Today, I was late to work and couldn't get my gas tank open.... - FML

By unfortunate - 9/6/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, I was late to work and couldn't get my gas tank open. Panicking, I asked the only person around to help me who happened to be a very large man. He was able to open it for me and seemed really nice. That is until he pulled out a knife and robbed me. FML

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Instadrama

Who's a good boy?

British Broadcasting Corporation

By Anonymous - 7/5/2009 19:11 - Italy

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2014 17:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

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By kodijack - 25/1/2010 18:13 - United States

Today, I got stuck behind a guy riding his bike 20 mph below the speed limit. I honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled, before finally managing to overtake him. Once I got home, I went outside to get the paper, and discovered that the biker lives just two doors down from me. FML

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By stillshakinggd - 28/11/2012 21:16 - United States

Today, I was mugged at gunpoint by a senior citizen. She now has a lousy $20, and I probably have PTSD. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2015 09:08 - Maldives - Male

Today, I overheard my wife telling my mother-in-law I was diagnosed with a learning disability earlier this week. She replied, "I always knew he was a retard. Why did you ever marry that idiot?" All my wife did was mutter "I don't know." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2013 20:33 - United States

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

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By Moimoi78 - 1/2/2017 05:00 - Australia - Eatons Hill

What? It's just helpful advice because we know better.

Today, I introduced the concept of 'mansplaining' to my husband. Ever since, he's been deliberately mansplaining every single thing to me. All. The. Time. FML

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By kl - 26/10/2009 06:15 - Canada

Today, after waiting a couple weeks, I finally slept with this guy I really like. It went like this: 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, done. FML

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By Smart - 16/9/2011 14:42 - United States

Today, while teaching my high school class about astronomy, I showed them a picture of earth from space. One girl raised her hand, and asked me what the "white things" were. In other words, clouds. FML

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By Betsydoll - 29/3/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, after a tiff with my boyfriend, I said to him, "You could at least PRETEND to love me sometimes." He responded with, "I do pretend to love you!" FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we were eating supper soon so I could take a nap. She said "no" so I went into my room and fell asleep. When I woke up, everybody was gone. My entire family of 6 went to Olive Garden while I was sleeping. FML

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By panther of the desert - 2/5/2012 21:58 - Puerto Rico - Rio Grande

Today, I was to have an important phone interview for a job. I got a call and everything went perfectly, and they said I was hired. Later, I found out that one of my "friends" had gotten one of his buddies to prank call me and make sure the line was engaged when the real interviewer called. FML

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By Elizabeth Ann - 2/5/2019 14:00

Today, I was at work for almost two hours today before realizing I had marinara sauce on my face. My coworkers didn’t say anything because I’m really clumsy and they figured it was blood, and therefore not unusual. FML

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By CaddyWhack - 18/11/2016 20:57

Today, after a couple of months of enjoying an informal parking arrangement with a local bank, I found out they sold their extra lot without telling me. The new owner's towing company heard about the deal, though. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2011 15:37 - United States

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea for me to talk with a British accent during my job interview to make me sound smarter. I'm applying for a job at McDonald's. FML

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By notmysistersbf - 20/4/2015 02:39 - Canada - Summerland

Today, my mom called my workplace and told my boss to make sure I wear a hat so I didn't get heatstroke like I did on my last shift. I'm 25. FML

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By And you think I'M crazy? - 22/4/2013 05:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument. Naturally, I drove over to my best friend's house for comfort. My boyfriend saw me driving past his house and promptly broke up with me for being "a psycho stalker." She lives across the street from him. FML

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By embarassed_chick - 24/8/2009 19:59 - United States

Today, I got my first period. My dad bought me a card and had everyone in my family sign it. FML

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By ForeverLost - 26/3/2020 20:21

Together, forever

Today, my wife asked me for a divorce, shortly after I found out she's been having an affair. Then our county placed us on quarantine for Covid-19. Now I'm stuck living with her until it goes away. FML

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By Taylor - 30/7/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend decided to sing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2011 22:06 - United States

Today, I went to my dad and new stepmom's house for the week. Upon arrival, I was handed mouthwash, deodorant, and lice shampoo. The guest bed I was told I'd be sleeping in was fitted with a plastic mattress cover. I don't have lice and I don't wet the bed. FML

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By curseyousuperman - 1/4/2015 16:20 - United States - Conway

Today, my self-esteem issues got me jealous of Superman's hair. FML

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By ciotter - 8/1/2011 08:57 - United States

Today, my cat sneezed directly into my open eyeball. FML

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By oh god. - 14/5/2014 23:16 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2015 20:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2016 07:58 - Bulgaria - Sofia

