Miscellaneous: Today, I was in the bathroom, when someone came up behind me....

By devinbyrne - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom, when someone came up behind me. Instead of waiting for a urinal to free up, he wedged his way in between me and another guy, and promptly began peeing in my urinal, crossing streams in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46583

You deserved it

3741

Favorite

Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Creepy

Sounds like a scam

By Anonymous - United States - Hyattsville

Today, I gave a big presentation to my class. It included PowerPoint slides and video clips of the country I'd been researching. Another student did a presentation on the same country, except he just read from its Wikipedia page. He practically got a standing ovation. I got a single clap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48145

You deserved it

3741

Favorite

By oh, feck off - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I missed an interview to work in a school as a teacher's assistant because the email inviting me to attend got buried among the spam emails. Oh well, back to my usual job as an assistant janitor. Yes, that's right, assistant janitor. It's the same job as a real janitor, but for less pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12020

You deserved it

1468

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my neighbour's kitten got run over, so I bought her chocolate as comfort food. When I gave it to her she joked, "Now I'm going to get fat." It was at that moment that my brain stepped out and my mouth took over and I heard myself say, "You deserve it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2340

You deserved it

828

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I noticed I have more alcohol in my fridge than I do actual food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

667

You deserved it

1526

Favorite

By AnAngryyGiraffe - United States - Chatsworth

Today, after dropping my phone in the toilet, I left it dismantled outside in my backyard to dry hoping it could be saved. I forgot about the phone as well as the sprinklers that were scheduled to go off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6575

You deserved it

3912

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while in the car with my mom, she gave me a lecture about how bad of a driver I am. During that process she ran a red light and hit a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32129

You deserved it

2635

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/3/2021 20:01

Stuck

Today, my grandma and her neighbor compared their sports bras in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

673

You deserved it

Favorite

By All Dressed Up With No Place To Go - United States - Ashland

Today, I finally lost enough weight to fit into the beautiful dress that I ordered for my senior prom. I graduated from high school in 2010. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24387

You deserved it

4874

Favorite

By HunkyFez - 28/8/2020 08:06 - Australia

Dad joke number 287474

Today, my dad offered to make me lunch as it was my first day at a new school. Today was also the day I had to eat a penis-shaped sandwich in front of my new peers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1622

You deserved it

225

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, it's been so long since my fiancé and I have had sex I now apparently have dreams about all-night unprotected screwing marathons with George Bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10172

You deserved it

1408

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my dad killed my pet rats. They were playing on the sofa, and he thought they were vermin. This would have been understandable if the reason he came over wasn't to meet them, and they hadn't been wearing bright pink walking harnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31897

You deserved it

7194

Favorite

By rawdoglyfe69 - United States - Helena

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63372

You deserved it

6062

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was so zoned-out, I shouted a hello to the chair in the staff room. It's the third time today I've mistaken an inanimate object for a person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1231

You deserved it

480

Favorite

By anugla - United States

Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55426

You deserved it

19383

Favorite

By anon

Today, I had RA training and we were doing mock situations. During one of these, I had a seizure. Everyone thought it was fake, until I started violently throwing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24242

You deserved it

1441

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35747

You deserved it

4368

Favorite

By SkipLegDay - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, my untrained legs have been traumatised by the sudden regime of squats, mountain climbers and lunges I have been putting them through. I literally just have to trust-fall back onto the toilet and hope for the best, because my legs don't have the strength to support the gradual descent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14279

You deserved it

3233

Favorite

By Losamus

Nice first impression.

Today, I didn't know I had a pill stuck in my throat until I coughed and it flew across the table, narrowly missing the weird guy sitting across from me in the break room. Turns out that weird guy is my new supervisor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2621

You deserved it

445

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my little sister, who's still in high school, proved beyond a doubt she's better at my computer repair job than I am. She proved it in front of my customers and my manager, who brushed me aside and offered her a job as soon as she graduates. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3682

You deserved it

1041

Favorite

By Bento - United States

Today, I had to write a huge lab for my physics class. It's worth my entire quarter grade and I use a program on a CD for graphing. My mom thought it was a computer game and hid the CD. She can't find it. The lab's due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43151

