Health: Today, I was on the arm of my couch trying to grab something...

By mauimango7 - United States

Today, I was on the arm of my couch trying to grab something from the bookshelf, and my boyfriend was below me. I asked, "So, would you catch me if I fell?" He looked back at me, paused for a moment before saying, "How much do you weigh again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29238

You deserved it

7996

Favorite

Health

And today, on Dr Phil…

Get the message, dude

The World won't Listen

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend's father sent me a text message that simply stated "You ruined my relationship with my daughter." I wanted to ask him for his blessing to marry his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37943

You deserved it

3376

Favorite

By AudraRose - United States

Today, I have my very first gynecologist appointment. I'm 15. My mom wants to "be on the safe side" and make sure I'm not sexually active. This is my punishment for being a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37384

You deserved it

3510

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 17:01 - Australia

Traditions suck

Today, my fiance told me that his father would need to check my hymen is intact to ensure I'm pure before we get married. This is a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1561

You deserved it

140

Favorite

By badtiming - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I received a rejection letter from a job I desperately wanted. Yesterday, the job offer I'd been stalling on in while waiting for news about this one expired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28242

You deserved it

9897

Favorite

By - France

Today, my girlfriend confessed to me that she wants to dress me up with her clothes, with wig and makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38097

You deserved it

5493

Favorite

By night_fox88 - United States - Camden

Go out please!

Today, I woke up to my overly religious grandmother trying to shove salt down my throat yelling "DEMON BE GONE!". Why? I didn't wear the cross neckless she bought me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2026

You deserved it

206

Favorite

By honor sucks - United States

Today, I lost a huge bet with my friends. I had to either post a sexual message on my mom's Facebook wall confessing my "love" for her, or be ratted out for cheating on a school test earlier in the year. Now I'm considered a freak by half my school, and am indefinitely grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8995

You deserved it

44859

Favorite

By Oops - Australia

Today, I was talking to a female friend online. She was typing out a story bit by bit about how awful she was feeling after being teased. I was responding with "So, so true" but because of my slow typing it appeared after she wrote, "Doesn't help being fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29942

You deserved it

6061

Favorite

By helplesssssss - United States

Today, I took a shower in a beachhouse we're renting for the week. Once I get out, I realize the house doesn't supply towels, my entire family was outside in the front yard, my cell phone was upstairs, and there are no blinds. I stood under a ceiling fan naked for 20 minutes trying to dry off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37042

You deserved it

15117

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 02:00

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Today, one of my UNIVERSITY students submitted an incomplete assignment file to the online learning platform. I emailed him, "You will need to send me the correct file via email, as the system does not accept resubmissions." I literally got as a reply, "So, what do I need to do?" Online teaching is hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1672

You deserved it

167

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48663

You deserved it

3419

Favorite

By Sadfaic - United States

Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35502

You deserved it

2123

Favorite

By soaked - United States

Today, I stood for half an hour in the rain waiting for my bus. As I started to go inside, my bus turned around the corner and splashed water all over me. The bus driver wouldn't let me on the bus because I was soaking wet and I would "mess up the seats". FML

I agree, your life sucks

48370

You deserved it

2727

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bradenton

Today, my father told me that my mental health issues, which have been confirmed by multiple doctors and tests, are all caused by the fact that I'm slightly overweight and don't exercise a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28345

You deserved it

4752

Favorite

By owl + bungee cord - United States - Herndon

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54259

You deserved it

9986

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad has discovered selfies and my mom has discovered taking pictures of food. Now I'm at a restaurant, suffering through it all and not being able to eat anything until my mom has taken pictures of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31060

You deserved it

2603

Favorite

By NotTheFavoriteChild

Today, I asked my mom if she wanted to go wedding dress shopping with me today. She reluctantly said, "I guess". I showered, shaved and did my hair and makeup. When I came downstairs, she hadn't even brushed her teeth yet. "I'm just lacking motivation to go," she said. Glad you're so excited too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20314

