Today, I was pondering the meaning of life - why I'm here, why...

By ceedee - United States

Today, I was pondering the meaning of life - why I'm here, why anyone is here, why go on, and whether it's worth it... Then it hit me. The football in the head, not the meaning of life. FML

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Miscellaneous

Family values

White line fever

Vibe check

By Great - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was on the train going to work when my travel tea cup began spilling inside my purse, which was on my lap. It went all over my skirt, pooled at the bottom of my feet, and, yes, everyone notice that it happened to be piss-colored yellow. FML

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27973

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered "nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

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16065

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By englishclasshigh - United States

Today, I was having a really bad day and told my friend at lunch about how stressed I was and he gave me his brownie to cheer me up. After school, he texted me "Did the brownies kick in?" Yes, they did, right in the middle of my English presentation. They were "funny" brownies. FML

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50494

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By reallydevonte - United States - Memphis

Today, I went to the eye doctor with my little brother. There were only three chairs and one was occupied by a woman. I sat at the far end, but as soon as I sat down, I heard my little brother yell out loud, "I DON'T WANT TO SIT NEXT TO THE FAT LADY!" FML

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13738

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By Kerry - United States

Today, all my friends had a huge party and 'forgot' to invite me. They only remembered about me at 2 am when they called asking for rides home because they were all too drunk to drive. FML

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46997

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By V.. - 8/11/2020 20:58 - South Africa

Bored

Today, I still have no idea why I got married. All my wife does is drink Coke and watch TV. Perhaps the silver lining is that she's not doing coke in powder form. FML

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713

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By Solemnwishing - United States

Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML

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55542

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By LovesHisHand - United States

Today, I was in my 15-year-old sister’s room when I found birth control pills. I told my parents, who responded by saying, "Sex is beautiful thing." When I was her age my parents caught me pleasuring myself, and smashed my laptop with a hammer, all while calling me "filthy" and "immoral". FML

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59756

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By seriously?? - United States

Today, I was running to the bus stop to catch the bus. The bus driver smiled, waved, and drove away without letting me get on. FML

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37409

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By Kevin

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

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2168

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372

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By ProExist - United States

Today, MLK Jr. Day, I was told that since my other co workers are on vacation, I have to be at work Today. No one else is at work Today...or on any other holiday. Also I am the only black person at my office. The irony, FML

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2358

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By not a boy toy

Today, I attended the will reading of the old lady who accidentally ran me over with her car years ago. I was affectionately mentioned and was left with something rather substantial. I had to listen through all that while getting evil leers and silently judged by family members who got squat. FML

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5432

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700

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By irony, huh?

Alexa, play "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette

Today, I got mugged. For an actual mug. FML

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1273

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By kristajoy2001

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. All of the sudden, he whispered in my ear, "Do you want to hear a Minecraft joke?" FML

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1658

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297

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By Rayvyn - United States

Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37773

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By firethorn - United States

Today, I opened my Father's Day present from my mother-in-law. It was a glamor shot of her. FML

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35977

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3565

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By fuundmental/// - Australia

Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43518

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9924

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By jenA - United States - Russellville

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26754

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By cutiepatootie - United States

Today, I was getting ready for a party and accidentally knocked my blender off the counter. After taking a half an hour to clean up all the glass, I went upstairs to get the spare blender I keep in the closet. I tripped, and broke the blender. I just applied for a waitressing job. FML

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25965

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By ThankfullyNotKickedOut - United States - Coldwater

Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML

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11329

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By faulty number - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I have been waiting for a call from a job I applied for. I soon got a text from my current boss, who doesn't know I'm job hunting, letting me know that the recruiter was trying to reach me. Turns out my number on my resumé was wrong. FML

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9718

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38745

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By Emily - United States - Hayward

Today, while sitting in a waiting room, a man assured me "The safety's on" after he handed his kid his BB gun. A minute later, I practically had a hole in my foot. FML

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24903

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By collball22 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and I said that I was self-conscious of my acne. He told me that only one of my zits was noticeable and that it wasn't so bad. In fact he said it looked cool, like a bullet wound or something "awesome" like that. FML

