Today, I was playing guitar on the sidewalk and had my guitar... - FML

By Jesus - 21/4/2009 14:39 - United States

Today, I was playing guitar on the sidewalk and had my guitar case open for tips. A man came up with a folded piece of green paper, smiled and walked away. After I was finished, I looked at my tips. I unfolded the paper, it was a note that said "You suck!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

46864

You deserved it

11424

Tweet

Share

Serious times

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

In my day…

By Anonymous - 14/7/2012 22:47 - United States

Today, I had to slowly explain to my boss that in some parts of the world, it's currently winter, due to the different hemispheres. He scoffed, accused me of "making shit up," and said that if I took him for a fool again, I'd be looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31241

You deserved it

2335

Tweet

Share

By fatty - 7/9/2019 20:00

Work it

Today, after a full year of vigorous exercise 7 days a week, and a strict diet of vegetables, fruits, and water, I can proudly say that I've lost half a pound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1594

You deserved it

319

Tweet

Share

By RosaMaravillosa - 27/6/2016 18:09 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, after being constipated a few days, I used the restroom at a bar. It took a loooong time before I got out. As I went to exit the bar, only the employees were still there, waiting for me because they had closed 30 minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13594

You deserved it

2685

Tweet

Share

By emegemerald - 4/7/2011 04:13 - United States

Today, I went to visit my great grandma. I saw that her dog had this red fluid on his ear, so I asked my grandma about it. She said she put red finger nail-polish in his ear so she could tell the difference between 'all' of her dogs. She only has one dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33636

You deserved it

2605

Tweet

Share

By rogerusmc23 - 24/5/2011 02:41 - Japan

Today, while all the other marines got to fly around the island on a helicopter, I got stuck on gear guard. What was I guarding? The staff sergeant's parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38147

You deserved it

4582

Tweet

Share

By virginmary - 6/12/2009 08:07 - United States

Today, my mom told me that I am going to end up getting myself pregnant. I am 21 and a virgin. She continued to yell at me and call me a liar all night. I don't know which is worse, being a 21 year old virgin or my mother accusing me of lying about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37356

You deserved it

3166

Tweet

Share

By PumaGator - 4/6/2016 20:39

Today, I was added to a random group chat. They were planning to film a porno and each member sent a nude. They were all grannies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16666

You deserved it

2063

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/8/2011 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8527

You deserved it

67400

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/2/2016 01:34 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22313

You deserved it

2156

Tweet

Share

By TetrisMaster - 24/11/2013 12:30 - Australia

Today, I discovered that my heart rate is higher while playing Tetris than it is during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42446

You deserved it

6437

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/11/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my Halloween costume finally showed up in the mail. Their consolation for a late delivery? A 50 cent discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30969

You deserved it

2785

Tweet

Share

By sdd - 23/1/2013 15:44 - Switzerland - Lotzwil

Today, I was chatting with my choir leader. I told him that I have been thinking about taking singing lessons. His immediate reaction was, "Thank god, finally!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29144

You deserved it

6702

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 04:37 - United States

Today, I had two 100's and two singles in my wallet. The two 100's was for my electric bill and the two singles were for the bus. Once I got off the bus and to the electric company, I noticed only my singles were there. Turns out I paid the bus driver $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18008

You deserved it

40298

Tweet

Share

By argh - 3/3/2012 00:14 - Australia

Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML

I agree, your life sucks

10384

You deserved it

32108

Tweet

Share

By BryanTazed - 22/8/2015 12:21 - United States - Ashland

Today, I woke up early for work. Had my coffee, finished up a report and headed out of my house. Not only was the office closed today, but the silent alarm was on, which is triggered by a door opening even if you use a key. I was startled by the cops searching the building, ran, and got tazed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22572

You deserved it

6580

Tweet

Share

By secretpornstar - 13/6/2011 19:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend had been encouraging me to send him 'personal' videos was so he could sell them online to porn websites. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51403

You deserved it

19303

Tweet

Share

By wintersoldier - 14/7/2015 02:36 - Austria

Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24953

You deserved it

2351

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/8/2014 17:51 - United States

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39393

You deserved it

3813

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/9/2020 02:04

Party animal

Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1033

You deserved it

132

Tweet

Share

By Angela17 - 24/10/2018 05:00

Today, it's 3:42am and my son is crying because I won't let him play with his dirty diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2852

You deserved it

297

Tweet

Share

By Jay - 2/8/2010 17:23 - United States

Today, I discovered our AOL billing information. Turns out we've been paying for dial-up via automatic bill paying that we thought we cancelled in 2000. $1,800 later, we called to cancel. Customer service congratulated us on being loyal members for over 13 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20604

You deserved it

30756

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 00:33 - United States - North Little Rock

Today, I got dumped because a guy sat next to me at a party and I didn't get up to change seats. Apparently, it means I subconsciously like the guy who sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47208

You deserved it

4194

Tweet

Share

By Malpal - 23/1/2009 11:03 - United States

Today, I tried jumping off my bed over the footboard. I tripped and broke a full length mirror with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10513

You deserved it

29467

Tweet

Share

By anun - 14/1/2014 14:06 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend asked me, "Is it in yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31722

