Today, I was in the gym, when i noticed three trainers who worked... - FML

By girlie - 4/3/2009 23:45 - United States

Today, I was in the gym, when i noticed three trainers who worked there staring at me. Thinking that they were checking me out, i turned the speed on the tread mill higher. Finally one of the trainers came over, and asked me to leave until i got a sports bra that actually worked. FML

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Double standards

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Fairytale ending

By ConnorFails - 12/5/2009 01:25 - United States

Today, I decided I didn't care about my pride, and so I asked this girl out in a text. After an hour of no response I asked again. Later I got a text saying, "I'm sorry, This is Emily's mom. Emily isn't here at the moment, but if I were you, I wouldn't ask again." I was rejected by her mom. FML

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By frustrated - 17/5/2014 10:11 - United States - Forest Park

Today, I called the cops on a couple who was fighting outside my window at 4am. They hid in the bushes when the cops came, came back out when they left, and started fighting again. FML

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By jigglepuff - 9/2/2014 17:00 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

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By brokeforever - 18/3/2015 22:23 - Latvia - Riga

Today, I found out how much those tiny dogs cost when my German Shepherd ate one. FML

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By Abandoned - 9/3/2009 05:50 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

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By Tiana - 29/1/2012 02:34 - Canada

Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2011 14:05 - United Kingdom

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

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By chillyinside - 10/2/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, my furnace broke down, almost a month after its twenty year warranty expired. It would have been replaced for free. Now I'm going to have to take out a loan to afford the $4,000 replacement. FML

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By he’s just terrible at it! - 30/10/2018 03:00

Today, I had to finally accept that no amount of communication, directions, or diagrams will make my otherwise great boyfriend good at sex. When he's on top, he thrusts like the tin man with no oil. When I'm on top, he lays there like a sedated mattress. He refuses to try anything new. FML

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By jj159 - 25/2/2012 18:40 - United States

Today, I found out that the money my husband and I gave to my son for university courses, has instead been spent on pole dancing lessons. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 20:00 - United States - Framingham

Today, my fiancé pawned off my engagement ring so he could buy himself a PS4. FML

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By Space†Witch - 3/1/2019 04:00

Today, I'm working a photography gig for a very prominent metal band. The doorman asked me for my I.D, which I happily obliged. I am 27, however I look like I'm still in my mid to late teens. He will not let me in, even with my I.D, and the band that hired me won't answer their phones. FML

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By Master Debater - 1/2/2013 11:05 - Australia

Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML

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By Sua - 19/9/2013 06:15 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my English teacher handed back my creative story assignment with a 74% on it. Apparently, she docked 10% because I had an unrealistic, overly dramatic plot line. That plot line was based on my life. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2013 14:49 - United States - Clemmons

Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2019 12:00

Today, after almost a year of dating and getting dumped out of the blue, I found out my ex-girlfriend wants to get a restraining order against me. I guess dropping a box of her things on her porch after she wouldn't answer her phone is considered stalking. FML

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By reject - 21/1/2011 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, when taking a group picture with my closest friends, a passing parent congratulated us on getting into the same university for next year. She's wrong. They're all going to Cambridge, except for me. I was rejected. FML

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By Dee - 13/7/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I was at a party at the house of the guy I really like. We were talking when he pulled me into his room. I was excited he was finally taking our friendship to the next level, until he handed me a stick of deodorant, saying "I didn't wanna tell you in the hallway, but you really need this." FML

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By thesadone - 3/7/2010 06:49 - United States

Today, I realized that the best and most entertaining part of my 3 day mini vacation was realizing my nipples work on the touch screen of my iPhone. FML

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By Guy - 17/10/2015 18:23 - United States - O Fallon

Today, the man who fired me from my job became my stepfather. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2014 15:40 - United States

Today, I accidentally asked the cashier at Wendy's how much their 99 cent chicken nuggets were. I guess he is still laughing at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 02:46 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I woke up thinking my house was on fire because I could hear crackling flames downstairs. I panicked and tripped out of bed. It was the fireplace channel I left on last night so I could wake up to a Christmas ambiance. FML

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By leelee50 - 10/2/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, my on-and-off boyfriend of 8 years asked me to cheer him up. I told him that I'm in love with him. He said "Oh, I just wanted a blowjob." FML

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By chrono19 - 4/5/2014 10:11 - United States - Bremerton

Today, I got a birthday package from my parents. It was all the stuff I'd forgotten there when visiting a month ago, along with some other things I'd left behind when I moved out. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2015 05:12 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I thought I had carbon monoxide poisoning because I had the symptoms and my detector was going off. I called the fire dept, they checked me, they checked my apartment. My apartment is fine; I'm just out of shape, have high blood pressure, and don't know how to work simple electronics. FML

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By *sigh* - 8/12/2015 22:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I confronted my friend about the £260 he owes me. He got offended and said, "Friends don't have to pay back." He called me selfish and walked off. FML

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By not impressed - 9/10/2015 18:27 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2009 02:03 - United States

Today, my best friend and I performed a rap to our whole school. The rap was "made up" by our friend. After the performance, a lot of friends asked me why I did a rap from Hannah Montana. Apparently the rap was off of a show for 8 year olds. We are 17 and people think we watch Hannah Montana. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2012 01:37 - United States - Solon Springs

Today, a customer punched me in the face for repeating their order back to them because they thought I was making fun of their speech impediment. I have the same speech impediment. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2009 02:45 - United States

Today, while cleaning out a closet with my mother, I found a wish list from when I was five. On that list, I wished my parents would divorce. Not only did that seriously hurt my mom, but now she thinks I'm the devil because my wish came true. FML

