Today, I was meeting my girlfriend at the airport after studying...

By Anonymous - 23/4/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend at the airport after studying abroad for a year. She ran to hug me, and I wanted to pick her up and spin her around, like they do in those romantic movies. I tried to do that, but instead I dropped her. FML

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Love

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

You snooze, you lose

By Rai - 24/3/2009 16:11 - Canada

Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have atleast combed it!" FML

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By NewFiancee - 11/8/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I went out for dinner with my parents where they asked me if I was still dating my boyfriend so I answered no. They quickly responded by saying, "Oh so you finally got rid of that douchebag? It's not like he was getting anywhere in life anyways." I answered no because he's my fiancé now. FML

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By Ace - 1/4/2016 02:17 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, this guy I was seeing dumped me for "bombarding" him with text messages. I'd sent him one text asking if he was okay, after he stood me up 2 nights in a row. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2015 21:54 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 07:21 - United States

Today, I was running a meeting feeling very stressed. I grabbed my stress ball out of my bag, squeezing it vigorously throughout the meeting. When I stood up to talk my stress ball exploded all over my new black suit and the desk. So much for relieving stress. FML

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By Courtney - 12/11/2011 21:13 - United States

Today, only after I almost knocked myself out cold with the shampoo bottle, did I finally get some out. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2020 18:00

This Charming Man

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. It didn't go well since unfortunately he’s the guy I had to remove from the club I’m the bouncer at, and had to report to the police for getting drunk, stroking himself over his pants and taking photos in the ladies toilets. FML

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By Bad Child? - 8/4/2017 16:00

Today, as I was brushing my teeth, I heard my mum praying to God to help her "get rid of such a stupid child". I have no idea what I've done wrong, and she's refused to talk to me all day. FML

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By Madagascar - 19/12/2009 10:18 - Australia

Today, when my boyfriend and I were becoming intimate, his cat decides to jump onto the bed and lie right in between us. He then informs me that he wanted to stop to "preserve his cat's innocence." FML

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By theraarman - 21/12/2009 12:13 - France

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has to pretend to have another boyfriend who is not me because her siblings and cousins do not accept me. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2012 05:03 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was sitting on a rather small, uncomfortable bean bag while my friend was sitting on a nice chair. She asked if I wanted to switch seats, not so I could be more comfortable, but because she thought I was too fat and that I would burst the bean bag. FML

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By nemi - 31/8/2010 22:33 - Norway

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

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By Gremlin - 24/6/2012 00:10 - United Kingdom - Staines

Today, I noticed that my son only really looks like me when he's straining to take a dump. FML

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By MH - 24/1/2014 12:36 - Norway - Sandnes

Today, my mom took a picture of me. All she could say about the picture was, "At least your sister is pretty." FML

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By Brandon Butler - 4/3/2011 09:22

Today, I was riding my motorcycle on the highway and wearing all of my gear - boots, gloves, jacket, and full-face helmet. Somehow a bee found the only spot not covered on my body and stung my neck. I'm allergic to bees. FML

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By ali grace - 14/5/2011 11:15 - United States

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 00:21 - United States

Today, I woke up to the face of Billy, the puppet from Saw, staring down at me. I was so scared, I wet myself instantly. It was my cousin in a mask, who is staying over for Thanksgiving weekend. FML

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By acneface - 21/10/2009 06:59 - United States

Today, my math teacher decided to use my acne as an example of symmetry in front of the whole class. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2011 03:21 - United States

Today, my car got acquainted with about 3 dozen eggs. FML

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By violated ._. - 22/8/2013 22:45 - United States

Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML

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By FartyCar - 30/11/2018 17:30

Today, I found a bag of frozen broccoli in my car boot from when I went shopping 3 days ago. My whole car smells like farts now. FML

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By FeedMe - 27/5/2011 10:45 - United States

Today, my mother went shopping. She bought three boxes of Popsicles and a giant stuffed dog. She did not buy dinner or toilet paper. I've eaten nothing but cereal and popcorn for three days now. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2016 20:14 - United States - Charleston

Today, I guess my son's balls dropped. I've caught him humping his sister's Selena Gomez posters several times today. For god's sake. FML

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By PsychoBoulevard - 13/3/2017 08:00 - United States - Tollhouse

Put the eggs in one basket!

