Today, I was in the gym, when i noticed three trainers who worked... - FML

By girlie - 4/3/2009 23:45 - United States

Today, I was in the gym, when i noticed three trainers who worked there staring at me. Thinking that they were checking me out, i turned the speed on the tread mill higher. Finally one of the trainers came over, and asked me to leave until i got a sports bra that actually worked. FML

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Rock, hard place

Thanks, I'm cured!

Clocked

By Anonymous - 30/8/2015 15:44 - United States

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

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By Scaredshitless - 3/2/2010 13:48 - France

Today, after waiting to get home to go to the bathroom, my six year old neighbor popped out and literally scared the shit out of me. FML

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By anonymous - 11/6/2015 14:37 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/3/2012 02:05 - United States

Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML

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By fucktheearth - 20/4/2016 03:32 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was sitting at my desk when out of nowhere I had a "silent sneeze attack". Someone in the office called the paramedics because they thought I was having a seizure. This is the third time this has happened this week. FML

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By Overworked - 30/9/2013 05:01 - United States

Today, I realized how bad my insomnia had got when I tried answering my water bottle when my alarm went off. FML

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By welcometothefamily - 26/2/2011 14:03 - United States

Today, a guy who I have known for a long time confessed his love to me. It would have been sweet except that he will become my stepbrother in 3 days. FML

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By mperrotta913 - 21/5/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying "milk the penis... miiiiilk the penis." FML

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By broke4life - 28/10/2015 22:16

Today, my boyfriend called me to ask if I knew the serial number for my laptop. I had given him my $650 gaming laptop to sell in his electronics store because I didn't need it and could use the money. Apparently it was stolen at some point yesterday and his cameras were turned off. FML

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By bibobobonnor - 28/9/2010 04:40 - Canada

Today, my dad gave me a football signed by my favourite football player. It would've been great, except that I saw my dad sign it in front of me. The worst part is that he denies doing it. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 19:51 - South Africa

Today, I arrived home to find my cat dead and note saying, "Sorry, I tripped over him." Not only is my cat dead, but I was robbed by a polite thief. FML

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By cnamobi - 28/4/2011 16:51 - United States

Today, a tornado watch has been instituted in my town. At this moment, I have violent diarrhea, and my toilet sits right in front of a window. FML

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By rejected - 28/7/2014 22:09 - United States - Milpitas

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while I was proposing. FML

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By McKenna - 16/7/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

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By sgibson982136 - 3/6/2019 20:00

Today, I spent 30 minutes ringing up a Guinea pig and supplies for a customer who talked like a sloth, all while she argued with over the price of everything, only for her to return it all 5 minutes later because her sister "changed her mind." FML

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By mutantprincess - 12/1/2016 10:48 - Australia

Today, after waking up to find a large spider outside my bedroom door and screaming, waking up my mum to kill it, she then sprayed it and went to pick it up. She then informed me it was made of plastic. My cat had got into the Halloween decorations from the spare room and decided to play. FML

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By Whyme? - 28/4/2016 02:39 - United States - Hackensack

Today, as I was cleaning up after my two year-old, I found a pair of lacy underwear in his toy box. Not only are they not mine, but now I have to ask my husband if he's cheating on me. Or ask my babysitter if she's being having fun, instead of actually babysitting. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2013 05:40 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML

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By Garchomp - 9/7/2013 02:08 - United States - Dodge City

Today, working my job, I had to explain to a kid that Pokemon is owned by Nintendo and they don't make it for the Xbox. Upset by this, he took hold of my leg and started biting. I'm also suspended, because his mother complained when I kicked him off me. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2013 16:01 - United States - Bensenville

Today, I was eating with my grandma and her sister, who don't get along. I went to the bathroom for just 2 minutes, only to come back to find pancakes everywhere and our plates smashed on the ground. They got into a "little argument". FML

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By KateD - 6/3/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, I was walking through the mall with my husband. We came across a guy who was selling some weight loss pills. He tried to sell me some and I kindly declined. He told me not to deny my weight problems. Thanks. I'm 7 months pregnant. FML

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By ajnmegs - 19/4/2012 16:08 - United States - Aurora

Today, while watching TV with my wife, I realized that we were still watching "My Little Pony" even though the kids had been asleep for half an hour. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2009 05:58 - United States

Today, at work, I managed to hit myself in the face with a large sheet pan. The force made me back into a shelf, which knocked a box off the top, which hit me in the head and knocked me out-cold. I now have a fat lip, a sore head, and bruises all over from the fall. FML

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By Robert - 6/4/2018 05:00 - United States - North Pole

Today, my high school speech therapist introduced me to the other autistic kid in school without fully informing either of us. We got into a fist fight because we each thought the other guy was imitating us. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2019 04:00

Today, our building owner, who lives just below, had a great idea to make her life easier. When something gets on her nerves, she puts it in the stairwell. Including two dozen shoes, her toddler, her screaming baby, her barking dog and her cat who loves to shit in my flower pots and piss in my basement room, which she is well aware of. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. Completing the test, we returned and parked at the testing facility. As my tester was complimenting me, I leaned down to wind my window up, catching my long hair in the window. Frantically thrashing, I put the car in drive and floored it into a concrete wall. FML

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By highschoolgrad - 8/6/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, my family and I were about to watch the video my dad took of me walking across the stage at my high school graduation. Turns out he recorded the wrong kid. FML

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By Kitty - 23/4/2009 08:54 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend told me he needed to reconsider coming to see me for financial reasons. I'm the one paying for the airfare, giving him a place to stay, and covering his expenses while he's here. FML

