Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading...

By ... - France

Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML

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32434

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Transportation

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

Not gonna happen

Official meeting

By happyturtle - Croatia

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29296

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By ljennette25 - United States - Princeton

Today, I started a new job as a school bus driver. I was sent on the hardest route in the area, and not 5 minutes in I came across a broke down truck in the middle of the road. I was stuck behind him for over an hour with a bus full of elementary school kids. FML

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12175

You deserved it

868

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By clublulu - United States

Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12751

You deserved it

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By Female - United States - Montebello

Today, I was excited to finally get an interview after being unemployed since getting out of the military nearly a year ago. Turns out, they weren't even interested in hiring me. They'd just never met a female Marine before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14334

You deserved it

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By bigdikbubls - 1/12/2020 05:58 - Barbados - Bridgetown

Naps are important

Today, I realised just how badly I procrastinate because I wanted to take a nap before going out for a friend's birthday, but I kept putting it off until I simply didn't have the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

273

You deserved it

504

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By CheeseLover - United States - Spring

Today, the pizza delivery man and I know more about each other than me and my family ever have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9662

You deserved it

1122

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By Katt - United States - Columbia

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend on the lobby's couch. We were not paying attention to anything but each other. Apparently, someone tied our shoes together. I stood up and faceplanted into a pool table. I'm now missing two teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12662

You deserved it

6841

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By firstdate - United States

Today, I was on my first date with my crush. When I saw her, I greeted her with, "Hey, sweetheart." She's convinced I said, "Hey, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36131

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By ZeldaovaPeach - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I received an envelope with my name written in beautiful writing in my mailbox. I just moved in the day before and hadn't given the address to anyone or met my neighbors yet so I was a bit surprised by it, even more surprised to find nothing but a dick pic inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15078

You deserved it

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By can't eat paper - United States

Today, after a long day at work, I was starving, so I stopped by the drive-through for something to eat. When I got home and hurriedly opened the bag, all I found inside was napkins. Thanks, McDonald's. FML

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46675

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23064

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I attempted to be nice and hold a door open for a person in a wheelchair. He hit the button to open another door. While I pointed out that I would hold the door for him, I realized that the door I was holding open for him led down some stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11672

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, I was fired from my babysitting job because the baby’s first word was my name. Well, I’m sorry, but if you ask me to look after your child 14 hours a day, 6 days a week, and by the time you pick them up they’re already asleep, of course they’re going to know my name better than yours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4001

You deserved it

167

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By Mexican - United States - Chicago

Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They finally gave in. After they handed me my diploma, they decided to leave because it was "too boring." I'm currently sitting on the curb of the street waiting for my Uber, while people take pictures of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18329

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1475

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized I've been driving for almost two years and still get excited when I park between the lines on my first try. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22308

You deserved it

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By NoCirculation - 24/11/2020 14:03 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Thermoregulation wars

Today, my boyfriend is wearing a t-shirt and shorts. I'm wearing leggings, sweatpants, a vest, t-shirt, jumper and hoodie. If we turn the heating any higher, he starts overheating and sweating. At the current level, I'm still shivering. FML

I agree, your life sucks

806

You deserved it

144

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By mama’s boy

Chuck E. Cheese awaits

Today, I realized just how spoiled and immature my boyfriend is when I asked him several times what he’d like for dinner. Getting no answer, I made steak, potatoes and salad. He then sulked and refused to eat it, since he wanted spaghetti and meatballs instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2102

You deserved it

372

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By helloitsbrian6969 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46937

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML

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58210

You deserved it

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By Si123 - 15/8/2020 08:01

Night terrors

Today, after a long day at work, I was ready to wind down for the night. I sat on my bed and turned towards a fluttering on my left. I saw the biggest daddy-longlegs inches from my face, jumped in the other direction, forgetting there was a wall, and hit my head on it. I'm now officially wide awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1135

You deserved it

210

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By EosHelios - United States - Halethorpe

Today, I finally had one of my preschool students observed by the county for aggressive behavior intervention. Of course, he only started hitting my assistant and other students after the observer left. FML

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4335

You deserved it

255

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth taken out. I happen to be allergic to all types of pain medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41508

You deserved it

3152

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By whatarethisss - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I had to teach my 16-year-old brother how to use a toaster. He thought you just plug it in and wait for it to "pre-heat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19863

You deserved it

1669

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By Roxy19 - United States - San Diego

Today, while at the gym, my boyfriend wouldn't stop texting me. I was confident enough to text while on the treadmill. Bad idea: I hit myself on the bar and tripped in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11360

