Miscellaneous: Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such... - FML

By arch maester shavayalsharashion - United Kingdom - Surbiton

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced." and took a rain check on me. FML

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Understandable

On yer bike

The old switcheroo

By Crystal - United Kingdom

Today, I showed my fiancé the darling Tinkerbell hoodie I'd bought myself during the weekend. Instead of liking it as I'd hoped, he told me my childish wardrobe was embarrassing, and he wasn't going to be seen in public with me until I wore something different. FML

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By nearlythere - Australia

Today, I was getting ready to perform a speech in anthropology on the globalization of public transportation and how it brings cultures together. On the bus ride there, the girls behind me were discussing ways to hide their track marks after injecting. FML

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By Innocent - New Zealand

Today, someone drove into my car at an intersection and drove off. Luckily, I got the car's registration plate and called the cops on them. Turns out, it was my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend, who was illegally driving without a license. Now everyone's mad at me for getting her in trouble. FML

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By misc - Australia

Today, my brand new iPhone 4 was stolen from my bag. I asked the bartender if anyone had handed it in. I soon found out that while I was talking to her, someone swiped my wallet from the bag too. FML

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By annoyed - United States - Wyoming

Today, I finally got to attend the concert I have been anticipating for weeks. The band was great. The drunk guy sitting behind me yelling profanity and out of tune lyrics in my ear throughout the entire show, however, was not. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, I screamed, used one of my employees as a human shield, dove for cover, and cried. Why? A bat flew into my store. Bats scare me shitless. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the guy I broke up with for being too possessive and jealous threatened to leak my nudes if he sees or hears that I've gotten with anyone else. FML

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By "syd_the_kidd_9707"

Today, I went in my car to a very important job interview. I was out of gas, so I had to get some on the way. When i was done pumping, I went to get back in and the door handle broke off on the driver's side. Then I blew a tire on a piece of metal. Needless to say, I lost my chance. FML

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By Numb - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. My usually detached and unromantic boyfriend rushed right over after work with flowers and movies. A little while later, he admitted excitedly that he'd heard the numbing medication also works on gag reflexes and wanted to test the theory. FML

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By Wrabel - Germany - Mainz

Today, I received a package from Amazon. My mum smiled at me when I entered the living room, pointing to my package. She had already opened it and held back her smile. My penis pills for longer endurance just got delivered. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Rooty Hill

Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML

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By nopanties - United States - Durham

Felt cute, might delete later

Today, my boyfriend ripped my panties trying to get them off. Not off me, off himself. FML

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By ihateeverything - United States

Today, the dentist had to give me a lot of novacaine because my mouth wasn't becoming numb. After the 4th time the entire right side of my mouth was numb, except for the 2 teeth getting worked on. FML

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By Liz - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend had his phone taken away by his dad for this past week. I have been sending him naked photos and other naughty things this entire week, or so I thought. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Tauranga

Today, I lost my virginity. He then told me, in tears, how bad he felt about leaving his dog alone for the night. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML

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By RoxMySox - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. I got into it because I noticed a flashy new sign on the highway that read "Being an attentive driver prevents car crashes". Thanks for the notice. FML

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By TextLoser - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus next to a hot guy who was texting. I sneaked a peek at his phone to see if he was texting a girl so I could know if he was single. As I looked at his screen, he turned it towards me and typed in caps "STOP BEING A CREEPER." He got out of his seat and off the bus. FML

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By anon - United Kingdom - Wareham

Today, I spilled loose face powder on myself while applying my make-up. My sister subsequently walked in on me vacuuming my crotch. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Desoto

Today, I went out with a friend to grab some food and we were served by this really cute and fun waiter. Stepping out of my comfort zone and deciding to do something crazy, I left my phone number on the bill. I got home only to realize that I forgot to pay the bill. FML

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By draggirl - United Kingdom

Today, I went to buy my prom dress. I felt really good as I walked out of the dressing room, until someone walked out of the room next to me wearing the same dress, and looked better in it than I did. It was a man buying it for his drag show. FML

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By Skatedump - South Africa

Today, on the one-year anniversary of my best friend committing suicide, my boyfriend of 2 years decides to dump me because he wants to focus on his skateboarding career. He doesn't even know how to skateboard. FML

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By DevastatedWoman - Belgium - Kalmthout

Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML

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By badluckantonio - Canada

Today, I was taking out the garbage at work when I slipped and fell into the garbage container. The scent was so bad that a bus driver denied me a ride home. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that with all the money I've spent on repairs for my iPhone through the months, I could have bought a phone that doesn't die horribly whenever I so much as give it a mean look. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, I thought my mom and I could put aside our differences and open our Christmas presents. When she opened mine, she turned to my dad and said she didn't want the present, so I could give it to someone else. 'Tis the season. FML

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By stillembarrassed - United Kingdom

Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML

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By aginglikemilk

They weren't wrong...

