Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it stuck... - FML

By goingup? - 25/2/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it stuck mid-floor. Being supportive, I went to hug her and tell her we'll be OK. Today I also learned that my girlfriend is deathly claustrophobic and her predominant reaction is to vomit. In this case, all over me. We were stuck for 2 hours. FML

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Understandable

Who's a good boy?

Hello everyone!

By cherry - 10/4/2009 09:43 - Australia

Today, I was fooling around with someone I had met at a club, in my room. It got really heated, and I was really getting into this guy, until he lifts up my leg and asks "Can I lick your leg?" FML

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By dontask - 1/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

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By MBC - 22/2/2011 01:21 - United States

Today, after my two credit cards were stolen, thousands were charged before I could cancel. The thief dropped nearly $1,000 at Juicy Couture, so she/he is somewhere laughing at me in a magenta, rhinestoned "leisure suit." FML

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By evilsandwich - 6/3/2013 17:18 - Canada - London

Today, after house-sitting for a week, I came home to find the house in which I rent a basement suite has all but burned to the ground. My landlord didn't even bother to tell me about the fire. FML

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By phonesage - 13/12/2010 20:29 - United States

Today, I went to meet the girl I'd been talking to online for a while, and fallen in love with. When I arrived at her house, my brother answered the door and took a picture of my shocked face. He and his girlfriend had planned the entire thing because I'm apparently the most gullible member of the family. FML

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By staceyymaee - 6/7/2016 17:47 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my new futon mattress arrived. Upon laying it out on the frame, I realized IKEA has whack bed sizings. When I went to return the mattress for a queen, they informed me a queen mattress wouldn't be here until sometime next week. I already threw out my old crappy mattress. FML

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By mylifesucks - 31/1/2014 23:50 - France - Paris

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2018 12:00 - United States - Bellevue

Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML

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By AnxiousCucumber - 7/9/2016 20:41 - United States - Los Angeles

And I oop

Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML

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By picaboo - 10/8/2009 16:41 - Singapore

Today, I bought a new computer. I gave my old one to my mother. After handing it over and going home, I realised I forgot to change the background picture, a naked photo of my girlfriend. FML

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By - 12/1/2017 14:00

Today, I was enjoying my first vacation day in 2 years. My boss then called me to come in, saying it was an emergency. I got to work and got fired. Yes, my boss made me come in just to fire me. FML

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By looking4newvenue - 23/2/2015 20:49 - United States

Today, my wedding venue called and canceled our reservation because we were double booked with a spaghetti bingo night, which they felt was more important. FML

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By jdsksoapy - 30/3/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML

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By notgay - 25/12/2009 19:34 - United States

Today, my entire extended family was over for Christmas. I opened a gift to see that it was a fruitcake and saw everyone looking at me, smiling. This is their way to tell me that they know I'm gay and that they accept me. I'm straight. FML

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By canispankthat - 1/10/2010 11:07 - United States

Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML

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By eyesightfail - 21/11/2009 23:02 - United States

Today, I saw a squirrel beside a tree. Thinking it was cute, I stepped closer, picked up a pine cone and tried to lure it to come closer. After about two minutes of silently squatting on someone's lawn holding a pine cone, I realized the squirrel was dead. FML

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By StepFather - 31/8/2019 08:01 - United States - Lake Worth

Today, I found out that my step-daughter, who is 29, still living at home and planning her wedding 2 years from now and who I've completely supported since marrying her mother 16 years ago, wants her cousin to walk her down the aisle and not me. FML

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By Emmz91 - 6/9/2019 16:00

Brain fart

Today, I couldn't open my car door from the inside. I rang my father-in-law in a panic and he opened it from the outside for me. Then he asked why I just didn't roll down the window and do it myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2019 20:02

Today, I went to a seminar about non-prejudice and acceptance. I spent the whole time being made fun of because of my pink shirt. FML

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By SoVeryMonday - 30/11/2009 18:01 - Canada

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2017 04:30

Today, I got some news from two colleagues, one of whom just got married for the first time, and the other whose long-time wife was recently diagnosed with an advanced form of cancer. I wrote each of them a heartfelt note, which would've been thoughtful if I hadn't mixed up the recipients. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

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By graphite01 - 1/11/2016 04:08 - United States - Eugene

Today, I found out that I was never actually enrolled in the class I've been attending all semester. I guess that explains why I only got $400 dollars in student aid, not the 1,200 they said I'd get. FML

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By Meow - 11/7/2009 06:28 - Australia

Today, while working at McDonald's a car full of obnoxious teens came through. They had made a $30 order, and handed me a tin of small change, claiming that on a McDonald's ad they saw that we, employees, liked counting change. I had to count out $30 in spare change during a rush period at work. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2014 21:12 - United States - Denver

Today, after a solid month of hard work, I finally finished modeling and animating a 3D insect character for a scene. After presenting it to the rest of my team, one of my teammates pointed out that it looks exactly like a flying penis. FML

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By Timv86 - 16/2/2010 08:18 - Australia

Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yells at the top of her voice 'stop following me you freak'. I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML

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By scott - 10/6/2020 20:08

IT'S ALL TOO MUCH!

