Today, I was on Tinder and only one girl matched with me. She... - FML

By SplitMind95 - 19/8/2016 03:20 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I was on Tinder and only one girl matched with me. She gave me a "Super-Like" so I thought she must want to get to know each other and see what happens. Nope. She recognized me as the guy who adopted the stray cat she was taking care of last year, and just wanted to know how he was doing. FML

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Mind your own beeswax

Time for the ER

Clocked

By EpicBunBun - 10/5/2017 18:00

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, I thought he went to change the music on his phone. He had stopped mid-action just to check sports scores. FML

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By ihmmil - 18/1/2020 14:00

Belly Finger

Today, my husband was trying to be sexy. He asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger"! Major mood kill. FML

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By me - 4/2/2012 19:40 - United States

Today, my husband and I worked together on a very difficult yard project. Afterwards, I thanked him and offered him a special treat. He was disappointed to find I meant sex, not cookies. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2015 21:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my teacher announced that he'd be out for a week because he was going to Vegas. I happily said, "Woo hoo!" Then he finished his sentence by telling me it was because his dad had died. FML

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By thegreatcometofawayhamilton - 20/10/2017 01:48

Today, I twisted my ankle and fractured my wrist while dancing. I audition for a performing arts school in one week. FML

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By keyless - 14/4/2012 15:20 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, late for work, I called my dad to see if he knew where my keys were. Turns out he'd taken them on holiday with him because they have a bottle opener on them. FML

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By treehugger - 20/3/2012 09:47 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, since I was grounded, I tried to sneak out of my room to attend a party by climbing out the second-storey window and down the tree. I was unharmed, but I probably should have checked to see if my dad was in the garden before climbing down. FML

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By howtobreakup - 11/4/2016 16:39 - United Kingdom - Worthing

Today, my friend asked me for advice on how to break up with her boyfriend. I've never done it before so I googled it, my own boyfriend happened to walk in and now isn't speaking to me. He won't believe me when I say it was "for a friend." FML

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By yourclotheslookgay - 25/3/2016 16:00 - United Kingdom - Rotherham

Today, my mum visited. Even though I live under my own roof now, I caught her continuing her old habit of throwing out any clothes she thinks make me look "gay". FML

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By CessnaPilot - 13/12/2011 03:47 - United States

Today, I fell off a ladder while building a shelter for one of my wife's horses. I think I broke some ribs. I absolutely hate horses. FML

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By strikeout - 4/9/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I skipped class to take the girl I like to the airport, and after giving her a goodbye hug I kissed her on the cheek. She laughed and said "Maybe we should discuss some boundaries when I get back." FML

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By Ace - 1/4/2016 02:17 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, this guy I was seeing dumped me for "bombarding" him with text messages. I'd sent him one text asking if he was okay, after he stood me up 2 nights in a row. FML

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By Sad Chef ;( - 5/12/2014 03:33 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Being a chef of a highly-rated restaurant, I cooked a well-liked dish. Not only did she say no, but commented on how bland and tasteless the meal was. FML

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By coolest_mom - 25/11/2015 06:00

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2015 10:18 - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I got called a "politically correct loser" by a woman at the supermarket, all because I said I didn't want to find out the gender of my baby until birth. FML

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By ...thanks - 7/9/2013 14:17 - United States

Today, my best friend confessed to me that she's a lesbian. She quickly added, "Oh, don't worry, I don't like you. You're not attractive." FML

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By deservedly - 9/6/2014 16:28 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I clogged the only toilet at work. Thinking I could escape and blame someone else, I opened the door, only to see a line of people waiting outside. FML

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By haqL - 15/11/2013 22:51 - Mexico - Quer?taro

Today, my girlfriend brought a 12-pack of beer to my mother's wake. FML

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By CarouselHeart - 18/5/2016 20:09 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I got a letter stating that now that I'm in my mid-twenties, I need to start getting cervical exams. The only people interested in getting anywhere near my vagina are doctors. FML

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By mommydearist - 19/10/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, my car broke down in the middle of the street. Lucky for me, two guys helped me push my car to the side of the road. Right when I was about to thank them, they stole my purse. FML

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By BambooLove - 15/7/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend woke up wheezing terribly, aching, and sneezing. He's allergic to cats. I have 2 and they are my babies. He gave me an ultimatum, him or the cats. I haven't figured out how I'm going to tell him that I choose the cats. FML

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By Fatty - 27/12/2010 07:15 - United States

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

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By thanks - 2/5/2014 18:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML

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By Kathryn - 8/8/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite all you can eat buffet. The cook tapped my shoulder and told me to stop eating. FML

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By Lickmebaby - 12/2/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - Enfield

Today, I woke up to see my 8-year-old cousin licking my hand. All of it. FML

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By anonymous - 27/2/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML

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By aricababyy - 29/12/2016 05:09 - United States - Winchester

Today, I had my very first interview and pretty much got hired right away. Then I found out I have to drive 2 hours away for training. I don't have a car, license, or money. FML

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By Albert06 - 14/3/2011 21:26 - France

