Intimacy: Today, I was on Tinder and only one girl matched with me. She... - FML

By SplitMind95 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I was on Tinder and only one girl matched with me. She gave me a "Super-Like" so I thought she must want to get to know each other and see what happens. Nope. She recognized me as the guy who adopted the stray cat she was taking care of last year, and just wanted to know how he was doing. FML

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Who's a good boy?

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Trans women are women

By Chat

Today, my only day off this week, my cat decided that she wanted feeding at 5am and wouldn’t stop meowing till I filled up her bowl. She then refused to eat it. FML

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By Burned - United States

Today, I went to the beach with my friends to show off my engagement ring. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up extremely sunburnt to a text from my boyfriend confessing that he's been cheating on me. I gave him the ring back. Now I have its tan line on my finger. FML

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By holiday from hell - United States - Ridgewood

Today, I went to my dad's house for Christmas. Soon enough, my grandma had commented on how much weight I've gained, my aunt asked me why I'm still single, and my dad joined in by reminding me that I still haven't been accepted into college. Only three more days to go. FML

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By E

Today, my office smells like a giant turnip green fart because of a sewage leak. FML

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By Sick Guy - United States - Boynton Beach

buys case of Listerine

Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was sad I'd forgotten to bake him the cookies that I was planning to send to him for Christmas. His response was "Good, you suck at cooking anyway." FML

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By BIZZMAL - United States

Today, I was out running. All of a sudden I saw a dog come towards me, I thought it was going to attack me and I screamed like a girl in front of everyone. It was a puppy wanting to play. FML

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By Livingthedream

Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML

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By boo - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I had to drop my daughter off with my babysitter first. When I got to the interview I got a weird look from the vice president of the company. I had lime green poop running down the side of my white blouse. FML

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By yuhan

Today, while walking around outside with my friends, I was told that I have no right to complain about the heat since I'm not fat. Thirty minutes later, I had sweat out all the liquid in my body and promptly passed out from heat stroke. FML

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By Ashlee - United States

Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML

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By bananaman - United Kingdom

Today, I've been on the same train for two hours at a standstill due to "signal problems". We can't get off because it's "unsafe". I'm on my way home from work and I can see my house through the window. FML

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By Anonymous

Stay in school, kids...

Today, my son told me he got a tattoo to honour our German heritage. The bloody fool got an eagle and swastika on his arm. I had to explain to a 20-year-old what WWII was. He’s now researching laser removal. Idiot. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got fired from my job at a small start-up company. Why? The CEO wanted to give a job to one of his former fraternity brothers who is out of work, and they couldn't afford to keep us both. FML

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By kiken.bara - United States

Today, I found out that I was pregnant and sent a picture of the positive test to my boyfriend. Before I got a text back from him, I got his newly updated Facebook status that read "This has got to be the most depressing day of my life." FML

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By ToddlersWife - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my husband and I got into an argument over him not brushing his teeth. It ended with him snapping his toothbrush in half. He's 52. FML

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By off-balance - Finland

Today, as I was trying to get off a crowded train, some asshole pushed past me hard enough to nearly knock me over. My bag hit a preschool kid standing behind me, and I missed my stop trying to apologize to him. His mom yelled at me all the way to the next stop. FML

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By Trash - France

Today, a girl was coming on to me throughout an entire concert, giving me drinks. At the end of the evening, she gave me her MSN address so that we could do other things together. Thanks to all the drinks I'd had, I forgot her address. FML

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By notapervert - United States - Santa Rosa

Small talk fail

Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

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By fuck russia and fuck georgia too - Azerbaijan

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML

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By virgin

Early program

Today, I was so excited because tomorrow I'm going to be losing my virginity. I just used the bathroom and I got my period. FML

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By awwman - United States

Today, my dad found out that there is a free, 24 hour, 7 days a week religious channel. Now that's all he watches. FML

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By I hate my brother - United States - Lafayette

Today, I just came back from Afghanistan after a 9-month tour, and my brother asked, "How many towelheads did you kill?" He then acted offended when I smacked him upside the head. FML

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By amilia

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML

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By unemployed - United States - Alhambra

Today, my mom called while I was at a job interview. I ignored the call, but the interviewer was so offended by the fact I'd rudely left it on at all, that he threw me out. I found out from my mom later that she'd called to wish me good luck. FML

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By FueledByFate - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML

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By Harry - United States - Milledgeville

Today, I went to a restaurant with my friend, where my credit card got denied in front of everyone. The staff teased me and made me sit in the restaurant while my friend begged for money outside. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I met my boyfriend's best friend. She was a girl he's known for years, and I respected that. She was sweet, until my boyfriend went to the bathroom and she threatened to stab me if I don't leave him. He doesn't believe me, and accused me of having serious jealousy issues. FML

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By jack

Today, my shoulder was pulled out of its socket when I was helping a customer load a desk into his vehicle and he decided to answer his cell phone. FML

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By "lk07" - United States - Midlothian

Today, after selling things on eBay all week to afford a nice weekend with my husband and kids, my car died. Now we have to spend the money on a battery. FML