Today, my son finally got a job for the first time in his life. He only did it so he can upgrade his PC and buy Overwatch. He's 24. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2013 21:01 - Germany - M?hlhausen

Today, I found out why my boyfriend likes to do my hair and makeup for me. Far from it being some kind of fetish or hobby, it's because he thinks I do such a crappy job that feels he has to apply it himself so I don't "embarrass" him when we're out in public together. FML

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By kittykat033 - 8/3/2014 17:19 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I started at my new job. My manager, upon meeting me, hugged me and sniffed my neck, then commented that I smelled "natural" and told me how much he loves that. I have to work with this creep until god knows when. FML

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By epipen life - 10/3/2019 16:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML

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By nerd - 16/10/2009 15:08 - Singapore

Today, I was on cloud nine when the beautiful waitress I frequently ordered takeaways from told me she didn't need to take my name as she remembers me from before. When I got my food I saw the sales slip. On it she had written, "Cheeseburger - Fries - Coke - nerdy guy with bad haircut." FML

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By collegekidproblems - 30/6/2016 19:35 - United States

Today, I have put in many job applications and had many interviews for a variety of positions all of which I am highly qualified for. Today, I heard back from all but one that I am overqualified. Welcome to Walmart. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2012 04:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was reading erotic literature and noticed several errors in syntax, resulting in my mood being killed. I was cockblocked by my need for grammatical correctness. FML

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By drunkluv - 12/4/2011 02:58 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML

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By sochunky - 5/1/2016 22:23 - United Kingdom - Bromham

Today, someone had thrown up onto the last remaining seat on the train. Guess who accidentally sat in it. FML

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By andromeda80 - 28/3/2012 13:52 - United States - Lakewood

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

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By Yo mom - 27/12/2011 07:12 - United States

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

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By "Shadley Chase Teladia" - 21/11/2019 19:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Coincidence plays tricks on us!

Today, I finally got to meet the parents of the girl in which I have been dating for 3 months. I discovered that a month before we started dating, I had a one-night stand with her sister. And a week before that, I had a grinding session with her mother at a bar. No one is saying anything and her father is really bulky. FML

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By robbedonCTA - 22/9/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML

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By cleb - 22/3/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that the seeds of the Cherimoya fruit are toxic. I found out by eating the entire fruit, including all seeds. FML

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By SupermarketSally - 25/11/2016 13:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

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Top comments

By Glam_fml | 0

#289053 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 10:17

That really sucks. What is this world coming to?

And to everyone calling BS, the man probably wasn't planning on robbing the OP, but decided last second that it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. I am really getting sick of seeing "fake!" on every single FML. This site is for your enjoyment, not to sit there and judge every FMLs plausability. It does not make you cool, and it makes the site less fun.

By HanMan | 0

#288983 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 9:50

Ohhh shi-!

Aren't there camera's? Where was everyone else that was around?

Comments

By HanMan | 0

#288983 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 9:50

Ohhh shi-!

Aren't there camera's? Where was everyone else that was around?

Reply

Metzler31 | 17

#867397 - Thursday 18 February 2010 2:56

damn... but do you really thnm anybody would interfere with a big man with a knife? I sure as hell wouldn't...

Reply

mars112 | 0

#1579774 - Thursday 21 October 2010 4:55

I don't think he was walking around bragging about the knife in his pocket.

Reply

silentbutfunny | 0

#3806685 - Friday 30 December 2011 7:30

I dont think he would rob somebody with a knife at a gas station....

By heathkimbrell | 0

#288984 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 9:51

That sucks

By elmarcelop | 0

#288986 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 9:51

hahaha that sucks man...

By gingermonster16 | 0

#288990 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 9:53

Well, shiiiit. That sucks. Big guy was probably starving.

By reset_button | 0

#288995 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 9:57

I guess you didn't have any money left for gas anyway

By truslide | 0

#289001 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 9:58

BS

By spillproof | 0

#289007 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 9:59

Now you have an excuse for being late :). No, really that does suck.

By too_much_fun | 0

#289011 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 10:01

Something this dangerous happens to you and you casually post it on FML? I'd say this is more than a mere embarrassing story. Thats scary!!

By slutsstud | 0

#289019 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 10:04

well see... who said little profiling doesn't help?

I aint no racist but u oughta use ur common sense sometimes man.

Peace out!

Reply

satanisthesavior | 21

#2103278 - Sunday 20 February 2011 15:39

The FML didnt say anything about whether the man was black, white, mexican etc. You can't racially profile someone if you don't know their race, dumbass...

And if you meant cause he was big, big people are not a separate race.

By um_duh | 0

#289025 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 10:06

Ummmm.... I call bullshit on this one. Why would someone who was going to rob you help you first?

It doesn't make sense and if it doesn't make sense it's usually bullshit