You deserved it

6994

Tweet

Share

By Public Indecency - 28/6/2019 20:23

Today, after some cajoling, I finally posed naked for my long-term partner and his Polaroid camera. After saying he would cherish the intimate snapshots forever, he almost immediately forgot them on a crowded bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1621

You deserved it

479

Tweet

Share

By spasticock - 19/8/2012 18:09 - Portugal - Barreiro

Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21264

You deserved it

3638

Tweet

Share

By dxl - 18/2/2009 08:55 - United States

Today, I told my parents how grateful I am for having them in my life and that not many kids are as lucky as me. My mom texted me after I went out 10 minutes later: "Are you ok? You seemed depressed earlier." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36191

You deserved it

5450

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/4/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I was responsible for taking care of Hoppers, the rabbit belonging to my sons 3rd grade class. Tomorrow my son returns Hoppers so the next student can care for him. That won't be happening because Hoppers hopped out my 5th story window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67590

You deserved it

15719

Tweet

Share

By hamsterlovinn - 6/6/2009 05:51 - United States

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

77932

You deserved it

5408

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/5/2013 13:45 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, one of my closest friends informed me that she wasn't going to invite me to her wedding, because I'm too shy and not enough fun, and she doesn't want her 200 or so guests to feel uncomfortable. I was the one who set the happy couple up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63457

You deserved it

4279

Tweet

Share

By cat.imakittycat. - 7/4/2015 07:14 - New Zealand - New Plymouth

Today, I was outside with my two new kittens. A woman came rushing over, saying how glad she was that they were outside. She then started complaining that she had only been able to see them through the windows previously. I have no idea who she is or where she lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33967

You deserved it

2441

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 03:34 - United States

Today, I was just about done with my late-night shift at Ralph's. As I was about to put up my "Closed Lane" sign, an elderly women starts putting items on the conveyor belt. The cost was $14.79, and she paid with pennies. It took her ages to count them all, and I wasn't being paid overtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31528

You deserved it

3971

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/11/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30770

You deserved it

2589

Tweet

Share

By fappy dog - 23/1/2014 21:06 - United States - Granite City

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50463

You deserved it

11219

Tweet

Share

By bibobobonnor - 28/9/2010 04:40 - Canada

Today, my dad gave me a football signed by my favourite football player. It would've been great, except that I saw my dad sign it in front of me. The worst part is that he denies doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31300

You deserved it

3241

Tweet

Share

By ripdivine - 24/2/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23240

You deserved it

56371

Tweet

Share

By WWJD - 1/3/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10105

You deserved it

1553

Tweet

Share

By Powerless - 30/8/2012 06:05 - Australia

Today, I had a planned 12-hour power cut for maintenance work, which I'd forgot all about. In need of a shower before work, I spent 45 minutes boiling pots of water on the stove to take a lukewarm, 6-inch deep bath, before realizing my water heater runs on natural gas and was working fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9007

You deserved it

29586

Tweet

Share

By GuitarChick42 - 4/4/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks

320006

You deserved it

22831

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 10/2/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15799

You deserved it

48451

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By fail_fml | 0

#130660 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:51

That's not really a tip. "You suck. Get lessons" would work.

By RNorthlandLGB | 0

#130739 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 23:02

Nobody disrespects Jesus..not on my watch

(And if there are any of you who say my comment is completely irrelevant, than check the Username...and for those of you who think it's stupid, i don't care)

COMMENTS

By fail_fml | 0

#130660 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:51

That's not really a tip. "You suck. Get lessons" would work.

Reply

Jbiebs82 | 0

#985128 - Monday 26 April 2010 15:48

I saw this on YouTube! two girls were doing FMLs and this was on there!!

Reply

harshallmeim69 | 9

#5814909 - Friday 3 January 2014 8:27

it's better to teach yourself for a year or so before taking lessons, otherwise the playing style you develop will be the same as your teacher's.

source:family of guitarists

By username0333 | 0

#130663 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:52

Aww, you can come play for me!

By Kickinchicken213 | 3

#130685 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:54

Don't sweat it. I'm sure you're a great musician.

By colortherainbowx | 0

#130701 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:56

I'm sorry to say this, but ROOOFFFLLLLL. FYL. But maybe you do need lessons?

By Will09 | 0

#130711 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:58

find his adress get the paper piss on it and mail it to him for a nice memory and thank u note for the "tip"

Reply

xyuukinekox | 15

#6485880 - Tuesday 15 December 2015 22:28

Someone didn't take criticism well that year.

By ilovefmlife | 0

#130714 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:58

lol Im sure your great and thats how a lot of great artists are discovered.

well unless that piece of paper from that man was the only thing you received.
in that case I would definitely think about getting lessons.

By AkihiroHattori5 | 0

#130718 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:58

I agree with #1. That's messed up for you, though.

By HurriKaty | 4

#130719 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:59

That is the funniest thing I have read on this site in a long, long time.

By Person_Man | 0

#130726 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 23:00

lol! now thats funny.

By shan789mudge | 0

#130732 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 23:01

lol thats messed up!