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

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By what_a_loner - 17/11/2013 22:07 - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, I got into a fight with a lawn chair. It won. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, a little girl came up to me and said "Hi, my name is Lindsey, lets be friends!". I thought she was cute so I played along and said "Okay! My name is Jen!" Her Reply: "Wait, nevermind, I don't want to be friends anymore. You smell funny." FML

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By Killmenow - 11/2/2009 14:08 - United Kingdom

Today, having just told me what a great job I've been doing and how he'd really like to start giving me some more responsibility, my boss asked me if I'd sharpen a couple of pencils for him. FML

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By Joseph N - 19/6/2012 16:08 - United States

Today, a police officer came to talk to the kids at my workplace. He asked what they wanted to hear about first. A group of them shouted, "The donuts, tells us about the donuts." Apparently these idiots are the future of my country. FML

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By seriously_CAT - 21/10/2015 02:26

Today, I had to try to convince my roommate that, yes, you do need to use dish soap when you hand wash dishes because of bacteria in old food. She still won't believe me, insisting that, "there's no such thing as bacteria in food". FML

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By Madridsta - 28/6/2014 06:28 - United States - Rialto

Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML

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By Poopamus - 23/4/2019 14:00

Today, the police showed up at my door asking if I told this creepy guy stalking my girlfriend that I'll chop him up and bury each piece in a different country if he doesn't stop bothering my girl. I told them I did, along with an explanation. Turns out, he's been missing since that day. FML

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By The fuck, junior? - 5/7/2013 22:45 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

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By Partners - 22/6/2015 19:55 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

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By anonymous - 19/4/2012 22:33 - United States - Westwood

Today, I witnessed a car accident. Being an experienced paramedic, I rushed to the scene to see if anyone needed help. As I assessed the people involved, one of them pickpocketed me. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2016 02:38

Today, I walked into the living room to find my boyfriend plucking his ball hairs with the same tweezers I use for my eyebrows. FML

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By chappedchap - 7/3/2016 22:47 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, we were notified that our office will be relocated. Employees can tag along but their wages will not be adjusted accordingly. The cost of living at the new place is way higher. I have to finish my contract and really can't afford to not have a job right now. FML

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Top comments

By WCARlover | 34

#6690756 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:13

Maybe that was an ice breaker and she is interested too? And if not her, you'll find someone else. Don't give up!

By Tripartita | 44

#6690758 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:20

Fair warning to anyone considering making a pussy/cat pun: I've laced the comments section with a genetic virus targeting posters of such comments. So no "but I thought Tinder was made for finding pussy" or else… no, not ME! I created yo—*choking sounds*

COMMENTS

By ToriDawnn | 6

#6690753 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:01

I personally don't see this as a FML, honestly I find it sweet that she bothered to check up on the cat. And don't you worry, eventually you will find love!

Reply

PurpleMyth | 28

#6690767 - Saturday 17 September 2016 2:04

Unless he doesn't.

Reply

vikky538 | 28

#6690776 - Saturday 17 September 2016 2:42

Eventually = years

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#6690876 - Saturday 17 September 2016 6:22

But probably not on Tinder...

By Diarrhea_Volcano | 29

#6690755 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:05

I don't see the issue here

By WCARlover | 34

#6690756 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:13

Maybe that was an ice breaker and she is interested too? And if not her, you'll find someone else. Don't give up!

By Tripartita | 44

#6690758 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:20

Fair warning to anyone considering making a pussy/cat pun: I've laced the comments section with a genetic virus targeting posters of such comments. So no "but I thought Tinder was made for finding pussy" or else… no, not ME! I created yo—*choking sounds*

Reply

Welshite | 39

#6690762 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:26

Purrfect. Your death will feed the trolls of FML for years to come.

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#6690877 - Saturday 17 September 2016 6:24

but I thought Tinder was made for finding pussy

...Hmm, I guess he was ly - *silence*

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6692112 - Monday 19 September 2016 7:05

Genetic virus? Sounds tricky.

By OysterPearls | 33

#6690759 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:21

If it's one thing a girl likes, its a guy with a sensitive side, and taking good care of a helpless creature showcases that. I think this is a great way to get to know someone, who knows what might happen?

By CheeseyWolf | 9

#6690761 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:23

So...how is he doing?

Reply

lakesofire | 13

#6690773 - Saturday 17 September 2016 2:25

was going to comment the same thing. genuinely curious about how the kitty is ^_^

Reply

leyleyfr1134 | 12

#6690945 - Saturday 17 September 2016 9:08

I waS gonna say the same thing
love cats

By Chesnut30 | 5

#6690763 - Saturday 17 September 2016 1:28

it was a convo topic, she did want to get to know you, ya fucked up fam

By heheitscece | 16

#6690769 - Saturday 17 September 2016 2:09

Don't fret, it may just be an excuse to talk to you!

By nigeriangirl | 13

#6690775 - Saturday 17 September 2016 2:39

Invite her to your place for a cat visitation and lunch. Who knows you both may start something off.

By GhostFox | 33

#6690823 - Saturday 17 September 2016 4:29

As a cat lover myself, that sounds an awful lot like a shy attempt to start a conversation or get an invite over to see the cat.

Reply with pictures of said cat.