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By StupidDentist - United States

Today, I went to the dentist to get a filling. Instead of giving me Novocaine, my dentist decided he was going to use a special new paste on me while he drilled. It didn't work. FML

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By effingawwesome - United States

Today, I was surfing and trying to impress some girls on the beach. While I was out in the water, a jellyfish wrapped itself around my torso. I started to yell and freak out, making a huge scene. I grabbed it off of me, only to realize that I was freaking out over a plastic grocery bag. FML

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By sadkid - United States

Today, my mom called me a bastard, told me I should run away, and said I don't deserve to live in her house. All because I didn't use a plate when I ate a Poptart. FML

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By laydeegaga

Today, my mom cleaned my room, while doing so she found a very detailed sex book I got from an ex boyfriend as a "gift". For years I had her convinced I was still a virgin, until today. FML

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By anonymous - 25/9/2020 20:01

Sing me to sleep…

Today, my best friend informed me that he had lost his virginity to my sister, which I already knew. However, he told me the location. My room. While I was asleep. FML

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By Yippie - Spain - Alcal? De Guadaira

Today, when I woke up, I quickly pulled the bed sheet with my right arm to get out of the bed. I failed to notice that a big portion of the sheet was pinned under my body. My arm dislocated and I fainted because of the pain. Great way to start the day. FML

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By Anonymous - Antigua and Barbuda

Today, I passed a car, and heard a baby crying in the back seat. It was hot and no one was around. All the doors were locked so I broke it with a rock, cutting my arm and setting the alarm off. Only to find out that it was a realistic baby doll. I have to get 7 stitches and pay for the window. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Lindsay

Today, while working as a swim instructor, I started singing the hokey pokey to get all the kids used to putting their faces in the water. One of the kids was covering his ears. When I asked him why, he said "because you were singing." He's 3. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally finished my art project which was worth 50% of my quarterly grade. I came in 1st period to give it to her. When she turned to look at it, her elbow hit her coffee and spilled it all over the canvas. I got 60%. She said I would have had a 100%, except for the giant coffee stain. FML

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Top comments

By WCARlover | 34

#6690756 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:13

Maybe that was an ice breaker and she is interested too? And if not her, you'll find someone else. Don't give up!

By Tripartita | 44

#6690758 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:20

Fair warning to anyone considering making a pussy/cat pun: I've laced the comments section with a genetic virus targeting posters of such comments. So no "but I thought Tinder was made for finding pussy" or else… no, not ME! I created yo—*choking sounds*

COMMENTS

By ToriDawnn | 6

#6690753 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:01

I personally don't see this as a FML, honestly I find it sweet that she bothered to check up on the cat. And don't you worry, eventually you will find love!

Reply

PurpleMyth | 28

#6690767 - Saturday 17 September 2016 2:04

Unless he doesn't.

Reply

vikky538 | 28

#6690776 - Saturday 17 September 2016 2:42

Eventually = years

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#6690876 - Saturday 17 September 2016 6:22

But probably not on Tinder...

By Diarrhea_Volcano | 29

#6690755 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:05

I don't see the issue here

By WCARlover | 34

#6690756 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:13

Maybe that was an ice breaker and she is interested too? And if not her, you'll find someone else. Don't give up!

By Tripartita | 44

#6690758 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:20

Fair warning to anyone considering making a pussy/cat pun: I've laced the comments section with a genetic virus targeting posters of such comments. So no "but I thought Tinder was made for finding pussy" or else… no, not ME! I created yo—*choking sounds*

Reply

Welshite | 39

#6690762 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:26

Purrfect. Your death will feed the trolls of FML for years to come.

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#6690877 - Saturday 17 September 2016 6:24

but I thought Tinder was made for finding pussy

...Hmm, I guess he was ly - *silence*

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6692112 - Monday 19 September 2016 7:05

Genetic virus? Sounds tricky.

By OysterPearls | 33

#6690759 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:21

If it's one thing a girl likes, its a guy with a sensitive side, and taking good care of a helpless creature showcases that. I think this is a great way to get to know someone, who knows what might happen?

By CheeseyWolf | 9

#6690761 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:23

So...how is he doing?

Reply

lakesofire | 13

#6690773 - Saturday 17 September 2016 2:25

was going to comment the same thing. genuinely curious about how the kitty is ^_^

Reply

leyleyfr1134 | 12

#6690945 - Saturday 17 September 2016 9:08

I waS gonna say the same thing
love cats

By Chesnut30 | 5

#6690763 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:28

it was a convo topic, she did want to get to know you, ya fucked up fam

By heheitscece | 16

#6690769 - Saturday 17 September 2016 2:09

Don't fret, it may just be an excuse to talk to you!

By nigeriangirl | 13

#6690775 - Saturday 17 September 2016 2:39

Invite her to your place for a cat visitation and lunch. Who knows you both may start something off.

By GhostFox | 33

#6690823 - Saturday 17 September 2016 4:29

As a cat lover myself, that sounds an awful lot like a shy attempt to start a conversation or get an invite over to see the cat.

Reply with pictures of said cat.