You deserved it

3828

Favorite

By fijiflu

Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

21452

You deserved it

1514

Favorite

By jonboy - United Kingdom

Today, I got a new comfy duvet and pillow and was looking forward to a good night's sleep. I got into bed and was followed by my dog, who then threw up the tub of butter he had just stolen from the kitchen onto my brand new bed spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47664

You deserved it

5242

Favorite

By headache - United States - Mesa

A good shower

Today, I was taking a shower when the water suddenly went cold. It spooked me so much I slipped and hit my head on the metal edge of the tub. My husband then said that I had the best Christmas gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1494

You deserved it

221

Favorite

By Anonimo - Italy - Monserrato

Today, after a year of living with my boyfriend at our new place, he told me that he wants to sell our house and live in a trailer, so he can be closer to his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25008

You deserved it

2601

Favorite

By whatnow - United States - Carmel

Today, I fell asleep on the couch while babysitting. When the kids' parents came home, they made fake crying noises to see if I would wake up. I slept like a baby, and by the time they finally roused me, I'd left a nice drool stain on the armrest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7803

You deserved it

33932

Favorite

By makeitstop - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16554

You deserved it

63401

Favorite

By david - United States

Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14131

You deserved it

111182

Favorite

By sarahcurtis213 - United States

Today, I was at the library using a computer to order a package. A man sat down next to me mumbling to himself while staring at me. As I got up to go to the printer, he pointed at me and screamed, "I will burn you alive and enjoy it!" All of my info including my address was still on the computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26918

You deserved it

5308

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my psycho-obsessed ex-girlfriend blabbed all about how she got a check in the mail for $1000 from CrimeStoppers on Facebook and Twitter. This explains how my current girlfriend and two of my friends all got arrested last week for having weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20972

You deserved it

4963

Favorite

By its dark - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's day three of our power being off because of a glitch in the power company's computer system. They won't turn it back on until we pay the $2000 we owe from 2010. We moved here in 2012. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22249

You deserved it

1292

Favorite

By cheezmaster - United States

Today, after many, many attempts to get her out of my life, the girl that is stalking me told me that she loves me and our love can only be ended by her killing either herself or me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46721

You deserved it

2553

Favorite

By oww - 14/5/2020 08:02

Trust

Today, I told my boyfriend we should avoid the local walking trail after I got followed by a homeless man. He assured me we’d be fine and the guy wouldn’t approach me as long as I had a man with me. Wrong. We both got beat up and robbed by said homeless man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2042

You deserved it

319

Favorite

By Anonymous - Italy - Vigodarzere

Today, after months of being on anti-depression medication and feeling very little emotionally, I finally felt some joy. Sadly it was from completely crushing my husband in an argument he started, where he claimed ketchup is a vegetable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40468

You deserved it

4816

Favorite

By therealkathl - Austria

Today, my boyfriend convinced a girl at the club to break up with her boyfriend and go home with him. She did. Now I'm single too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39167

You deserved it

3407

Favorite

By Anonymous - Norway

Today, I decided to end things with my boyfriend, thinking it would be fine since things have never been at all serious between us. He cried for hours before having his grandmother text me to say how heartless I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47094

You deserved it

8518

Favorite

By Why - United States - Marlborough

Today, my husband cheated on me. In my house. While I was home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22637

You deserved it

1983

Favorite

By smbcolorado - United States

Family matters

Today, my husband sent an email invite to his family about our daughter's upcoming birthday. Upon reading the email, his aunt clicked "reply all" while emailing her husband and said, "I'd rather say we're out of town than see that dumb bitch our nephew calls his wife." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41064

You deserved it

4190

Favorite

By ktin - Australia

Today, I got wii fit, wii Mario kart and wii Mario galaxy for my birthday, I don't have a wii. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39354

You deserved it

4854

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband told me the only reason we're still together is because he can't afford to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32010

You deserved it

3164

Favorite

By ol faithful - Canada

Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9875

You deserved it

41730

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Mirorbo | 26

#2153181 - Sunday 6 March 2011 1:33

Is it wrong that I laughed because I thought of Ghostbusters as I read that last part? Fuhohohoho!~

By WeeWizeL | 0

#2153187 - Sunday 6 March 2011 1:33

Must have pissed you off...

