Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with... - FML

By Sonic - 15/1/2010 16:50 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7411

You deserved it

30724

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Inspirational tale

Social media was a mistake

By lions214 - 11/1/2012 01:40 - United States

Today, at work at a store, I was sitting on the floor stocking a bottom shelf. A woman in a motorized cart did not see me, and ran over my hand. When I alerted her about what she had done she laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30285

You deserved it

2914

Tweet

Share

By phonesmuggler - 18/4/2013 19:30 - United States

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48767

You deserved it

5781

Tweet

Share

By fml boy - 25/3/2019 02:00

Today, my 10k dirt bike stopped starting. I used it once and owned it for less than 24 hours. Later in the afternoon, I dropped my phone and it cracked. Later in the evening, I was walking in my room towards my bed in the dark and I stubbed my toe on my Pc and one of the panels fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2176

You deserved it

312

Tweet

Share

By forgotten - 21/9/2010 22:16 - United States

Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder. Right as the bus reached my stop, the time I spent holding it in was over. I didn't make it out of the aisle before I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28021

You deserved it

7396

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/3/2016 20:23 - United States

Today, I met a girl who was just as socially anxious as me. We spent the whole night staring at each other, then quickly looking away when the other person saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18667

You deserved it

2632

Tweet

Share

By Gabby125 - 19/9/2010 02:54 - United States

Today, I got back from a three week trip in the Alaska back-country. I survived climbing fatally steep mountains, white water rafting in a freezing glacier river, and a near bear attack. Despite all that, a badly thrown frisbee managed to split my eyebrow in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27540

You deserved it

4279

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/5/2013 21:43 - Iceland - Akureyri

Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74359

You deserved it

6268

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/7/2020 05:00

What?

Today, I found out that my hearing is average for a 60-year-old. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1104

You deserved it

109

Tweet

Share

By - 3/8/2017 05:00

#LurkerForLife

Today, I realized that my social life is so dead the only thing I do that involves other people is read FML. I don't even participate in the comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4659

You deserved it

1060

Tweet

Share

By allalone - 14/7/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27265

You deserved it

45230

Tweet

Share

By IkeTheIntern - 18/9/2015 20:02 - Canada

Today, my boss told me to stop giving work to our college intern because it's an embarrassment to have someone who hasn't finished college working for him. This is the same boss who constantly brags about being a high school drop out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24249

You deserved it

1552

Tweet

Share

By poorlyparented - 16/6/2015 12:05 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32037

You deserved it

5661

Tweet

Share

By hunter168647 - 2/7/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I bought an otter box. While setting up my iPhone, I dropped it and it is now shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27105

You deserved it

8542

Tweet

Share

By poor_college_kid - 15/9/2016 12:39 - United States - Tucson

Today, I found out that I owe my college a little over $10,000. Why? Because, due to a slight misspelling of my name, the scholarship that I have been going insane trying to meet the requirements for is not actually giving me any funding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12536

You deserved it

846

Tweet

Share

By mariah_1_11 - 6/3/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy I really like. My friends convinced me that he was going to stand me up and that I should just stay home to avoid being hurt. He showed up; I didn't. My friends laughed at my gullible nature. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13210

You deserved it

41138

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/6/2019 06:30 - United States - Durham

Today, I had a doctor's appointment because I've recently lost weight. I'm already underweight, and I was concerned because the weight loss has been causing some other health concerns to worsen. My doctor's exact words of advice? "Eating food usually leads to weight gain." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1676

You deserved it

297

Tweet

Share

By Luke - 23/6/2015 22:37 - United States - San Antonio

Today, after all of the business cards for the car dealership that I work for were printed, the phone number was wrong, and the lady got so pissed about getting so many calls that she told them that they had won a free car. I had to tell dozens of ecstatic customers that they hadn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24532

You deserved it

5932

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/8/2012 16:50 - Canada - London

Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11613

You deserved it

29663

Tweet

Share

By youngboob - 21/10/2014 15:42 - United States - Topeka

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40086

You deserved it

3666

Tweet

Share

By limecat - 6/10/2009 07:12 - United States

Today, I was stopped by a cop while walking down the street. He was slowly trailing me before pulling along side of me and asking how my night was going. He then said, "You know I can't let you do this. Know those new jeans you bought? The sticker is still on the leg" and drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12261

You deserved it

36929

Tweet

Share

By BobbyMalone - 17/1/2009 14:11 - Canada

Today, my mother asked a woman at the clothing store we go to all the time when her baby was due. Turns out the woman isn't pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20000

You deserved it

5224

Tweet

Share

By worker666 - 13/4/2014 14:51 - United States

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43807

You deserved it

4227

Tweet

Share

By Tupac - 18/10/2017 05:00

Today, I got a new title at work. My boss hyped it up and made it sound amazing, so I accepted. Come to find out it pays 20k less a year and is twice as much work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3461

You deserved it

1656

Tweet

Share

By bananaman - 11/4/2011 20:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I've been on the same train for two hours at a standstill due to "signal problems". We can't get off because it's "unsafe". I'm on my way home from work and I can see my house through the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46416

You deserved it

3227

Tweet

Share

By bw9669 - 28/1/2010 19:35 - Canada

Today, I had to cancel all of the plans to go away on a romantic weekend with my boyfriend. My parents are going out of town for a night and I have to stay home a babysit my little sister. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34626

You deserved it

5082

Tweet

Share

By ilovefootball - 7/9/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidentally pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14166

You deserved it

77982

Tweet

Share

By smooth - 21/11/2013 16:10 - United States

Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61477

You deserved it

13963

Tweet

Share

By atterz123 - 12/2/2009 13:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45876