Today, as well as for the past week, my cat finds immeasurable joy in knocking eggs of the counter and staring at me as I clean the mess. FML

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By Anonymoose - 25/12/2011 11:39 - Switzerland

Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2018 19:00

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and my boyfriend thought it would be cute to carry me to bed. He knocked my head on the door frame and I pretended it didn't hurt because he felt so bad, but I shouldn't have. I was rushed to the hospital hours later with a concussion. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2013 16:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

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By nottoosmall - 3/4/2013 16:57 - United States

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

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By OzzyWannabee - 20/2/2015 08:12 - France - Issy-les-moulineaux

Today, I tried to overcome my shyness by warmly greeting the bus driver while entering it. I instead blurted out really loudly the words of the song my iPod was playing. FML

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By smells like ass - 29/12/2016 03:05

Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2011 05:18 - Australia

Today, I came home after a short trip. Walking through the door, an overpowering smell indicated that in my rush to leave I'd forgotten to bring the cat litter tray indoors. The place was covered in cat urine. It was as if I'd created a cycling ecosystem of evaporated urine turning into urine rain-clouds. FML

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By GeeLoftus - 31/1/2016 19:32 - United States - Secaucus

Today, I've been calling my pet snake "Mr. Snake" for two years now. I decided to look up the name, and boy do I regret it. It turns out Mr. Snake is a porn site. I've named my snake after porn and have been introducing him to family with that name for two years. FML

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By frootloops - 21/11/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I realized that my girlfriend had never said anything about the proposal ring I had put into a box of her Froot Loops. When I hinted it to her, she said that the cereal had expired, so she threw out the box. FML

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By ex-employee - 2/4/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, my boss came up to my desk to talk about a new project. He came up to my monitor so we can go to a website. My browser had frozen and I couldn't close it. The tabs I had open: Facebook, Gmail, Careerbuilder, Monster, and Resume Samples. FML

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By whirlednews - 23/4/2012 02:01 - United States

Today, I'm at home sick and someone is moving into the apartment above ours. Judging by the sounds and level of noise, they seem to be opening some sort of woodworking shop. FML

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By to_complicated_4_u - 4/5/2015 16:28 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got screamed at to the point of tears by a Starbucks employee for "giving an obviously fake name" to confuse one of the employees. I told her my real name. My name is Ian. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2020 14:00

Sharing is caring

Today, nine months after changing my entire life when my father had a stroke and I became his carer full time, I called my sister to talk about some his irrational behavior. All I got in response was, "I just watched a sad movie, I can't deal with this right now." FML

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By cmondude - 18/9/2018 15:30

Today, I was finally cast in my high school play. As Violet. The gum chewer who turns into a blueberry. Does my instructor not know I'm a guy? FML

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By botheredgf - 9/11/2010 12:02 - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend drunkenly decided to let his friends cut his hair into a mullet. He won't change it. I'm supposed to introduce him to my family. FML

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By DumbLackofLuck - 22/12/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, I waited until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. Today, I also discovered that my bank account has been frozen due to suspicious activity. FML

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Top comments

By lorrain_fml | 0

#138997 - Friday 24 April 2009 9:50

hahaha! cute none the less!

I would make out with you for trying! =D

By Serial | 2

#139020 - Friday 24 April 2009 10:06

yeah no biggie, unless you threw her down an escalator or something

Comments

By lorrain_fml | 0

#138997 - Friday 24 April 2009 9:50

hahaha! cute none the less!

I would make out with you for trying! =D

mwbddh2 | 0

#523721 - Saturday 29 August 2009 9:10

SECOND!!!! This is not a FML you piece of shit.

xenomorph | 0

#612458 - Friday 9 October 2009 22:47

So much FAIL . . . your comment is clearly marked as #80. And the OP . . . just an epic fail. FYL though.

whatthefuckcunt | 0

#806886 - Friday 29 January 2010 10:13

yeah fuck you mwbddh2. it's sad that you need attention that badly.
go get a puppy, it will love you no matter how big of a douche you are.

nirvanafan980 | 0

#1368473 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 7:35

lol that's funny.

By ba11in | 0

#139003 - Friday 24 April 2009 9:51

Hahaha! so romantic

By acow | 0

#139007 - Friday 24 April 2009 9:54

Guess you learned a little something about gravity.

By Jaywin | 3

#139008 - Friday 24 April 2009 9:54

I guess you weren't working out that year you were studying abroad.

By girmonkey | 0

#139014 - Friday 24 April 2009 9:59

That's still sooooooooooo cute. As long as no bones were broken, I'm sure you'll look back on this and giggle together. At least you bother trying to do something sweet! That doesn't need to be an FML. We all screw up sometimes.

By Serial | 2

#139020 - Friday 24 April 2009 10:06

yeah no biggie, unless you threw her down an escalator or something

By deplorableworld | 0

#139023 - Friday 24 April 2009 10:09

Let's hope your brain is better than your braun.

By kitz | 0

#139031 - Friday 24 April 2009 10:15

Coooooooooooot XD
and lol at #6

By survivalism | 0

#139032 - Friday 24 April 2009 10:15

You studied a broad for a year? Did the broad know you were studying her?

igoteffed | 0

#2188839 - Wednesday 16 March 2011 11:45

fail pun

Caitycandid | 2

#3321115 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 7:39

I got a laugh out of it! :)

By AntiChrist7 | 0

#139053 - Friday 24 April 2009 10:45

that's why it are movies, it isn't real. YDI