Today, I was online and I saw a friend that I hadn't talked to...

By wingless_angel_7 - United States

Today, I was online and I saw a friend that I hadn't talked to in two years come online. I IM'ed him, only for him to respond, "I haven't responded to any messages of yours in over a year. Most people would get the hint." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29482

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Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Messed up

How's your hovel?

By Brian - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32101

You deserved it

5084

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By Byron fiddles - Hungary

Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so I go to skip it but accidentally unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24969

You deserved it

56497

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By definitelynotugly

Today, I had a morning shift at the restaurant and didn't feel like wearing makeup. I was energetic and greeted everyone happily, but my manager told me I looked tired. I said, "Oh no I'm just not wearing makeup!" He said, "Well, you might need it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2717

You deserved it

320

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I dropped my trash into what I thought was a garbage can. My co-workers stared at me like I had just pissed myself. It was a toy collection box for children in foster care. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32846

You deserved it

10822

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By badmombadkids - 24/5/2020 02:00

Assholes, assholes everywhere

Today, my nephews decided to play with and break the antique hourglass I bought for my mom. It took months to find and cost nearly $500. When I told my sister, she refused to repay me and responded with, "What do you expect, they’re just little boys!" Her "little boys" are 12 and 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2069

You deserved it

133

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh". Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45647

You deserved it

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By deargodwhy - 4/9/2020 10:03

Throwing shade

Today, my 12-year-old daughter was suspended from school for doing a book report on 50 Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1057

You deserved it

726

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By JustABarista

Good Riddance

Today, while working at Starbucks, an elderly woman came up to me asking to turn up the heat. It was at 73. After explaining to her that corporate all the way across the country controls our heat, she's reporting me to corporate and is insisting I should be fired or she won't ever return. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5188

You deserved it

347

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By Hannah - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24921

You deserved it

31581

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By facepalm - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I received my first negative feedback on my otherwise flawless eBay record. The woman who bought the item said it wasn't as delicious as she was expecting, so there must be something wrong with it. What was I selling? A new and unopened lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30404

You deserved it

2330

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to admit to everyone, including my cable guy, that I'm moving back in with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25645

You deserved it

9410

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By sparkyjaf - Australia - West Pymble

Today, all of my roommates handed in their vacating notice unexpectedly. They are all moving to a new house together in two weeks, leaving me to be either homeless or forced to pay 4 times what I was paying in rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34793

You deserved it

4155

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By nacho - United States

Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34978

You deserved it

4315

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By sadsenior - United States

Today, I was excited because I was going to get my college decisions back. I put all of the letters in order of my preference. Didn't get into my first choice. Denied from my second choice. Rejected from my third choice. Wait listed on my back-up. Accepted for a job at Target. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73411

You deserved it

10001

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By mikuxxhatsune - Australia - Greystanes

Today, I was the organist for a wedding. I had practiced for weeks, rehearsed with the choir many times and spent hours stressing. During the wedding march, the electric organ malfunctioned, adding on layers of random notes I didn't play. Guess who got yelled at afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3449

You deserved it

232

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By englishtrio - United States

Today, after finally giving up on the search for my lost dog, I realized that my neighbors had found her and are convinced that she was a stray. They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take my own dog back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75056

You deserved it

3564

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By hesaidwhat - United States

Today, I checked my Facebook notifications to see that someone likes my new single status. My ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31996

You deserved it

5879

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By Kay - India - Nagari

Today, I discovered that my 20-year-old son has been using my bras for his jerk-off sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68037

You deserved it

6443

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By izzy

Today, my boyfriend left me for his sister. No, not my sister. His sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3650

You deserved it

201

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By inappropes

Today, at almost 26 years old, my beard is finally coming in. Too bad it, like the hair on my head, is 50% grey already. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3590

You deserved it

251

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By Rebecca - 3/10/2020 23:07

What could go wrong?

Today, I slipped into an ATM vestibule quickly without a mask. The place smelled like the antiseptic at a doctor's office, so I figured, "What could go wrong? Not more than 6 hours later, I found out that I’m sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

350

You deserved it

1739

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By jazzybell - United States

Today, I found out that a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser will erase the paint right off your wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27174

You deserved it

6662

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By someoneneedsassistance - United States - Woodford

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33195

You deserved it

3995

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By okaykk

Thanks babe...

Today, after having hardly any sleep the whole weekend, I was woken up at 3:30 am by the sound of running water. I opened my eyes to find my fiancé peeing in my favorite water bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2381

You deserved it

195

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By Misskittygal14

Today, I decided to go through my younger brother's browser history. I found out he goes regularly on PornHub. He's only 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3447

You deserved it

1110

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By FMyLife5915

Today, I found out what "supersoaked" means. I thought it meant getting shot by a water gun, which is why I laughed when my daughter's boyfriend said he "supersoaked" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36178

You deserved it

6881

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By JB - United States

Today, it was my first day as a vacuum salesman. While I was demonstrating how well it removed stains, I managed to smear stuff over the area I was cleaning. So not only was I unsuccessful in removing the original stains, I left them with worse carpet than when I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10979

You deserved it

28590

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By unemployed - United States

Today, as I was bagging groceries, I looked down to see a 6-year-old urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me. I told his mother that he should take her kid to the restroom, only to be told to "mind my own goddamn business." I was later fired for arguing with the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

155458

You deserved it

7430

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By loli-conned - United Kingdom