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By mster233 - 9/10/2010 03:29 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents like rough sex. I found the whip and handcuffs. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2015 03:52 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, it was my first day working as a dental assistant, leaving me in charge of all cleaning. The first patient was so scared, he peed his pants. Which might have been understandable if he hadn't been a fully grown man. FML

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By kiwibox - 26/10/2013 01:50 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

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By Stuck - 8/9/2011 10:00 - United States

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2020 20:04

High school drama

Today, I found out the promise ring my boyfriend of 4 months gave me used to be his ex-girlfriend's. FML

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By volleyballgirl12 - 17/1/2010 06:31 - France

Today, my grandma told me to fuck off when I tried to help her with the dishes. FML

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By harry - 4/12/2009 05:55 - Hong Kong

Today, I started growing hair on my upper lip. I'm finally becoming a man! Too bad I'm a 17 year old girl. FML

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By Belle - 8/4/2016 18:11 - United States - Berwyn

Today, all of the long hours I've spent rehearsing paid off because tonight I'll be the lead at the opening show of my school musical. This is a dream come true. Too bad I just got bronchitis. FML

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By Quest for fun - 20/5/2017 04:00

Today, I was on a bus traveling from Denver to San Francisco with my boyfriend. We hoping to see some amazing sights and escape from stress. However, the bus breaking down in the middle of the desert and being forced to stay in a ratty motel was neither an amazing sight, nor stress relieving. FML

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By mainlineloser - 28/11/2014 05:25 - United States - Narberth

Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML

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By JadeC - 1/12/2011 18:55 - United States

Today, I was fired. For "lack of attention to details", specifically spelling errors. My now ex-boss misspelled the name of his own company on my severance agreement. FML

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By Babs - 2/1/2014 13:17 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I did a bike ride and run with a gent I'm serious about. On the run, I had a big lead until he passed me up saying, "I'm going to marry you." Puzzled that he would propose and then sprint away leaving me trailing, he clarified at the finish. His words: "I'm going to bury you." FML

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Top comments

By reki_fml | 0

#15890 - Thursday 5 March 2009 9:46

I saw that happened to a girl at my gym the other day - this wasn't at Richmond Recreation Centre, was it? If so, I thought you were actually pretty hot....

By Jimboom | 11

#15896 - Thursday 5 March 2009 9:50

They are only looking out for you. While I enjoy watching women's boobs bounce as much as the next guy you can do yourself an injury without proper support while exercising.
But there is no way to really tell if you would do yourself any harm. Best thing for it is come round my house and jog for me on the spot. I'll tell you exactly what support you need. ;-)

COMMENTS

By summer_escape | 0

#15886 - Thursday 5 March 2009 9:41

HAHAHAHA thats too funny and well... sad ;)

Reply

pimpyd1 | 0

#941769 - Saturday 13 March 2010 9:22

someones got some titties :p

Reply

danyfuckinheatle | 0

#1063190 - Sunday 4 July 2010 19:30

1 is hawt ;)

Reply

sexyandboard | 0

#1588819 - Saturday 23 October 2010 6:58

shes ok (not that I like girls)

Reply

Lawlihearttigers | 5

#2740460 - Thursday 23 June 2011 5:14

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By reki_fml | 0

#15890 - Thursday 5 March 2009 9:46

I saw that happened to a girl at my gym the other day - this wasn't at Richmond Recreation Centre, was it? If so, I thought you were actually pretty hot....

By Jimboom | 11

#15896 - Thursday 5 March 2009 9:50

They are only looking out for you. While I enjoy watching women's boobs bounce as much as the next guy you can do yourself an injury without proper support while exercising.
But there is no way to really tell if you would do yourself any harm. Best thing for it is come round my house and jog for me on the spot. I'll tell you exactly what support you need. ;-)

Reply

nwc020 | 0

#441860 - Thursday 30 July 2009 6:20

^^creepy

Reply

dannnn_fml | 0

#987078 - Sunday 2 May 2010 0:33

agreed^

Reply

Alye22 | 0

#1022948 - Monday 7 June 2010 15:02

I am loving your pic :)

By nebulize | 0

#15898 - Thursday 5 March 2009 9:52

:( i feel yo' pain sista. well i haven't been told to leave, but ya know.

By RenoEnvy | 0

#15907 - Thursday 5 March 2009 10:06

Awww hunny! I'm sorry! Like #3 above me said, they were only looking out for you! I hope they weren't RUDE about it, though.
I'm sure they enjoyed it, as well. Hehe.
<3

By Sleepzsc | 0

#15913 - Thursday 5 March 2009 10:13

while that does suck i would laugh at myelf for that

By spankyness | 0

#15951 - Thursday 5 March 2009 11:24

Either the trainers are gay or what #3 said if I had been there I would have been pissed at the trainers ha ha

By Tri_fml | 5

#15972 - Thursday 5 March 2009 12:20

Good that they were looking out for you imo. Last thing you want to do is workout without proper support.

By historymaker | 0

#16024 - Thursday 5 March 2009 13:08

man, i have been a personal trainer at a gym for years and would never say something like that to a member. you should cancel your membership and go to a gym where people are more professional. i'd get fired for saying something like that to someone.

By PTERONOPHOBIA | 0

#16025 - Thursday 5 March 2009 13:08

I guess it's nice that they were worried about you getting injured by flinging your tits around. But I still find the fact that they flat-out told you to leave because your bra didn't work, pretty rude...