Today, I was in the change room at the local YMCA. I went to... - FML

By nuberific - 5/3/2009 18:45 - Canada

Today, I was in the change room at the local YMCA. I went to use the hair dryer but couldn't because a naked old man was bent over, butt cheeks spread wide with his hands, and ass aimed at the dryer. He seemed to be enjoying it. FML

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Instadrama

Ambien conversations are the worst

Mr Sensitivity

By mandieee - 15/6/2017 20:00

Today, I had my first shift as a server at a restaurant after getting stuck behind an accident and arriving late, apologizing profusely. Apparently no one knew I'd been hired but I was still yelled at for tardiness. They then made me clean a fridge for 4 hours and paid me in pizza. FML

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By smellybelly - 2/3/2012 06:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years kept digging around in his belly button and smelling his fingers. At one point he shoved his fingers in my face and told me to smell his belly button. He's 27 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2013 04:23 - United States - Lafayette Hill

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

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By Ihavethickthighs - 7/9/2017 16:00

Today, and for the past week, my boyfriend joined me on my walks. He's recently gotten into photography and is now intent on tracking down a rare bird that he never sees but always hears. I don't have the heart to tell him that it's the sound of my thighs rubbing together. FML

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By loquacious shit stain - 7/2/2013 17:11 - Australia

Today, I had drinks at a friend's house before going out to a concert. I still had a bottle of beer left, so I brought it along with me. I got kicked out five minutes into the show for bringing my own drink, which is apparently against the rules. I paid $75 to get kicked out over a $3 drink. FML

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By Not his SunShine anymore - 10/7/2016 23:04 - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over something that happened 5 years ago. We've only been together for 2 years as of this July. FML

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By Taylor Page - 19/2/2015 16:24 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2020 23:02 - Germany - Köln

Yummy

Today, I discovered that 90% of what I do still works on autopilot when I’m too tired to pay attention: Take coffee cup, walk to fridge, open fridge door, grab bottle, pour contents into coffee. The missing 10% was the fact that this particular bottle contained grapefruit juice. FML

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By secret dancer - 16/8/2011 16:55 - Sweden

Today, I was bored and all alone while cleaning at work. This led me to start passionately doing a ballet dance in the empty corridor. I promptly stopped as I remembered the surveillance cameras. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2015 15:22 - United States

Today, while working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sell dildos. FML

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By NoScrubs - 31/10/2014 05:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I came to the conclusion I have three kids instead of two, after having to force my husband to take a shower. It's been a week. FML

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By bpruitt95 - 31/12/2013 06:46 - United States - Pitkin

Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML

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By strawberrypuff - 4/5/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, I found out nobody in my family wants to come to my college graduation. I spent 4 years and $60,000 to be the first person in my family to go to college, and nobody wants to see me graduate because the 4 hour ceremony is too long. FML

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By I already have one, thanks - 9/8/2014 05:59 - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

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By NeedsANewApartment - 13/1/2016 05:54 - United States - Wurtsboro

Today, sewage came up the toilet and tub in my apartment and spread far enough to get into the hallway. The maintenance crew found the source of the blocked pipes to be a ten inch long weave some idiot flushed down a toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2012 13:11 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML

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By Sad_homeowners - 20/10/2016 15:45 - United States - Pierre

Today, I'm still not living in the house I fought so hard to buy three months ago. As I was fixing a hole in the wall, I found black mold covering the back side of my drywall. On every wall. I can't afford to fix it. FML

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By - 4/4/2019 00:00

Today, my roommate served me with a two-week’s notice to vacate the apartment, the day before I leave for 10 days of working in a completely different city 150 miles away. FML

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By lice - 28/3/2009 13:34 - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML

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By WastedTime - 7/8/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of one year told me not to walk beside him because people might "think we're together". FML

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By Shannon - 19/6/2014 00:58 - United States - Dearborn

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 20:39 - Denmark

Today, my dad borrowed my new iPad to amuse him while he was in the shower without my knowledge. The iPad is now completely ruined, and my dad is refusing to buy me a new one. He says, "How was I to know that it wasn't waterproof?" FML

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By Lastsecondstand - 6/4/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I jokingly went over to a an attractive female co-worker and said "you look like you need a hug". She told me she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to be touched. No more than 30 seconds after our encounter she ran to give one of our more attractive male co-workers a hug. FML

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By just socially awkward - 16/11/2018 12:00

Today, despite the carriage being entirely empty, a large man chose to sit right beside me on the train. After making me uncomfortable with personal questions, he asked if we could be friends and hang out, both of which I shyly declined. He then accused me of being a racist. FML

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By j. farmer-smith - 9/2/2018 23:00 - United States - Jamestown

Today, I'm a superintendent at a school, and it snowed today after school. The snow ended up freezing on the road, so I called school off for tomorrow. I sent calls home, cancelled all school events, and then realized that it's Friday. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2015 04:37 - New Zealand - Albany

