By jumpedjogger - 14/09/2011 08:34 - United States

Spicy
Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML
I agree, your life sucks 39 188
You deserved it 3 713

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Well if his wife wont have sex with him, maybe she'll do it with you! Give it a try :)

That's assault. Why dont you report him?

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I'm assuming it's because he's more attractive than you

OP must be fit while the neighbor is lazy and fat?

Kick his ass, seabass!

Today, and everyday, my wife won't have the sex with me because of my hot neighbor's jogging around the block. FML.

If you were Chuck Noris that wouldn't have happened

I guess the only option left is for you to satisfy his wife like she wants. That or call the police either one

You're a ginger, aren't you? Go on, admit it, you sly dog!

I would have went to his house when he's at work ;D

Well if his wife wont have sex with him, maybe she'll do it with you! Give it a try :)

genius!!

Opportunity

Winning!!

Yeah get back at him by banging his wife everyday.

Yes be an opportunist!

I was going to post that. Go bang his wife!

I would have went to his house when he's at work ;D

When opportunity kicks you in the stomach,.. Well you know.

That's cheating? Even if the guy is an asshole he doesn't deserve to get cheated on.

@184 the only decent person here! Thank you! No one deserves to be cheated on and OP would be even worse than the guy who kicked him if he banged the guys wife like a piece of shit

That's assault. Why dont you report him?

Agreed, tell the police

No such thing as assault in Georgia

If it's georgia, then it's probably his sister anyway.

OP didn't deserve to be battered, but his continuing fear is purely his own fault for not pursuing police involvement after being the victim of a crime.

aha I duno if it's just me but i prefer solving such small matters myself instead of relying on the authorities first.

60 - OP got attacked and kicked in the gut, and it appears this happened without him provoking things. How is that such a small matter?

i agree with 60. i would have beat his ass, you just look like a vagina calling the police.

#60, assault is not a small matter, its a serious matter. If the OP went back tomorrow and clotheslined and kicked the guy in the stomach, and that guy called the cops, the OP would be charged. Someone assaults me, they get to wear the metal wrist bracelets and pay to come back home. This ay they get what they deserve, and I do not have to go to jail either

isnt't the first amendment the right to sue. perfect for these things

Wow 78 you're a dumbass

I don't know what the fuck 78's talking about but in this situation I'd prefer the 2nd amendment, especially if it was the fat guy down the street from me who refuses to jog and has a hot wife and who's stupid dog never shuts up, and... whoops, maybe I'll post my own FML. or force him too...

Hey #78, unless you're Michele Bachmann I expect you to understand the constitution. The 1st amendment does not refer to right to sue, nor does any other amendment.

assault and battery in the usa. assault is only threatening, battery is touching. He is in georgia. the guy will be taken to jail and charged.

Looks like somebody (#78) failed U.S. History. D:

Or just kick his ass. It sounds like the OP is more fit than his neighbor, yet he ran away when some random dude kicked him? Is his neighbor Asian with crazy martial arts skills? Bc I'm really having trouble imagining how some dude kicked him in the stomach anyway Anyway, man up OP. Kick this dudes ass then fuck his wife. Not necessarily in that order.

snitch, handle him yourself with a 12 gauge mossberg 500

pussy, get a gun

Get back at him by fucking his wife :]

I like that. :)

Repeatedly....

Lol pretty girls always gets lots of thumbs up

Or maybe she just had a good comment...

She got a lot of thumbs up because she's a pretty girl talking about fucking... That's thumbs up all day long

Because your really fit from jogging all the time? Well I think the solution here is obvious. Sleep with his wife, make him angry and realize he needs to jog, like yourself, to gwt sexy so his wife will sleep with him. Then offer him a paid work out session and bam. You get sex, and money. All problems solved.

That's If he don't kill OP for fucking his wife, since just by jogging around OP gets a kick in the stomach.

That was supposed to be the joke. :( haha I obviously failed then :P

I agree with you sexy blonde

Don't worry I understood the joke :) some ppl just can't comprehend.

He could do all that without sleeping with his wife and getting slaughtered...

but where's the fun in that?!

That is the smartest thing I've ever heard anyone say. About anything.

That is the smartest thing I've heard anyone say...about anything.

You must not get out much.

Will you marry me?

I suspect the real reason the neighbors wife won't sleep with him is that she wants her husband to start exercising and get in shape. As far as being scared to leave the house you might consider going to the police. I think in many area he could be charged with assault.

Buy him some px90 workout videos and tell his wife to get off dick.

Off your*. Effing dammit.

#7 it's p90x lol, sorry I had to :)

He should do something bout himself instead of pushing the blame on you :) maybe he should have joined you for a jog instead.

Jog around his house in circles from now on. That'll show him.

You should've ran faster........and drop kicked him.