Today, I was late to work and couldn't get my gas tank open.... - FML

By unfortunate - 9/6/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, I was late to work and couldn't get my gas tank open. Panicking, I asked the only person around to help me who happened to be a very large man. He was able to open it for me and seemed really nice. That is until he pulled out a knife and robbed me. FML

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Ambien conversations are the worst

Creepy

Thanks, I'm cured!

By Mark - 13/8/2009 22:30 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to approach a girl. I've never done anything like this before. She stared me down, not saying a word, until I felt so little that I just walked away. FML

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By Loveandpoetry - 31/5/2011 21:12

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a poem, and left it on the bed with a rose for him to see after work. When I came home later, I noticed the flower in the trash, and the poem had been used as gum wrapper. FML

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By knowtoomuch - 22/5/2013 00:10 - United States - Aurora

Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English. As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions. I now know everything about my mom's sex life. FML

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By ohiochibi - 3/12/2009 19:34 - United States

Today, I posted a note on Facebook about a weird dream I had about my ex-boyfriend, where I made out with him, then it transitioned into a vampires vs. werewolves battle. My ex private messages me and says there's a better chance of a vampires vs. werewolves battle than us ever making out again. FML

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By nick92 - 15/10/2010 16:40 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend's family approves of me, not because I'm friendly and intelligent, but because I'm an adequate addition to their gene pool. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2010 14:04 - Denmark

Today, someone whistled, so I turned around. The guy behind me then said: "Did you seriously think that it was meant for you?" FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I was driving home from work with the window down. I felt what I thought was rain coming through the window, until I looked over and realized it was urine mist coming from the cattle truck next to me. FML

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By anonymous - 2/11/2016 04:18

Today, it was the first day of my new job. It was also the last day of my new job. I got a call immediately after finishing my shift to be told the company has "decided to go in a different direction" and will no longer be needing my services. FML

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By dumbass - 15/12/2010 03:00 - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. I hit my own parked car while trying to drive my mother's car into the garage. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2011 00:45 - United States

Today, I was riding in my friend's car. We passed by a group of cute guys standing by the curb with their skateboards so we slowed down to whistle at them. We then noticed the ambulance taking their friend away on a stretcher. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2011 10:48 - Canada

Today, I went to get a tattoo of my girlfriend's name to surprise her. Halfway through the tattooing, she called and broke up with me. FML

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By first time at McDonald's in months... - 27/3/2013 05:04 - United States

Today, I was at McDonald's. As I left the counter with the food, I heard the cashier mutter, "Fat ass." I turned around and demanded to see the manager. Once he came and heard the situation, he looked at me and said, "Well, it's not like he's wrong, right?" FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 22:00 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML

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By AKN - 29/1/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my friend sent me the link to this website with a message that said, "You'll feel at home." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2017 07:00 - United States - Carlisle

Today, I came home early from work and found my brother in my bed with a girl I've never met. Apparently he's been using my house to hook up with girls while I'm gone. FML

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By tracie - 22/9/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, I took my dogs to an empty park. While they were running around, I laid down in the grass to read a book. Someone thought I was a dead body and called the cops. The police and paramedics showed up. This is the second time it's happened. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2010 23:02 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My parents got me a box of cupcakes. My brother got me a deck of cards. My aunt got me a brochure on how to quit smoking. I have diabetes, I don't play cards, and I don't smoke. FML

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By great. - 2/1/2013 18:59

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

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By Sigh - 13/9/2009 12:42 - Australia

Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2013 11:42 - United States

Today, while at a concert, I stepped into a restroom to use my nasal spray since my allergies were acting up. Apparently, someone thought that I had been snorting coke in the stall. I was escorted outside and had to wait for the cops until I could explain everything. I missed the headliner. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2012 15:14 - United States

Today, I was given a bottle of vitamins that are supposed to help your memory. I forgot them at home. FML

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By Tabeling101 - 12/12/2016 01:51

Today, I was in Walmart on a motorized cart and got stuck on a clothing rack next to a super hot guy. Panicking, I said "I just had surgery, I'm a new driver." After failing to get myself unstuck he had to pull the clothes rack and I apart. FML

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By Laundrylady - 18/8/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, I was at the laundromat doing my clothes when I noticed a cute guy next to me. I tried to be a ninja and sneak my sock into his basket so I could start a conversation with him. He saw me. FML

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By soccerbuddyz - 3/8/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 14:29 - United States - Worcester

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire power point based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

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By demaris - 30/10/2010 23:46 - Canada

Today, I was following a makeup tutorial on YouTube. The girl said to apply concealer to any "problem areas" on my face. When I was done, 90% of my face was covered in concealer. FML