Today, I invited an acquaintance over for tea. When he came in, I told him to make himself at home. He took it literally and now half of my pantry is messed up, my boyfriend's chocolate supply is gone, and I'm pretty sure our couch is broken. Thanks. FML

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By Sissy - 6/12/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was standing in a long line at the Post Office when my 3 year old son starts rubbing up and down my leg. I asked him what he was doing and he said loudly. "I'm humping you like Simon humps me!" Everyone looks at me in shocked horror. Simon is our dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2020 08:01

The price is wrong

Today, I have to pay a $20 customs fee on the replacement charging cord for my tablet pen, bringing the total up to $60 I’ve paid for this $4 cord. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2014 15:38 - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I'm so broke that I had to call in sick to work because I couldn't afford to pay my bus fare. FML

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By dancer_2014 - 28/5/2011 12:44 - United States

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

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By Todd - 18/9/2020 17:00

Masterchef

Today, I bought tomato sauce and tomato paste to make rigatoni. Forgot to buy the meat and the pasta. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2018 12:30

Today, I was playing card games with some colleagues a won a hand. One mate said jokingly "your mother never loved you!", I replied jokingly "at least your mother loved me"... All of a sudden he punched in the face and said, "don't ever disrespect my mother again". FML

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By Disappointed - 26/5/2016 20:27 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I started dating my crush. Turns out she's a living nightmare. FML

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By lorahayes - 5/1/2012 18:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my friend when I saw my boyfriend in Victoria's Secret - with another girl. They were joking and laughing, and I was really pissed off. So I stormed into the store and slapped him. He looked up at me with an angry and confused expression. It wasn't my boyfriend. FML

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By Jobless - 12/3/2009 09:01 - Malaysia

Today, my boss wanted to promote me to a managerial position. I declined the position saying I don't think I'm ready and experienced enough for that role. I was then fired instead for not accepting the promotion. I was fired for being honest. FML

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By danny - 10/10/2018 12:00

Today, while working at a chain restaurant, I forgot to charge someone a few dollars for extra toppings on the side. My stingy boss took the time to take that money out of my paycheck. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2017 23:00 - United States - Dover

Today, an Asian man approached me and called me pretty. I thanked him and he asked if I'm Chinese. When I said, "No, I'm Taiwanese" he promptly spat in my face and called me a "traitor to the motherland." FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2012 14:54 - United States - Erie

Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML

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By Jekyll - 6/8/2019 08:00 - United States - Norwell

Today, I decided that after three days, I had to cut short my hiatus from social media. I saw a correlation between that and my anxiety going through the roof, causing my work performance to suffer. I’m so addicted to social media that in my off time, I think I was having withdrawal symptoms. FML

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Top comments

By 0___0 | 9

#16901 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:13

And I thought seeing old ladies' saggy tits in the changing room at YMCA was bad..

By Rawer | 0

#16858 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:04

That must have been scary o.o

COMMENTS

By Rawer | 0

#16858 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:04

That must have been scary o.o

Reply

bobnorris | 0

#1039403 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 18:55

did you ask of he wants help with that?

Reply

imnutsss | 0

#1074442 - Thursday 8 July 2010 17:56

mmmm..sounds like that would feel really good on a cold bum.. :D you know it.

Reply

wiggz1990 | 0

#1198005 - Friday 6 August 2010 11:40

ma7

Reply

thecoolestever1 | 0

#1261378 - Wednesday 18 August 2010 6:06

He was practicing shooting poop rockets. And just in case he actually does shoot one, it's aimed at the dryer, so it'll fly back at him. Therefor, no mess except on him. And everyone wins in this situation.

By bubblbabe | 0

#16869 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:06

wow image terribly disturbing

Reply

itsmeyippie | 0

#2515489 - Sunday 15 May 2011 23:19

I think I just received a boner =)

By juicebahx | 0

#16872 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:07

Wow. That's really... bizarre. What a strange thing to do in public.

By SilverBallet | 0

#16880 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:10

Um... Yummy.

I know, after a while, people get used to and comfortable in public change rooms like that, but that's just...odd.

By howdidithappen | 0

#16884 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:10

GROSS! Hahahaha, but hilarious.

By miss_fucked | 0

#16886 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:11

wow, youve got to be kidding. i mean who would actually do that in a public changing room. I'm sorry you had to see that, it must have been terribly disgusting

By 0___0 | 9

#16901 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:13

And I thought seeing old ladies' saggy tits in the changing room at YMCA was bad..

By Xinxinix | 0

#16902 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:14

That's very... gross. I would've said something clever, like, "Enjoying the breeze?"

By Sean123 | 0

#16907 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:15

dont you love when people make up stuff

By ShadowDXDragon | 0

#16908 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:15

Sry sry, next time ill make sure noone is there.