Miscellaneous: Today, I was playing guitar on the sidewalk and had my guitar... - FML

By Jesus - United States

Today, I was playing guitar on the sidewalk and had my guitar case open for tips. A man came up with a folded piece of green paper, smiled and walked away. After I was finished, I looked at my tips. I unfolded the paper, it was a note that said "You suck!" FML

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Tasty!

Very fishy

Keys, how do they work?

By bruisedandconfused - United States - Aberdeen

Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML

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By kitkat1740 - United States - Concord

Today, I called my boss to ask if my paycheck had been deposited yet. He said no, that my grandmother came in to work and picked it up. Confused, I called her. She is holding it ransom until I start calling home every day. I do, but she gets so drunk, she doesn't remember. FML

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By pizzagurl - United States

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

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By stuck - United States

Today, I was working as a service writer in an auto service shop. A really cute girl came in to buy a headlight, I offered to install the bulb for her. My hand got stuck behind the headlight, she had to ask one of our mechanics to come remove the air box from her car to get my hand out. FML

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By me - United States - Paris

Today, my Spanish teacher imitated the sound of a coffee grinder, and then said in Spanish, "OK, all of you do it." I did it, thinking everyone else would too. I was the only one in the class who'd understood the Spanish part. FML

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By WorkSexMonkey - United States

Today, I found out that shutting off the heat in the rental property my parents owned was a bad idea. The water froze and the pipes burst, causing the whole kitchen ceiling to fall down. The water ruined the wood floors and the appliances. I turned off the heat to save money. FML

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By Hi-Tech - Europe

Today, I got a laptop for my birthday. I was thrilled until I realized that my mom had given away my old one without asking. 6 years of games, music, and pictures down the drain. FML

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By noname - France

Today, my wife, in her magnificent wedding dress, had her period during the ceremony. How did I find out? The same way everyone else did. FML

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By gui909 - France

Today, I went to fill up my car. 500 metres before the petrol station, I saw a group of motorcyclists in my rear view mirror. I slowed down and pulled over to let them past. In fact, they were also going to fill up. 35 motorcyclists and 2 petrol pumps. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

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By musicmaniac13 - France

Today, I performed in my school's choir concert. The girl next to me started to pass out, and I grabbed her so she wouldn't hit her head. After we were done performing and the curtains closed, my choir teacher dragged me off stage and said I was getting an F for "creating a distraction". FML

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By whoops - United States - Spring Hill

Today, thanks to my phone's shitty predictive text combined with me being half-asleep, I accidentally offered my heartbroken buddy "oral support" if he ever needs it. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 14:01 - United States - Waterville

Mr Sensitivity

Today, I spent four hours at the ER because I had a miscarriage. The father of the baby was being sweet and supportive while I was there and checked in on me after I got home. Six hours after we found out we lost our baby, he asked for a threesome. He still doesn’t understand what’s wrong. FML

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By Starchaser

Today, I helped my children dye Easter eggs. They did great. My husband, however, is covered in dye spots and glitter from "helping." FML

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By Tally - Canada

Today, I got flowers at work. I was excited until I saw they were from my good friend saying, "Sorry for sleeping with your boyfriend!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML

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By Poorphone - United States - Denver

Today, my car got stuck in a foot of snow. I tried desperately digging around my wheels to see if it would help. I was finally able to get out 10 minutes later only to realize that I had dropped my phone in the snow while I was digging and had run over it. FML

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By youknowyoureoptimisticwhen - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I went to McDonald's. I was unaware of the Monopoly contest that they were holding. I was also unaware that you have to get 3 stickers of the same colour to claim your prize, and that it's not that easy to win a Jeep Cherokee. Taking down my Facebook post was awkward. FML

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By dasbooot - United States

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to Britney's concert. About halfway through the show, the person next to me turns to me and asks, "Can you do me a favour?" Thinking that she wanted me to look after her stuff, I said sure. Her next sentence was: "Can you stop singing?" FML

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By atalose - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, my college professor said that anyone who misses the final next week automatically fails, "even if their grandmother died." My grandmother, the woman who raised me, died last night and her funeral is next week. Same day as the final. Across the country. FML

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By pasha - Canada - Beamsville

Today, my overly-clean mum decided to drop by and surprise me by cleaning my house while I was out jogging. She used half a bottle of bleach, and now it hurts to blink, let alone breathe. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Boise

Today, the first thing I noticed about my blind date was the clump of nose hairs sticking out and mingling with his beard. In an effort to not stare, I periodically glanced away. After a while, he asked which guy I was into at the table next to us, because I was spending so much time looking in that direction. FML

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By Anonymous

All true, obviously

Today, I found out that my mother-in-law thinks that Trump is the "best man to walk the earth since Jesus," and that he's "fighting the deep state who's in control of the fake news." She tried to indoctrinate me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girl if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dial my number and look down to find she has my number is saved in her phone as ASS FACE #3. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc... and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personallities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML

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By FUKDOUG - Canada

Today, I was trying to finish an english assignment and I was not sure how to complete it. So I emailed my teacher asking and she said flip over the assignment handout page for instructions. FML

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By Kidsthesedays - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something", I asked? I was not expecting the answer "A period mural". FML

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By henley

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't want to go out with him because I was having a fat day. After ten minutes of fighting, he threw a ring box on the floor and stormed out. I basically refused his proposal because of my body issues. FML

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By done - United States - North Las Vegas

Excuse you?