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31324

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By DietKelp - United States

Today, at work, I was fired from my job for being too "forward" to my boss. All I did was get him coffee and a biscuit from McDonald's to celebrate his 15-year anniversary working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27440

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By springbreak09 - Mexico

Today, I left for vacation in Mexico. Upon landing, I received a text message from the guy I've been seeing. It read, "Sorry, I'm not boyfriend material. Have a good trip." I paid 75 cents to get dumped, internationally. FML

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57794

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By Reaper - South Africa

Today, after weeks of agonising, I told my best friend (who I am madly in love with) that I love her. She said: "me too, you're like a brother and a best girlfriend rolled into one!" FML

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58658

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By Donnie

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

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2341

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179

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By bonertoolong - United States

Today, I tried to teach my dog tricks. Somehow, I thought it would be easier if I physically showed my dog how to roll, so I rolled on the floor in front of my dog. My sister recorded me and posted it on Facebook. Now everyone thinks I'm an idiot and my dog still can't roll. FML

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18481

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By Saphira - United States

Today, my dad's girlfriend threw me a birthday party and all the gifts, decorations, and the cake were according to my age, which they thought was 12. I turned 13 today. FML

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38154

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML

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23365

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out everybody at work thinks I'm a lesbian because they thought my boyfriend was a girl. FML

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30847

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By hmacy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message while we were having sex. FML

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5457

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501

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By carlyalexia - 28/8/2020 20:01

The road to hell…

Today, I was trying to do a nice thing and let my friend's mom borrow my car. I went to move my mom's car that was parked behind me so that I could get my car out, and then proceeded to back into my dad's new company car. FML

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1007

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By alexa - Germany - N?rnberg

Today, my husband put on a nice suit and asked me out to dinner. When he found out I was on my period, he decided to stay home instead, since there was "no point" anymore. FML

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26941

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got to work in the ER at the local hospital. A lady came in with high blood sugar. She was concerned because the same thing happened to her husband. I reassured her, telling her she'll be back with her husband in an hour or so. Her husband died four years ago from something similar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31348

You deserved it

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By ineedanewjob - United States

Today, I got all my co-workers motivated. We were all going to quit and walk out the door. I went first. I gave an emotional speech to my boss and threw my uniform to the ground. Then I turned around to to see the rest follow, they all began laughing. They didn't. They WANTED me to quit. FML

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54920

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By asstomouth - France

Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a thermometer from my sister's bathroom. I later found out that I actually used my sister's rectal thermometer. At least I don't have a fever. FML

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31032

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By slcbabii23 - United States

Today, I realized how much I'm on the computer. I tried to "CTRL+Z" on something I wrote down on my paper. FML

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10377

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By Kelly - United States

Today, I went to get my underarms waxed. I'm usually not self-conscious because I figure they see worse stuff all the time. When I raised my arm for her to wax my armpit she looked at me, laughed and said "Well I guess that's how I know it's winter in Wisconsin!" FML

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42907

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By forgotten - United Kingdom

Today, being the nice grandchild that I am, I went to visit my grandmother. She didn't recognise who I was. I thought she was joking. She later called the police as 'some weirdo had walked into her house.' I am that weirdo, she wasn't joking. FML

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Top comments

By Tedet | 0

#795242 - Sunday 24 January 2010 9:33

Why do I get the feeling you decided to stop in the middle of a football match to ponder this?

By ohheykiwi | 2

#795319 - Sunday 24 January 2010 10:24

What do you mean what's the Meaning of Life? 42. Duh.

COMMENTS

By infiniti_G | 0

#795226 - Sunday 24 January 2010 9:29

FIRST

tekcor | 2

#795232 - Sunday 24 January 2010 9:30

No man, last.

mushoo_fml | 0

#795276 - Sunday 24 January 2010 9:49

@First: Actually, second. OP was first.

@All others: sorry for feeding the troll.

TheLetterZero | 7

#795580 - Sunday 24 January 2010 15:30

OP isn't first.
Try looking at the "#1" beside the display picture.
This isn't a forum.

bitched | 0

#795851 - Sunday 24 January 2010 17:47

i alredy figured it oit, there is no meaning

greenltrn2003 | 0

#796782 - Monday 25 January 2010 2:59

life isnt about finding out what it means just find out what it means to you

either way this is funny as fuck to me...

