Love: Today, I was on a date with my new boyfriend. I acted very flirty...

By elsaza - France

Today, I was on a date with my new boyfriend. I acted very flirty and laughed very loudly to show him how funny he was. I laughed so loudly that I farted. FML

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Love

Commando

Rock, hard place

Nice guy DESTROYED by FACTS and LOGIC

By need my own place - United States

Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML

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By tawan - United Kingdom

Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher's office, where he said that though he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML

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By crazystar69 - United States

Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML

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By jaydiv - Australia

Today, I saw my cat outside taking a dump. I pulled back the curtain and watched him clean it up, because I found it fascinating that animals can do that. I must have been standing there for several minutes before I noticed the neighbour next door looking at me being fascinated by my cat pooing. FML

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By Mia - United States - Laurel

Today, I was mistaken for my twin brother twice. This probably wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a girl. FML

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By Username - France

Today, the sprinklers in the hotel room came on and stayed on. There was no fire. My family is currently living in the hotel, so everything we own is soaked. FML

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By DaigCrainielson - 12/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Sun Valley

Mystery

Today, I found out I had 3/4s of a Cheezit stuck in my sinus. No one knows how it got there, but the doctors found it while testing for COVID. I have an appointment soon to remove it. FML

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By newcomer - Canada - Kingston

Today, to treat the family, I cooked something nice in appreciation for sticking it out over the past few tough months. Unfortunately, I chose this one day to not wear my oven mitts when carrying the food to the table, spilling the food all over the carpeted floor. FML

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By GrossLump

Today, I was swimming at the beach. At the end of the day, I felt a huge hard lump in between my toes. When I looked closer and pushed on it, it sounded and felt exactly like a bean bag. I had a blister from the day before and it had filled with sand. I had to cut it open to pour the sand out. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, as I was using the public restroom in the mall, someone decided to slam the stall door next to mine. This resulted in my stall door opening while I was still on the toilet. The door was too far for me to reach. FML

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By Fought The Law - United States

Today, my elderly neighbor called the police because my cat was in her yard. I now have a citation and a court date. Apparently, there is a leash law for cats in my town, and it is taken very seriously. FML

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By Jeathrow - United States

Today, after recently moving to an apartment, we've already been asked if we wanted to buy drugs, had a children's chair thrown through the front window, our door painted with "CUNT LICKER" and my laundry stolen. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hockessin

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Greenfield

Today, I got fired from my childcare job of five years because the other staff weren't as popular with the kids, so they accused me of being "creepy" because the kids all wanted to play a game with me instead of them. FML

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By Twinner - Canada

Today, I learned that being a twin really isn't that cool. After laughing at my twin brother for getting a speeding ticket he turns to me and says "It's not mine." Confused, I look at the ticket and see my name. He used my license. FML

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50046

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By Anonymous - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I introduced my kind and amazing Iranian boyfriend to my mother. When he went to use the rest room, she warned me to "knock it off with this Bin Laden fetish" or she'll have me put on psychiatric hold. FML

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26759

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By DefinitelyNotDogshit - United States - Levittown

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

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By Armando de Carvalho - 10/10/2020 07:57

Toxic people

Today, I moved back with my mom, sister and niece after 10 years on my own. My niece is 11, we talked about life and she agrees my mom and my sister are toxic and that I should move out. She'll do it as soon as she's 18. I'm 29. FML

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965

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By Anonymous

Today, my 6-year-old son was being charming by smiling and batting his eyelashes at me. When I asked him, "What?" he replied, "When you die, can I have your hair?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

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By Screwupify - United States

Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML

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By kitty shah - United States

Today, I was having a debate with my friend over tattoos. I used the example that you wouldn't put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari. He looked me in the eye and said, "Yeah, but you're no Ferrari. More like a Prius." FML

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By Rekt - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was taking a break in my work truck when I saw a huge swarm of bees flying my way. I have a hand crank window so I started cranking it up as fast as I could and the knob snapped off before it closed and I got stung by the whole swarm before I could get out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Crowley

Today, I found out that my boyfriend paid a guy to tell me he was dead. FML

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By Jackie - United States

Today, I finally told my fiancé about the crippling sexual abuse I suffered through as a child. He immediately broke off the wedding. His reason? He can't marry someone who isn't "pure". FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 00:01 - Australia

You tried

Today, my colleague was wearing a beautiful dress. I decided that I had to go over and compliment her. As I walked over, my coffee cup flew out of my hand and onto said dress. She had to go home and change, and my boss had to cover for her. FML

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507

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By mudafkrmas - Canada

Today, I was trying to look cute in front of this really nice guy. I sure hope he thinks smacking into a pole, rebounding backwards and knocking over an old man is cute. FML

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By k.k. - United States - Seymour

Today, I left 20 minutes early for school to get a good seat in class. I sat in traffic for 20 minutes before I even got on the thruway and for another 25 minutes once I got off the exit for school. Then I couldn't find parking at my university. I missed class. FML

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6822

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By Soopa-Genius - Canada

Today, the new office IT guy figured the best way to get the virus off my computer was to wipe my entire hard drive. He was kind enough to back my data up and restore everything from the backups. Including the virus. FML

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31361

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By Jennifer H.

