Transportation: Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading...

By ... - France

Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML

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Transportation

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Out of it

Added flavor

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 01:08 - United States - Cleveland

Grateful

Today, my mom made me shovel our long driveway, as it had just snowed a couple of inches. It took me two and half hours to finish. She came out and said, "Wow, is this really the best you can do?" FML

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856

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By justmyluck25 - United States

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

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31732

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By MID12 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend of nine months when she gets a phone call and decides to answer it. It was her fiancé that I knew nothing about. She told me she was engaged while I was still inside of her. FML

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117362

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By Anonymous - United States - Kansas City

Today, after paying a job coach a load of money for his services, pretty much the only advice he gave me was "Send out more résumés." FML

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28123

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By Carolyn Dee Humphrey

Today, I found out my friend and I have the same due date and the same baby daddy. It's my boyfriend of 9 years. FML

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5220

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405

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By nitwit - Greece

Today, I spent hours consoling my girlfriend for getting dumped by the guy she was cheating on me with. FML

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31265

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By Dying Whale

Today, I tried singing in front of my friend. She said, "That's a hilarious voice! You should use that voice when telling jokes!" FML

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5621

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By MERRY FUCKMYARSEMASS - United Kingdom

Today, my car broke down on the highway, and I had to call for a tow truck. It finally showed up, only to break down too less than a mile later. Cue nearly freezing to death while we waited for help to arrive for the both of us. FML

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37969

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By Anonymous - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, after missing college for a week due to illness, I found out my "friends" were bullshitting me about us having to write an important no-extension Biology essay. Copious amounts of my sweat, snot and tears went into that desperation-fueled nightmare. Thanks, dickheads. FML

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25914

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By henhouse - Australia - Brunswick East

Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML

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31932

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By Anonymous

Today, our 6-month-old is finally sleeping through the night. We thought we'd finally get a good night sleep ourselves, until my dumb husband fell asleep with the tv on and our 5-year-old ended up watching Saw 3 by herself. Now the 5-year-old wakes up with nightmares. FML

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3114

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By Anonymous - Denmark - Lemvig

Today, I've been bedridden for the past two weeks. My boyfriend casually remarked that he understands now why some people cheat on their seriously-ill partners. Thanks for adding to the stress, sweetie. FML

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50045

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I drunkenly made out with my 65 year-old married female boss. I'm a 21 year-old male intern. I have a feeling work will be awkward tomorrow. FML

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13520

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By killmenow - Canada - Halifax

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

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21170

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By AW

Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML

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39566

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By jaybob18 - United States

Today, I finally used the statistics book that I forked out $120 to buy. To kill an ant. FML

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28355

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By siddance - United States - San Diego

Today, I had an extreme panic attack in the middle of class. I interrupted another person's presentation, burst into tears, and ran out of class whilst everyone looked at me. FML

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24817

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3506

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By kanepie

Today, we were driving home from NYC to Knoxville after our flight got cancelled, and we had to drive with 3 strangers for 13 hours. We are now stuck in Who-Knows-Where, Virginia, with two blown tires, because a metal plate fell off an 18-wheeler in front of us. FML

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1712

You deserved it

116

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By [email protected]

Today, though it’s been a month since I removed the plaster from my wrist, it still stinks of feet. FML

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33788

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6435

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up and found a turd casually sitting in the bathroom sink. Just 9 more months left on this lease. FML

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12382

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear. I thought it was a sweet thing to do, until I saw him open a slit in its back while visiting later in the day and removing a bag of weed. He gave me a teddy bear just so he could smuggle drugs past my parents. FML

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49285

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom tried to get me to shoplift. From the dollar store. FML

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35712

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2721

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By calidreaming - Japan - Osaka

Today, as I got off the bus, I saw a girl counting her change making sure she had enough for the ride. Since it was my last stop for the day, I offered my day pass to her. She replied, "Get away, freak." FML

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33395

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By CoffeeStained - United States - Richmond

Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML

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27301

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By Samm Povich - United States

Today, while working as a police dispatcher, I took a call for a motorcycle accident that occurred near my house. After obtaining all the essential information I realized the rider was my brother. He doesn't own a motorcycle, but I do. FML

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35830

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By porkeater - United States

Today, we went up for visitor's day for my son's Jewish summer camp. We don't keep kosher, but most of his fellow campers do. When we went around in the circle saying our favorite foods, he said, "my mom makes the best pork chops." We got dirty looks for the rest of the day. FML

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43256

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By ring-a-ding-ding - United States - Sparks

Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML

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37102

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By Haitwun - United States - El Monte

