Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the...

By knoppad - 13/6/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9798

You deserved it

50918

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Rock, hard place

Compassion

Vultures

By Jen - 1/12/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14672

You deserved it

33433

Favorite

By Trinity - 19/11/2012 22:37 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was sitting on a train, doing homework for my programming class, when a man sat in the seat next to me. He must have been a programmer too, because he spent the next few hours staring at my screen and laughing whenever I made a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28273

You deserved it

2551

Favorite

By noquiero - 21/6/2012 18:13 - United Kingdom - Peterlee

Today, someone rang my doorbell. The moment I opened the door, a smell not unlike a cascading torrent of rotting flesh and urine hit my nostrils. I stood there for an eternity as a homeless man leaned on my door and desperately tried to convince me to buy an array of scrap metal from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22905

You deserved it

3467

Favorite

By Briscuit - 5/12/2013 00:00 - Canada - Pitt Meadows

Today, I was granted a donation to pay for a creative writing course. When I told my mom she couldn't even muster a smile. She found her excitement later, however, when she posted how proud she was of me on Facebook. I can only get praise through my mom attention-whoring on social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40971

You deserved it

2640

Favorite

By Jacoobic - 5/7/2019 20:00

Today, I bought an expensive, heat-resistant double-sided tape to attach my dashcam to the windshield. It didn't last five hours, but has stuck nicely to the floor mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1442

You deserved it

139

Favorite

By Allergies suck - 22/11/2016 15:33 - United States - Westport

Today, I had four separate allergic reactions. The first from the pillow at the hotel I was staying at, the second and third from two separate ice cream parlors due to cross-contamination, and the fourth from peanut dust in the air on the plane ride home from my vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10409

You deserved it

1039

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/10/2014 16:06 - United States

Today, my little sister decided the best way to cheat on a test is to take someone else's test, scratch through their name in pencil, and write her name underneath. She starts high school next semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37073

You deserved it

3340

Favorite

By PatientInWaiting - 19/3/2012 10:37 - United States

Today, I had a conversation with another patient in my gyno's waiting room. It was about her getting pregnant in a truck while passed out drunk, her therapist's frequent use of a "For Dummies" books, and how she had waxed and oiled everything to impress our doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23112

You deserved it

2458

Favorite

By mrtut - 29/10/2010 12:17 - United Kingdom

Today, as a physics teacher, I was testing a class to see how high a sound frequency they could hear. One girl claimed she could hear the sound even though it was physically impossible. Without thinking, I replied "Only dogs can hear this frequency." Needless to say, she was picked on all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32570

You deserved it

13068

Favorite

By Paige - 10/7/2013 14:18 - United Kingdom - Witham

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63563

You deserved it

5702

Favorite

By thanksfyi - 2/7/2011 21:51 - Norway

Today, I found out via Facebook that my brother got engaged several days ago. Not only did he not tell me, but we live in the same house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38437

You deserved it

4576

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/9/2013 05:06 - United States - Caldwell

Today, I realized how nice it was that, after moving into my ground-floor apartment, I no longer have to worry about being too loud walking on the floor at night. Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbors do not have any qualms about shouting or stomping their feet loudly at night, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39097

You deserved it

3547

Favorite

By foreverDark - 14/5/2012 12:40 - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up after a long night of trying to catch a moth. I'd knocked down furniture and screamed up the house to do so, but I finally got it. What did I see first thing this morning? Another moth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10569

You deserved it

23370

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 05:05 - Thailand

Today, I was trying to get to my boyfriend via public transport in Thailand. He was giving the driver instructions through my phone when my phone went flat. I am now alone in the passenger seat of a car, next to a creepy old driver, no idea where he is taking me, and I don't speak a word of Thai. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29418

You deserved it

5468

Favorite

By Funless - 18/8/2010 16:52 - United States

Today, I was invited to a party, but I didn't attend because my boyfriend would be disappointed with me. Instead, I spent the night with him watching movies. At the end of the night, he broke up with me because I wasn't fun enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35465

You deserved it

7531

Favorite

By veevee - 17/8/2009 08:31 - Australia

Today, I noticed my dishwasher wouldn't turn on. After shelling out $120 call-out fee, I was a little miffed when the technician walked in, pressed the 'unlock' function and walked out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9768

You deserved it

52973

Favorite

By ugh - 15/7/2013 11:46 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, after my parents left for the weekend, my "friends" decided to throw a party at my house despite my protests. In order to get them to leave, I called the police. I was the only one arrested, while they got warnings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52634

You deserved it

9096

Favorite

By fatman - 14/12/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I was on a plane. The person sitting next to me was using the plane's wifi, and was on Facebook. They joined the group 'I hate sitting next to fat people on airplanes'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39617

You deserved it

11752

Favorite

By The Draught of Living Death - 17/7/2018 15:00

Today, I shared an elevator alone with an attractive co-worker. On our way up, she let out a loud, noxious rip. She covered her nose and mouth while giving me an accusing look, as I said with a straight face, "Excuse you." Later, I received a note from HR for harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4473

You deserved it

244

Favorite

By anonymous - 25/8/2016 02:33 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I got a brand new down comforter and duvet cover that I really liked. I'd finally managed to put everything the way I wanted it, and then my roommate's dog came and peed all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11748

You deserved it

881

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/9/2017 00:00 - Australia - Coogee

Today, while holidaying in Greece, I approached a cute girl in a club and offered her a drink in Greek. She said, "No Greek!" and then called me an "ugly kiss-ass" in English, thinking I wouldn't understand. I'm Australian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3911

You deserved it

374

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/1/2012 13:10 - Australia

Today, after over a year of lifestyle changes and a ritualistic exercise regime, I finally reached my goal weight. I excitedly told my boyfriend, and he responded, "Yeah, that's nice, but now your tits are tiny". FML