Today, my daughter had an anxiety attack. Why? Because I told her she needs to be making her bed every day. FML

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By RectalSteve - 10/9/2017 20:00 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I showed my girlfriend some old home videos of me as a kid. My dad must have taped over one though, because halfway through it cut to extremely graphic footage of his colonoscopy. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2013 04:44 - Chile - Santiago

Today, I opened up to my parents about my depression. Their response was to have a very heated discussion about whose fault it was. FML

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By SaltIsReal - 25/4/2017 00:00

Today, after winning the first set for school tennis championship, the losing side refused to shake hands with my team. We ended up getting disqualified from the championship by the referee for bad conduct, even though it wasn't our fault. We told the referee what happened, and he said, "Suck it up." FML

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By where's the epipen - 23/10/2016 06:41 - United States - Tampa

Today, I accidentally stepped on a dead bee. The stinger was still intact. How do I know? It stung my foot. I'm allergic to bees. FML

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By geena - 27/10/2012 06:42 - United States - Washington

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

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By ReallyMom - 9/1/2014 21:48 - United States - Shawano

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2018 14:00

Today, I found out that while I was in the ICU for having had a life-threatening seizure, my boyfriend was out partying with other girls. His excuse was that he needed to find a new girl if I died. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2013 16:12 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my 16-year-old son broke two of his fingers playing with Play-Doh. FML

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By HateTheBus - 18/3/2019 02:00

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. I went to pull the cord to request a stop when the driver slammed on the breaks to avoid running a red light, causing me to get thrown out of my seat and slide down the aisle and hit my head on a pole by the front of the bus. FML

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By thompson773 - 20/4/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I was sick on an airplane. As we were taking off, I felt like I was ready to hurl. I was sitting in the window seat and was unable to get up in time to go to the bathroom so I was forced to grab the nearest container to puke in. It was a glass of juice belonging to the woman next to me. FML

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By pool party - 29/5/2013 00:48 - United States - Rockford

Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML

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By thefifthdoctor - 10/12/2013 06:04 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had to listen to fellow classmates whine about selling one of their many houses, while I can barely afford to pay for a $100 textbook. FML

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By Eyalsh - 30/1/2015 04:53 - Germany - Greifswald

Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML

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Top comments

By Lick_yer_face | 0

#7388 - Thursday 26 February 2009 0:59

"Hi, I'm Bob!"

"Hi, I'm Claire!"

"So... any irrational fears?"

Perfectly normal way to start a first date IMO.

By Lick_yer_face | 0

#7332 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 23:21

If you like her still, then you've got something there. :-P

And who voted "you deserved that one"?
Supportive -> Vomit. Not really blameworthy there.

COMMENTS

By genius_man16 | 0

#7330 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 23:19

Well that stinks.

Reply

reyemrein | 0

#872918 - Friday 19 February 2010 19:51

they should make a show where claustraphobic people switch lives with agoraphobic people. that is all.

Reply

bluebladez | 0

#986726 - Friday 30 April 2010 8:34

Lol damn u should of vomit on her

By Lick_yer_face | 0

#7332 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 23:21

If you like her still, then you've got something there. :-P

And who voted "you deserved that one"?
Supportive -> Vomit. Not really blameworthy there.

By Lick_yer_face | 0

#7388 - Thursday 26 February 2009 0:59

"Hi, I'm Bob!"

"Hi, I'm Claire!"

"So... any irrational fears?"

Perfectly normal way to start a first date IMO.

By xEPiCFAiLx | 0

#7394 - Thursday 26 February 2009 1:08

Awww, that sucks but what you did was really sweet.

By itsfuntobesexy | 0

#7732 - Thursday 26 February 2009 13:34

Aww what a sweet boyfriend. Just make sure you don't make fun of her for it or bring it up to her anymore, ever. And DEFINITELY don't tell her you posted the incident on FML, haha.

By me_me_fml | 0

#7860 - Thursday 26 February 2009 19:22

LMFAO

By Plus_fml | 0

#8002 - Thursday 26 February 2009 21:26

Just thank God you're not emetophobic.

By Zic_fml | 7

#10113 - Sunday 1 March 2009 17:22

Are you still alive? 2hrs with a claustrophobic... honestly, I'd knock her out :(

By Akito_fml | 0

#13432 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 0:56

>_> I feel sorry for you... You were just trying to be supportive, and this happens. That must really STINK. xDDD

By notfromearth7 | 0

#13752 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 3:46

You did the best thing you could do there....it just didn't turn out right.
Mad props to you sir, mad props.