Today, I was offered my dream job. When I gave my current employer... - FML

By Professionally Curtious - 9/7/2017 18:30

Today, I was offered my dream job. When I gave my current employer my 2+ weeks notice so they'd have time to find a replacement, I was told to pack up and leave immediately. Now I'm out a month's pay because I gave notice instead of just leaving. FML

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Rock, hard place

Nice neighborhood

Goodbye Bill

By notmysistersbf - 20/4/2015 02:39 - Canada - Summerland

Today, my mom called my workplace and told my boss to make sure I wear a hat so I didn't get heatstroke like I did on my last shift. I'm 25. FML

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By TeeJay - 1/6/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

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By hungry - 15/8/2016 03:03 - United States - Waverly

Today, my husband offered to do the weekly grocery shopping. Because he has never done the shopping before, I made him a list of what we needed and other optional foods to give him an idea of what to get. He came back with a week's worth of ramen noodles and 2 litres of soda. FML

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By imnotastranger - 9/5/2014 03:01

Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

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By sagecamreyyy - 6/11/2018 15:30

Today, three days after my "friend" tried to cut all my hair off while I was asleep, she tried to poison me with a random chemical that was under my sink. She then told me she wanted me dead because I touched her senpai. Her senpai is my brother. FML

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By me - 20/11/2013 15:28 - United States - Bronx

Today, as a part of my autobiography project for school, I needed to have 2 friends and 2 family members each write me a letter. I ended up having to forge 3 letters. FML

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By that girl has a beard - 4/8/2015 07:33 - Canada

Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML

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By dannij08 - 14/1/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, my boss asked me how my parents' divorce affected me as a child. This is a sensitive subject, but I thought he was trying to connect with me so I told him how much it hurt. Turns out he wants to leave his wife and wanted to know if his kids would turn out "messed up" because of it. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2012 23:09 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend of a month has a new girlfriend. That girl is my cousin, the same one who's been listening to my tears fall as I've confided my feelings to her for the past few weeks. FML

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By epicsquishii - 1/5/2012 11:02 - United States - Riverbank

Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2019 12:00 - Croatia

Family values

Today, my 11-year-old cousin walked up to me as I was enjoying a glass of wine with friends at my mother's birthday party. Thinking she wouldn't like it anyway, I let her try. The little fucker drank the entire glass in one go, adding, "Usually, daddy gives me vodka." Good to know what my family is up to. FML

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By Picky - 6/7/2017 14:58

Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML

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By headdesk - 25/6/2014 05:41 - United States - Kaneohe

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

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By gassy - 17/8/2018 18:30

Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol...

Today, I have to deliver a wedding speech. I also have a cold. That would be bad enough, but ever since I was a kid, if I cough or sneeze, I also fart. FML

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By izhamilton - 20/2/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, after flying halfway across the world to see the man I love, he admitted cheating on me several days before I arrived, not only with someone I know, but with someone I hate. FML

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By androidjezus - 3/11/2019 18:30

Halloween, the long wait

Today, I asked my girlfriend to get a bunch of candy for our first Halloween at our new house, so she got $60 worth. We got into an argument about who was going to give it out. It’s now 9 p.m. No one came to our door all night. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2016 21:10 - United States - Southfield

Today, I found out it's possible to dislocate your jaw just by yawning. Now I'm in the ER, looking like a total psycho. FML

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By lovekills99 - 19/1/2009 17:59 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she had fantasies about throwing him out a window when he was a baby because she was so depressed and couldn't handle the stress. The worst part is he wants to get married. She'd be my mother-in-law. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2014 16:42 - United States - Flushing

Today, what few friends I have won't talk to me anymore. My ex told them she dumped me because I abused her. I never abused her. What really happened is that she dumped me in a rage after I refused to give her money for drugs. Nobody's even asked for my side of the story. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML

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By Plush - 13/1/2009 16:43 - France

Today, a work colleague announced that she is organising a bit of a party. She says, in front of everyone, that I'm not invited to "avoid ruining the vibe". FML

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By lookwhereyasittin - 24/1/2016 17:47 - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, it was the first day in my life that I fell into a toilet because someone left the toilet seat up. I'm a guy. FML

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By can’t nerd right - 4/8/2020 02:02

Insane parents

Today, I was wondering why the new book series I'd ordered hadn’t arrived. I ordered new books because my mom constantly bitched at me about being on the internet too often. She took my laptop away to "teach me a lesson". Only I need my laptop to get the confirmation number to track my books. FML

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By Fred - 6/1/2009 08:28 - France

Today, I couldn't take home the free weights I'd planned on buying to start bodybuilding 'cos I couldn't lift the box, which was too heavy for me. FML

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By snowball - 29/12/2011 23:32 - Switzerland

Today, as I left my house, the front door slammed shut behind me, causing an entire roof-length of snow to slide over the edge and land directly on my head. FML

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By sh3n-D - 7/6/2012 21:26 - Denmark - Herning

Today, I was having a debate with my friend, who actually believes karma is real. He got very angry with me and stormed off, tripping over his own feet in the process. I laughed and asked what he'd done in a past life to deserve that one. He responded by getting up and punching me. FML

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By college parking sucks - 30/9/2015 17:16 - United States - Deltona

Today, for the first time this semester, I was able to get parking in time for my Wednesday class. The professor was sick and class was cancelled. FML

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By Helpful Smile - 20/5/2014 23:50 - United States - Davenport

