Today, I was in the car with my 4-year-old sister and our puppy.... - FML

By SadSister:( - 11/1/2015 00:15 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my 4-year-old sister and our puppy. Suddenly, she blurted out from the backseat, "I don't love you anymore." Shocked, I asked her to repeat herself. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "The puppy doesn't love you either." FML

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Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Tidy your room

Headache

By Natasha - 29/10/2015 08:58 - United States - Seattle

Today, I got so desperate for cash that I decided to start selling my used panties online. FML

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By fishoutofwater - 3/12/2015 04:22 - United States - Radcliff

Today, in an attempt to broaden my horizons in another sport besides swimming, I succeeded in getting a frisbee spiked into my face. FML

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By undoable - 8/9/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2017 16:00 - United States - Rochester

Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML

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By Sharee K. - 8/8/2011 19:20 - United States

Today, while walking in the city with my little sister, she let go of my hand. Not wanting to lose her, I quickly tried to grab it back. That resulted in me grabbing some 50 year old man's junk. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 16:00

Not the one

Today, my ex, who I'm still love with, told me he's engaged. We weren't together for long because he didn't want a committed relationship. Guess it was just me. FML

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By unemployed and bereaved - 25/11/2013 05:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss claimed that I've been lying to get days off because apparently nobody can be so unlucky as to have three family members die within a month. I am just that unlucky, and suspended. FML

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By Yeppets - 28/5/2014 04:13 - United States - Roscoe

Today, I got called "un-American" when I said I didn't care about Kim and Kayne's wedding. FML

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By Hooty - 2/9/2015 21:52 - United States - Groveton

Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML

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By ratfaced - 12/10/2017 07:00 - United States - Stamford

What a cozy moment.

Today, I woke up to a squeaking noise and the feeling of something furry on my cheek. I smiled, thinking it was my guinea pigs nosing me awake. Then I remembered that my guinea pigs were in their cage on the other side of the room, and opened my eyes to see the biggest rat ever staring right at me. FML

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By FarisH - 31/5/2010 09:15 - Jordan

Today, I went to my orthodontist where I was informed that I'll going to the prom, to my brother's wedding, and maybe to university with braces in my mouth. FML

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By awk1 - 18/6/2013 00:55 - United States - Glennville

Today, I was packing up my stuff about to go home. I shut off my MacBook but was still pretending to work for the last few minutes, typing on the keyboard. A good way through, I realized my co-worker sitting across from me could see that the Apple logo was off. FML

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By Gob - 16/1/2009 14:36 - United States

Today, while waiting for class, I let out a huge fart in front of everyone thinking no one would hear it over the music. I was wearing headphones. FML

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By Seriously? - 6/1/2014 07:17

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML

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By that's methed up, darling - 16/8/2013 21:33 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML

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By calamity janet - 14/11/2018 22:00

Today, my husband took me to an airsoft shop so he could try a new pistol. We went on the range to shoot it, but while he was loading it went off and shot me. I was only wearing my leggings, so I felt the full power of that BB as it traveled at 200 feet per second at my clitoris. FML

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By tryena - 28/2/2009 10:59 - United States

Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

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By DIY560 - 24/2/2014 03:59 - United States - Ambler

Today, I was trying to study for a test when my brother and his friends decided to play the chant game, meaning one person yells something weird and everyone else has to say it back without laughing. All I heard for about two hours was them yelling things like, "DICK NIPPLES." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2011 02:20

Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML

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By murphy - 2/2/2009 10:49 - United States

Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML

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By righthook - 8/4/2015 19:56 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

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By OhNo - 13/7/2010 15:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my sister to pluck my eyebrows. She shaped them wrong, so now I look constantly sad. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 02:00 - United States

ACAB

Today, I got pulled over by a cop and got slammed with a ticket for expired tabs on my motorcycle. The DMV was literally across the street. I was heading there to get new tabs. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2019 06:06

Today, my mother sat me down and told me, "I'm not going to lie, I hate living with you. Please get a job and move out." I'm 16. FML

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By Zooep - 24/10/2016 13:54

Today, I had to prepare for my big meeting tomorrow morning. Before going to bed, I washed my face. Unfortunately, the towel I wiped myself with turned out to house our red ant infestation. My face looks like a ripe tomato. FML

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By jfranklin - 18/10/2010 01:39 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making fun of a photo album on Facebook containing pictures of two friends who just got engaged. I jokingly asked her to marry me. She said yes. We have been dating for two months. She's not in on the joke. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2020 20:00

Feelin' sexy

Today, my wife, who NEVER wants to have sex, decided that now is the time. I, of course, had to take antibiotics that make me so bloated I can’t move without extreme pain. FML

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By SeagullsShouldDie - 28/8/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

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By fukinlonely - 12/1/2015 12:53 - United Kingdom

Today, both my female flatmate and my gay male flatmate have got their boyfriends round. They've both stuck 'Do Not Disturb' signs on their bedroom doors and are both playing music which doesn't quite muffle the sounds of what they're up to. I haven't had a date in over six months. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2016 18:26 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my husband got some junk mail. My grandma brought the mail in and let my 5-year-old open it because it was just junk. It turns out it was a catalog from an adult toys shop. FML

