Today, I was moving into my new house. While trying to turn on... - FML

By Kailey - 28/10/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I was moving into my new house. While trying to turn on the light in the bedroom, I realized I couldn't reach the string on the fan. I got a chair, climbed up, reached over, and fell badly. While writhing in agony on the floor, I looked over to see a light switch on the wall. FML

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Business savvy

Gratitude walks

Ambien conversations are the worst

By Anonymous - 16/8/2014 02:16 - Australia - Notting Hill

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me. I asked why, and he said "Because sometimes you look good, and you buy me stuff." FML

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By hamsterlovinn - 6/6/2009 05:51 - United States

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

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By AnDroidZ_BabY - 11/9/2011 04:47 - United States

Today, my mom and I had a fight in the car over who farted. The result? She wanted to smell my underwear when we got home, to prove it was me. FML

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By dorianseiji - 11/3/2015 20:37 - France - Amiens

Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML

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By AnxiousCucumber - 7/9/2016 20:41 - United States - Los Angeles

And I oop

Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML

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By ERnightmare - 2/8/2018 21:00 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2015 19:18 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I found out that the guy I've been sleeping with is my mom's gynecologist. FML

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By Laura - 17/9/2010 00:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years decided it was finally time to have sex. After we did, he told me that he was sleeping with another girl. He wanted to have sex with me to see who was better. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2015 04:23 - United States - Boaz

Today, my dad met my boyfriend. It took less than 10 seconds for him to accuse my boyfriend of being a "queer" because his handshake was "too limp". FML

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By Djcc - 21/2/2012 18:03 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were watching TV, I asked him if he loved me. He turned up the volume. FML

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By natattack - 11/9/2013 21:35 - United States - Temple

Today, I officially became a divorced marriage counselor. FML

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By zackeryburch - 3/8/2013 13:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

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By yumx24 - 30/5/2009 13:45 - United States

Today, at the local swimming pool, my friend and I noticed two cute guys had just arrived. When they jumped in, we immediately took off our tank tops and got in the opposite end. They looked over at us, then looked at each other, got out of the pool and left. FML

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By thissucks - 20/6/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months found out she was 4 months pregnant with her ex's baby. She told me I could leave her and she wouldn't blame me, but I decided to stay with her. She told me she loved me and then dumped me because she needed to be with her baby's daddy. FML

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By brooklyn0118 - 12/9/2018 15:00

Today, I got home to find my dog had found and eaten my wedding rings. I get married in 2 days. FML

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By projectfain - 22/5/2013 12:28 - United States - Akron

Today, I e-mailed the on-line instructor for my job, telling her that I had fallen behind in my work due to my grandmother's passing and the subsequent funeral arrangements, but that I would catch up this week. Her reply? "OK. Hope your grandmother gets better soon." FML

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By thompson773 - 20/4/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I was sick on an airplane. As we were taking off, I felt like I was ready to hurl. I was sitting in the window seat and was unable to get up in time to go to the bathroom so I was forced to grab the nearest container to puke in. It was a glass of juice belonging to the woman next to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2009 06:00 - United States

Today, I went to the movies. After it was over I got up and noticed a designer purse sitting on the ground in the back row. I opened it to look for anything that could give me a address so I could return it. The owner came back, assumed I was robbing her, and punched me in the nose. FML

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By tessamarque - 5/4/2012 15:07 - United States - Bartlesville

Today, I watched my cat walk to her litter box, look at it, then walk across the room to pee on a backpack. FML

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By happyeffingbday202 - 2/4/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, was my 16th birthday. Needless to say, I was delighted when my friends presented me with a birthday card in a homeroom. I pretended to be surprised and exclaimed, "Aw, you guys really shouldn't have!" They didn't. It was our teacher's birthday. They just wanted me to sign the card. FML

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By Anon - 5/1/2012 02:21 - United States

Today, after months of dating, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to take things to the next level. He told me that he couldn't have sex with me because of his religious beliefs. I would've been fine with this if it weren't for the fact that I know he and his family are all atheists. FML

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By POP101 - 5/2/2010 21:27 - Canada

Today, there was this girl in heels running in front of me at school, and she slipped on ice. Trying to be a hero, I dropped my backpack and ran up to help her, but ended up slipping and landing on her leg. As I walked back to my backpack, I found out I dropped my laptop and broke it. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2020 05:01

Collateral damage

Today, my sweet, nonviolent boyfriend found out my daughter's asshole boyfriend had hit her, so he rugby-tackled him so hard, it ripped the door right out of the frame and into the garden. I never knew he had it in him, so I'm proud, but now we've got to fix the door. FML

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By EffinAhole - 3/10/2010 04:27 - France

Today, to spice things up a bit my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

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By efff my life. - 31/5/2011 02:58 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I was driving her to a surprise party where I was going to propose. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2014 08:37 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me via Twitter. FML

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By rain1 - 6/1/2014 02:54 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I had to explain to my parents why it is inappropriate to take selfies at a funeral. FML

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By cargaljen - 21/10/2012 00:22 - United States

Today, my husband sweetly asked me, "You know what I'd really like to do if I had an extra $4,000?" Expecting a romantic answer, I asked what. He said, "I'd get you a tummy tuck." He still can't figure out what he said wrong. FML

