Today, I was planning on asking out a girl I've been really close... - FML

By Tgreject - 16/8/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I was planning on asking out a girl I've been really close to for a few months now. I was with her when I got a forward text from my friend. It was from the girl and it said "noooo tell him not to ask me out I don't like him." I got rejected via forward text before I told her how I felt. FML

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Dangling modifier

Great boyfriend

Don't give up

By FoxyManicLiar - 27/9/2010 21:06 - France

Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML

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By Mommy - 29/9/2010 22:47 - United States

Today, my daughter watched a potty training video on Sesame Street. In the middle of the video, she got up and ran to her potty to practice. She then announced, "All done!", and proudly closed the lid to her potty. She then immediately stood on top of it and peed. FML

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By Sod's Law in action - 17/3/2018 01:30

Today, I turned up to my job interview ready for any question, with impeccable references and previous work experience. Then I saw that one of my interviewers was the lady I accidentally hit with my bicycle last week. She still has stitches in her cheek. No job for me. FML

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By Notasinner - 24/5/2012 22:39 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a drunk man wearing a sandwich-board proclaiming that, "The end is nigh" threw some so-called holy water at me while bellowing, "It's what Jesus would've wanted" and that I should "repent for being an evil shite." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2015 17:56 - United States

Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML

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By Anonymous Cunt - 24/11/2012 19:38 - Netherlands - Blaricum

Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2019 18:00

Hey Scratchy!

Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2013 19:34 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, I discovered that if I turn my shower off for a minute, then back on again, the water comes out scalding hot. I discovered that while the showerhead was pointed directly at my genitals. FML

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By PISSED - 7/11/2009 11:58 - Germany

Today, I finally got a date with one of the hottest girls in school, a perfect 10. Just before I go to pick her up to go to the movies, I call her to find out where she lives. She answers the phone only to hear my father yelling in the background, "stop talking to that whore." FML

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By Super Confused - 2/5/2016 23:59 - United States - Fremont

Today, I got my graded essay from my teacher. Earlier, he'd said that it was "too specific", and that I should change it to be "more general and debatable". Now that I've got it back, the first comments on the paper are, "Your thesis is too general, be more specific." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2013 20:55 - France - M?rignac

Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend offered to give me a piggyback ride from the house to the car as means of avoiding walking in mud. Both aware of how tall he is, he crouched extra low and I jumped extra hard. This makes for a terrible example of leapfrog, and a faceplant in the mud. FML

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By CandyMachine - 16/2/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn't open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

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By Sorrymom - 11/8/2017 01:30

Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML

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By theyreallydosmell - 4/2/2011 00:59

Today, I came home from a vacation. It had snowed, so I decided to shovel the front walk. While shoveling, I found a dead skunk frozen solid on the sidewalk. I tried to pick it up with my shovel, but it stuck. It won't move 'til the ice melts. FML

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By damnbananas - 24/1/2011 20:38 - United States

Today, while at school, I slipped on a wet patch in the hall and fell over, smacking my head against the floor. I laid there for a good five minutes in agonizing pain while people literally walked over me. Not a single person bothered to help me up or ask if I was okay. FML

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By ugly - 7/4/2009 23:34 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML

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By thatsucks4u - 14/8/2010 00:56 - United States

Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML

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By Anonyme - 22/6/2016 04:05

Today, my parents, who aren’t usually lenient, allowed me to have my boyfriend over. We started to cuddle, things got a little heated, but then my sister walks in and says, “You do my math homework, or I tell mom what you guys were doing.” I don’t remember middle school math being this hard. FML

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By 3.14 - 8/2/2012 11:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML

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By axwound - 27/12/2010 13:04 - United States

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

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By Champion the wonder horse - 28/7/2011 08:15 - United States

Today, a bunch of guys at work chased me down a corridor with a Febreze spray for smelling like I'd been "sleeping in a hollowed-out horse's carcass" and having "the personal hygiene of a billy goat." FML

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By HagFag - 10/11/2018 14:00

Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML

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By Scabs - 9/8/2010 16:54 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my parents' friends. I was in the back with my window down when I felt something strange hit my ear. I then realized that the person sitting in front of me was picking their scab and throwing it out the window. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2013 01:52 - United States

Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML

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By moerae - 3/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML

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By ZINGER - 14/11/2009 06:02 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that I left my headlights on last night. I found out by the headlights of my car smashed and a post-it note on my windshield saying "you accidentally left your headlights on... I took care of that for you". FML

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By Oh-Shit! - 10/8/2013 15:23 - United States

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

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By HolyyMolyy - 11/7/2016 10:24

Today, I was ecstatic to have received a friend request from my crush of grade 4 after 11 years. He's grown up to be such a hottie. I quickly accepted his request, he messaged me and we ended up chatting for hours. Later, when I messaged him, he called me clingy and unfriended me from Facebook. FML

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By ohgod. - 10/10/2012 02:59 - United States - Daytona Beach

Today, I found out that my daughter's "pen pal" is really a 58-year-old man in prison. FML

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By kibblegirl - 6/6/2019 00:01

Today, I was so hungry that my mouth started watering during a dog food commercial. FML

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By M - 20/9/2015 23:59 - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 03:34 - United States - Blacksburg

Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML

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By Snurkles McGee - 22/5/2013 21:48 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I confronted my boss to find out why I was denied a promotion that she promised to me. Her response? "You should know by now I'm a liar. Not my fault if you believe the things I say." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2020 20:00

Give me a break!!

Today, in an effort to avoid having the same break as my annoying coworker, I went a little earlier than I usually do. Guess who got moved to a position with an early break? She sat next to me. FML

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By All the ills - 15/2/2016 20:32 - United States - Geneva

Today, I was miserable with a cold. So I ordered soup and noodles from a new Chinese restaurant. Now I am miserable with a cold and food poisoning. FML

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By justcomesnaturally - 4/11/2012 00:37 - United States - Danby

Today, I realized that I'm a terrible human being. For the first time in my life, I gave some change to a homeless guy, but only so he'd get out of my face long enough for me to watch two other bums beating the crap out of each other over a sandwich. FML

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By that’s what you get - 5/8/2020 17:02

Food for thought

Today, I warned my husband not to eat the seafood he'd left on the counter. He insisted it was fine. He’s now been in the bathroom shitting, puking and wailing for three hours. Our place is tiny and the bathroom is attached to our bedroom. The door doesn’t keep out the noise or the rancid smell. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2020 08:00

Never? NEVER?!

Today, I had a fight with my grandma again with whom I've been living for 4 years due to college hostel being below par. She blamed me for destroying her kitchen equipment by extensively cooking, especially at night. I've never placed a foot inside her kitchen since the beginning. FML

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Top comments

By Fred_Burroughs | 0

#490861 - Sunday 16 August 2009 12:49

You have a good friend. Be glad he warned you beforehand so you didn't have to go through it.

By SyndicatedAlias | 0

#490817 - Sunday 16 August 2009 12:21

See, at least you didn't tell her and have to face her in a direct confrontation!

Be optimistic, there are always more fish in the sea, hun!

COMMENTS

By SyndicatedAlias | 0

#490817 - Sunday 16 August 2009 12:21

See, at least you didn't tell her and have to face her in a direct confrontation!

Be optimistic, there are always more fish in the sea, hun!

Reply

plexico | 3

#491001 - Sunday 16 August 2009 15:45

And many of the fish smell like fish, too!

Lower your standards and you will be fine. Who needs a prize catch when a bottom-feeding scum sucker will do?

Reply

alijacket | 0

#491024 - Sunday 16 August 2009 16:20

oh yes, #16, she's a real prize catch, isn't she? a moron that can't talk to the guy face to face. sounds like this guy is better off without her.

Reply

neonokku | 0

#491117 - Sunday 16 August 2009 17:09

You should have changed it. Tell her that you don't even like her and she's ugly and stuckup for thinking that

It'll work (:

Reply

maddog_fml | 0

#491192 - Sunday 16 August 2009 18:15

LOL @#16

@#20 Do you really think that will work?

@OP: Fucking eazy. Don't call her or contact her. IF she calls you, then say what the text was. End of story.
Just like #1 said, there are plenty fishes.

