Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall.... - FML

By hannahk267 - 18/11/2011 13:30 - United States

Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall. My partner and I chose a script where we argue over me stealing her boyfriend. Since it started to sound like a real argument, another student said that I was a "crazy bitch" and punched me in the face. FML

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Understandable

Don't give up

Tidy your room

By Anonymous - 12/2/2017 08:00 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard brush. Just last week I swore that I never touch it. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2011 13:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my Mum has spent the money she's been saving for my wedding on moving house. She called saving for a wedding for me a 'pointless cause' as it's probably never going to happen now. I'm only 22. FML

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By maggu - 11/2/2013 04:26 - Denmark

Today, my mom started referring to me as "The Bitch". When I asked her why, she said that I have always been a bitch, but I was never old enough for her to actually call me a bitch. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2015 21:46 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a cute, new guy I always run into at work hit on me. Turns out he's only 18. I'm old enough to be his mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2011 08:28 - Australia

Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML

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By stupidity - 25/5/2012 19:30 - Switzerland - Geneva

Today, trying to look cool, I threw my coke bottle in the air, and tried to catch it with one hand. I missed and it fell to the floor. Luckily, it wasn't open, but in my unimaginable stupidity, I opened it less than five seconds later. FML

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By aintgotnoteeth - 19/7/2016 17:53

Today, after 6 dentist visits, 2 root canals, and $1,500 that I'll likely have to sell vital organs to pay, the agonizing tooth pain I've had for months is unrelenting. Apparently, shrugging and offering to experimentally yank all my bottom teeth is my smurf-shit of a dentist's actual plan. FML

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By noespresso - 15/8/2010 20:20 - United States

Today, after already having a terrible day, I went to Starbucks for an espresso. Being nice, I put the last dollar I had in my wallet in their tip jar. While paying for my drink, my card was denied for insufficient funds. The world hates me. FML

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By anonymous - 21/2/2010 15:16 - United States

Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2016 15:44 - United States - Ridley Park

Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML

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By SoCalStoopid - 9/9/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, to save money, I bought some meat in bulk. When I got home, I was told that power to the neighborhood was out, and probably would be for days. Rather than let the meat rot, I barbecued it all and gave it away to my neighbors. The power came on while everyone was eating. FML

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By Yudith - 27/2/2017 12:00 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I discovered a cold sore in my ear, which I need to treat with a cream. Because of health issues, I already have six different creams and lotions to apply to various parts of my body, including buttcrack and hair. FML

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By WasNotAdopted - 28/4/2015 13:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom told me that if I wanted to commit suicide, I should make it seem like a car accident, and not do it in the house, because she would be too embarrassed if people thought she was a bad parent. FML

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By well, now what - 12/12/2014 14:39 - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, I confronted my boyfriend after he received a text with a bunch of hearts on it. After arguing, turns out it was from me. FML

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By cazzb - 16/9/2014 04:17 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, while waiting for my violin student to unpack his violin, he farted loudly and rhythmically on the sofa, and then went on about how it sounded like the "Shave and a Haircut" rhythm. FML

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By estallidos - 23/1/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I got out of the hospital for the second time in a week. The first time was for a seizure that my cat induced by tripping me over. The second was to get stitches from the Doberman that had decided to take over my front yard while I was gone. Apparently I was intruding. FML

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By fuckingcool - 14/12/2016 20:59 - United States - Ortonville

Today, my friend was complaining to me that she's gained 20 pounds and it's all gone to her butt and boobs. Meanwhile, I've also gained 20 pounds, and it's gone straight to my stomach. She looks better than she did before. FML

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By Le Dookie - 19/10/2018 15:00 - United States - Sugar Land

Today, I got denied a refund for my dream coffee machine. I've overdrafted my bank account to buy it on Offer Up for an excellent price, but USPS delivered the package to a wrong address. Someone got it for free. Offer Up won't refund me because it says "delivered" on the tracking page. FML

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By Randy - 13/9/2011 02:15 - United States

Today, I got home from work to find my wife asleep in her easy chair with my two year old son asleep in a pile of torn-up paper. I soon found out it was my 1960s collection of a Superman comic book series that I inherited from my dad. It was worth well over $2,000. FML

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By thatstinks - 7/4/2011 03:12 - Iceland

Today, I finally found out what the weird sour smell that's been in my dorm room for a while is. My roommate's sweat. FML

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By AnastasiyaNicholas - 18/2/2012 14:20 - United States

Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2016 06:53 - United States - Manchester

Today, I introduced my long-distance boyfriend of 2 years to my friends. I told him how my friends jokingly call him my imaginary Internet boyfriend. He thought it was so funny that when they met, he claimed to be my cousin, saying that I paid him to pretend to be my boyfriend. They believed him. FML

