first?

Yes, you're first. Now GTFO.

Ouch...that really sucks. I'm sorry, but maybe this will give you a chance to get a better job! Look on the bright side

GTFO? get the fuck out.
I prefer GTL. gym tan laundry.

10 is a jersey shore wannabe

you guise omg you guise don't even know where trolling originated from omg you guise

'Guise?' WTF?

right 59? WTF is guise?? stupid bitch smh

"Smh"? What is that, suck my hanky?

Dude it is obvious, the brilliant poster is implying we are different "guises" for a single poster. Shit, it is over.

If you can't do the job you're worthless so why shouldn't you be fired? If the kid had drowned what would you tell the parents? Sorry I'm so out of shape I got a Charlie horse jumping into the water--won't happen again ok? YDI Get a job you're qualified for like cleaning restrooms at McDonalds.

the parents deserve it for not watching their kid!

#79 YAY to your profile pic!!

59 and 65 it means guys and 73 smh means shaking my head

Very good point! If the parents were watching, the OP may have been better able to help the child.

79 boo profile pic

don't sweat it bro. you'll find a even crappier job. no doubt about it

77 your leg can cramp up from too much recent exercise. I was lifeguarding after soccer practice once and I jumped in at the end of my shift to cool off and my calf cramped up like crazy

...not a jersey shore wannabe it was sarcasm my child.

my sisters dad is named charlie horse 

that is shit. natural sercumstancs shouldn't get you fired

Sweet I'm first! But I'm number 9....how the hell did that happen?

omg all you guise are dumb if you dunno what guise means omg you guise

#43, omg. you look just like my ex :)

That's unfair. Obviously you were making an attempt to save the child. People suck.

agreed :| that really sux

Are you kidding me? It's a major safety issue. If OP didn't either:
a) prepare for work by stretching to prevent cramps [knowing that the job requires sitting for long periods of time], or
b) keep moving through the pain until after rescuing a child,
then OP should not be a lifeguard.

I agree. That was a suckass "attempt". In times of emergency like that, you wouldn't want YOUR child to drown simply because a lifeguard charlie horsed. It's a life or death situation.

at least no one would be drownimg no more!

i agree with 44

thanx for understanding 45

no problem 45

so were are you from?

los angeles and you?

omg me too!

im gonna get banned for this fml :(

Dare to dream, Allen.

r they the same Allen?

Wow, Allen20. If you're going to start talking to yourself on fml, you might as well be "clever" about it and create a more unique name. But then again, anyone who'd even consider starting an online conversation with themselves is already clearly stupid, so either way, you fail.

63 fails

#67, you fail for saying "more unique".

lol 67 u fail look at the names u dumb sh¡t one of the names is allen20 nd the other is allen2020 get ur facts rite before u start payin peeple out bitch

No shit sherlock.

lol I thought it was just one Allen talking to themself

69: What the hell would have them say? "Uniquer"?

you will never know...

104: 69 is saying you don't need to qualify the word "unique." I was inclined to agree when I read that until I thought about the word "rare." So why not qualify "unique" that way?

unique and rare mean different things. With unique, you're either unique or you're not. You can't be "more" unique or "less" unique. With rarity you can. There are degrees of rarity. eg. If Animal A has 5000 left in the wild that's rare, but if Animal B has 600 left in the wild that's rarer.

"attempt" doesn't save a life! You are damn lucky that old woman was there, or you would have had to of lived the rest of your life knowing a child died because you got a fucking cramp. Then it would have been a REALLY fucked up FML.

pwned by an old lady...ouch XD

That happened to me twice last week

You're a terrible life guard and should be fired, too.

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

I'm pretty sure she was giving her statement a dose of sarcasm

Yeah, some people never even learn how to swim.

wow i see sarcasm is lost on you ppl...

mama they're probs all Americans. all the comments b4 me fail

12 got it... I'll try to be more straight forward with you Ignorance...Stop Trolling, you're annoying. kthxbai :)

I caught the sarcasm, Aushat.

21, what does being American have to do with anything?

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Charlie+horse

moron

21 wtf are you talking about? retarded anti-American is retarded

To everyone wondering about #21 (Jesta05):

I'm assuming #21 is either European or has some type of affiliation with its culture. Why? Because in most of Europe, it's "common knowledge" that Americans don't understand the concept of sarcasm.