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By ihasnoafroanymore - 10/6/2019 12:05

Today, I was working at my job at a McDonald's. I was on my break, so I went to use the restroom. When I finished, I tried to open the door, but the lock broke. I was stuck in the basement bathroom for 20 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 01:43 - United States

Today, my husband was looking at a bariatric surgery website and asked him what he was reading. He said, "Oh, your anniversary gift. Surprise!" He wasn't kidding. He got mad when I politely declined his gift, then angrily said "You know, it really hurts when you don't like the things I get you." FML

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By anashaalmajiid - 5/3/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, my dad and a construction worker were having a long talk. I heard the door slam, and assumed that this worker had left. So I yelled out "Hey dad what were you talking about? Did you talk slowly so the idiot could understand?" Turns out my dad was the one who had walked out. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told his best friend to text my sister telling her to tell me that he was breaking up with me. FML

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By strangeprincess - 9/9/2019 16:00

RIP, Moggie

Today, I had to put my cat to sleep after she was in an accident. While I was crying hysterically, the vet asked me for $230. FML

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By flyingpuppy - 17/6/2012 06:33 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my husband has decided to grow a mullet. FML

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By User - 23/9/2013 17:53 - United States - Romulus

Today, I texted my girlfriend a long heartfelt loving message for our 2-year anniversary. Her reply was just "K." FML

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By Directionally challenged - 11/4/2013 16:18 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a mail carrier. One of my assigned roads was Milbrooke Street, which I'd never heard of. After driving around for ages trying to find it, I called for directions. The street doesn't exist in my city; it's just the boss' way of seeing how stupid you are. FML

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By Stupid Drunk - 22/12/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I got this huge package at my college dorm from my parents with candy, chips, canned soup and all these goodies. When I called my mom to thank her, she replied "We got rid of your cat, Annie". FML

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By ConfusedDad - 29/12/2014 07:01 - United States

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

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Top comments

By screwedeitherway | 0

#642874 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 15:16

Is it just me, or would anyone else just put the chair DIRECTLY under the string, instead of somewhere off to the side where you have to reach over to grab it? Common sense, anyone?

By wtfismyfml | 0

#642638 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 9:41

every thought about using your eyes?!

COMMENTS

By PlasmaWafflez | 0

#642612 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 9:24

You must be blonde.

By fuckyourdogslife | 0

#642615 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 9:25

second

Reply

KRS_13 | 0

#3933268 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 3:56

Always feel for the light switch first..always

By PlasmaWafflez | 0

#642620 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 9:28

#2 you're a fag, who the fuck cares honestly

Reply

fuckyourdogslife | 0

#642622 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 9:31

Clearly I do.

Reply

PlasmaWafflez | 0

#642628 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 9:34

homo

Reply

fuckyourdogslife | 0

#642632 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 9:37

I see how it is, you're insecure about your own sexuality so you make yourself feel better by accusing others of being homosexual.

Reply

caticaticati | 3

#642636 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 9:40

Hey PlasmaWafflez, I'd rather see a comment that says 'second' than your comments that use homosexuality as a way to insult someone. The word 'fag' is far, FAR more offensive to me than the word 'second.' And no, I am not a lesbian, I just have a lot of GLBT friends.

Reply

PlasmaWafflez | 0

#642655 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 9:57

Lesbian fag

Reply

wtfismyfml | 0

#642659 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 10:00

omfg shut up!
no one cares

By wtfismyfml | 0

#642638 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 9:41

every thought about using your eyes?!

Reply

XxMidnightReader | 0

#1296889 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 23:03

maybe she's too short to see so she had to lay on the ground and look up >.>

By Mx_Rider | 6

#642673 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 10:11

plasma waffles stfu you bitch
i wish i could throw a brick at ur face make u have buck toooooof son :B

Reply

wtfismyfml | 0

#642678 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 10:18

agreed

By redbluegreen | 40

#642703 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 11:08

I thought Bellas only existed in books.

Reply

toink | 0

#642833 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 14:26

I got a bitch called Bella. She gave birth to 6 precious puppies one week ago. They're so cute! ^^
One died, though :(

Reply

XxMidnightReader | 0

#1296895 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 23:07

WTF 16 WHATS UP WITH UR PIC?!?

By ROLLSROYCE | 0

#642759 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 13:04

man, short people have all the fun...

By toink | 0

#642827 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 14:22

Now install the washer and dryer. It's pretty simple! :D

By Tigg3r | 3

#642850 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 14:53

wow. Epic fail. Well I guess it's better than the dude who held up his cat to replay a lion king scene when the ceiling fan was on. How do you fall off of a chair? Was it like a swivel chair? If it had been a regular chair I bet you wouldn't have fallen off.

By screwedeitherway | 0

#642874 - Wednesday 28 October 2009 15:16

Is it just me, or would anyone else just put the chair DIRECTLY under the string, instead of somewhere off to the side where you have to reach over to grab it? Common sense, anyone?

Reply

obri98 | 10

#5215853 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 3:52

OP probably meant 'reached up' jeez, use your fuckin brain -_-