You deserved it

1566

Favorite

By Rae - United States

Today, I was fired for not attending a mandatory meeting. I confronted my boss and told her I never heard anything about it, she told me that daily reminders had been sent out via email for weeks. She then discovered that she failed to enter my email address in the system. I was still fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54174

You deserved it

2790

Favorite

By x - United States - Lake Placid

Today, I finally met the girl I've been talking to on phone for a while and found her charming in person as well. There's just one problem: she has more facial hair than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23467

You deserved it

6569

Favorite

By fmymouth - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out that the motorcycle I paid cash for was an illegal import. My plates are canceled, I have to turn in the bike for it to be destroyed, and the seller has vanished off the face of the planet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25704

You deserved it

4395

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found my boyfriend making out with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73695

You deserved it

4773

Favorite

By yum - United States - Sylmar

Today, I was drinking from a cup with a built-in straw. After taking a long sip, I noticed a weird taste. Upon investigation, I found a small caterpillar wedged inside the straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48189

You deserved it

4309

Favorite

By flea-bitten - United States

Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48224

You deserved it

4408

Favorite

By Sam - United States

Today, I overheard my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight. There is over three and a half feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53641

You deserved it

4274

Favorite

By flyakite - United States

Today, my boss decided our 4 year relationship was unethical, so she broke up with me, then terminated my employment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46017

You deserved it

6576

Favorite

By nattnatt73 - United States - Marion

Today, my dog brought me his squeaky toy to throw for him. I went to throw it down the hallway but it hit the door and bounced about a foot in front of him. He just stared at me for a minute like I was dumb, then took it to my boyfriend to throw. I disappoint even my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14759

You deserved it

1853

Favorite

By me - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I had only been dating him for about a month. Thinking he wouldn't take it very hard, I invited him over so I could tell him in person. Little did I know he was going to start crying on my couch and not leave for 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36025

You deserved it

10700

Favorite

By stardad - United States - Hesperia

Today, my ex purposely taught our kids to call all the Star Wars characters by Star Trek names. I’m not sure what bothers me more, the fact that she did it, or the fact that it makes me utterly insane when they say them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1450

You deserved it

350

Favorite

By verycre8tive - Romania

Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55507

You deserved it

2708

Favorite

By shitty shit - United States - Carmel

Today, I was looking at old pictures with my mom and saw one of myself crying in kindergarten. I asked why I was crying. She said that was the day a boy kissed me on the cheek, and I thought I'd gotten pregnant. She then decided to give me the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35955

You deserved it

3853

Favorite

By babbling idiot - Canada

Today, I approached a hot female security guard and attempted to compliment her new tattoos. Instead of saying, "Nice tats", I ended up saying, "Nice tits". My HR meeting is tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24389

You deserved it

9587

Favorite

By Evelyn - United States

Today, I was at the park with my friends. We were all having fun on the swings, when out of nowhere I heard a thud, followed by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kicked him in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27418

You deserved it

7862

Favorite

By LittleMissRejected

Today, I learned that, even after several interviews and congratulations for getting the job, you still might not get the job. I just received an email stating that my accepted offer is now rejected. I already treated my close friends to an expensive dinner to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5788

You deserved it

935

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, while taking a shower, I was enthusiastically singing one of my favorite songs. When I got out, I noticed a bunch of things missing, and a note on my desk saying "shut the f*ck up, you suck." I was robbed and judged by a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36968

You deserved it

4275

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Apollo

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24316

You deserved it

7754

Favorite

By boo8713 - United States - Bell

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30362

You deserved it

2849

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent my remaining cash on a doctor's visit, only to find out that at the age of 22, I'm getting major health problems brought on by stress. I came home to relax, only to find out my roommate can't pay his rent, and needs me to cover for him so we don't get evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32539

You deserved it

2749

Favorite

By AshamedDaughter - Canada

Today, my Dad and I went to McDonald's, only to have him shove two handfuls of sugar packets into the bag. He said, "If it's for free, why only take one?" To make it worse, my crush was at the till, watching what was happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28443

