Miscellaneous: Today, I was online and I saw a friend that I hadn't talked to...

By wingless_angel_7 - United States

Today, I was online and I saw a friend that I hadn't talked to in two years come online. I IM'ed him, only for him to respond, "I haven't responded to any messages of yours in over a year. Most people would get the hint." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29493

You deserved it

8348

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Out of it

Messed up

Optimism

By Stupendous_ - Canada - Edmonton

Today, while visiting my widowed great aunt, she took out her wedding rings and talked about the love she and my uncle had. Smiling, I told her that one day I hope to have as happy a marriage as theirs. Her response? "Knowing you, I wouldn't count on it." My mother sat there agreeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24355

You deserved it

2528

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27099

You deserved it

2746

Favorite

By widow - United States

RIP

Today, I received two cards in the mail for my late husband for his birthday. He has been dead for four years now, and the cards were from our two children, who live several states away. This is the fourth time it's happened, and neither of them answer my calls. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48311

You deserved it

3767

Favorite

By lextoast - Rwanda

Today, I went on a fabulous date with a really cute, smart, funny guy. He only mentioned his dad, so when I asked about his mom, I asked if they were divorced. She'd died of breast cancer so I felt awful. Then I asked if his dad had ever remarried. His stepmom had died of cancer too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31682

You deserved it

2665

Favorite

By Chad - United States

Today, my wife bought $80 worth of Glee songs on iTunes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56469

You deserved it

10439

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36614

You deserved it

4424

Favorite

By Dexter_39476 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I found out my family refers to my room as "the virgin cave". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23369

You deserved it

2803

Favorite

By drunk - Australia

Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8239

You deserved it

40784

Favorite

By No Action Fighter - United States

Freaked out

Today, while at my boxing gym, an old man came inside and did the oddest drunk dance in order to serenade me. I'm a fighter and fine with taking punches to the face, but froze in terror at the sight of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26135

You deserved it

3406

Favorite

By HarryBeast - Canada

Today, I pulled out three chips from a bag. There were two round ones, and a skinny one, making it look like a penis. I laughed. I'm 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9928

You deserved it

32731

Favorite

By soapysoap - United States

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36753

You deserved it

4911

Favorite

By DaisyMay - United States

Today, I returned home to find the key to my mailbox missing. I called the post office and was informed that a new key will cost me $15. I have no money, and my paycheck is in the mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37271

You deserved it

5186

Favorite

By katieemw95

I'm not drunk, you're drunk!

Today, I came home from partying all night, having stayed completely sober. My Dad, blind drunk, told me he was proud of me for staying sober. He claims to have been sober longer than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1302

You deserved it

103

Favorite

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Tilburg

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39326

You deserved it

4642

Favorite

By murp - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went out for a few drinks with some friends. All night, I kept smiling and showing off my newly brace-free teeth. Later on, one of my friends drunkly asked, "Why does she keep smiling? Her teeth are fucking jacked." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26468

You deserved it

3173

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Deer Park

Today, my mother in-law made dessert. It was a beautiful chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, and every other thing had chocolate in it. I'm deathly allergic to chocolate and she knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51568

You deserved it

3669

Favorite

By lamb-chop - France

Today, my philosophy teacher asked me about my parents. I replied that my mum was a cleaner and my dad was a bus driver. In an astonished voice, she said, "But, you're clever..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36771

You deserved it

2405

Favorite

By Silbax1 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I overheard my co-workers talking about how they don't need flu shots because everyone else gets them. These people are in the medical industry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35423

You deserved it

3466

Favorite

By welcometothefamily - United States

Today, a guy who I have known for a long time confessed his love to me. It would have been sweet except that he will become my stepbrother in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39006

You deserved it

3211

Favorite

By offended - United States - East Hampton

Today, I was out to coffee with an extremely attractive friend. A crazy man came up to the window we were facing. He took one look at her, then turned to me with a big, congratulatory smile, flashing me a thumbs-up. Then he turned to her, frowned disappointedly and gave a thumbs-down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27448

You deserved it

2421

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Royersford

Today, I got locked out of my house. After trying unsuccessfully to jimmy the lock, I managed to climb in through the kitchen window. I soon found out I had an effect on the door after all; it won't open at all any more, even with the right key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17212

You deserved it

5699

Favorite

By sarahfromthesouth - United States

Today, while in line at the waterpark, I looked down to find my 3 year old daughter chewing on a used band-aid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43491

You deserved it

7515

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Unforgettable

Today, it was my first day of work at my new job. I got dressed and arrived early, only to find out that the store had closed due to a power outage. Then I found out that the person who'd hired me had totally forgotten about hiring me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1834

You deserved it

104

Favorite

By Mc'xplosive

McGastric

Today, after months of avoiding fast food, I decided to eat some McDonald's french fries. Though the fries were delicious, they were not worth the agonizing 15 minutes I spent on the toilet afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1227

You deserved it

432

Favorite

By cacheson

Forever Alone

Today, I finally felt the inspiration to write creatively again. I worked for an hour on a character concept before I realized I'd actually created an imaginary sister/best friend for myself because I’m so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1355

You deserved it

182

Favorite

By keerow - United States

Today, I realized that the homeless people I give change to all dress better than I do, including the one that doesn't believe in pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16024

You deserved it

25277

Favorite

By chocobo

Supreme Betrayal

Today, I discovered that my family routinely waits until after my bedtime to order a pepperoni pizza, my favorite food. If that wasn't bad enough, I'm 17 and still have a strictly enforced bedtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4395