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40878

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, my now ex-fiancée confessed that "our" child is most likely actually hers and my father's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29745

You deserved it

1645

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By neveragain89 - Australia

Today, I had shelves installed using a builder who came highly recommended by my co-worker. Turns out the builder is her friend, who has no actual qualifications or experience as a builder, but 'it's his dream'. I now have a gaping hole in my kitchen where the shelves should be. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26684

You deserved it

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By targetlove - Australia

Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31194

You deserved it

3382

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sat across from a cute boy in my English class. I thought it was cute when he winked at me, so I laughed and winked back. I didn't understand why he shot me a dirty look, until I later found out he has eyelid spasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34818

You deserved it

6786

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By 420curse - United States - San Mateo

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34521

You deserved it

15071

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By UFVKNP

Today, my coworker and I were swamped with coffee orders. I told him I would "take care of the blacks", and a customer who only heard that sentence screamed at me for several minutes about racism. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5870

You deserved it

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By Marcowalker95 - United States - Panorama City

Chill out, man!

Today, I was at a gas station when the cash register made a sound effect similar to one from Sonic the Hedgehog, and I pointed this out. The cashier then saw fit to go on a rant about how I need to stop focusing on video games, and get a life and a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24578

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend prays before and after sex, because he thinks he'll keep his abstinence by doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33231

You deserved it

4882

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By hannieannie

Psychopath's joke

Today, I’m still recovering from last night. I fell asleep before my boyfriend. He thought it would be funny to stand at the bottom of the bed with a knife and wake me up. I screamed so much that I wet myself and had a panic attack. He recorded the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2837

You deserved it

225

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By _RobotInDisguise - United Kingdom

Today, I received a 4 page letter in the post from a woman telling me she was Alan's wife. She spoke about their wedding in 2004, their two beautiful kids who love their daddy very much (she included pictures), and how much she loves him. Alan is my husband of 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52663

You deserved it

2930

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By powsser - United States

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61278

You deserved it

5652

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By pissedoffexgirlfriend

Today, I went to go surprise my long distance boyfriend at college 7 hours away. As I opened his apartment door, I saw him on the couch fucking his “study buddy”. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6727

You deserved it

555

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By J. Homen - United States

Today, the girl I thought I was dating got into a fight with me over the phone. She did this because she bet her boyfriend that she could make me cry on FaceTime. She won the bet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40712

You deserved it

5758

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2020 20:00

Give me a break!!

Today, in an effort to avoid having the same break as my annoying coworker, I went a little earlier than I usually do. Guess who got moved to a position with an early break? She sat next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1405

You deserved it

194

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By catfish - United States

Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML

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Top comments

By AngelBubblesRose | 0

#36724 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:19

gross

By penguinking12345_fml | 0

#274362 - Saturday 6 June 2009 9:24

Lol how would u deserve it??????

COMMENTS

By revieced | 12

#26387 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:06

oh my.... LOL

Melaniee_fml | 0

#1350391 - Saturday 4 September 2010 15:21

so.. why was reading the newspaper signifacant?

By AngelBubblesRose | 0

#36724 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:19

gross

By Shallow_Padentic | 0

#50698 - Sunday 22 March 2009 21:12

Hahaha thats nasty

By nafiul93 | 0

#73355 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:17

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww slap that hoe

By Exhumed91 | 0

#128399 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 2:43

Lame. Dane cook joke.

black_cherry_pie | 0

#465788 - Friday 7 August 2009 9:27

thats happened to more than just dane cook, and besides dane cook is awesome.

MissMae93 | 23

#3391087 - Wednesday 5 October 2011 14:36

Oh, that's right, if it's happened to someone famous it couldn't possibly happen to any other person in the world. Clearly OP didn't get the memo.

By that_guy_you_are | 0

#185000 - Sunday 10 May 2009 12:18

YDI.

By penguinking12345_fml | 0

#274362 - Saturday 6 June 2009 9:24

Lol how would u deserve it??????

Cr1spyBacon8r | 7

#6637754 - Monday 27 June 2016 16:46

Quite a few people will just press you deserved it because they're assholes.

Boomi | 38

#6689561 - Wednesday 14 September 2016 18:03

Possibly by riding the train to begin with? I don't know, I'm one of those people that use public transportation as well.

By penguinking12345_fml | 0

#274363 - Saturday 6 June 2009 9:25

Ewwwww

By im_a_nerd | 0

#336892 - Wednesday 24 June 2009 19:40

hilarioussss

By Michbella1 | 0

#338649 - Thursday 25 June 2009 5:09

don't you love my Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt and bullet necklace in this pic!!! 'cause i do!