You deserved it

5367

Tweet

Share

By IMayBeAFool - 13/10/2009 06:38 - United States

Today, after I have spent $3,000 dollars in preparations to move in with my girlfriend of 2 and 1/2 years, she confesses she's a mental patient who stole someone elses identity. She was telling the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43113

You deserved it

3783

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for my family. I got a huge paper cut on the webbing of my fingers, the pain of which caused me to scream out loud. My whole family heard and came rushing to my room. My grandma took one look, and scoffed, "Oh suck it the fuck up, princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14794

You deserved it

29963

Tweet

Share

By thanks iphone - 30/1/2016 21:05 - United States - Louisville

Today, I realized I wasn't getting notifications for my voicemail, so I decided to check it and found out that I had 3 job offerings that are no longer an option. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22959

You deserved it

3722

Tweet

Share

By Nick Nameous - 1/1/2009 06:22 - United States

Today, I celebrated the new year. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24144

You deserved it

5260

Tweet

Share

By BadKarma - 28/8/2018 07:00 - United States - Douglas

When it rains, it pours.

Today, my washing machine, dryer, vacuum cleaner, and laptop all stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2203

You deserved it

144

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/9/2010 09:26 - Vietnam

Today, I finally had the confidence to show my girlfriend my hairy chest/stomach. I'm very self conscious about it, and get embarrassed easily. She said I looked disgusting, called me Chewbacca and broke up with me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48170

You deserved it

7122

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/6/2020 17:01

Peaky Bladders

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house, dying to pee during a thunderstorm. Ran to the bathroom, but it was occupied. A huge thunderclap scared me pretty bad. When the door finally opened, my girlfriend's mom walked out, laughing. I realized the thunder scared me into peeing my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1255

You deserved it

360

Tweet

Share

By blind eyes - 26/8/2018 14:30

Today, I went to get Lasik eye surgery. Beforehand, they give you an anxiety control pill because you're conscious during the operation. Guess who is immune to the pill and now has to get checked for anxiety disorders before rescheduling the surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2416

You deserved it

155

Tweet

Share

By boo - 27/5/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I had to drop my daughter off with my babysitter first. When I got to the interview I got a weird look from the vice president of the company. I had lime green poop running down the side of my white blouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53644

You deserved it

7385

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/1/2017 14:30

Today, I was in the kitchen with my mother putting up the dishes. I went to stand up from putting a pot in a lower cabinet and hit my head on the upper cabinet she left open by accident. Hello concussion number nine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5657

You deserved it

936

Tweet

Share

By BackToRehab - 26/2/2011 21:53 - Canada

Today, I treated my mom to a movie and lunch after she'd attended weeks of AA meetings. She snuck in a flask to the movie, and during lunch, she started calling people muggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33976

You deserved it

3542

Tweet

Share

By hannah - 17/2/2011 05:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend finally convinced me that if I picked up her cat it wouldn't scratch my eyes out. It peed on me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27756

You deserved it

4113

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By GSNfan | 0

#776831 - Saturday 16 January 2010 0:01

I hope your company wasn't talking about the budget when it happened.

By Igor_g5 | 0

#776804 - Friday 15 January 2010 23:44

YDI. Should have made sure it was muted.

COMMENTS

By Igor_g5 | 0

#776804 - Friday 15 January 2010 23:44

YDI. Should have made sure it was muted.

By kabl00m | 0

#776808 - Friday 15 January 2010 23:51

agreed. that's stupid check your phone or don't use it while in the bathroom. duh. YDI

By davidhasmorefun | 0

#776819 - Friday 15 January 2010 23:55

idiot. can I get your job when you get fired. YDI because you had all day to take a crap but you chose that moment to do it.

Reply

franfran_fml | 0

#777140 - Saturday 16 January 2010 3:08

Well that's a stupid reason for why they deserve it. Really? When you gotta go, you gotta go. A more appropriate YDI would be, "Oh, YDI for not paying attention and checking to make sure it was on mute".

By GSNfan | 0

#776831 - Saturday 16 January 2010 0:01

I hope your company wasn't talking about the budget when it happened.

Reply

null_fml | 11

#776848 - Saturday 16 January 2010 0:08

^WIN

By Erindub | 0

#776836 - Saturday 16 January 2010 0:03

So does this mean they heard you do your business as well? I think it'd be great if you were overly gassy

By perdix | 29

#776863 - Saturday 16 January 2010 0:15

I once worked with a guy who audibly wiped! I'd be at the urinal or the sink and I could still hear him going to town on his ass. His asshole must have been so clean you could eaten dinner off it!

I'm sure your colleagues would have loved to have heard that!

By Stay_Fly_Shy | 0

#776866 - Saturday 16 January 2010 0:18

YDI. i'm sure it took more effort to take a crap then to make sure your phone was on mute.

By nolimits | 0

#776869 - Saturday 16 January 2010 0:20

"while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district."

YDI for crappy sentence structure.

Reply

franfran_fml | 0

#777143 - Saturday 16 January 2010 3:10

What? Are you the grammar police now? You're going to say they deserve it for not using a more intelligent sentence structure?

Reply

thesunshotme | 0

#777502 - Saturday 16 January 2010 7:21

FML is where grammar nazis come to stroke their egos.

By wh4t3v3R | 0

#776873 - Saturday 16 January 2010 0:23

Uh, of all the places to take an _important_ conference call you chose the bathroom. Its a funny story, but I don't see how you didn't deserve it.

By chellexx | 0

#776876 - Saturday 16 January 2010 0:25

ydi you should have gone before of just waited till after the call