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By Rosie J. - 10/11/2016 02:45 - United States - Leawood

Today, I saw an older gentleman running through my store. I wasn't sure why he was running towards the front door until I looked at the floor and saw a poop trail behind him. The trail went from the front of the store all the way to the back of the store. Guess who had to get the mop and bucket. FML

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By justafriend - 28/5/2017 00:00

Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2014 19:31 - United States - Round Rock

Today, my grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer. We're very close, and I called my boyfriend, really needing some support. I'd barely told him what had happened, when he replied, "Babe, I'm in the middle of a game here. Call me later." FML

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By misc - 8/6/2011 17:52 - Netherlands

Today, while in Holland, I lost the bag with my passport, debit and credit cards, license, and camera. I froze my accounts and filled out the paperwork for a new passport. My bag was found the second time I went to the police, with everything in it. Now my accounts are frozen for the 3 weeks I'm here. FML

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By embarassinggg - 6/2/2013 18:57 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my mum came to my ballet class. She spent the whole lesson sitting at the back yelling at me to "stop sticking your butt out". My ballet instructor had to ask her several times to pipe down. FML

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By kicking me while I'm LITERALLY down - 7/11/2017 05:00

Today, I was hit by a car while riding my bike, so I called my dad for help. He blamed me for the accident, said he wasn't sure what I wanted him to do, and suggested I call my mom instead. She isn't picking up. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2017 20:00

This is why we can't have nice things.

Today, my husband brought home a machete. In the process of showing me a trick he learned, he managed to slice a nice big hole in our brand new very expensive sectional. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2010 17:52 - United States

Today, I went to go meet my new upstairs neighbor, only to find out nobody actually moved in. The noises that have been coming from up there were made by rats. Lots of them. FML

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By Doc - 18/8/2018 13:30 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I'm facing malpractice charges for neglecting a patient and failing to treat an infection. The patient had severe maggot-infested gangrene in his foot with exposed metatarsals, but refused amputation and all treatment. The judge is moving forward with the charges. FML

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By ruserious - 7/8/2015 11:24 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I discovered my new step-dad has a rule about the shower. After three minutes, he turns the water off at the source. I had to beg him to turn it back on whilst covered in shampoo suds, and the only way I could get him to give me another minute was to forfeit my phone for the week. FML

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Top comments

By reki_fml | 0

#15890 - Thursday 5 March 2009 9:46

I saw that happened to a girl at my gym the other day - this wasn't at Richmond Recreation Centre, was it? If so, I thought you were actually pretty hot....

By Jimboom | 11

#15896 - Thursday 5 March 2009 9:50

They are only looking out for you. While I enjoy watching women's boobs bounce as much as the next guy you can do yourself an injury without proper support while exercising.
But there is no way to really tell if you would do yourself any harm. Best thing for it is come round my house and jog for me on the spot. I'll tell you exactly what support you need. ;-)

Comments

By summer_escape | 0

#15886 - Thursday 5 March 2009 9:41

HAHAHAHA thats too funny and well... sad ;)

Reply

pimpyd1 | 0

#941769 - Saturday 13 March 2010 9:22

someones got some titties :p

Reply

danyfuckinheatle | 0

#1063190 - Sunday 4 July 2010 19:30

1 is hawt ;)

Reply

sexyandboard | 0

#1588819 - Saturday 23 October 2010 6:58

shes ok (not that I like girls)

Reply

Lawlihearttigers | 5

#2740460 - Thursday 23 June 2011 5:14

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By reki_fml | 0

#15890 - Thursday 5 March 2009 9:46

I saw that happened to a girl at my gym the other day - this wasn't at Richmond Recreation Centre, was it? If so, I thought you were actually pretty hot....

By Jimboom | 11

#15896 - Thursday 5 March 2009 9:50

They are only looking out for you. While I enjoy watching women's boobs bounce as much as the next guy you can do yourself an injury without proper support while exercising.
But there is no way to really tell if you would do yourself any harm. Best thing for it is come round my house and jog for me on the spot. I'll tell you exactly what support you need. ;-)

Reply

nwc020 | 0

#441860 - Thursday 30 July 2009 6:20

^^creepy

Reply

dannnn_fml | 0

#987078 - Sunday 2 May 2010 0:33

agreed^

Reply

Alye22 | 0

#1022948 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:02

I am loving your pic :)

By nebulize | 0

#15898 - Thursday 5 March 2009 9:52

:( i feel yo' pain sista. well i haven't been told to leave, but ya know.

By RenoEnvy | 0

#15907 - Thursday 5 March 2009 10:06

Awww hunny! I'm sorry! Like #3 above me said, they were only looking out for you! I hope they weren't RUDE about it, though.
I'm sure they enjoyed it, as well. Hehe.
<3

By Sleepzsc | 0

#15913 - Thursday 5 March 2009 10:13

while that does suck i would laugh at myelf for that

By spankyness | 0

#15951 - Thursday 5 March 2009 11:24

Either the trainers are gay or what #3 said if I had been there I would have been pissed at the trainers ha ha

By Tri_fml | 5

#15972 - Thursday 5 March 2009 12:20

Good that they were looking out for you imo. Last thing you want to do is workout without proper support.

By historymaker | 0

#16024 - Thursday 5 March 2009 13:08

man, i have been a personal trainer at a gym for years and would never say something like that to a member. you should cancel your membership and go to a gym where people are more professional. i'd get fired for saying something like that to someone.

By PTERONOPHOBIA | 0

#16025 - Thursday 5 March 2009 13:08

I guess it's nice that they were worried about you getting injured by flinging your tits around. But I still find the fact that they flat-out told you to leave because your bra didn't work, pretty rude...