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By smileydays - 29/1/2014 03:09 - Canada - Merritt

Today, I had an oral English exam to present in front of three teachers. Halfway through, I completely lost my voice. They failed me because they thought I was trying to play a prank. FML

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By scoobses - 2/10/2015 00:45 - United States

Today, my pain-in-the-ass co-worker is finally leaving. Unfortunately, I was chosen to do the bulk of her job. She has given me no training and on her last day, just smirked at me on her way out and say, "Enjoy doing my job too, fucker". I don't get paid enough for this. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 06:17 - United States - Roseville

Today, I was helping my mom look for some money she'd misplaced. At my wit's end, I flipped through her diary, in case she'd hidden it between the pages as she has before. Didn't find the money, but I did find out she might well be cheating on my dad. FML

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By CamoElla - 19/2/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, while babysitting, one of the boys fell on an exposed pipe and broke it. It spewed water five feet into the air, spread water across four rooms, and completely soaked another of the boys. Their parents had only left fifteen minutes before. FML

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By N O - 27/5/2014 18:47 - Canada - Granton

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

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By soembarassed - 18/3/2016 18:26 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, a man kept talking and laughing like an idiot all through the movie I was watching. I thought he was high, so I called him a moron and told him to shut the hell up. It turned out he wasn't high. He was just "special". FML

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By nobabies - 10/12/2017 01:30

Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML

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By matchristityler - 9/2/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML

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By thefatnurse - 13/11/2014 02:48 - United States - Roswell

Today, one of the patients on the mental health unit where I work looked me up and down and said; "Well, I guess it's a popular misconception that all fat people are jolly." FML

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By Ido - 14/6/2016 00:51 - United States - Satellite Beach

Today, I announced my engagement on social media. I got more people telling me how stupid I was than any actually congratulating me. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML

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By embarrassed niece - 9/7/2013 16:15 - United States - Cumming

Today, my aunt had the wonderful experience of hearing my boyfriend and I have a very "satisfying" encounter after we stupidly forgot to turn off the baby monitor. FML

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By anonymous - 21/11/2009 08:00 - United States

Today, I was sitting with a friend who moved back into town, and he told me about how he hooked up with a girl at a bar last night. I asked him if she was hot, he responded "Yeah, I have a picture of her on my phone." It was a picture of my girlfriend. FML

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By rhiannakirwan - 17/4/2016 18:48 - United Kingdom - London

Today, 5 minutes before I had to leave for school, my friends convinced me it was "pajama day" at school. I showed up in slippers and Sponge Bob pajamas. My school wouldn't let me go home to change. FML

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By svunimportant - 28/5/2015 15:40 - United States - Morehead

Today, my daughter cried for ages after finding out that Nick Amaro was written out of Law and Order: SVU. She barely reacted when I told her that her mom and I are getting a divorce. FML

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By thnxbabe - 22/9/2014 02:11

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our six-month anniversary. And by that, I mean he brought along his obnoxious best friend, and I paid for everyone's dinner at an expensive restaurant. FML

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By explosivepeach - 30/5/2015 01:34 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, on my second day as a lifeguard, I locked myself out of the pool. My angry guests and I had to wait for 45 minutes for my manager to arrive and unlock the gate. FML

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By FMLFMLFMLFML - 29/5/2009 17:52 - United States

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

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Top comments

By brun12 | 1

#3602572 - Friday 18 November 2011 19:45

Well at least you know you're a really good actress

By bro1oke | 0

#3602567 - Friday 18 November 2011 19:45

Hey atleast you engaged the audience!

COMMENTS

By bro1oke | 0

#3602567 - Friday 18 November 2011 19:45

Hey atleast you engaged the audience!

Reply

jillianmathers12 | 13

#3602636 - Friday 18 November 2011 19:54

She said that she was practicing her lines! There would be no audience!

Reply

Melvar_10 | 3

#3602666 - Friday 18 November 2011 19:59

Wtf?!? What right does this random yahoo have to do that???? I'd break bones in their body for that

Reply

Savra_fml | 17

#3602758 - Friday 18 November 2011 20:12

9, She was practicing her lines in the "hall", not in class. Any student passing by could be considered as audience, and if it was as realistic as OP makes it out to be, students could/would have gathered around, and started chanting "fight! fight!" after the punch.

