Miscellaneous: Today, I was one of five people called up to the front in class... - FML

By leftout - United States

Today, I was one of five people called up to the front in class to receive a special notice from the school administration. The first four people received awards for outstanding effort in school. Mine was a notice that I had overdue library fines. FML

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Commando

Cooked it up

The other stage of grief

By xXWhiteSheepXx - United States - Omaha

Today, my cat likes to share my pillow at night. I guess she was extra comfortable last night, because she didn't bother getting off it to hack up a hairball. I woke up because I rolled my face onto it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button. FML

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By gonnabeunemployed

Today, I got a call from the only company that asked me to come in for an interview of the many applications I submitted. I answered it even though I was at my current job. My boss heard and chewed me out. The call was to cancel the interview since the position was filled. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Akron

Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. 5ML

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By alii2349 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend's cat for staring at me, then cried about it for an hour. Pregnancy life. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Floral Park

Today, my self-described "genius" cousin came to the conclusion that cooking the turkey in the oven for 8 hours would take too long, so he doubled the temperature to have it done in half the time. The fire department had to come to put out the fireball that was once my butterball. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend was entertaining himself by shoving tampons up his nose and seeing how far across the bed he could blow them. This man is the father of my son. FML

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By StUbbY - Canada

Today, I was waiting in line for breakfast at the McDonalds drive-thru. After getting so fed up that the line hadn't budged for 10 mins, I decided to pull out of the line just to realize I was waiting behind 2 parked cars that were just to the left of the drive-thru lane. FML

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By hmacy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message while we were having sex. FML

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By Freezing - 24/3/2020 05:06

It's frostbite time!

Today, the whole upstairs was so cold that I had to wear mittens inside. When I asked my parents why it was so cold, they replied that to save money, they had decided not to heat the upstairs, since "nobody is ever up there, anyway." My bedroom is upstairs. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got a paper cut from a 'get well soon' card. FML

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By Ughhhhh - United States - Stockton

Today, I purpose woke up early so that I could be prepared for a class taught by a professor who thinks I'm an idiot. This professor was the first to tell me that I'm 2 hours early and asked very slowly if I know how schedules worked. She seriously sounded concerned. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend how sleeping with another person is cheating. It's been three days, and almost as many fights. He still doesn't get it. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 02:02 - United States

Man child, part 2

Today, I was told I'm lazy by my boyfriend because I skipped work. He skips his all the time and when I get home still have to cook and clean up after him. FML

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By brokennose - United States

Today, I was at the bar and my friend and I were making fun of this guy wearing a Affliction muscle tee and bedazzled Ed Hardy hat. We were saying how he was the epitome of a douche bag and that he probably likes UFC. Turns out he's an MMA fighter and I now have a broken nose. FML

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By northernlass - United States

Today, I boarded a trans-Atlantic flight by myself, and struck up a nice conversation with the passenger across the aisle. Before we even took off, the man in front of me unbuckled, stood to face me, and asked me to please shut the hell up. "It's a 9 hour flight, and you're VERY loud!" FML

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By fledermausi - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML

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By Cheater_Cheater_Pumpkin_Eater - United States

Today, my best friend became my ex-best friend. I have finally gotten over the guy she stole from me a year ago and have developed a crush on another guy. My best friend called me today to tell me that she broke up with the first guy and is now going out with my current crush. FML

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By mischalucksux - United States

Today, I finally have a job I love with amazing people I call family and a fantastic boss. I've been here 8 months, and I'm doing a great job, I feel like I could work here forever! My most recent project? Printing our "Store closing sale" signs for liquidation. We permanently close in 7 weeks. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me. Why? I was late for our date. We arrived at the restaurant together. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2021 00:01 - Australia - Melbourne

Can it, now!

Today, I learned that I've married into a family that talks to movie characters as they’re doing stuff in the movie. Good luck hearing the dialogue now. FML

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By lex31 - United States

Today, I received my first Valentine's day present ever: a dead mouse from my cat. FML

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By aianmoo16 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at a mini arcade and accidentally put a hundred dollar bill through the quarter machine. FML

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By Dafuq happen there - South Africa

Today, after a long silent and awkward pause after asking my girlfriend's dad if I can take her on holiday for Christmas, he looked me dead in the eyes and said "No, you may not impregnate my daughter." FML

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By Rojo

Today, I was notified that my work is cutting my pay almost in half. I just renewed my long-term lease on an expensive apartment because I was able to afford it before this morning. Now I have no idea how I’m going to pay for it. FML

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By ELparano - Canada

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

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By derped-out sperm - Ireland

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

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By str3tch - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. In order to make a good impression I was as polite as possible and tried to be as engaging as I could. Near the end of dinner my girlfriend's mom says, "I liked your old boyfriend better." FML

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By oreoblizzard619 - United States

Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom told me that my new concealer is way too dark and makes my skin look hideously orange and uneven. I wasn't wearing any makeup. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went caroling with some family friends. We got pelted with oranges. FML

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By Bribri - United States

Today, my mom's "hobby" of rescuing homeless people became very real. We now have 3 more people living in our house, and none of them have a sense of personal space. I wake up to their faces in my windows. Thanks mom. FML

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By FreeTacos_ - United States - Pueblo

Today, I told my crush that I liked her a lot. She told me not to message her when I'm drunk. FML

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By sherronj - United States

Today, I announced to my family that I will be trying out for the next season of America's Best Dance Crew. They responded by laughing hysterically and my mother said "You guys suck, good luck making it past auditions". FML

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By cheated - Australia

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend who recently cheated on me and broke up with me for another girl, has herpes. Guess how I found out? FML

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By ;_; - Canada - Burlington

Today, I saw a guy in the street drawing caricatures, and I decided to pay him to do one of me. Being a caricature, I looked pretty monstrous in it. When I showed it to my mum later, she shuddered and said, "Yeah, looks just like you." FML

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By everyoneheard - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

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By fine - United States - Danvers

Today, after struggling for over a year with it, and now having it medically confirmed, I told my step-dad about my depression. He gave me a disgusted look and scoffed, "Toughen up, cunt." FML

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By nonbelieber - United States - Keenesburg

Today, my girlfriend started bawling, saying that our relationship wouldn't work. Why? Because if Justin and Selena can't do it, no one can. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, after five long years of having been together, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to take our relationship to the "next level". We now have a Sims relationship. FML

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Top comments

By TheBarnacle | 4

#991809 - Thursday 13 May 2010 12:41

you got owned. big time.

By perdix | 29

#991930 - Thursday 13 May 2010 14:52

The whole "awards ceremony" facade was just a big scam -- it was really a school-wide intervention to confront you about your hoarding behavior.

They want you to go to the meetings of Pack Rats Anonymous. It's like all of those 12-step programs, except that it's only 4 steps. They don't want you bastards hoarding steps!

COMMENTS

By tacoking5000 | 0

#991753 - Thursday 13 May 2010 12:05

agreed

Reply

ActionManly | 11

#991766 - Thursday 13 May 2010 12:10

Fail.

Reply

mona_is_here | 10

#991816 - Thursday 13 May 2010 12:43

ActionManly, are you the guy on the right side of your pic?

Reply

ActionManly | 11

#991826 - Thursday 13 May 2010 12:52

Haha nope ;)

Reply

mona_is_here | 10

#991827 - Thursday 13 May 2010 12:53

daaamn I'm not good at guessings xD so the girl?

Reply

Ali_Br_fml | 33

#991853 - Thursday 13 May 2010 13:18

or just maybe the 'manly' man in the middle? actionmanly, r u a man?

Reply

mona_is_here | 10

#991858 - Thursday 13 May 2010 13:20

ActionManly got us alll intrigued :D

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#991918 - Thursday 13 May 2010 14:41

Erm....
More intrigued by Ali_Br....

Reply

PinkieKeen | 20

#4795676 - Friday 10 August 2012 5:01

No your not getting a reward your getting a fine

By eihtballplaya_fml | 4

#991758 - Thursday 13 May 2010 12:08

better late than never you did the right thing

Reply

radmuffin | 12

#991919 - Thursday 13 May 2010 14:41

Haha same when I was in high school. I once kept a book the entire school year and they didn't care. LMAO Sucks for you OP.

By matt1337c | 0

#991761 - Thursday 13 May 2010 12:10

You have to be a dumbass not to get one of those awards. YDI

By andruha1123 | 5

#991763 - Thursday 13 May 2010 12:09

ydi for being a lazy dumbass!

By roxxy_surf | 0

#991767 - Thursday 13 May 2010 12:14

um thts not even bad :/ ahaha complaining bitch FYAFP

By andruha1123 | 5

#991770 - Thursday 13 May 2010 12:13

WTF!? I posted like 5 comments on last few flms and none showed up?!!

By Miss_lunatic | 8

#991772 - Thursday 13 May 2010 12:14

Hahahah

By roxxy_surf | 0

#991777 - Thursday 13 May 2010 12:17

none of my comments are showing!?

By UsaTrackstar | 0

#991781 - Thursday 13 May 2010 12:20

Aye where the jawns wit the fake tits at?

By supermannewt | 0

#991784 - Thursday 13 May 2010 12:23

#13 is HOT

Reply

roxxy_surf | 0

#991805 - Thursday 13 May 2010 12:39

aw thanks 17 I can't really say anything about you considerig you don't have a picture...

Reply

supermannewt | 0

#992101 - Thursday 13 May 2010 21:49

I can't find my camera sry. + I'm using the iPod fml app so i gotta use a computer to do tht and I'm away from it 4 a while sry :-S