BTW: FYL

Reply

mike1921 | 0

#491264 - Sunday 16 August 2009 19:04

Or, how about you stop being so judgemental and pretend that text never happened because it might not be from her.

Reply

Intoxicunt | 5

#492975 - Monday 17 August 2009 7:35

Haha, #16.
=D

Reply

fckinbowdown | 0

#1100634 - Saturday 17 July 2010 7:11

it happened for a reason man I promise you'll find someone better that will love you and you will both be happy

By Chocolate_Cake | 0

#490832 - Sunday 16 August 2009 12:24

Be glad you didnt ask her out.
I mean, sure that sucks, but hey, as #1 said, plenty more fish in the sea (:

Reply

BlackWolfVII | 0

#491012 - Sunday 16 August 2009 16:02

And many of those fish have crabs.

Reply

HahaYDI | 0

#492335 - Monday 17 August 2009 3:04

Eh, you get win half of the internet, ive seen better but the fish/crab reference was pretty good

Reply

yuggi1 | 11

#2294039 - Monday 4 April 2011 19:08

I dunno about that, she already knows he likes her and was going to ask her out. Everything is so awkward now. :/

By lendmeyourteeth | 0

#490839 - Sunday 16 August 2009 12:28

at least u didn't have to go through the rejection?

Reply

lebronesque73091 | 12

#3805777 - Friday 30 December 2011 2:00

Consider yourself lucky. It could've been worse.

By timtam24 | 0

#490847 - Sunday 16 August 2009 12:36

well your sorta did seeing as your friend told her about it...

Reply

UnicornsDoExist | 0

#490969 - Sunday 16 August 2009 14:50

that's totally true! she wouldn't have even known about it unless the friend told her!

Reply

talbot008 | 0

#982876 - Wednesday 21 April 2010 4:30

maybe she was talking about a different boy?

Reply

jackalope069 | 0

#1712071 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 1:44

if it was forwarded how could she have sent it? maybe her friend was telling her about someone going to ask her out, not about you asking that girl out.

Reply

jackalope069 | 0

#1712078 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 1:46

never mind about the previous reply, I didn't see the friend sent him a text..

FYL OP

By FPsLife | 5

#490852 - Sunday 16 August 2009 12:41

She showed her true colors beforehand. Deal with it as best you can and move on.

Reply

stolencookie | 17

#5054568 - Thursday 18 October 2012 4:37

What "true colors?" It's not like she was a bad person, she just didn't like him.

By Fred_Burroughs | 0

#490861 - Sunday 16 August 2009 12:49

You have a good friend. Be glad he warned you beforehand so you didn't have to go through it.

Reply

loserof2k11 | 0

#3901756 - Wednesday 18 January 2012 4:48

or she!

By swjeemtys | 0

#490866 - Sunday 16 August 2009 12:53

Aw..that sucks.. atleast you didnt ask. Imagine had you gotten the text after you had already asked her? That would have been a double slap in the face.
1. When she rejected you.
2. Text message telling you not to ask.

By Unregistered | 0

#490879 - Sunday 16 August 2009 13:02

lol imagine if his friend was auctually cock blocking him and sent him a fake forwarded message so that he would give up hope then his friend could swoop in and make the goal o.O

The Plot Thickens :O

Reply

mike1921 | 0

#491128 - Sunday 16 August 2009 17:18

This, seriously he should just ask -_-

Reply

writer08 | 0

#492049 - Monday 17 August 2009 1:01

First thing I thought of too. It sounds like they're in high school, and it's not uncommon for "friends" to cockblock each other for a girl, and would do whatever to get with a girl.

Reply

nodbor | 11

#492111 - Monday 17 August 2009 1:36

↑ ↑
agree #8

By xbombr | 0

#490894 - Sunday 16 August 2009 13:13

Text rejection sucks. Getting forwarded the rejection is just that much worse.

At least you were nice enough to where she couldn't face you about it even via text. I'm sure someone else more deserving will appreciate that sort of kindness.

By che_williams | 0

#490916 - Sunday 16 August 2009 13:40

i think that your friend telling her and then him/her telling you is better than you telling the crush and getting rejected. this way it wont be as awkward for you two