Reply

ColdplaySucks | 18

#3603159 - Friday 18 November 2011 22:11

Sounds like this play is gonna have good acting, unlike that one shitty movie 2012 Doomsday

Reply

MagicallyFat | 12

#3603171 - Friday 18 November 2011 22:14

HAHAHAHA I just pictured some kid having an off day walking past her mumbling crazy bitch punched her in the face and walked away like nothing happened

Reply

uridea | 14

#3603675 - Saturday 19 November 2011 1:02

I am so glad the first comment on here was intelligent and humorous

Reply

ShakeMeDown | 12

#3607100 - Saturday 19 November 2011 23:03

Did you bite your thumb at me sir?

By brun12 | 1

#3602572 - Friday 18 November 2011 19:45

Well at least you know you're a really good actress

Reply

fylasmuchasmine | 0

#3603479 - Saturday 19 November 2011 0:07

2. - that's what I was gonna say. "At least you know your good at it." haha.

Reply

docscientist | 9

#3603565 - Saturday 19 November 2011 0:25

Or the person knew they were 'acting' and trolled op with a fist to the face. Seems more likely, as most people wouldn't genuinely respond by punching someone.

Reply

TheAPPLESLAVE | 4

#3719105 - Monday 12 December 2011 8:03

Or, the other person was really dumb?

Reply

trueblue170 | 13

#4411791 - Wednesday 9 May 2012 12:33

#80 - You are an idiot. -_-

By cinderz1102 | 0

#3602583 - Friday 18 November 2011 19:47

Ah no nit so good then but that is funny though

Reply

Potterhead1 | 3

#3602711 - Friday 18 November 2011 20:04

What?

Reply

fthislyfe | 22

#3602828 - Friday 18 November 2011 20:28

4: Was it even a language?

Reply

raphanne_fml | 33

#3602839 - Friday 18 November 2011 20:32

#4 "English, motherfucker, do you speak it?" :D

Reply

GodsLittleMistak | 8

#3602935 - Friday 18 November 2011 21:04

33- win

Reply

murdersquirrel | 15

#3603190 - Friday 18 November 2011 22:19

Unnecessary extra words.

Reply

Jovecove | 13

#3603349 - Friday 18 November 2011 23:18

53 - I see what you did there.

Reply

theTrollGuy | 7

#3603400 - Friday 18 November 2011 23:38

Trolling is a art. And #4 succeeded!

Reply

GhostlyGhoulish | 1

#3604189 - Saturday 19 November 2011 4:04

"what?",

"do they speak English in what?"

Reply

RawrNom | 0

#3605209 - Saturday 19 November 2011 10:37

16- best name I have seen :)

oh and although this is probably a typo, he seems to be a little bit drunk or atleast sounds like it :)

Reply

Mademoiselle_fml | 34

#5266735 - Friday 21 December 2012 8:55

"Ah, no, not so good then, but that is funny, though."

By KiddNYC1O | 20

#3602586 - Friday 18 November 2011 19:47

Fucking psycho.

Reply

sirbrainiac | 2

#3603307 - Friday 18 November 2011 22:59

in which*

By PYLrulz | 17

#3602592 - Friday 18 November 2011 19:48

I guess it's safe to assume who the "crazy bitch" really is.

Reply

bizarre_ftw | 21

#3603513 - Saturday 19 November 2011 0:15

Nothing is safe with a crazy bitch ready to assume and punch at the slightest provocation running around!! Quick!! Save yourself now while you still can

Reply

ambamm135 | 7

#3603917 - Saturday 19 November 2011 2:19

73 you may want to think before you post something up. Just about every post from you is...to say the least odd. Seriously though just think then post please.

Reply

CABOOSE8563 | 0

#3738424 - Friday 16 December 2011 7:24

When you assume you make an ass out of you and me!

By tylersign | 11

#3602607 - Friday 18 November 2011 19:50

Wow. Talk about audience interaction.

Reply

bizarre_ftw | 21

#3603533 - Saturday 19 November 2011 0:18

Interaction.... litigation... whichever

By molly2moon | 0

#3602632 - Friday 18 November 2011 19:54

You should find whoever punched you in the face, and punch him in the happysacks/her in the face and yell "whos the crazy bitch now"

Reply

Feklfekl2222 | 32

#3603482 - Saturday 19 November 2011 0:08

Happysacks/tits and face

Reply

bizarre_ftw | 21

#3603538 - Saturday 19 November 2011 0:20

Or all three if possible

By bad_chiquita | 5

#3602637 - Friday 18 November 2011 19:55

You should get an A+ then. Obviously you can act.

By unhappybitch | 8

#3602639 - Friday 18 November 2011 19:55

Did you punch him back?

By fuckhaley | 7

#3602648 - Friday 18 November 2011 19:57

where*

Reply

starsfan_9 | 7

#3602865 - Friday 18 November 2011 20:42

Too slow sir