Oh, Europeans ... your collective "common knowledge" makes for QUITE the intelligent conversation.

for some reason, I read posts 8 & 11 in a sarcastic manner. I sensed a little hint of sarcasm in 8 & 11's posts... The ha & TSK sounded a bit sarcastic... they were probably being sarcastic based on your sarcasm...
Or they are that ignorant...

@95:
Why yes I did; glad you noticed! :D

However, I'm a little disappointed in you. For all you analysis, you've failed to realize that my role in this is simply that of a proxy since neither generalizations are that of my own. In fact, BOTH generalizations are products of Europe. No? Not so? Shenanigans?! Australia doesn't have any sort of connection to the UK, you say? Because I'm pretty sure that, though "independent," Australia is still under British rule, and therefore has a DIRECT connection to Europe. Wait a minute ... didn't I say something like that earlier? Allow me to quote myself. "I'm assuming #21 is either European or has SOME TYPE OF AFFILIATION WITH ITS CULTURE."

With that said, knowing that he's in Australia doesn't equate to knowing he's always been there. Nice try, 95, but trying and achieving are two different things.

you know what, even if that is a joke or sarcasm, its stupid, not everyone is stupid americans or europeans. I beleive if a person is stupid its from who they were born not where!

okay you're not an idiot, i see that. but omfg ... ... ... please PLEEEEAAASE read my post again and tell me that you can see the point i'm trying to make. no joke, please read it again.

chalie horse?

It's like a really bad leg cramp.

When I get them my leg hurts like hell, it's almost like breaking your leg. And sometimes even after you eat the pain and stretch your leg out it'll still hurt a few days.

nothing compared to breaking your leg. the intense pain only lasts less than a minute

also a lifeguard or any emergency staff should "wall thru it" during a real emergency, like a toddler drowning

The lifeguard was not risking further injury by not going on with the rescue. They were already in the water, which is not deep (assuming toddlers don't swim in the diving well), and were experiencing pain, not danger. They should indeed have just sucked it up and gotten the kid. If you're entrusted with the safety of others, you need to put their needs first. Unless the lifeguard was knocked out cold, they should have been saving the kid. At least somebody did.

What is a Charlie Horse?

Bravo, Mr. Moderator!~

what is smart ass?

what is ... going on here?

What is- COMBO BREAKER

71 wow i am astounded with your stupidity, you are merely trying to weasel your way out of a situation, also it is true tha fact that your fighting fire with fire. this is wrong. obviously americans are not bad or stupid but neither is europe so suck it up. im a brit and ive never thougjt that americans or europeans are stupid or retarded for your information

@115:
all right listen here blind-eye mcgee, first off you've chained the wrong post, which means your opinion is now worthless since it has no relevance. i believe that's called a FAIL on your part.

second of all, and for the sake of ending this argument, let's pretend your post #115 wasn't misplaced. now what? well, your post would still be wrong, seeing as how i'm not cowering from anything. i believe that too is called a FAIL on your part.

and finally, i agree with your post #114. there! I F*CKING SAID IT! why do i say it so bluntly? because you apparently couldn't tell that my post #70 was using sarcasm to make the exact same point as your post #114! and yes, not EVERY brit thinks americans don't understand sarcasm, but enough of them do that it's practically become a stereotype there. or in other words, a GENERALIZATION. no? bullshit. as genuinely welcoming as your people are, countless are just as genuinely confused to see us laugh at or deal out sarcasm. i regret not ever having the chance to meet you ... someone who wouldn't have made that presumption. it probably would have been fun hanging out with you ... assuming you're as sarcastic as i am.

You are an idiot for typing all of that shit that most people probably didn't finish reading.

@119:
no way! really?! awwww ... maybe i should have specifically addressed it to post #115. oh wait ... i did! you bright, flaming failure.

p.s.
you're an idiot for not simply posting "tl;dr"

I wonder how old she was

whats a charlie horse? i dont get it

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Charlie+horse

Perez Hilton is a related search of "FMyLife" on Bing.

Just curious, why do you like Bing (other than for image searches)? I'm not very familiar with it.

Haha, I like Freeze's answer.

FYI Facebook search uses Bing.

lol @ 49

Microsoft the epitome of good?

L
O
L

bad troll is bad

I don't think you should use sarcasm in text.. because
1. you'll be misunderstood
2. you'll look like an idiot
and 3. sarcasm is for losers :P