Today, I was on Tiger TV, our high school's monthly TV program... - FML

By Goosey - United States

Today, I was on Tiger TV, our high school's monthly TV program which was shown at lunch today. I was being interviewed and at one point the reporter made me laugh. I have a goose laugh so everyone in the lunch room started laughing. Then they played it in slow motion. Twice. FML

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Misheard

Monetize your shit life

It's the thought that counts

By yeastly - United States - Amery

Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML

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By robotchickens - United States

Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML

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By IfuSeekAmyIdo - United States

Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dearborn

Today, I learned that if you go through your best friend's phone, you can find sexy texts and nude pictures between him and your girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 11:01

Sharing is caring

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me. My 3 best friends, who I've known since I was born, supported me by asking for her number, and now all are trying to date her. FML

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By A. - United States

Today, out of all the cars in the parking lot, mine got struck by lightning. FML

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By bee - United States

Today, I got my report card from school. I pulled my grade up in Algebra from a D to an A. My parents told me that they never expected me to accomplish this, and good job but they've already enrolled me in boarding school. So much for all that extra credit and staying late after school to study. FML

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By TimJack18 - United States - Whiteville

Today, in an attempt to be romantic, I kissed my husband as passionately as I could. After, he looked at me and said, "You taste like Chinese food." FML

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By jazzterchic - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mom doesn't believe you can get food poisoning from food that is cooked. She gave us food that had sat out all day/night and then got angry when I said we could get sick. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me while we were at the pool. He seemed shocked that I wasn't crying. A slim girl in a bikini walked past and said, "Don't worry, fat people are used to it." FML

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By wils - United States

Today, after work, I peeled a parking ticket off my windshield. It was so hot that the ink from the ticket made a stamp on my windshield. Now I have a permanent reminder staring me in the face wherever I drive. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Manchester

A likely story...

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years wanted to break up because I was "kissing" another guy. That guy was 73 years old and dying of a heart-attack. I work as an Ambulance Technician and was performing CPR. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2020 19:00 - United Kingdom

Parenting fail

Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee. When I went back, my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, God knows where, since I don't own a permanent marker. She'd then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs and as an added bonus the TV screen. FML

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By willconqueror1 - United States

Today, coming home from a trip in the mountains, I got a cracked radiator and my car overheated. My dad came to get me, he drove my car and I followed in his. I got pulled over and ticketed for his expired registration. FML

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By bully slayer - Philippines - Pasay City

Today, in the absence of my god-daughter's parents, I went in their place to see her elementary school's principal. She apparently stood up to a known bully's violence and retaliated, sending said bully to the hospital. Not only she may be facing expulsion, I may get sued by the bully's parents. FML

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By ElixirRose - United States

Today, I killed a centipede. Now every little itch I feel, I think it's the centipede's spirit coming back to haunt me. FML

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By Wwiimaniac - United States - Dallas

Today, I finally achieved the perfect hourglass figure. Too bad I'm a guy. FML

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By heart broken - United States

Today, my husband told me yet again that the last two years have been the worst of his life. Our two year anniversary is next week. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I learned that most teenagers would rather grab free candy from the broken vending machine than help the guy stuck underneath it get free. FML

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By todaddy - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

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By hackshack - Brazil - Porto Alegre

Today, my English teacher kicked me out of class for being "rude and disruptive." In actuality, I had called her out for having blatantly used Google Translate for several example sentences, all of which sounded as if a semi-literate foreigner had constructed them. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML

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By VMV - Spain - Abrera

Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML

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By cmerr - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML

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By Elizabeth Ann

Technically, that's stealing

Today, I told my mom about the $50 I'd hidden in case of an emergency, and how I couldn't find it. She said she'd borrowed it last week. FML

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By Dirtyrice - 24/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Albuquerque

Dirty rice

Today, my 8-year-old son decided to make some rice for lunch. When we had it, I noticed a horrid gritty taste. It turns out, he puts dirt in the rice to make "Dirty Rice". FML

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By Oh really - Australia

Today, my friend mentioned a book that reminded her of me. When I asked what it was called she said, "He's just not that into you". FML

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By 11lyss1

Today, I opened my new clothing store. My only customer was my mom and the only reason she came in was to tell me that someone stole my sign. FML

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By - 8/12/2019 20:00

What should I do?

