Miscellaneous: Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my...

By Tyler_Padgett - 24/05/2009 23:52 - United States

Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my Grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box,"Face this side toward crowd for best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on it's side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 946

You deserved it 58 986

Miscellaneous

Age difference

Triage

I don't need to see this

Waxing pubical

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was waxing my legs and somehow dropped an enormous dollop of hot wax on my naked crotch. I refused to yank it off, but still had to cut it off with scissors. So now I have a huge patch of pubic hair way shorter than the rest of it. It looks a right mess FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 932

By raquelcita - 26/08/2016 06:05 - United States - Winter Park

Today, I went to my boss with concerns that my manager is dumping her responsibilities on me. He agreed and told me to just do whatever she wants. She gets paid twice as much as me to talk on her cellphone all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 590

You deserved it 1 006

By hairy - 08/03/2012 14:30 - Serbia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently my nose hair scares him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 468

You deserved it 13 774

Hair of the dog

By shartface12 - 06/06/2014 22:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 938

You deserved it 43 519

By M.A. - 25/02/2014 05:22 - United States - Prescott

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. This poses a problem, because her mother is my boss, and we work in an office on the first story of their apartment. Tomorrow I have to decide whether to quit my awesome and only job, or go to work for my now ex's mother in their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 039

You deserved it 5 517

By mocass’1 - 13/10/2008 08:19 - France

Today, in class, I was sitting next to the guy that I fancy. Shyly, I write our initials (L and A) into a heart on his hand to see his reaction. He said, "I love Los Angeles too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 525

You deserved it 43 768

By Broguy - 06/07/2011 02:20 - Canada

Today, I called my phone company to get some answers about my phone bill. I was okay with being put on hold. In fact, I was on hold for so long, that the music stopped playing. When someone finally answered they told me to call back tomorrow. All my phones disconnected an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 088

You deserved it 2 924

Let me stay!

By Anonymous - 17/11/2021 23:00

Today, I quit my job, mainly because I didn't work enough hours and thus, earn enough money. In the past, they said there isn't any other paid work they could provide. They've now added different tasks, more money, and more hours to the position. I'm helping to find a replacement for a job I would otherwise apply to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 123

By dreadedmafia86 - 12/03/2010 00:22 - United States

Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 578

You deserved it 2 438

Sounds like a keeper, actually

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 17:30 - United States - Chicago

Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head back down and told me to keep going until he comes back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 1 190

Any excuse

By GonnnaBBroke - 04/06/2021 22:01

Today, I lived at home rent free, until now. According to my mother, I receive "too many packages" from online shopping, and now I need to "chip in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 1 686

Party animal

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 16:58

Today, I got this beautiful girl's number at a bar. After the night was over, I was pretty drunk and sent too many drunk Snapchats. When I'd sobered up, I deleted them. She asked why I deleted them, so I said because I was drunk and didn't remember what I sent. She hasn't messaged me back since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 1 130

By Anonymous - 24/02/2010 03:41 - United States

Today, I was chatting with a cute guy on Omegle. He seemed really friendly and interested after I had showed him a picture of me. When I mentioned that I play music, he seemed even more interested, so I gave him the link to my music Myspace. I waited patiently. He disconnected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 564

You deserved it 26 021

Parenting fail

By Anonymous - 21/01/2020 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee. When I went back, my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, God knows where, since I don't own a permanent marker. She'd then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs and as an added bonus the TV screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 498

Follow the instructions

By mala_19 - 18/03/2020 20:14 - Sweden - Skellefte?

Today, I used a menstrual cup for the first time. When I took it out, a big chunk of dog hair came with it. I think I'm too grossed out to ever use it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 409

By space_cadet90818 - 08/03/2010 00:16 - United States

Today, I woke up with one of the worst migraines I've had in months. My mother (who thinks I'm a hypochondriac) began to scream at me about "making up an illness". When I asked for my meds, she called me an addict and dumped my $300 prescription down the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 453

You deserved it 2 913

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, I was giving myself a breast exam for lumps. I heard laughing, looked around and saw that the 12 year-old neighbor and his friends were watching through the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 996

You deserved it 12 460

By dragynfyre - 06/03/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 817

You deserved it 2 118

By BigHelp - 08/07/2015 00:52 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my new antidepressants finally kicked in. I switched to them to try to control my anxiety. Turns out that the most common side effect, funnily enough, is nervousness. Guess I should've done more research. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 957

You deserved it 4 470

By schmoodles - 07/05/2009 00:20 - United States

Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 760

You deserved it 70 804

By Anonymous - 28/06/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I left my brand new iPod Touch outside. There had been a drought for the past 3 weeks. Not anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 662

You deserved it 67 811

By godzilllla - 08/08/2015 01:59 - United States - Bothell

Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 294

You deserved it 11 685

Instagone

By Anonymous - 02/01/2018 22:00 - United States - Lyons

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost four years was breaking up with me when she captioned an Instagram post saying, "Who else besides me is going into 2018 single?" I had already bought an engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 219

You deserved it 320

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 13:17 - United States

Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice and we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 591

You deserved it 3 675

By NotThatButton - 11/09/2015 01:59 - United States - Missoula

Today, I accidentally deleted my landlord's pictures of his child's graduation, girlfriend, daughter and vacation when he asked me to delete a video off his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 402

You deserved it 21 458

By Bandking - 17/03/2014 21:48 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 108