Today, after spending years volunteering at community theatres and being accepted into a prestigious university for theatrical design, my public high school gave me a scholarship. All my mother could say was "I'm sorry they wasted their money on you." FML

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By blahmina - United States

Today, I had to walk home from school in the rain, because my mom "didn't have a car to pick me up in". But when I got home, the car had magically appeared. Just great. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my crazy mother-in-law threatened to camp out outside my house so she will "never get left out" of our lives, all because we called instead of sending a written invitation to my three-year-old's birthday party. I actually believe she's crazy enough to do it. FML

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By jake - United States - Bend

Today, I invited my girlfriend over to a family lunch, planning to propose to her at just the right moment. My family was in on it, including my apparently disapproving mom, who kept causing a scene to grab my girlfriend's attention every time I went to pull out the ring. FML

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By footyfallout - Canada

Today, I finished writing the most perfect love letter for this girl at summer school. At the end of the letter I signed: Your secret admirer. Cute, right? Not really. Turns out I was so anxious to finish the letter that I ended up writing my name at the bottom. FML

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By Breanne - Canada

Today, at work, a regular started talking to me. Subject of choice? His overwhelming amount of earwax. Apparently he'd like to make a candle out of it once he goes to the doctor to get it removed. FML

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By oopsies - United States

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

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By wellcrap - United States - Carrollton

Today, I walked into a really fancy hotel bathroom. I spoke to the attendant and gave her my purse and coat while I used the toilet. When I came out, she was gone. The receptionist informed me they didn't have a bathroom attendant. FML

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By eaglesmile - India - Mumbai

Today, during work hours, I took time off and discreetly went for an interview for a prospective job at our rival company. As soon as I reached the place, I bumped into my current boss. FML

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By Unloveable - United States - Priest River

Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me over video chat. Two days before I was to move across the country to be with him. All of my things are already shipped. He said he thinks of me as a sister. FML

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By engineerdude91 - United States

Today, I realized the benefits at Burger King are better than at my company. I'm an engineer, have three degrees, speak three languages fluently, and work at a multi-billion dollar company. The guy flipping burgers has better health care and more corporate 401k contributions than I do. FML

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Top comments

By fail_fml | 0

#130660 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:51

That's not really a tip. "You suck. Get lessons" would work.

By RNorthlandLGB | 0

#130739 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 23:02

Nobody disrespects Jesus..not on my watch

(And if there are any of you who say my comment is completely irrelevant, than check the Username...and for those of you who think it's stupid, i don't care)

COMMENTS

By fail_fml | 0

#130660 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:51

That's not really a tip. "You suck. Get lessons" would work.

Reply

Jbiebs82 | 0

#985128 - Monday 26 April 2010 15:48

I saw this on YouTube! two girls were doing FMLs and this was on there!!

Reply

harshallmeim69 | 9

#5814909 - Friday 3 January 2014 8:27

it's better to teach yourself for a year or so before taking lessons, otherwise the playing style you develop will be the same as your teacher's.

source:family of guitarists

By username0333 | 0

#130663 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:52

Aww, you can come play for me!

By Kickinchicken213 | 3

#130685 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:54

Don't sweat it. I'm sure you're a great musician.

By colortherainbowx | 0

#130701 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:56

I'm sorry to say this, but ROOOFFFLLLLL. FYL. But maybe you do need lessons?

By Will09 | 0

#130711 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:58

find his adress get the paper piss on it and mail it to him for a nice memory and thank u note for the "tip"

Reply

xyuukinekox | 15

#6485880 - Tuesday 15 December 2015 22:28

Someone didn't take criticism well that year.

By ilovefmlife | 0

#130714 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:58

lol Im sure your great and thats how a lot of great artists are discovered.

well unless that piece of paper from that man was the only thing you received.
in that case I would definitely think about getting lessons.

By AkihiroHattori5 | 0

#130718 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:58

I agree with #1. That's messed up for you, though.

By HurriKaty | 4

#130719 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:59

That is the funniest thing I have read on this site in a long, long time.

By Person_Man | 0

#130726 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 23:00

lol! now thats funny.

By shan789mudge | 0

#130732 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 23:01

lol thats messed up!