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By colorfulgina - 12/12/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, I dropped my pencil in Bio and I leaned over to attempt to pick it up. Next thing you know it I tipped the desk over and I crashed onto my crush's lap with my face in his crotch. FML

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By MandyPanda - 25/5/2009 14:24 - United States

Today, I went to a theme party where everyone wore white shirts and brought markers to draw on them. I didn't know many people there but I still went around drawing on people's shirts. After a few hours, someone finally drew on my shirt. They wrote "I'm scary." FML

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By ZAS - 22/8/2012 16:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while I was shopping at a store with my friend, I noticed a cute girl smiling at us. My friend said "She's all yours," and walked away. When I approached her, she asked me if my friend was single. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2020 07:01 - United Kingdom

Landlords are social parasites

Today, in the middle of a pandemic, which has made it impossible for me to get a job for the last 4 months, my landlord has decided the one thing I need is a rental increase. FML

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By yermom - 13/12/2010 07:41 - United States

Today, I was entertaining people during an extra curricular school function in order to help "brighten people's spirits in their time of need". After it was all over, I found out that my phone had been stolen. FML

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By Yeppets - 28/5/2014 04:13 - United States - Roscoe

Today, I got called "un-American" when I said I didn't care about Kim and Kayne's wedding. FML

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By ambushcat - 6/7/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

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By TowelSmellsNice - 16/4/2010 12:34 - Malaysia

Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML

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By tiredofcrazy - 18/3/2014 09:14 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 04:00 - United Kingdom - Nuneaton

Today, I found out that my fiancé's sister, who only got engaged a couple of months ago, is getting married before us. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she wasn't planning her wedding to be exactly like ours will be. FML

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By Nomoretexting - 1/11/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I received a 4 page text message from my mom explaining what she was going to do to me tonight in full detail. I am one name below her boyfriend on her contact list. FML

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By Maju - 31/10/2019 04:00 - Netherlands

Dumb, but relatable

Today, I hit my toe against a table. Out of frustration, I kicked the table and broke my little toe. FML

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By doblex - 20/12/2012 11:19 - United States

Today, my house was broken into. The cop that came turned out to be a guy I fought over a girl with in high school. He sneered and said that everything appeared to be in order, and that I probably ransacked my own house. FML

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By Where is the faith in Humanity - 7/11/2013 23:08 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

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Top comments

By Glam_fml | 0

#289053 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 10:17

That really sucks. What is this world coming to?

And to everyone calling BS, the man probably wasn't planning on robbing the OP, but decided last second that it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. I am really getting sick of seeing "fake!" on every single FML. This site is for your enjoyment, not to sit there and judge every FMLs plausability. It does not make you cool, and it makes the site less fun.

By HanMan | 0

#288983 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 9:50

Ohhh shi-!

Aren't there camera's? Where was everyone else that was around?

COMMENTS

By HanMan | 0

#288983 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 9:50

Ohhh shi-!

Aren't there camera's? Where was everyone else that was around?

Reply

Metzler31 | 17

#867397 - Thursday 18 February 2010 2:56

damn... but do you really thnm anybody would interfere with a big man with a knife? I sure as hell wouldn't...

Reply

mars112 | 0

#1579774 - Thursday 21 October 2010 4:55

I don't think he was walking around bragging about the knife in his pocket.

Reply

silentbutfunny | 0

#3806685 - Friday 30 December 2011 7:30

I dont think he would rob somebody with a knife at a gas station....

By heathkimbrell | 0

#288984 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 9:51

That sucks

By elmarcelop | 0

#288986 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 9:51

hahaha that sucks man...

By gingermonster16 | 0

#288990 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 9:53

Well, shiiiit. That sucks. Big guy was probably starving.

By reset_button | 0

#288995 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 9:57

I guess you didn't have any money left for gas anyway

By truslide | 0

#289001 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 9:58

BS

By spillproof | 0

#289007 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 9:59

Now you have an excuse for being late :). No, really that does suck.

By too_much_fun | 0

#289011 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 10:01

Something this dangerous happens to you and you casually post it on FML? I'd say this is more than a mere embarrassing story. Thats scary!!

By slutsstud | 0

#289019 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 10:04

well see... who said little profiling doesn't help?

I aint no racist but u oughta use ur common sense sometimes man.

Peace out!

Reply

satanisthesavior | 21

#2103278 - Sunday 20 February 2011 15:39

The FML didnt say anything about whether the man was black, white, mexican etc. You can't racially profile someone if you don't know their race, dumbass...

And if you meant cause he was big, big people are not a separate race.

By um_duh | 0

#289025 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 10:06

Ummmm.... I call bullshit on this one. Why would someone who was going to rob you help you first?

It doesn't make sense and if it doesn't make sense it's usually bullshit