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

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By Queensland - Australia

Today, I woke up to find "Fuck you, Harry" painted on my car. Harry's my neighbour. FML

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By Hi, I'm Heather - United States - Lincolnton

Today, my Spanish teacher told me that the reason the girl I'm tutoring hasn't contacted me yet is because she emailed the teacher saying she didn't like my name, therefore she didn't want me to be her tutor. FML

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By noname - France

Today, my husband called me “my little zebra”. I gave birth a month ago, and I’ve kept a few stretch marks. FML

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By saltinawound - United States

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend of almost a year because he was no longer sexually attracted to me because I'm "overweight," even though I only weigh 130 pounds. Afterward I went to my friend's house and sat in an old wooden chair. It broke into pieces as soon as I sat down. FML

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By married to a bipedal husky - United States - Lake Butler

Today, I found out that my wife sheds worse than a husky when she showers. I've had to clean the drain before I shower or it floods the bathroom floorrrrr. FML

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By mdg - United States - North Windham

Today, while at work taking notes on a pad of paper, my boss witnessed me trying to scroll down on the paper, as if it was a touch-screen phone. FML

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By whatever - Canada - Calgary

Today, my long distance boyfriend broke up with me. Tomorrow he should be expecting the super long love letter that I poured my heart into and sent him a week ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2020 08:01 - United States - Brookhaven

Booty pic

Today, I went to CVS to print out some pictures. I accidentally printed out a booty pic, tried to go behind the counter and they yelled at me, "Ma’m you’re not supposed to be behind here." Then the lady held up the picture and said, "Was this one the accident?" FML

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By meow

Today, I found out my boss hired literally the only person in this town who is an ex-boyfriend. I also work with my current boyfriend. FML

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By dam01 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I won a local arm-wrestling tournament. Too bad I have to use the prize money to repair the tendon I tore in the competition. FML

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Top comments

By tabloidscully | 0

#717042 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:17

As a BV alum, reading this made me proud--"Tiger TV" is notorious for choosing the worst moments to showcase people!

Tigers Class of 2003

By RyeBreadBoy | 0

#717070 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:30

What's a goose laugh? Last time I checked, geese don't laugh.

COMMENTS

By neonokku | 0

#717029 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:10

btw i was first biggest accomplishment ever

Reply

soccer060 | 0

#836746 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 3:59

at least your school has a tv

Reply

iLoveTeraaa | 0

#981480 - Sunday 18 April 2010 20:32

lmaooooooo I used to have a gf with a really loud weird laugh

Reply

ReyEr9412 | 0

#982037 - Tuesday 20 April 2010 2:33

HONK HONK HONK

Reply

ElMarkino | 0

#986398 - Thursday 29 April 2010 3:23

holy shit i cant stop laughing

By soccer4ever7 | 0

#717033 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:12

lmfao fyl

Reply

skyttlz | 32

#1078032 - Sunday 11 July 2010 8:08

Fail

By soccer4ever7 | 0

#717034 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:14

lmao

By tabloidscully | 0

#717042 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:17

As a BV alum, reading this made me proud--"Tiger TV" is notorious for choosing the worst moments to showcase people!

Tigers Class of 2003

By powersmoke | 0

#717051 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:20

AFLACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

By musicislife1995_fml | 0

#717065 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:28

lol, laugh it off :) it's better

By RyeBreadBoy | 0

#717070 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:30

What's a goose laugh? Last time I checked, geese don't laugh.

Reply

Chigagigaroo | 0

#3098807 - Saturday 13 August 2011 6:46

OP probably meant that their laugh sounded like a goose honking.

By missmarley93 | 1

#717078 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:34

lmao! aww, fyl...the slow motion thing is pretty mean thoughh. haha but funny, im sorry.

By me199 | 0

#717091 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:42

no one at your school has heard you laugh before?

By talk_fml | 0

#717111 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:52

what school??