Today, after my bosses excitedly told me I'm getting promoted to customer service at our grocery store, a customer called me an idiot in the parking lot for accidentally backing into the shopping cart she left in my blind spot. And so it begins. FML

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By whatever - 23/3/2009 06:46 - United States

Today, I was on a third date with a girl. Things had been going really well. At one point, the conversation lulled. After a moment of silence, she asked me what my greatest fantasy was. I told her that it was being a superhero. She told me that she meant sexual fantasy. I'm 25. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings and heels. When I walked out the door my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriends house I told him what my dad had said and he replied "I'd have to agree with him." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2012 12:12 - United States - Worcester

Today, my husband had a temper tantrum because I wouldn't get him a chocolate bar at the store register. FML

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By shopper242 - 22/11/2010 12:29 - France

Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML

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By Grossed out - 8/8/2018 15:00

Today, after giving a homeless guy some change, he offered to give me his bottle of cooking wine if I'd let him suck my toes. FML

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By otter - 17/8/2011 02:05 - United States

Today, my potbellied pig ate my neighbor's award-winning flower garden, that she has been growing for almost three years. She'd told me that she was bringing the judges of the competition, in which she was in line to win $300, to her house in two days. I have yet to tell her. FML

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By loserllamalick - 7/10/2013 14:32 - United States - Rochester

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

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By kay - 3/12/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, I received an e-mail from my stepmom. It was a picture of a boy that she said she thought I might like to know. Next to the picture was the message "he comes from a good military background". My love life is so pathetic that my stepmother feels the need to try and set me up. FML

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By tracy4191 - 13/6/2016 15:27 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML

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By changeddaily - 20/3/2011 04:52 - Australia

Today, I was telling my friend how lonely I am on Skype. He responded by deleting me as a friend. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2014 19:39 - United States - Derry

Today, on my first day of sailing practice, I managed to sit on a metal cleat. After being admitted to the ER, I was informed that I had two vaginal lacerations that needed surgery. The nurse tried to convince me it was my lucky day, because the hospital café was serving vanilla pudding. FML

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Top comments

By Misoranomegami | 16

#7482884 - Sunday 9 July 2017 20:03

Sadly in a lot of companies this is the norm or at least relatively common. I watched my ex company walk several people out the door for giving notice. Then laughed when they got mad at me for giving 2 weeks notice because they weren't going to be able to replace me in 2 weeks and said I should have let them know earlier. Why would I?

By Selene1090 | 26

#7482844 - Sunday 9 July 2017 19:41

I hear of this happening a lot now. People are getting so petty, I don't think it is even worth it to do the courtesy anymore, which is sad.

COMMENTS

By thehaystackerine | 20

#7482766 - Sunday 9 July 2017 18:44

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By MidnaLink | 32

#7482795 - Sunday 9 July 2017 19:05

But, now you're already offered the job and can start immediately! Boss' fault for screwing himself over by firing you right off the bat.

By Selene1090 | 26

#7482844 - Sunday 9 July 2017 19:41

I hear of this happening a lot now. People are getting so petty, I don't think it is even worth it to do the courtesy anymore, which is sad.

By Misoranomegami | 16

#7482884 - Sunday 9 July 2017 20:03

Sadly in a lot of companies this is the norm or at least relatively common. I watched my ex company walk several people out the door for giving notice. Then laughed when they got mad at me for giving 2 weeks notice because they weren't going to be able to replace me in 2 weeks and said I should have let them know earlier. Why would I?

By dancegypsy | 0

#7482901 - Sunday 9 July 2017 20:16

If you are going to a competitor or have the ability to compromise or steal data they will do so to protect themselves, even if you are quitting and not being fired. It is very painful to watch.

By Chazzster | 20

#7482925 - Sunday 9 July 2017 20:28

Always give exactly 2 weeks notice - never more, never less.

Reply

Tillie Jenkins | 5

#7483554 - Monday 10 July 2017 4:57

they did. They got fired immediately for it

By RichardPencil | 28

#7482963 - Sunday 9 July 2017 20:58

That’s bullshit! They need to pay you pro rata for the work you’ve done, plus any vacation benefit you’ve accrued.

Get an employment lawyer to write them a letter demanding what is rightfully yours.

By Whispra | 5

#7483008 - Sunday 9 July 2017 21:27

Is this even legal? I would think it's technically wrongful termination.

Reply

8313girl | 28

#7483040 - Sunday 9 July 2017 21:51

Depends on if there in one of those fire at will states. Employers can get away with almost anything.

Reply

RichardPencil | 28

#7483047 - Sunday 9 July 2017 21:55

It's not a wrongful termination if the employee quits.

It's more of not paying wages owed to an employee.

Reply

Whispra | 5

#7483052 - Sunday 9 July 2017 21:57

Even though they'd still be legally employed until a certain date otherwise?

Reply

Danne696 | 14

#7483059 - Sunday 9 July 2017 22:00

Unless you live in a thrid world country it is probably illegal.

By Namenlos_fml | 20

#7483037 - Sunday 9 July 2017 21:46

Tell your former coworkers. Tell them that their company prefers you just quit immediately

By The_candyman | 13

#7483088 - Sunday 9 July 2017 22:22

That sucks in California if you put in your 2 week notice and they fire you they still have to pay you for the 2 weeks.

Reply

daengh | 15

#7488631 - Wednesday 12 July 2017 23:08

Not unless they're under a contract that says otherwise. They do still have to be paid for time already worked, but here in California (could be different elsewhere) the employer has a few days to get that done.