NoWayLady | 13

#971018 - Tuesday 30 March 2010 12:26

no one care if ur first second or third ffs

ilovefatcats | 12

#974067 - Sunday 4 April 2010 21:45

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!
immediate favorite

fuzzywazzy012 | 0

#1065960 - Tuesday 6 July 2010 0:22

2- win.lol... Screw anti -flood, imma beat it with the foot ball op got hit with

ferrettamer | 6

#1374075 - Thursday 9 September 2010 3:04

this isn't a fml...

Shaebug12 | 0

#1757622 - Saturday 27 November 2010 3:25

this is stupid! 12,000 people said they deserved it! ugh ppl!!!

zandermander | 1

#2622016 - Sunday 5 June 2011 4:19

fag

By JoshTheMaggot | 8

#795236 - Sunday 24 January 2010 9:31

dude watch Fight Club and you will understand the meaning of life. and fyl.

and to #1 ure a douche. being first is cool but atleast also write something relative to the post.

infiniti_G | 0

#795253 - Sunday 24 January 2010 9:36

SORRY HAD TO DO IT FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT GET ALL PISSY LOL 
OP YOURE FUCKIN WEIRD DUDE AND BECAUSE OF THAT FYL

JoshTheMaggot | 8

#795337 - Sunday 24 January 2010 10:39

no dude I don't care if you write first but atleast wrote something else. maybe something about the post.

nnero0 | 0

#795909 - Sunday 24 January 2010 18:21

sorry to dissapoint u... being first is not cool, its stupid that people get excited over that!

fuzzywazzy012 | 0

#1065963 - Tuesday 6 July 2010 0:24

15, youre hott:)

abnormalbird | 11

#5902756 - Wednesday 2 April 2014 5:38

There is always that one dense motherfucker and this girl here
is it.

By CapnAlex | 0

#795237 - Sunday 24 January 2010 9:32

So? You got hit with a ball, boo-hoo.

chih | 0

#804002 - Thursday 28 January 2010 5:40

I agree.

juliahockey | 0

#2375300 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 1:16

meaning of life = 42

Lichinamo | 33

#3751415 - Monday 19 December 2011 0:02

THIS.Once you pass 42,you've lived ;)

By Tedet | 0

#795242 - Sunday 24 January 2010 9:33

Why do I get the feeling you decided to stop in the middle of a football match to ponder this?

55isalive | 1

#795914 - Sunday 24 January 2010 18:23

I was just thinking that the football field is no place to b doing any thinking

By KarelessKitten | 0

#795245 - Sunday 24 January 2010 9:34

who the fuck are you? Charlie Brown? i call fake.

whataloadofbull | 0

#795290 - Sunday 24 January 2010 10:05

Yeah dude, I saw that one in the IHT before, fucker.

IHateNoobz | 0

#795589 - Sunday 24 January 2010 15:35

@KarressKitten
Nice tattoo
and OP STFU, get laid, and make me a Sammich

FrecklesInside | 0

#796006 - Sunday 24 January 2010 19:27

This. You made me laugh. Charlie Brown... :)

ziqi92 | 0

#796653 - Monday 25 January 2010 1:54

AHAHAHAHAHA Charlie Brown XD epic win of a comment!

walkmywaynot | 0

#1155799 - Thursday 29 July 2010 8:38

Comment moderated. L

By anela_fml | 0

#795252 - Sunday 24 January 2010 9:36

lol it's a wake up call sayin just be happy

chaos753159 | 4

#795277 - Sunday 24 January 2010 9:49

no its a sign that he should play football

By xxprettydisaster | 0

#795257 - Sunday 24 January 2010 9:37

oh this happened to me except i was think about not falling since im a flyer and well the football disnt help at all...

By L4Dgirl00 | 0

#795279 - Sunday 24 January 2010 9:51

nice. I suggest not going into deep thought where people are playing football

By HamsteronA | 0

#795306 - Sunday 24 January 2010 10:16

it's called a header.

By x805xUnknown | 6

#795309 - Sunday 24 January 2010 10:19

I often ponder that meaning of life during sporting events aswell. Fyl...