You deserved it

514

Favorite

By StrawHatBill - United States

Today, I found out that honestly answering "yes" to "Are Kate Upton's boobs bigger than mine?" is in my girlfriend's mind the equivalent of saying I don't find her attractive anymore and that I want to break up with her to date a supermodel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32195

You deserved it

8340

Favorite

By blonde moment

Today, while talking to a friend, I momentarily forgot the word for archery and instead called it, “Bow-and-Arrow Jutsu.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1139

You deserved it

507

Favorite

By Matt8 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30164

You deserved it

2075

Favorite

By hisgirl4life - United States

Today, I laughed so hard my milk went out my nose in front of the boy I liked. Then, since I was laughing so hard about that, I accidentally farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39104

You deserved it

8709

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, four days after making a $100 bet with my balding, pedo-stache wearing dad over who could get a girlfriend first, he came home and introduced me to his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41830

You deserved it

11589

Favorite

By grounded. - United States

Today, I'm a 25-year-old married woman and I'm currently living with my grandfather to take care of him. Today, he grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32990

You deserved it

4035

Favorite

By ouch. - United States - Stamford

Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2639

You deserved it

327

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I got run over. Not by a car, but by a lady in a wheelchair. Am I really that invisible? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1527

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By paula434 - United States

Today, I gave a speech at a charity event in part to help with my shyness. Nobody told me I was standing on top of an air vent. It went on. My skirt flew up, revealing my underwear to 90 people. Nobody remembers the content of my speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33476

You deserved it

4008

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that 15 years ago my father threw out my college acceptance letters so that I could stay home and take over the family's funeral home business. FML

I agree, your life sucks

95499

You deserved it

3434

Favorite

By dlova - United States

Today, I was at a party and spent the whole night bragging to my friends about how I thought this girl was totally into me. As we were leaving, we saw the same girl making out with my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10174

You deserved it

24576

Favorite

By Stigmamma

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be responsible and put parental controls on the Playstation so our kids can't play adult games or watch adult content online. And now, neither can we. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8178

You deserved it

5020

Favorite

By Princeton - United States

Today, a girl invited me over to her dorm room at 3 AM. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to respond to e-mails just before. She said she was tired and then went to bed. I'm a F*ing idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6741

You deserved it

47779

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By xundria | 5

#1785549 - Friday 3 December 2010 1:54

Sounds like a good friend. Move on.

By FYLDeep | 25

#1786161 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:13

Hint, hint, he wants you to burn down his house. Hint, hint, hint.

COMMENTS

By xundria | 5

#1785549 - Friday 3 December 2010 1:54

Sounds like a good friend. Move on.

liindsey | 25

#1785572 - Friday 3 December 2010 1:59

agreed. if someone is going to be an ass like that, you don't really need them in your life.

moosemonkey1000 | 6

#1785595 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:04

BURN!!!!!!

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1786140 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:07

Well op that sucks :( That's why I don't message "friends" more than twice if they don't reply... But I don't have any real friends....

Daileyyy | 0

#1786246 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:31

what friend?

theannonymousone | 0

#1786606 - Friday 3 December 2010 4:37

If you wanna talk, #12, hit me up at [email protected] Just say hi. :)

theannonymousone | 0

#1786612 - Friday 3 December 2010 4:38

You too OP.

MoniV6661 | 0

#1786642 - Friday 3 December 2010 4:52

Awh. :/

terranada | 3

#1786932 - Friday 3 December 2010 7:29

this is why I delete ppl from my IM list every year or so. especially if we weren't that close to begin with

mamamiaaa_fml | 12

#1787158 - Friday 3 December 2010 9:07

wow. hmmmph. don't worry about it. if you haven't talked to this person in two years it should be no sweat to just delete them.

By sassyangel24 | 0

#1785553 - Friday 3 December 2010 1:54

that sucks!

purplecowchik | 5

#1786991 - Friday 3 December 2010 7:58

Yes it does! Looks like someone framed you!

By KelceyLoves | 0

#1785557 - Friday 3 December 2010 1:56

Every time I send a message I am scared they will respond with this. Luckily they haven't yet! Haha.

lmfao1643 | 3

#1786841 - Friday 3 December 2010 6:31

Yeaa

By tj41567 | 0

#1785564 - Friday 3 December 2010 1:58

ouch

By lexi365 | 20

#1785590 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:03

just move on...

By FYLDeep | 25

#1786161 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:13

Hint, hint, he wants you to burn down his house. Hint, hint, hint.

smokeymcpottt | 3

#1786310 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:41

He's a leprechaun!??

CaptSkippy | 9

#1787741 - Friday 3 December 2010 11:32

after he jollyranchers his cars, eggs the frame, keys it, and slashes! now how are they going to escape?

By username5000 | 0

#1786177 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:14

Awwwww :(

By a_girl_i_know | 0

#1786188 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:17

maybe he should have deleted you from his instant messaging....

griffin4 | 0

#1786198 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:18

LOSER!

Euphemism | 0

#1787571 - Friday 3 December 2010 10:26

Blocked, would be better. So the op would had never felt the pain.

By ILOLatmockdaweek | 0

#1786195 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:18

your fml makes no sense. you say you haven't talked to him in 2 years but really what you've been doing is talking to him and getting no reply. Jesus you sound annoying. next time stop if he doesn't reply after the 3rd convo.