You deserved it

3751

Favorite

By badbowel - United States - Utica

Today, I was sick from both ends at work. My boss wouldn't let me go home, and told me to borrow a pair of spare pants to change into. I suffered another bout of gastroenteritis and shit someone else's pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4730

You deserved it

283

Favorite

By only 10 more hours to go - United States

Today, at work, I slipped and fell on my backside. The creepy security guard offered to 'kiss it better.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

33160

You deserved it

3349

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By 5t3ff1k4h | 44

#1148730 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 19:06

Your boyfriend is a win.

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1148851 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 19:24

so, the FML here is that you can't take a joke?

COMMENTS

By 5t3ff1k4h | 44

#1148730 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 19:06

Your boyfriend is a win.

Mrs_Mcgee | 0

#1148772 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 19:08

lol. damn.

ThatsJustMii | 0

#1148821 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 19:10

haha

selenagirl_fml | 0

#1148845 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 19:21

funny stuff... he needs to take his precautions....

JohnnyHobo | 0

#1148856 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 19:25

Hahha aw you would squishie him:((

legonut4 | 0

#1148886 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 19:27

it's funny because he thinks your fat

knight0748 | 5

#1148904 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 19:33

that's a valid question, so how much do you weight? and how much can your bf bench?

supergirl69_fml | 0

#1149037 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 19:57

haha 18, hangover reference?

twinny_sc | 13

#1149124 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 20:08

Well...how much do you weigh?

justsayfuck | 5

#1149146 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 20:11

#26 I think this was the Family Guy reference. Hangover would be 'It's funny cuz you're fat' :)

Shookitup | 0

#1149207 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 20:25

how much do you weigh??

TurboTalon | 0

#1149384 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 21:14

The transporter needs to know the exact weight and dimensions of a package before making a deal.

xtfauthorx | 0

#1149513 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 21:56

really I've been telling people that since third grade, I'm sort of a douche

andrea_calderon | 0

#1149654 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 22:54

lol

jellybeans4833 | 7

#1150004 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 1:02

lol 15

JayColt | 0

#1150414 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 2:44

26 ummm no just because it was said in a movie doesn't means it's a refrence??

M4V3R1CKR13 | 0

#1150970 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 4:42

number 4 is homosexual? correct?

M4V3R1CKR13 | 0

#1150984 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 4:44

what happend to 4 comment?

ciciloves96 | 0

#1150993 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 4:46

agreed with 9 haha

zanguard | 0

#1151071 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 5:08

but then he burns the details

nateypooo | 0

#1151753 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 8:41

he was probably joking

tanjoodo | 3

#1152625 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 15:59

#1 WIN

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1155264 - Thursday 29 July 2010 5:07

18's "catch" is explaining the obvious in every FML. He's essentially a parrot, hence the pic.

Now I've done the same to him.

spktr | 1

#1157220 - Thursday 29 July 2010 16:34

that's what happens when you ask loaded questions

By KittehKatt | 0

#1148817 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 19:10

how much do you weigh...?

By bcamgirl | 0

#1148831 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 19:11

laugh laugh laugh

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#1148846 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 19:21

Orrrrr, you know, you could've just gotten up off the couch to grab it

JayColt | 0

#1150431 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 2:47

11 = dumazz. she needed to stand on the arm of the couch to reach the book

hetalia_thailand | 20

#6008241 - Monday 14 July 2014 23:54

Orrr maybe OP is too short I reach it and had to stand on the arm of the couch to get it. Duh.

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1148851 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 19:24

so, the FML here is that you can't take a joke?

nebula748 | 14

#1149335 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 21:04

pretty much

By Geiko_fml | 0

#1148852 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 19:24

I wouldn't think that's something to necessarily get upset about. What if he was just joking around? I understand you can be sensitive to your weight, but have faith in the boyfriend. Lol.