of towel material, extra fancy!

By DragonDude | 24

#6016089 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 9:26

Well, suit up anyway.

Reply

boating_guy | 33

#6016319 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 16:37

Or go buy a new suit at a secondhand store!
Anyone else think of My Cousin Vinny when they read this?

Reply

MissSatan | 16

#6017378 - Thursday 24 July 2014 12:32

Wearing the suit anyway should only go to show how eager you are to work for them :)

By PassiveAggresive | 12

#6016090 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 9:26

Aw man that sucks! Hopefully you were able to dry it with a blow dryer... or perhaps the interviewer didn't notice!

Reply

mysadlyfe | 9

#6016103 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 9:45

he probably owns more than one suit

Reply

Monkey_language | 15

#6016108 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 9:50

#12: Well maybe not, as he specifies just the jacket. Why not put pants, shirt and jacket on one hanger? Why specifically the jacket? My take is he doesn't work a job where he needs a suit frequently so he owns only one "decent one". So he is fucked indeed.

Reply

MzZombicidal | 36

#6016126 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 10:33

#16, OP doesn't work a job at all. As you can see he said "after months of unemployment"

Reply

NinjaDitto623 | 14

#6016130 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 10:51

#12, Probably not, considering that this is an FML.

By cailey1234567890 | 24

#6016091 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 9:26

Oh geez...
I could definitely see how you would make that mistake if you were in a hurry, but they don't exactly feel the same....

By sexyboi1985 | 27

#6016092 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 9:27

Well, may be you can wear that towel for your interview !

By LifeMD | 14

#6016093 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 9:27

There are still lots of ways to look professional without a suit jacket. Good luck!

By adnanrm18 | 12

#6016094 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 9:28

Well damn son. FYL bro!

Reply

MisterEx | 28

#6016124 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 10:27

#7 we really need you to specify the type of relationship you have with OP.

By Vagitarian1 | 10

#6016095 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 9:29

Time to throw in the towel?

By Earths_Venus | 25

#6016098 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 9:37

I'm sure the interviewer won't be too paste off. Brush yourself off and suit up!

Reply

singer0421 | 32

#6017126 - Thursday 24 July 2014 5:57

Paste off

By swiftous | 7

#6016099 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 9:37

Never really felt a similarity between a suit and a towel..