Today, my girlfriend decided to treat me out to dinner and cake for my birthday. My mom felt left out and yelled at my girlfriend in an angry tirade. My girlfriend went home. I'm spending my birthday, alone in my room. FML

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36167

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By yes, yes it does :( - United States

Today, I was waiting on a Canadian tourist at work, and he bought some of the most expensive stuff on the menu. I was excited about maybe getting a big tip, so I casually said that in the USA, waiters make most of our money off tips. The guy just snorted, "Sucks to be American, eh?!" and left. FML

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42065

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

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44082

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By kylie b

Today, my mom yelled at me for taking too long at a job interview, and that it was a waste of her time to drive me to it; I just quit my job, moved away from my boyfriend and the coast to help take care of her in Idaho. FML

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35987

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By Blonde - Canada - Toronto

Today, I googled for an hour how to open my CD player on my laptop. Turns out, there is none. They just put a space there to make it look like a CD player. FML

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31028

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By lifeguardfuckup - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on the official pool phone. When it rang again, I picked it up, told them to go fuck themselves, hung up, and then left the phone off the hook. A second later, my cellphone rang. It was my boss, telling me to get a sense of humor. FML

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44626

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, I realized that not everyone in the office needs to hear my explosive diarrhea through the a/c vents that interconnect through the entire building. I think an email was sent around, describing people's reactions in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30011

You deserved it

3033

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By FuckingDone - United States - Enterprise

Today, my brother's refused to shower after 2 weeks of dripping sweat and never changing clothes. He claims the smell is just his "manly musk" and if I can't handle it, then maybe I'm the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14023

You deserved it

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By jerk - United States

Today, my friend decided to come clean to his parents about his pot usage. He told them that he did it with me on many occasions. His parents decided it would be the right thing to call my parents. Thanks a lot asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30541

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By dork - United States

Today, I was at dinner with my boyfriend and his family. We were talking about relationships, and I commented on how online dating was the dumbest thing ever. His mom and step-dad went on to tell me how they had met through an online dating service. FML

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14828

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was laying in the grass, staring into the blue sky and watching planes go by. My boyfriend snuggles down next to me; it was a sweet moment. He then told me all about how the planes above are leaving 'chem trails', and that he believes the CIA is out to mind-control us all. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38242

You deserved it

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By RoxMySox - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. I got into it because I noticed a flashy new sign on the highway that read "Being an attentive driver prevents car crashes". Thanks for the notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28363

You deserved it

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By skippydoda

Today, I went to the bank to open an account. It took hours for them to tell me that I needed my driver's license, passport, and residency paper. I returned with the documents. They then said that they couldn't help me. FML

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Top comments

By AngelBubblesRose | 0

#36724 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:19

gross

By penguinking12345_fml | 0

#274362 - Saturday 6 June 2009 9:24

Lol how would u deserve it??????

COMMENTS

By revieced | 13

#26387 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:06

oh my.... LOL

Melaniee_fml | 0

#1350391 - Saturday 4 September 2010 15:21

so.. why was reading the newspaper signifacant?

By AngelBubblesRose | 0

#36724 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:19

gross

By Shallow_Padentic | 0

#50698 - Sunday 22 March 2009 21:12

Hahaha thats nasty

By nafiul93 | 0

#73355 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:17

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww slap that hoe

By Exhumed91 | 0

#128399 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 2:43

Lame. Dane cook joke.

black_cherry_pie | 0

#465788 - Friday 7 August 2009 9:27

thats happened to more than just dane cook, and besides dane cook is awesome.

MissMae93 | 23

#3391087 - Wednesday 5 October 2011 14:36

Oh, that's right, if it's happened to someone famous it couldn't possibly happen to any other person in the world. Clearly OP didn't get the memo.

By that_guy_you_are | 0

#185000 - Sunday 10 May 2009 12:18

YDI.

By penguinking12345_fml | 0

#274362 - Saturday 6 June 2009 9:24

Lol how would u deserve it??????

Cr1spyBacon8r | 7

#6637754 - Monday 27 June 2016 16:46

Quite a few people will just press you deserved it because they're assholes.

Boomi | 38

#6689561 - Wednesday 14 September 2016 18:03

Possibly by riding the train to begin with? I don't know, I'm one of those people that use public transportation as well.

By penguinking12345_fml | 0

#274363 - Saturday 6 June 2009 9:25

Ewwwww

By im_a_nerd | 0

#336892 - Wednesday 24 June 2009 19:40

hilarioussss

By Michbella1 | 0

#338649 - Thursday 25 June 2009 5:09

don't you love my Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt and bullet necklace in this pic!!! 'cause i do!