Today, I had a customer tell me that I don't look a day over 39. I'm 35. FML

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By imalilangel05 - United States

Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, "Why'd you do that??" He said, "I have lice, now you have lice too!" FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was waiting in line for what seemed like forever at the only open lane at the grocery store. The guy in front of me took his sweet time and had multiple cards rejected, before finally pulling out a $100 bill and demanding exact change. He was buying a carton of milk. FML

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By giantblueballsthesizeofjohnnysinscock - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML

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By Jarool - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

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By destiny147 - United Kingdom

Today, I posted a picture of my boyfriend and I kissing on facebook. He untagged himself. FML

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By Read The Fine Print - United States - Sylmar

Today, I got into a car accident. The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there." FML

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By Iabnysmwytm - 29/7/2020 14:01

Yeah, that's the same

Today, we were talking about discrimination. I shared my story of being denied housing and a job offer because I'm trans. Some idiot tried to compare it to the time he was denied a car loan due to not having credit history. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a music festival, watching one of my favorite bands. The security guys were throwing water into the crowd to cool us down. I saw some about to be thrown by another fan, so I stood with my mouth open to catch some of it. I ended up with a face full of hot piss. FML

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By f

Today, I was attacked by my dad because I got my hair dyed and he thought I was a robber. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Littleton

Today, my 14-year-old sister came into the bathroom while I was in it. When she saw me, she said sorry and left. Little did I know, she took my electric toothbrush to masturbate. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ypsilanti

Today, I did the "walk of shame" sixteen blocks. It wouldn't have been so bad if the sidewalks and streets weren't completely covered in ice. Somewhere along the way I lost what little dignity I had left, along with my left shoe. FML

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Top comments

By feytensn | 25

#6362409 - Monday 27 July 2015 0:07

So sorry for you. But we, strangers care about you. So go out there and make some friends!

By MDoremis | 38

#6362410 - Monday 27 July 2015 0:07

Just remember: No one is alone. There are people who feel just like you, and it's rough, but it gets better.

COMMENTS

By Ramos808 | 29

#6362393 - Monday 27 July 2015 0:03

I'll be your friend :)

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#6362499 - Monday 27 July 2015 1:11

I would take #1's request to be a friend if I were you OP. His username has Wane in it, so he could be Bruce Wayne so you would be friends with a billionaire.

Reply

18drakerad | 18

#6362529 - Monday 27 July 2015 2:00

And your name has pants in it. As in shit your pants. As in shit for brains. So anyone who's friends with you or listens to you has shit for brains. Just like you.

Reply

Swandive235 | 27

#6362530 - Monday 27 July 2015 2:01

Your dad cares, but you can't get shitfaced after about 50. So he is trying to live life, I hope everything works out for you. Best of luck OP :)

Reply

SubparAtBest | 23

#6362728 - Monday 27 July 2015 5:40

im sensing some hostility from 35..

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#6362767 - Monday 27 July 2015 6:46

For some strange reason I get a vibe that #35 might not like me.

Reply

jerryj | 27

#6362775 - Monday 27 July 2015 6:55

It might be because #35 is frustrated from supporting a junk hockey team.

By DolphinLaser23 | 24

#6362396 - Monday 27 July 2015 0:03

Wow that's really inconsiderate. Sorry that happened OP. Hopefully you have someone else who you can really open up to.

By lfrider92 | 21

#6362405 - Monday 27 July 2015 0:06

Sounds like your dad has more of a social life than you.

Reply

PremiumWhale | 18

#6362507 - Monday 27 July 2015 1:20

That's the whole point of the fml...

Reply

GhostFox | 33

#6362984 - Monday 27 July 2015 13:40

Sounds more like OP's father has a more damaged liver if you ask me.

Also, you remind me of the type of person who sees someone with a really bad bruise and presses on it asking, "Does it hurt a lot when I do this?"

By not_your_taco | 15

#6362406 - Monday 27 July 2015 0:06

Aw that sucks OP, but just know that there are people out there who like you and don't think you're a loser. :)

By badassmf1234 | 22

#6362408 - Monday 27 July 2015 0:06

Dad of the year

By feytensn | 25

#6362409 - Monday 27 July 2015 0:07

So sorry for you. But we, strangers care about you. So go out there and make some friends!

By MDoremis | 38

#6362410 - Monday 27 July 2015 0:07

Just remember: No one is alone. There are people who feel just like you, and it's rough, but it gets better.

By Ben14h | 22

#6362415 - Monday 27 July 2015 0:08

But that tends to lead to more problems

By cristy91 | 33

#6362422 - Monday 27 July 2015 0:10

^^ Such as losing to fights against doors

By tehdarkness | 21

#6362425 - Monday 27 July 2015 0:12

Just be yourself and don't try to emulate anyone else. People like to be friends with people who are kind and genuine. High school can be tough but stick with it an reap the rewards in adulthood.