COMMENTS

By andiles | 0

#2153173 - Sunday 6 March 2011 1:31

first

iBanana | 17

#2153786 - Sunday 6 March 2011 5:19

Either his wife was having a baby and he had to hurry, or... his husband was in the process of adopting.

hellogoodbye1996 | 6

#2153825 - Sunday 6 March 2011 5:32

today, I had to pee so bad I could barley hold it. I ran to the bathroom, and the guy in the first urinal was taking to long. I had to use the same urinal as him. FML.

ScaughtieHolden | 11

#2155238 - Sunday 6 March 2011 13:02

Did he buy you dinner?

andyp010 | 10

#2155365 - Sunday 6 March 2011 13:56

Yellow Light-Saber fight lol

Alpha35 | 4

#2161306 - Tuesday 8 March 2011 9:02

LMFAO HAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAH

Uncle_Moe_Lester | 3

#2877967 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:19

I'm pretty sure that makes you gay op

By Mirorbo | 26

#2153181 - Sunday 6 March 2011 1:33

Is it wrong that I laughed because I thought of Ghostbusters as I read that last part? Fuhohohoho!~

Zmeilerr | 22

#2153286 - Sunday 6 March 2011 1:58

No darling, perfectly normal!

dudeitsdanny | 9

#2153417 - Sunday 6 March 2011 2:40

Hahaha, nope! When I read the part about crossing the streams, I yelled in my head "Nooo! Don't cross the streams!"

It makes you awesome in my book =D

ArthursLifeSucks | 2

#2153458 - Sunday 6 March 2011 2:57

I, too, thought of this immediately. LOL. I guess when you gotta go, you gotta go!

sueannpalma | 7

#2153737 - Sunday 6 March 2011 4:53

same with me lmao

Uscdrew1 | 7

#2153809 - Sunday 6 March 2011 5:29

Best movie ever.

kona314 | 1

#2153970 - Sunday 6 March 2011 6:26

Totally thought of it too, you're not crazy ;)

nmitche95 | 0

#2154103 - Sunday 6 March 2011 7:45

when there is something weird, in the bathroom, who u gonna call?!? GHOSTBUSTERS

FYLDeep | 25

#2154161 - Sunday 6 March 2011 8:19

Since when was Charlie Sheen a Ghostbuster though?

Buddy360 | 0

#2155743 - Sunday 6 March 2011 16:13

raywilliamjohnson is awesome

shockwave259 | 6

#2161574 - Tuesday 8 March 2011 11:24

I thought of the same thing XD

alphatoomega | 21

#5388261 - Friday 1 March 2013 13:09

I think that's what most people think of. I sure did.

By mrnrlson | 0

#2153183 - Sunday 6 March 2011 1:33

gay

By WeeWizeL | 0

#2153187 - Sunday 6 March 2011 1:33

Must have pissed you off...

purplecowchik | 5

#2153332 - Sunday 6 March 2011 2:13

Oh I see what you did there! You are quite a funny guy.

Tracy_Evans | 2

#2154068 - Sunday 6 March 2011 7:31

LOL

BigBagel | 0

#2154586 - Sunday 6 March 2011 10:42

Swordfight!

andyp010 | 10

#2155382 - Sunday 6 March 2011 13:59

light saber I believe mate

LadiiOfCurves | 0

#2164355 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 7:49

LMFAO

By fizzypop14 | 3

#2153189 - Sunday 6 March 2011 1:34

when you gotta go you gotta go...

jessicarenee88 | 0

#2153202 - Sunday 6 March 2011 1:37

jinx! funny we posted the same comment at the same time...

NirvashType0Spec | 7

#2153247 - Sunday 6 March 2011 1:47

not really cuz you posted it at :35 he posted it at :34

sourgirl101 | 28

#2153543 - Sunday 6 March 2011 3:32

Come on! Give Jessica some extra credit. She did type a longer comment so it took an extra minute.(:

Btw I thought "jinx" before I entered the comment reply section.