Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and...

By embarrassed - 4/1/2016 17:58 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21902

You deserved it

3327

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Whatthefuckaburger

The student becomes the master

Weird kid

By Trinity - 19/11/2012 22:37 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was sitting on a train, doing homework for my programming class, when a man sat in the seat next to me. He must have been a programmer too, because he spent the next few hours staring at my screen and laughing whenever I made a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28282

You deserved it

2552

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/6/2016 21:35 - United States - Middleboro

Today, my daughter posted a poem on Facebook about how her father and I abused her for years. It's a complete lie and an obvious attempt to impress her boyfriend, whom she thanked for "rescuing" her. I've received several hateful messages already, along with threats to report me to CPS. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15778

You deserved it

1073

Favorite

By - 26/12/2019 01:00

The girl?

Today, my mate was bragging about the nudes he was getting from this random girl, he proceeded to show me... It was my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2320

You deserved it

225

Favorite

By thisisavirus.exe - 31/12/2014 20:57 - United States - Sherwood

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46091

You deserved it

5507

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/5/2012 04:41 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I went with my boyfriend to the optometrist for him to buy contact lenses for the first time. He said the detail was much better than glasses. I excitedly asked him if he could see my freckles better now, and after a long and disappointed look at my face, he said "Nope, just more acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25496

You deserved it

3711

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 20:08 - United States

Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes "betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31201

You deserved it

3459

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/8/2019 14:00

Today, I went through my purse to see where my keys were. I found my house keys, but not my car keys, so I freaked out. When I remembered that I was driving, I felt stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

586

You deserved it

1612

Favorite

By fuckMYlife94321 - 26/4/2009 16:21 - United States

Today, I was taking a nap while my mom was at work. I woke up when she came home and didn't think anything of it so I went back to sleep. When I woke up again, I went downstairs and our 52" plasma screen TV, my xbox 360, and $1500 computer were all stolen. I'm guessing that wasn't my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63730

You deserved it

13720

Favorite

By pizzaface - 15/3/2010 11:50 - United States

Today, I looked at my face to see if my new age-defying lotion was working. My skin does look younger, it's covered in pimples like a teenager's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27994

You deserved it

5513

Favorite

By airplanes-suck - 21/8/2009 00:20 - United States

Today, I went on a plane and was sitting next to a mom with her 12-year old daughter. Apparently, they decided to have "the talk." On the plane, right next to me. I heard everything, and actually learned new things. I'm 35. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39191

You deserved it

6590

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/2/2010 21:07 - United States

Today, I was anxiously waiting for the guy I had a crush on to pick me up for our first date. He shows up with his son, whom I never knew about, and takes us to Chuck E. Cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30715

You deserved it

5351

Favorite

By what the fuck?! - 2/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I called my husband's mistress to confront her. Her husband answered and immediately began hitting on me. He asked what was taking me so long to join their circle and if I was as into dp as his wife is. I don’t know whether to vomit from rage or disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4180

You deserved it

548

Favorite

By Iknowitlooksbad - 22/6/2016 05:16

Today, I learned the hard way not to keep my own cash in my pocket while working as a cashier, when I was forced to give $30 to a scamming customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13328

You deserved it

2826

Favorite

By blondieforlife - 4/11/2014 03:38 - United States - Racine

Today, I left my desk to go to the bathroom. I arrived back at my desk to a large package of SlimQuick packets. Guess my coworkers think I need to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31408

You deserved it

3557

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/5/2013 04:32 - United States - Sparta

Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50472

You deserved it

7746

Favorite

By passedoutpolly - 1/8/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I went to a huge rock concert. While waiting in a half a mile long line to get in, I passed out due to the heat. I regained consciousness to hear about a hundred people yelling and trying to help me. My boyfriend, who I went with, was not one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47218

You deserved it

3582

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/9/2015 18:46 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I told my boss I need a scrub brush to properly clean the stairs at my workplace. She gave me an old toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22257

You deserved it

1826

Favorite

By ppp - 14/9/2011 04:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a gift. A half-used bottle of body lotion that belonged to his dead wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37034

You deserved it

3382

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/1/2012 14:19 - United States

Today, school tuition has taken up so much of my paycheck that the only thing I had to eat for dinner was applesauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34620

You deserved it

3167

Favorite

By Dummy - 10/11/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I saw an adorable girl at the bar and I went to talk to her. I decided to use my cheesiest pick up line to make her laugh. After I said it, she knew who I was. It was my cousin I hadn't seen in 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32473

You deserved it

15907

Favorite

By smyp - 27/5/2015 22:27 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, I was let go from my job, because I "progress too quickly and there's no promotions available" and I "can find a better place to work at". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31652

You deserved it

2267

Favorite

By Steve - 30/9/2011 10:18 - New Zealand

Today, I had a car accident. In the same place, at the same time, and with the same friend in the passenger seat as last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27381

You deserved it

11705

Favorite

By tukkies - 3/10/2010 09:23 - South Africa

Today, my friend and I offered a hot girl a lift home from campus. I was sitting in the passenger seat and she climbed in behind me. As I adjusted my seat forward to give her more leg room, my friend pulled off - slamming my seat back into her legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28035

You deserved it

4228

Favorite

By fmfl - 17/11/2009 21:19 - United States

Today, I found a gift card under my bed that I lost a few months ago for $400 to a store that went out of business last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38147

You deserved it

13085

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/1/2014 16:15 - United Kingdom - Chester

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46843

You deserved it

4945

Favorite

By stupiddrunk - 1/3/2011 01:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15979