You deserved it 5 458

By frustrated - 13/01/2013 06:39 - United States - Miami

Today, while reading an erotic story I was more excited that the author used a conjunctive adverb than the sexual content in the story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 569

You deserved it 12 431

By altocrm - 24/10/2010 04:11 - France

Today, my girlfriend came over to me, like she was going to kiss me, and instead rubbed her chin all over my face, exclaiming, "Can you feel my beard coming in?" Yes, yes I could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 261

You deserved it 4 217

By :/ - 03/12/2012 01:57 - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 034

You deserved it 3 268

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 09:42 - United States

Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc... and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personallities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 892

You deserved it 10 340

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 00:43 - Australia - Fairfield

Today, I arrived 10 minutes early to my orthodontist's office to get my braces off. It turns out my appointment was actually one hour earlier, and now the next available appointment is in four weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 543

You deserved it 8 159

By gottapee - 26/04/2011 23:11 - United States

Today, I stepped outdoors for a minute. The wind blew the door shut, locking me outside. I've spent the last two hours pounding frantically on the windows, trying to wake my 4 year old son who is inside. I can see him sleeping soundly on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 624

You deserved it 6 000

By Anonymous - 29/02/2012 16:52 - United States

Today, I rescued a cactus from a lethal fall. It thanked me with a handful of spines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 373

You deserved it 32 909

By shayes9 - 22/07/2009 22:15 - United States

Today, the boss returned from vacation. While he was gone we thought it would be a great idea to fill the water cooler with margaritas. Even after rinsing it we still have lime flavored water. Needless to say we got a company memo about appropriate office behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 756

You deserved it 53 233

By Anonymous - 19/06/2015 19:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 875

You deserved it 3 726

Dumbest Ultimatum Ever

By NeverGonnaHappen - 19/05/2019 12:30

Today, my boyfriend told me I had to get rid of my cats, or he would leave. He punched a hole in my wall when I told him I chose the cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 357

You deserved it 391

By Anonymous - 30/04/2016 06:20 - Australia

Today, I briefly had the coolest boss in the world. He stormed over to a nasty customer who was giving me hell, and he absolutely laid into her. It lasted about 10 seconds before he collapsed from a major heart attack. A coworker's already blamed me for not pacifying the customer in the first place and causing all this to happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 594

You deserved it 975

Outcast

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while looking through the newspaper, I saw that my sister got married a couple weeks ago. Not only did she not invite me, she "forgot" to mention it yesterday while we were having lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 71

By ouch - 17/09/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, our electric horse fence broke. I turned it off so I could fix it. As I was grabbing the fence, my brother thought it would be hilarious to turn the fence back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 099

You deserved it 3 422

By Diana - 05/07/2018 01:30

Today, I gave birth to my first son. He was 11 pounds and the labour lasted 22 hours. My husband was absent for 8 of those hours because he slipped when my water broke, cracked his head, and ended up in the ER next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 778

You deserved it 352

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

shaPOW 0

Send a private message

Monday 25 May 2009 9:04

the way this is written is misleading, like you read that you were supposed to turn that side toward the audience but you turned it on its side anyway. i hope no one got hurt.

NGM_KID 0

Send a private message

Monday 25 May 2009 9:18

Don't lie, we all know you secretly plotted this so you could kill them.....too bad your plan backfired :P

LJtheGreat 0

Send a private message

Monday 25 May 2009 9:00

Lol that's awesome. Any deaths?

skullbashd 3

Send a private message

Wednesday 24 March 2010 4:01

WTF is wrong with you…

missmontreal97 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 September 2010 2:56

seriously dude. not awesome. but did anyone get hurt ? hope not

Cjw1220 0

Send a private message

Friday 8 October 2010 2:49

It's hilarious, actually, but only if it wasn't you. This site was built based upon the concept of laughing about others misery.

TheWazBe 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 March 2011 17:25

this reminds me when we light 27 tube fireworks at once and the all blow up on the ground and blow a hole in my grandpa building.

renthead88 0

Send a private message

Monday 25 May 2009 9:00

lol

jazziue 0

Send a private message

Saturday 20 February 2010 22:46

 LMAO

DisturbedDriver 0

Send a private message

Monday 25 May 2009 9:01

Happy Birthday.

summerguy97 16

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 July 2013 17:22

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADAFAKA!!!!

doleofbob 0

Send a private message

Monday 25 May 2009 9:01

you're retarded

shaPOW 0

Send a private message

Monday 25 May 2009 9:04

the way this is written is misleading, like you read that you were supposed to turn that side toward the audience but you turned it on its side anyway. i hope no one got hurt.

elspicytaco 0

Send a private message

Monday 25 May 2009 9:05

you fail xD how can you read the instruction sideways and not notice it? o_O

Fragnox 0

Send a private message

Monday 25 May 2009 9:09

Wow, nice job...hope no one got hurt.

madam_mayham 0

Send a private message

Monday 25 May 2009 9:10

fireworks are so dangerous, I'm like the only person in the world who can't stand them unless they're professionally done.

conversesk8er 0

Send a private message

Friday 6 August 2010 3:52

me too hope no one got hurt

redbluegreen 40

Send a private message

Monday 25 May 2009 9:17

I've made mistakes before with fireworks. They're incredibly dangerous. That's why you triple check the instructions, and think, hmm, if I light this here, it will come out...here. Hope nobody got hurt.