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By hurtinrealbad - 16/10/2012 17:25 - United States - Tempe

Today, I had a cyst in my butt removed. The doctors had to make a hole, and then fill it with gauze before sending me home. As soon as I got back, my sister decided to kick me in the butt as hard as she could. FML

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By I pick em' good - 3/5/2015 17:49 - United States

Today, I found out why my husband has been coming home from work so late. Turns out he loves to help people. Specifically female people. And by help, I mean sleep with. FML

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By toolegittoquit - 18/1/2010 08:28 - United States

Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss just looked at me and said, "No. You can't quit." FML

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By sleepyt127 - 7/5/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, after leaving a bar I fell asleep on the Q train heading home. I awoke at 5am in Coney Island, end of the line, to a cop poking me with his baton. He gave me a ticket for "Subway Vagrancy" even though I have a job and an apartment. He didn't ticket the homeless man next to me covered in piss. FML

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By mimimi - 30/12/2009 06:24 - France

Today, I went swimming. While I was walking along side of the pool, everyone was staring at me. I began to think that my diet was really working. It was only an hour later, in the changing rooms, that I noticed the string from my Tampax that was sticking out of my swimming costume. FML

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By Tuture - 30/4/2016 01:08 - France - Paris

Today, a learner driver was practicing maneuvers in the parking lot at work. This happens a lot, and my colleagues and I usually have fun watching and laughing. It was all fun and games as usual, until the learner crashed into my car. FML

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By PrinceOfBritain - 14/5/2015 02:41 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I was walking my dog through a park with a lake. My dog was swimming in said lake, and then appeared to be having trouble keeping his head up. I put my phone and keys on the ground and waded to my dog. He was fine, but I turned around in time to see someone run off with my stuff. FML

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By catlady5569 - 27/8/2009 08:13 - United States

Today, my sister came over for a visit. I was going to surprise her with the news that I had spontaneously gotten a cat. The first thing she told me when she came in was that she ran over my neighbor's cat. None of my neighbors have cats. FML

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By missbutthole - 4/6/2011 13:07 - United States

Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML

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By Ohfknhell - 16/5/2018 05:00

It's a sign...

Today, I received a package from Amazon that was supposed to contain the book I needed for my open book final exam tonight. They must have mixed up my order, because the box contained a large pink dildo. I think the universe just told me to get fucked. FML

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Top comments

By feven | 32

#6169489 - Sunday 11 January 2015 14:39

It's scary how she already knows what will hurt you.

By nataliewby | 25

#6169499 - Sunday 11 January 2015 14:46

Bringing the puppy into it? Harsh.

Comments

By thetancarkid | 8

#6169481 - Sunday 11 January 2015 14:35

It's nothing you can't have a laugh about ???

Reply

TrivisionZero | 4

#6169825 - Sunday 11 January 2015 20:37

Your little sister hates you, everybody laugh!! (sarcasm)

Reply

SBurrke | 11

#6170976 - Monday 12 January 2015 19:04

I know, I doubt she really feels that way anyway. She's friggin 4 years old guys...

By Hollywoodgirl79 | 18

#6169483 - Sunday 11 January 2015 14:37

Remember this when she asks you for a favor or something. My sisters say this kind of stuff all the time and then two minutes later they tell me they love me again.

By Darkness_Hate | 29

#6169487 - Sunday 11 January 2015 14:38

She's 4 hope she will think more about it .

By Smooth_Criminal | 24

#6169488 - Sunday 11 January 2015 14:38

So? Little kids always say stuff like that. Wait until she hits her teenage years, you'll find out if she really meant it.

By feven | 32

#6169489 - Sunday 11 January 2015 14:39

It's scary how she already knows what will hurt you.

By Jasim | 17

#6169491 - Sunday 11 January 2015 14:40

She's 4. It's only cute.

Reply

emmsies | 16

#6169807 - Sunday 11 January 2015 20:22

remind me how telling someone you don't love them anymore is cute?

Reply

Marcelb | 17

#6169826 - Sunday 11 January 2015 20:37

It's a phase many children of that age go through. If they don't get what they want they say stuff like that. It'll pass.

Reply

tantanpanda | 26

#6169960 - Sunday 11 January 2015 23:43

From the fml, it seems to be random.

By Leafa | 21

#6169492 - Sunday 11 January 2015 14:41

It's possible she will change her mind, kids tend to do that all the time. And I don't think she's grasped the meaning of what she said either, so don't take it too seriously.

By KrustyKrab | 18

#6169493 - Sunday 11 January 2015 14:41

It sounds like in innocent remark because she's only 4, and because you were shocked, I think it's safe to assume that she's generally sweet. Just make a joke out of it and remember to build bonds with your siblings.

By nataliewby | 25

#6169499 - Sunday 11 January 2015 14:46

Bringing the puppy into it? Harsh.

By CrystalClearly | 8

#6169508 - Sunday 11 January 2015 14:53

Sounds like the puppy is behind all of this.

Reply

Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6169523 - Sunday 11 January 2015 15:01

That's why I'm a cat person. They still hate you, but in a less direct, more passive-aggressive way.