You deserved it

39182

Favorite

By Stevarious - 10/7/2015 15:49 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was finally starting to relax after a stressful and expensive move, where I had to give up half my belongings and furniture, as well as my cat. All the stress came rushing back as my new landlord told me that he's selling the building and I've got 30 days to vacate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28265

You deserved it

2252

Favorite

By Julianapilikusplatosophophes - 11/7/2015 03:49 - Australia - Kew

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30751

You deserved it

2814

Favorite

By BenjiFurImmer - 12/6/2019 00:07

Today, I found out that when my uncle died, he left me and the rest of my family £2000 each. Only my parents kept and spent my share on themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2255

You deserved it

107

Favorite

By Joey - 30/1/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, my little brother discovered that bears can be very territorial and will pee on things to keep others away. He took this new found information to heart and peed on various things in the house that he wanted for himself, including my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37940

You deserved it

3354

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/11/2010 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum and I decided to go on a hike. Beforehand we left my car at the end of the trail and took my mums car to the beginning. After 4 hours we arrived at my car. I had left my keys in mums car. It was a long walk back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9339

You deserved it

29159

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/1/2015 13:58 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was trying on a shirt and asked my boyfriend if he liked it. He replied, "If I say no, can we still have sex tonight?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34207

You deserved it

6597

Favorite

By ninjapup - 2/1/2010 04:40 - Canada

Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27028

You deserved it

2946

Favorite

By Mak10 - 21/8/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I went out to eat dinner with my family to celebrate my 18th birthday. I playfully put 3 straws between my knuckles to make myself look like Wolverine. I turned to my 6 year old nephew and ask, "Who am I?" He then replied with, "An idiot." FML

I agree, your life sucks

18433

You deserved it

51035

Favorite

By thisiswhyimsingle - 14/9/2015 05:17 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I decided to to gather up the courage to ask the cute boy in my math class for his number. He gave it to me, and I texted him later that night. But little did I know he actually gave me the number of the creep in class who is always grabbing my ass. I ended up asking the creep out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28995

You deserved it

3416

Favorite

By effmylife - 6/9/2009 23:12 - Canada

Today, when I was finished eating at McDonalds, I went to Shoppers to pick up a new toothbrush. I got back to my car only to find the windows smashed in. The only thing that was missing from my car was the Hello Kitty toy I got from McDonalds. Someone broke into my car for a 10 cent toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50031

You deserved it

3648

Favorite

By meranda_johnson - 13/12/2012 08:58 - United States

Today, I have a cold. I can't begin to count how many times I've sneezed throughout the day, but I can count how many times I've sneezed so hard that I've peed myself: twice. Once while I was at work helping a customer, the other while sitting on the couch next to my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26724

You deserved it

2516

Favorite

By TMI - 5/8/2009 19:36 - United States

Today, I was opening and sorting mail for my boss as part of my job. One package was delivered to the office instead of his home by mistake, since his house is next door on the same property. I didn't notice until I had opened it. I had to hand my boss an opened box of toys. Kinky ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42520

You deserved it

6331

Favorite

By samantha - 23/6/2020 02:02

Humblebrag in disguise

Today, while buying drinks, the cashier immediately refused me and said, “Don’t even bother showing me your ID, you’re obviously 12." I’m 31. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1520

You deserved it

108

Favorite

By Uneducated - 26/1/2019 20:00

Today, my dad informed me that I’d not be progressing into next year’s class because it’s a waste of money. But it’s fine because my twin will be learning for the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1531

You deserved it

148

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By teentee401 | 36

#6501669 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:38

Did you at least scream "HOLY SHIT"?

By HoboMeth | 32

#6501673 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:39

Pray people don't get mad

COMMENTS

By teentee401 | 36

#6501669 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:38

Did you at least scream "HOLY SHIT"?

FitFriday | 32

#6503056 - Wednesday 6 January 2016 10:35

Other options OP could've said, "Oh My God" or "Jesus" or "Holy cow".

By HoboMeth | 32

#6501673 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:39

Pray people don't get mad

tantanpanda | 26

#6502336 - Tuesday 5 January 2016 18:27

Nah, they have to forgive.

By Kevin_Kestel | 24

#6501675 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:39

It's happened to me

ladyLALAA | 28

#6501944 - Tuesday 5 January 2016 6:33

Doubtful

By jake_braves | 25

#6501676 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:40

I'm sorry OP, that's really embarrassing. But it's okay. They'll forgive you if they are true believers.

By Shine242 | 17

#6501678 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:40

Omg I'm so sorry. But I actually laughed out loud. This is something that would happen to me.

MandieL | 27

#6502011 - Tuesday 5 January 2016 9:15

I did too, and then I felt bad so I had to come see if others did too. Glad to see there are a few. I'm sure no one was mad OP, probably gave them a little chuckle. Try not to be embarrassed, shit happens.

MandieL | 27

#6502014 - Tuesday 5 January 2016 9:17

My go to scream is "Jesus Christ". Don't know why, that's just what pops out of my mouth (I blame my grandma) so it could have been worse too OP.

By Glynnis62 | 13

#6501684 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:42

I'm sorry that happened OP but that made me laugh...I'm so sorry xD

By cacheson | 41

#6501692 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:44

You should have played it off as a sign from God!

ThrottleJockey | 34

#6502412 - Tuesday 5 January 2016 19:58

He certainly has a sense of humor.

By sunsetium | 14

#6501693 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:46

Maybe it was a sign telling you that going to church will bring bad luck! just kidding hehehe

By Schmavid64 | 13

#6501697 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:53

Accidents happen. I'm sure no one minded too much.

By Tripartita | 44

#6501698 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:54

Normally you'd be right, but in a church, the open umbrella would act as a parabolic dish to hyper-focus the Holy Spirit.

I go into expensive detail on this in my science x religion romfic.