Time travel is possible… via hair salons

Today, I told my new hairstylist that I like Jennifer Aniston's look and that I'm trying to grow my hair out. She gave me the "Rachel" haircut. FML

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4138

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I am sorry

Today, I met a new guy at work who would not stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me he was her husband. FML

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3676

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By Anonymous - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

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By Homeless - United States

Today, my fiancé and I toured our dream home. I was so excited about it that I posted all kinds of pictures of it on Facebook. My Boss' daughter just called and said she loved my pictures so much she made an offer on the house. We were 1 week away from making an offer. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Hove

Today, my mum had no legitimate reason to have her daily yell at me, so she resorted to bitching me out for putting her phone on charge after it started beeping with a low battery warning. FML

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22167

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By unemployed - United States

Today, I was at a second interview for a job that I really need as I got laid off last month. Midway through the interview, I went to cross my legs and realized I had 2 different shoes on. FML

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By - 25/1/2020 18:00

Please do it

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

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By Yippie - Spain - Alcal? De Guadaira

Today, when I woke up, I quickly pulled the bed sheet with my right arm to get out of the bed. I failed to notice that a big portion of the sheet was pinned under my body. My arm dislocated and I fainted because of the pain. Great way to start the day. FML

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By crippled - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I helped my dad push our broken-down truck from the driveway onto the tire ramp. Truck didn't make it; neither did my leg. FML

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Top comments

By Yunie_fml | 0

#18434 - Friday 6 March 2009 20:49

The fart isn't the lamest part of this FML. It's the fact that you were overplaying your laughing. He'll either think you're weird, or you'll make him believe he's funnier than he is.

Whatever happened to being yourself? :/

By jackainscough | 0

#3920 - Thursday 19 February 2009 13:39

bahaha
I'm so very sorry for laughing, but that exact thing happened to a girl I used to hang out with.
It brings a smile to my face everytime I see her

COMMENTS

By jackainscough | 0

#3920 - Thursday 19 February 2009 13:39

bahaha
I'm so very sorry for laughing, but that exact thing happened to a girl I used to hang out with.
It brings a smile to my face everytime I see her

thatonek1d | 0

#1029657 - Sunday 13 June 2010 20:09

don't laugh loudly on porpose. it's a turn off.

CitizenSnipz | 0

#1092526 - Thursday 15 July 2010 8:01

first she was like then  heard  pass  so she was likethen and . Even worse,
Someone  it and put it on YouTube.
No more  for you.

i_wuz_nver_here | 31

#1462747 - Monday 27 September 2010 3:22

maybe her annoying fake laugh covered up the sound if the fart.

FabCee | 18

#6055670 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 19:06

maybe but it wont hide the smell lol

By JimmyNeutron_fml | 0

#16802 - Thursday 5 March 2009 22:24

haha

By Yunie_fml | 0

#18434 - Friday 6 March 2009 20:49

greendaygirl999 | 5

#1106789 - Sunday 18 July 2010 19:32

"Could you pass the salt-"
"AHAHAHAHA you're SO funny!"
"Uhh..."

By jim_witness | 0

#24991 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:56

Yea, what Yunie said. Don't B#, Don't Bb, just B....yourself.

By roseglass6370 | 0

#39631 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 6:31

#6...you're my hero! =)

But yeah, but he said.

By skyraider17 | 0

#52371 - Monday 23 March 2009 14:17

#6.... really? lol. I actually feel like I've heard that before though... and honestly, if my girlfriend did that, I would laugh pretty hard, although I am pretty immature with that kinda stuff

By will90 | 5

#76131 - Thursday 2 April 2009 3:12

I had a girl i was with do that. There was an awkward silence and then she asked if i wanted a bj. Then her mom came home. Good times.

DashiDaKlown | 4

#999397 - Thursday 20 May 2010 22:11

LMMFAO Forget #6! #9 Your My Hero I LOLZ'd Hard

By DissapearingLids | 0

#150154 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 7:19

Haha,, OhhEmmGee dont even worry about it, haha
i was trying to act all kool around this guy, he started to grad my ass
then i bleww a big one it was reallly gross, ahah be happy it wasntt that bad ;)

By 24788 | 6

#161865 - Saturday 2 May 2009 12:35

Lol, embarrassing moment, but it's not that bad.

By silverspire29 | 2

#213079 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 2:33

Ah, I did that once.
I was BEYOND embarrassed
It's really not that big of a deal tho.