I agree, your life sucks

38211

You deserved it

7462

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/6/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I walked into work to see my boss's hot son. I wanted him to notice me, so I did my "sexy walk". I then slipped and fell onto my desk, broke my desk, and sprained my wrist. Oh he noticed me alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16279

You deserved it

50090

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/9/2009 23:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking home from work going over a railway-bridge, when a 12 year old boy standing at the bottom asks if I could help him carry his bike up, as he couldn't lift it. I did it for him, and was greeted on the other side by his father - who thought I was stealing it and hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45088

You deserved it

2455

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/7/2011 20:44 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike and swerved to avoid hitting a lizard. I ended up sliding into a bush and skinning myself, only to find my tires had still managed to cut the lizard to pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30520

You deserved it

8837

Favorite

By linked - 19/4/2019 20:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me using LinkedIn, a platform people use to connect with potential employers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2283

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By thoughtidseenitall - 2/2/2013 01:01 - United States - Englewood

Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64166

You deserved it

3989

Favorite

By konens_dick - 22/3/2009 10:38 - United States

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

275607

You deserved it

36878

Favorite

By Sleep Walking - 23/1/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30715

You deserved it

9113

Favorite

By RoxahTheGreat - 26/12/2009 01:50 - United States

Today, I was unloading things into a hotel. As I went to get a bag out in the hallway, the room door closed and I had no key. When I knocked and asked my family to let me back in, no one answered. The doors are clearly not soundproof. I could hear them debating whether or not to let me back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30299

You deserved it

4030

Favorite

By starrybrooke - 6/4/2009 08:40 - United States

Today, while working the dinner rush at my job, every single computer, credit card machine, and printer froze for an hour and a half. The reason behind this issue was a large wire ripped from the mainframe, the same wire I tripped over 20 seconds before while my boss watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55398

You deserved it

9888

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/2/2016 10:06 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I got to work and saw a new desk had been setup on stilts. 'Oh, who got the standing desk?' I asked. Turns out it's for the guy in the wheelchair who was right behind me. It needs to be high so the controls of his wheelchair can fit under the desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19505

You deserved it

3798

Favorite

By Clauric - 24/3/2010 12:11 - Ireland

Today, the passport office informed me I won't get my passport in time to go on holidays. However, they took the money for the passport out of my account 2 months ago, causing me to go overdrawn, and not pay my travel insurance. The same insurance I needed to get the cost of the holiday back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31588

You deserved it

4858

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/12/2018 08:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today seemed like a great day. Right up until the point to where I accidentally damaged a friend's MacBook Pro. Not only do I have to pay for it, but the only way I'll be able to afford it is by returning every single Christmas gift I get. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2283

You deserved it

560

Favorite

By lk07 - 3/11/2018 05:00

Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2620

You deserved it

277

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/8/2018 20:30

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1621

You deserved it

3149

Favorite

By No2ndDate - 1/2/2017 22:00 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Owl be there for you

Today, I went on a date to an owl sanctuary. Today is also the day I discovered my all-encompassing fear of owls, as I cried and pissed myself in front of my date and 15 other visitors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7849

You deserved it

1513

Favorite

By caughtontape - 22/3/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, my school handed out the new yearbook. I was so excited to be on the cover page in a group shot with all my friends until I realized that I was having a boner at the time the pic was taken. These books go out to the whole school. Everyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

93063

You deserved it

20502

Favorite

By storyofmylife - 23/8/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, I spilled my heart out to a guy by showing him one of my poetry journals. He read through it and said, "Wow, I feel sorry for the guy you wrote about." The poems were all about how I loved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33063

You deserved it

7936

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 00:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I fainted due to the excitement. He took it as a "no" and won't pick up my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39356

You deserved it

4393

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By slash1396 | 0

#302151 - Sunday 14 June 2009 0:02

wow you didnt at least check if the door was open first???
sorry that sucks but still ydi

By lmmmr | 0

#302139 - Saturday 13 June 2009 23:59

That wasn't necessary.

Comments

By Faz_fml | 0

#302126 - Saturday 13 June 2009 23:56

Idiot...

FIRST!

bravesfan112233 | 0

#1445653 - Thursday 23 September 2010 5:26

did the bologna really rent the estate?

zebraumicornz | 6

#5109215 - Friday 2 November 2012 22:55

Why wouldn't you check if it was open first?

By lmmmr | 0

#302139 - Saturday 13 June 2009 23:59

That wasn't necessary.

By SasuNaru_fml | 0

#302143 - Sunday 14 June 2009 0:00

LOL That's hilarious.

By IambecomeRAWR | 0

#302144 - Sunday 14 June 2009 0:00

Well that was stupid....

By pkulaga | 0

#302146 - Sunday 14 June 2009 0:01

Siblings suck. You have to outsmart them. YDI

By slash1396 | 0

#302151 - Sunday 14 June 2009 0:02

wow you didnt at least check if the door was open first???
sorry that sucks but still ydi

By randomxtremely | 0

#302156 - Sunday 14 June 2009 0:04

Wow......

By xya943 | 0

#302159 - Sunday 14 June 2009 0:04

Way to make sure it was locked before you went off and broke it... Idiot... YDI

By manoverboard | 0

#302170 - Sunday 14 June 2009 0:06

It's not like they're exactly HARD to slide...

By teehee520 | 0

#302177 - Sunday 14 June 2009 0:08

It's a SLIDE door. Did you try to push it or pull it or something else really stupid?
And couldn't you just go around the front and go through that door?

arioch_fml | 18

#7459044 - Tuesday 23 May 2017 9:50

What would Op do if the gate was closed though? Assuming they don't have an open yard.