Today, I was shopping for my little sister's birthday. She loves manga. I've never read manga, so I bought a couple of novels from the "popular" shelf. Turns out if they have white covers it means they are "adult" books. I bought my sister a "lolicon" manga - filled with prebuscent naked girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39906

You deserved it

22446

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By Lola

Today, my boyfriend bought us three kittens. Today, I also discovered that I am allergic to cats. My boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted the cats more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32690

You deserved it

4313

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By sliceddice - Denmark

Today, I was crying because my cat died. My boyfriend cupped my face in his hands, looked me straight into the eyes and said, "I love seeing you cry." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39352

You deserved it

3714

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By Anonymous - United States - Oakland

Today, I had my driver's test in rural Maine. I hit a cow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51733

You deserved it

14584

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By Frouse

Today, after getting home from work late last night and feeling lazy, I'd put my leftover dinner in the microwave, spoon and all. I wake up to find one of the kids started the microwave and it blew up because of the metal spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

671

You deserved it

2488

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By itsthebestdayoftheyear - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, after 3 years of hard work, very little vacation and no raises, our boss got us a crappy box of drug store cookies as an employee appreciation gift. Which he ended up eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21523

You deserved it

1511

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By ummmmEW - United States

Today, I was riding the bus. Suddenly, it appeared to start to snow inside the bus, and I assumed a window was open. When I looked up however, I discovered the girl in front of me putting her hair up in a ponytail. The so-called "snow" was coming off of her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31999

You deserved it

2235

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By Anonymous - United States - Pekin

Today, I was at a football game with my boyfriend. I said my hands were getting cold, hoping he'd hold them. He replied, "Uh, they make pockets for a reason..." and physically showed me how to put my hands in my pockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38102

You deserved it

7822

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9483

You deserved it

24157

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By Anunimos - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I found out my best friend's girlfriend is cheating on him with his own brother. I went over to his place and told him everything while his girlfriend was in the same room. He called me a jealous liar who wanted to break them up, and kicked me out while she looked on, smirking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33814

You deserved it

3397

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By Crying

It's toast

Today, I no longer have a toaster. My younger sister put it in the bath because apparently it looked dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4679

You deserved it

351

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 22:02 - Argentina - Mar De Ajo

Deal with it

Today, apparently having mood swings at 37 weeks pregnant is being "braggy" according to my husband, and totally not acceptable. FML

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789

You deserved it

112

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Top comments

By xundria | 5

#1785549 - Friday 3 December 2010 1:54

Sounds like a good friend. Move on.

By FYLDeep | 25

#1786161 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:13

Hint, hint, he wants you to burn down his house. Hint, hint, hint.

COMMENTS

By xundria | 5

#1785549 - Friday 3 December 2010 1:54

Sounds like a good friend. Move on.

liindsey | 25

#1785572 - Friday 3 December 2010 1:59

agreed. if someone is going to be an ass like that, you don't really need them in your life.

moosemonkey1000 | 6

#1785595 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:04

BURN!!!!!!

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1786140 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:07

Well op that sucks :( That's why I don't message "friends" more than twice if they don't reply... But I don't have any real friends....

Daileyyy | 0

#1786246 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:31

what friend?

theannonymousone | 0

#1786606 - Friday 3 December 2010 4:37

If you wanna talk, #12, hit me up at [email protected] Just say hi. :)

theannonymousone | 0

#1786612 - Friday 3 December 2010 4:38

You too OP.

MoniV6661 | 0

#1786642 - Friday 3 December 2010 4:52

Awh. :/

terranada | 3

#1786932 - Friday 3 December 2010 7:29

this is why I delete ppl from my IM list every year or so. especially if we weren't that close to begin with

mamamiaaa_fml | 12

#1787158 - Friday 3 December 2010 9:07

wow. hmmmph. don't worry about it. if you haven't talked to this person in two years it should be no sweat to just delete them.

By sassyangel24 | 0

#1785553 - Friday 3 December 2010 1:54

that sucks!

purplecowchik | 5

#1786991 - Friday 3 December 2010 7:58

Yes it does! Looks like someone framed you!

By KelceyLoves | 0

#1785557 - Friday 3 December 2010 1:56

Every time I send a message I am scared they will respond with this. Luckily they haven't yet! Haha.

lmfao1643 | 3

#1786841 - Friday 3 December 2010 6:31

Yeaa

By tj41567 | 0

#1785564 - Friday 3 December 2010 1:58

ouch

By lexi365 | 20

#1785590 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:03

just move on...

By FYLDeep | 25

#1786161 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:13

Hint, hint, he wants you to burn down his house. Hint, hint, hint.

smokeymcpottt | 3

#1786310 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:41

He's a leprechaun!??

CaptSkippy | 9

#1787741 - Friday 3 December 2010 11:32

after he jollyranchers his cars, eggs the frame, keys it, and slashes! now how are they going to escape?

By username5000 | 0

#1786177 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:14

Awwwww :(

By a_girl_i_know | 0

#1786188 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:17

maybe he should have deleted you from his instant messaging....

griffin4 | 0

#1786198 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:18

LOSER!

Euphemism | 0

#1787571 - Friday 3 December 2010 10:26

Blocked, would be better. So the op would had never felt the pain.

By ILOLatmockdaweek | 0

#1786195 - Friday 3 December 2010 2:18

your fml makes no sense. you say you haven't talked to him in 2 years but really what you've been doing is talking to him and getting no reply. Jesus you sound annoying. next time stop if he doesn't reply after the 3rd convo.